by Shey Stahl
“God she’s a bitch.” Kurt huffed, sitting next to me. I kept my place by the pool and settled on watching rather than mingling. Parker was talking with Russ Reynolds who had just shown up.
“Who’s a bitch?” I asked Kurt who laughed at Addy as she picked apart her hamburger, eating all the pickles off the table next to us.
“What’s with you and those pickles, squirt?” he asked Addy.
She quirked an eyebrow at him before stuffing another pickle in her mouth. “I like pickles,” she mumbled.
Kurt laughed again and looked at me. “Kayla...she’s a bitch.”
“I thought you guys were all friends?”
“No, we are not. She and Parker are friends.” He pointed to himself. “I am friends with Parker, not her.” He shivered as though he was disgusted by her very presence.
I can’t say I felt any different.
Once again, I watched his every move around these girls the entire time we were Anaheim. He didn’t act any different than he did back in Moab, but they did. It seemed as though since they were on their own turf flirting with him was easier. Kayla even brought her clan with her this time. All of which hung on every word Parker, Justin, and Russ were saying.
Kurt stayed close to Addy and me that night, laughing with us and making fun of the other girls that showed up. He gave us dirt on everyone.
We found out that Kayla slept with half the area code and spent more time in the tanning booth than she did in school. If you talked to her for more than two minutes, you understood completely.
When Parker came by, he kissed me passionately before moving inside the house with Justin.
That was when Kayla made her way over to us. Thankfully, Kurt stayed with me.
“Well there’s a pair,” she said in that voice that sounded like a porn star.
“Yeah, well...” Kurt threw his arm around my shoulder and the other around Addy “...I have to guard my girls.”
“From who, Kurt?” Kayla seemed annoyed at his very presence as she adjusted her shoe. She was wearing these three-inch high heels with jean shorts and this top that left nothing to the imagination.
“You know, Kayla, they make clothes outside of the toddler section at the Gap.”
“Shut up, Kurt,” she snapped. “So, Rowan...” her vicious gaze turned to me and then softened “...how are you and Parker?”
“They’re good,” Kurt responded as though I wasn’t there.
“I was talking to Rowan, not you.”
Before they started attacking each other, I replied. “Good, we’re good.” I chuckled at Kurt’s pure hatred for her.
Parker stuck his head out the sliding glass door. “Kurt, can you come in here for a second?”
Kurt looked from me to Kayla and then at Parker but got up. “I’ll be right back, Rowan.” He seemed to think he needed to protect me from her.
Kayla wasted no time at all in cornering me. “There’s a lot to him, Rowan. He’s complicated and he needs someone to understand that.”
“Who? Kurt? He seems normal enough.” I stalled knowing exactly who she was talking about. Addy, who was still beside me, was now talking with Lucy again and seemed to be oblivious to the conversation.
Kayla laughed sarcastically. “I’m not talking about Kurt. I’m talking about Parker.”
I decided to be brave for once in my life. “What about Parker?”
“He needs someone who can understand him,” she said flatly, looking the direction of the house behind us. I had a feeling she was keeping watch.
“Are you saying I can’t do that?” My brave front faded when the seventeen-year old emotional and hormonal girl shined through.
“Yes, I am. You’re young.”
“We’re the same age.”
“Yes, but I know Parker. The one that went into depression for years after his dad died.”
I thought for a moment, thinking about what Dusty said to me. I really wanted to know the real Parker. He said I did, but was he lying to me?
“He moved away after his dad died. How do you know?”
“Rowan...” She smiled and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it almost looked tender. “Parker and I talk every day. I know him better than you think.”
“So what is it that he needs then, Kayla? Do tell!” Kurt said, sitting down next to me. I smiled, feeling at ease once again.
“Yamaha wants Parker back, and I’m determined to make that happen. He belongs on a bike. Not in some passive town messing around with a farm girl.”
Wow, why doesn’t she just stab me in the chest while she’s at it?
Parker walked up right then and noticed my mood change. The emotional seventeen-year-old in me ran off to the bathroom in tears. I hated her, both Kayla and that seventeen-year-old hormonal girl. Both brought out a side of me I despised.
I didn’t wait around to hear what was said next, but I heard Kurt and then Parker talking outside with Kayla. All I knew was I wanted to go home now.
Anaheim wasn’t for me that was for sure. Anaheim was for girls like Kayla.
Kayla Lucas had money. She was heavily involved with the AMA because of her dad. She was a better for Parker and I knew that. Parker’s dream of racing in the AMA again wasn’t a pipe dream, and I didn’t want to stand in his way.
