by Shey Stahl
There was no way I was sleeping. Not when my tummy and mind were swimming in that sea.
He reached out his hand trying to comfort me. His fingers grazed my own as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed, pulling me between his legs so I stood in front of him.
My hands moved to his shoulders and his to the back of my thighs. He ran over the bare flesh and then settled on my butt. His eyes were hooded and he blinked slowly. “But I do want you again…really bad.”
Moving my hands to his hair, he spread my legs further. He let out this low grunt when his hands squeezed my ass, and then he pushed himself back on the bed and our lips crashed together. My insides were feeling like they always did with Parker near me, warm and filled with want.
Straddling him, the natural reaction for both of us was to create more friction, so I moved against his erection. His eyes were soft and leveling when I caught a glimpse as I moved on top of him.
His shaking hands moved to my tank top and helping me take it off. Once it was discarded, our kissing took on a whole new level as he rolled us over, and I found myself on my back. I felt him between my legs as he rocked forward creating that friction that felt so good. Neither one of us spoke in words but in touches instead, exploring and learning.
I felt creepy about doing it but I opened my eyes while he kissed me. I wanted to know if his were closed too. They were but then I got lost in watching the way his brow furrowed and the pure want spread across his face as our tongues met and our breathing mixed.
His hands slid behind my back, and after a few minutes when I was about ready to rip his clothes off, I wondered what the hell he was doing. I think he sensed this and dropped his head to my shoulder. “I can’t get your bra off.”
I giggled against his lips. “Let me help.” Steadying himself on his elbows, he pulled back slightly to allow me access so I could remove the offending bra.
He seemed impressed that I could get it off that quickly, his eyes curiously examining me.
Feeling naked, since I was damn near naked, my hands moved from around his neck to his shirt. Leaning back, he brought himself to his knees before yanking his shirt over his head and then he was pressed between my legs again, rocking against me.
When we were both finally naked, neither of us moved very much. His elbows, that were on either side of my head, supported most of his weight as we kissed. I could feel him against my thigh, but he hadn’t pushed forward. Maybe he was scared.
“Shit, the condom,” he said and pulled back to reach for the condom on the nightstand. He fumbled with it, dropped it on the ground, and then had to look for it under the bed.
I couldn’t help but laugh and when he returned, and he glared at me. “Shut up.”
I laughed again at the cute furrow to his concentrated but shy gaze on my breasts. Suddenly I was shy again and I think he knew.
He smiled, sweet and assuring, as his chest covered mine. “No laughing at me,” he said as his breath expelled and his body came to rest against mine.
My head jerked to the side when he did that, my hair tangled in his hand. “Ow!”
“Fuck, sorry.” He went to untangle his arm only to pull more. “Jesus, this isn’t working out so well.”
“It’s okay.” I was trying to reassure the both of us. Trying to free our arms to release my hair, my knee raised and then he was groaning.
“Oh fuck!” He collapsed against me, giving me his full weight and pulling my hair again.
Yeah, I nudged him in his manhood. And not just any nudge, it was more of a kick.
“I am soooo sorry, Parker.” Kissing his head as he remained buried in my shoulder, his body hunched over as he tried to breathe through his pain. With our bodies on fire, I could feel both our hearts pounding against our chests. When I got lightheaded, I had to remind myself to breathe. My brain wasn’t working; I was too nervous.
After composing himself with a few more deep breaths, his hands made their way back to my face. I could feel his body shaking, but so was mine. Maybe it was me shaking him.
“If...” He swallowed thickly, and I knew he was nervous again. I kept my legs still just in case my shaking got the best of me. “If I do something that hurts you…” Even his voice was shaking.
“You won’t…” I whispered. When my eyes found his, I saw the hunger there, and his nervous smile made chuckle. “Well aside from pulling my hair.”
With soft laughter, he trailed kisses from my collarbone, up my hairline, and stopped to look me in the eyes. “Okay, just keep your knees away from my junk.”
“Got it.” And if things couldn’t get any more uncomfortable, the CD he had playing switched to a Madonna song I recognized as Like A Virgin.
Parker cringed at the slow song. “Would you believe me if I said it was Justin’s?”
“No, probably not.” I couldn’t help but laugh when the song progressed and it fit our situation a little too much. Well, I wasn’t a virgin anymore, but it was still entertaining.
“I’m pretty sure this is the most awkward experience ever.” He reached over and knocked the CD player to the ground, and the music cut off.
“It could be worse.” I tried to reason and then pulled his lips back to mine.
“I’m sure it could…” His hands found my face again, his thumbs brushing against my cheek, and suddenly it wasn’t as awkward. “I don’t know what I’m doing so tell me if you don’t like something.”
“You’re doing fine.” I breathed out trying my best to hide my shaking. “You act as though I know what I’m doing.” My legs had been shaking so bad my thighs were starting to burn.
Parker smiled politely, still looking me in the eyes. The whole situation was overwhelming. Every second his lips were against my skin helped my nerves, but it also made my temperature rise and my passion for him peak even more.
He moved his hand from my face down between us, and I knew what he was doing. Parker put his head at my ear, kissing the lobe. “I don’t exactly have much control…you first.”
It took longer than I wanted it to, probably from all our fumbling limbs and shaking, but with my hands clinging desperately to his shoulders and his soft panting in my ear and the passionate kisses, I reached an orgasm just from his gentle touch.
When I gasped, frantically pulling at him to rest between my legs, he chuckled softly.
And then he was there, entering me again. It still hurt. The tightness made it uncomfortable, but it wasn’t as bad as the first and second time.
After a little more hair pulling and a cramp here and there, we had matched our pace, coming in sync with breaths and movements. My legs wrapped around his waist, my fingers digging into his skin as his hips languidly moved with mine. His hands curled under and over my shoulders, pulling me into his body.
Then he started to pull away, stopping. I panicked thinking I was doing something wrong. “What’s wrong?”
He laughed under his breath. “I just…need to calm down for a minute.” His voice was rough and his body trembled while he tried to control himself.
With another low laugh and flushed cheeks, he slowly continued kissing me. I wasn’t sure if I should move or just lay there, but at some point my body relaxed. Not completely because it still wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t burning as bad. Eventually, I tried to move my hips with each rocking motion he made but then his breathing turned to panting, and I knew what was about to happen.
“Fuck…” He grunted in my ear, throaty and sexy. “I’m sorry…” His voiced faded and his hands moved to my hips. Urgent movements took over, and I felt the swell of him between my legs, his body trembling. His kiss moved to my lips, and I swallowed his grunts of pleasure.
After his body stopped shaking, his breathing remained the same. “Christ…I’m sorry...”
I wasn’t sure what to say so I smiled.
“I’m really sorry,” Parker said, smiling against my lips, his heavy breathing starting to slow. He tried to move. Maybe he could tell I was being s
quashed, and then his hand trapped my hair again. “Fuck…see!”
“That’s okay. I’m fine.” I tried to move too, and then I lifted my leg right into his junk.
“Goddamn it!”
Yeah, we sucked at this.
I jumped when he yelled and clutched his junk.
While he tried to get his bearings back, I stayed still. Flat on my back, I didn’t move as Parker held himself raised above me on his knees. It was a sexy sight. His head bent forward, his muscles tensed, and his body shook with a low, painful laugh.
He grinned, still in pain, and looked up at me. “I hope we get this right someday.”
Throwing my arms over my face, I tried to hide the flushed cheeks, my own laughter low.
Collapsing beside me after he removed the condom, we lay there next to each other as our laughs and heaving breathing calmed. Gradually, the laughter faded and I stroked my hand down his arm. He stirred, lifting his head to place his cheek against my shoulder. He pressed a kiss to my skin before groaning.