When he found me later, all I said was, “Can we go home early?”
He never questioned me and said, “Anything you want. We can leave first thing in the morning.”
I was in the bathroom again when Addy found me after everyone went home, and we decided to spend the night and then leave in the morning.
“Why are we leaving early?” Addy asked, concerned, but I could tell she was more worried about me than the fact that we were leaving early.
“I don’t want to be around those girls any longer than I need to be.” My eyes were still watering, but I managed not to break out in any sobs.
Addy moved inside the bathroom and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. “Parker stuck up for you when you came inside. They’re only friends, nothing more.”
“What did he say?”
“I don’t know everything he said to Kayla, but I did hear him say that he would pick the farm girl over it all.” Addy smiled and ran her hand over my shoulder for comfort. “He loves you, Ro, let him love you. Don’t run from this.”
Parker and Justin had plans to spend some time with their grandmother but canceled that because of me. I felt like an ass and not any better by leaving early, especially after what Addy told me.
That summer brought out the best and worst of me. I learned a lot about myself, Parker, and life in general. It may not seem like it but in the pale moonlight in the valleys and steep canyons of Moab, Utah, I found that girl inside of me. The girl that not only pushed aside the insecurities but let in a boy.
I’d like to believe that Kayla and Dusty were wrong. I knew Parker. I knew that boy that was afraid and the boy that was strangely determined in his own way.
He was complicated, but not to me. To me, he was that boy. The one that held me under the moon, told me he loved me, and looked at me as though I was a breath of fresh air—his breath of fresh air.
But everything changes eventually.
CHAPTER 10
RowanJensen
Bottoming
Bottoming is when the suspension reaches the end of its travel. The ideal situation occurs when you almost, or very lightly bottom out – meaning you’re using all of the suspensions travel and reducing the impact as much as possible.
July 11, 1997
Sometimes I thought when my mom forgot things it was her brain’s way of protecting her, shielding the bad from the good in a sense. It was kind of shitty to think like that because I was sure she would give anything to have the ability to remember where she set her glass down earlier in the day or that she put an apple pie in the oven. But not remembering a certain part of your life could be a blessing.
For instance, I wanted to remember e
verything that happened under the moon but forget things that were said to me from people like Dusty or Kayla.
Why?
Because I was a girl that hung on every word.
Those were the things I thought about the entire drive home. As the sand and dry weather rolled into thick, overshadowing pine trees of the northwest, the steady mist of rain washed away some of my fears. I felt like I was home again, a place where I was comfortable with myself.
Once we arrived in Shelton, Parker and Justin dropped off Addy and then me. That was when Parker walked me to the door while Justin stayed in the car.
My dad came outside with a wide grin, noticing we were home. I hugged him and then my mom who ventured outside as well.
“Thank you, Rick, for letting her come with me,” Parker said politely, his hands concealed deep in his pockets, his head bent forward as though he was uneasy at the interaction with my dad.
He was probably thinking, “Yeah, so I took your only daughter's virginity too. Thanks for that.”
Okay, well knowing how shy Parker was, he wasn’t thinking that. I was.
The way his cheeks flushed innocently reminded me of the way they looked the morning after we finally shared ourselves. I could see it clearly, the sun rising as his lips slowly moved over my heated skin.
Rick smiled, but before he could say anything, my mom was out the door and pulling me into a hug. “Oh my God! How was Christmas break?”
Parker furrowed his brow and then smiled, confused but amused by her.
Rick wrapped his arm around her, his smile warm. “Sarah, honey, remember, they were on summer break?” She tucked in under his arm, leaning into him. “They went to Moab.”
My mom smiled. “Right...” she waved her hand around dismissively understanding her memory had failed her “...I knew that.”
Parker shifted his weight to one side as though he was uncomfortable with their interaction. I noticed and decided to make this less painful for him.
We had barely talked since we left Anaheim, and now it didn’t seem much different when he smiled at me. “I guess I’ll see you at work,” I said after Mom and Dad excused themselves.
Parker handed me my bag he was holding after he unloaded my bike and gear. “Can I see you sooner than that?” he whispered with his head bent looking at his feet. “Maybe tomorrow?”
“Well I work on Sunday, so I guess,” I replied just as shyly.
His hand came forward to touch the side of my face before he pulled me into a hug. “I had a good time with you, Ro. I don’t want that to end just because we’re back,” he said this with such sincerity that I looked up at him. His expression was conflicted, mixed with both want and sadness. He wasn’t sure how this would work either. Sure, we had something special in Moab, for a few weeks, but this wasn’t Moab.