His knuckles from one hand brushed gently down my arm. “Ro...” His buttery tone was a bit gritty and rough, and it was because of me which made me smile. He had to clear his throat and shifted to the side to face me. His arm settled into the curve of my waist when I turned to face him. The fingers of his other hand traced my lips.
I leaned up and gently kissed his lips. My lips lingered wanting to memorize the feel of his skin on mine. I never imagined I would feel anything like this, and now here we were. Though awkward at times, this was right.
His eyes searched mine for a second, and apparently what he saw was amusing to him because he smiled. “Was your first kiss this awkward?”
“You were my first kiss.”
Parker’s chest shook with laughter. “That was not your first kiss.”
“I know.” I blinked and he smiled again. “But it was the first good one.”
“Oh, well that makes me feel better.” His hands found my back and he stroked it gently. He started to giggle at the expression on my face.
“When was your first kiss?”
Parker held me a little tighter as I snuggled into his chest. “Sixth grade,” he mused.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course it was. Cute little Parker probably had all the girls.”
“She was older too, a seventh grader,” he continued.
“So scandalous.”
“She attacked me after I won a BMX race.” He laughed. “Changed my life.”
“The kiss or the race?”
“Mmmm…the kiss,” he teased.
I lifted my head and shoved his chest a bit. “Shut up,” I said, wanting to put an end to the talk about his life changing kiss.
When I looked at him, his eyes were light and his smile showed the adorable side I fell for this last week. “Hey, I’m just saying...” He wagged his brows at me playfully.
This side of him, the side that had me barely saying a word to him for the past few months to getting naked in his arms was why I felt so comfortable around him.
I reached my hand out and ran my fingers through his damp waves. “No more talk about other girls.” I laughed, and when my laugh faded, it got quiet. It was as if there was nothing left to say, or neither of us wanted to say more.
Instead, we enjoyed our awkward love.
“Do you want to take a shower or something?” he asked, looking over at me.
“Yeah.”
Parker nodded and then tossed me his T-shirt that was next to the bed. I slipped it on and followed him to the bathroom. The coldness and quiet of the room hit me when he was gone. He stepped out to get us some water and said he’d be right back.
That was when the throbbing between my legs, the dull ache, and the pain hit me. All the activity down there had made me sore.
My hand trembled when I reached for the knob on the shower, and I couldn’t control it enough to get the temperature right.
“Damn it.” I hissed under my breath, fumbling with it.
A warm, steady hand wrapped over mine. “Here,” he said. “It’s a little tricky sometimes.”
As the water flowed, the towel I had wrapped around me fell to the tile floor, and I noticed he was standing in front of me completely naked.
Parker reached for me, noticing my shaking, and wrapped his arms around me to stop the shaking. We got inside the shower to get warm. I could feel his scruffy chin scrape against my shoulder and smiled. He was nuzzling me again. It was cute.
We pulled apart when the water got too hot. “Shit, sorry,” he said, scrambling to adjust it. “It’s either too cold or too hot.”
When he turned around, I saw the worry in his blue eyes.
His apprehension made me want to look down, but I wasn’t ready to. Until now, I hadn’t got that great a view of him. We were both bare, wet, and examining each other under the spray of the shower.
When he saw me staring at his face, his lips pulled into a smile. I felt comfortable when he looked at me like that, and my heart rate slowed, my strange fears and insecurities giving way to my happiness. I was giddy over the fact that I was with him, naked in a shower, when just a few weeks ago we hadn’t so much as said one word to each other.
It was strange to even think about it, but somehow it was true. I was with him. Since Parker arrived at my dad’s shop, I felt like he was mine. Something drew me towards him and made me feel comfortable. In just a few short weeks everything changed and here we were, naked, staring at each other.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yep,” I said, sort of giddy, sort of nervous.
The corner of his mouth pulled into a smile. “You look nervous.”
“I’m not…okay maybe a little…” my smile rose “...but I’m strangely comfortable too.”
“I know what you mean.” Parker’s eyes shifted from mine, drifting lower.
My heart rate picked up again as I watched him take me in. I couldn’t help but feel good about the look in his eyes. It was that sleepy, hooded, hungry look. It was the one that gave me confidence.
I tried to be discreet as I lowered my gaze.
He noticed and smiled. My pulse sounded like a drum beat.
And then he moved even closer. He wanted me to take a closer look. It wasn’t exactly pretty but it looked a lot nicer than the ones I’d seen in health class. He was hard again and it hit his bellybutton.
Then I had this overwhelming urge to do it again.
Parker closed his eyes when my hand gripped him, but he stopped me. “That’s probably a bad idea in here,” he said, his cheeks pink from the steamy shower.
I squeezed my fist a little harder. “Why?” I asked, nudging forward so we were fully touching. His hands went to wrap around my back.
Parker didn’t move. He stayed where he was. “Because I pulled your hair, and you punched my junk with your knee. It still hurts and we could really hurt ourselves in here,” he said, his brow furrowing in both distress and pleasure.
I loosened my hand and slid it up his chest to touch his cheek, and then he opened his beautiful blue eyes.
Now that he mentioned it, it was a bad idea. “You’re probably right.”
Parker laughed, lightly kissing my forehead. “Believe me, I want to...but I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have already.”
I knew he was referring to our first time, and then I knew he saw the blood too. I rolled my eyes. “It’s okay. It’s starting to get better.”
“Yeah?” You couldn’t miss the excitement in his voice.
We both ended up laughing, and before I knew it, he was rushing through the shower to get me back in his room. I wasn’t lying; it was starting to feel better. Parker was all about practice after that.
July 6, 1997
The next day I was entirely too sore for anything. Thankfully, we were in the car most of the day because I had no energy for anything. I felt good about that too. It was a good sore because the reason I was sore made me grin like a fool any time
I thought about it. Every time I moved, I winced and Parker’s cheeks would flush. I added his flushing cheeks to all the things I found adorable about him.
The eleven-hour drive to Anaheim was nothing compared to what it was like when we actually arrived in Anaheim.
The sticks from the party were everywhere, and my nerves were all over the place.
Addy and me, yeah, we felt very out of place once we got there. I think Parker and Justin sensed that, and they tried to make us feel comfortable, but it wasn’t working.
“Do you think they can breathe in those clothes?” Addy asked with a snicker as we sat by the pool at Lucy Johnson’s house. Lucy was cool, even for being Justin’s ex-girlfriend…she was still cool.
“You two are just as cute as can be,” she told us, sitting next to us in a lounge chair. Her towel was wrapped high around under her armpits. She adjusted it and looked over her shoulder at Justin, Parker, and their friend Kurt who were wrestling around in the water. “You guys are good for them. It’s nice to see them happy.”
Addy was the first to respond. “Were they not this happy before?”
“They hide it well…but no, I could tell.” Lucy leaned back in the chair and propped her perfectly manicured feet up. “Parker took it the hardest, but he’s come a long way from when I saw him at Christmas to now.”
We all laughed when Parker let out this adorable giggle at something he apparently thought was the funniest thing he’d ever heard from Kurt.
Kurt Henning seemed like a good person. From what I learned, he was born and raised here in California. He was the same age as Parker and probably one of his best friends since he lived next door to him. I liked Kurt immediately when another girl, Amber, said, “Wow, Parker grew up.” She eyed him as though he was her personal candy cane.
Kurt smiled at me and looked at Amber. “And have you met his girlfriend, Rowan?”
Like I said, I liked Kurt.
As Addy and I sat there talking with Lucy that afternoon, the barbeque got into full swing and it began to resemble the fourth of July party when most of the same people began to show up, including Kayla.
I didn’t think Kayla liked me, and she definitely didn’t like Kurt.