Where did that leave us?
The thing was I wasn’t stupid. I knew if Yamaha wanted him back, they’d get him. And that’s exactly why we were both confused as to what this really was or would be now that we were back. What would it be come September when school started or November when he was supposedly leaving?
I just smiled and nodded. Nothing more was said and he left with a kiss on my cheek.
I had a nice dinner with my mom and dad that night and told them everything that happened. Well, not everything that happened. Sure, I left a few details out, but I think they knew what would happen when they allowed their daughter to go on summer break with a boy...especially my mom. When I took a shower later that night, she strolled in to sit on the sink like she usually did. She reminded me of Addy in that regard. It was if they thought I couldn’t shower alone and needed their company for moral support.
“So was it good?” Mom asked and giggled very similar to the way Addy did.
“Yeah, the trip was good,” I replied with reserve, not really wanting to reveal any details.
She ripped open the shower curtain. “That’s not what I was talking about. You’re glowing. You had sex with him, didn’t you?”
I never kept anything from my mom because she wouldn’t remember tomorrow what I told her today. What was the point in not telling her?
At least I waited until I was out of the shower, but I did tell her while we sat on my bed and discussed everything that happened those weeks in Moab in detail.
My mom was cute and giggled with me when I told her how shy he was. She sympathized with me when I told her how much it hurt. It was nice to have that time with her. Though her memory was gone, her personality and the bond between us was still there and that was all I needed.
Later that night Addy came over, and I couldn’t have been more excited. I needed my bestie to talk me through this. Addy had always been there for me in ways no one else could. Like the time I kissed Trey Keading when I was thirteen and I was mortified when he stuck his tongue in my mouth and slobbered all over me.
She was there when I tried to get Jake Colts attention my freshmen year and walked right into an open locker door, nearly knocking myself out. I ended up needing two stitches in my chin. And she was there the day Parker and Justin showed up when I was sure I loved Parker at first sight.
Now we were here, lying together, reminiscing about our trip to Moab.
She brought Jelly Belly jelly beans, and I loved her even more for that. She always knew what I needed.
“You’re going to get fat from those,” she said, snuggling up together, both our heads on the pillow, staring at each other like we did when we were kids.
I smiled, picking through the jelly beans to find the coconut ones.
“Your teeth are going to rot too.”
I chewed, not listening but smiling.
“I’m jealous that you can eat that and not have a diabetic seizure,” Addy said, sitting up a little to reach for her water bottle.
I shrugged popping the last one in my mouth. My teeth felt like they were wearing cozy socks.
Addy sat back, crossing her arms over her chest, and grinned. “Was it good?”
“Not the first couple times.” I remembered the pain and burning. “It hurt.”
“I hear ya,” Addy said, snuggling back in the bed. “I thought he was going to split me in two…and then it felt good but still hurt.”
“Did you cry?” I hoped that I wasn’t alone in that part.
“Yeah, a little, but not until after when I was lying against him, wishing I could run into Parker’s room and talk to you.”
“What did Justin say when you cried?” I wondered if his reaction was the same as Parker’s when I cried.
“He wrapped his arms around me but didn’t say much of anything.”
We were quiet for a while, my head on her shoulder and her head next to mine. Then we started talking about the cute things they said or did and how it was the best vacation either of us had ever been on. Then the conversation shifted to Parker.
“What are you going to do if he leaves?” Addy asked after she said Justin indicated he was staying through the end of the year but didn’t know if he could stay longer than that with Parker’s career up in the air. Justin was Parker’s mechanic and if Parker intended to race again, Justin would go with him. That scared both of us.
I shrugged as tears pricked my eyes. I hated the feeling of dread that crept into my bones and the way it tugged at my heart. “I guess I would have to let him go. I wouldn’t want to get in his way. His dream is Supercross.”
“Yeah, Justin mentioned that he’s only ever wanted to ride.”
“How come Justin didn’t ride professionally?”
Addy shrugged indifferently, reaching in the bowl of jelly beans for the green ones. She popped two in her mouth and chewed slowly. “He said he raced up until he was thirteen and then decided it wasn’t for him. He didn’t like the competition and said Motocross is full of assholes.”
“Do you love Justin?”
She smiled brighter, reminding me of the child inside. “I do…it seems hard to believe that after only a month or so t
hat I can, but I think you just know that you do…and I do.” Addy took a big drink of her water before asking, “Do you love Parker?”
My dad chose to walk in my room then. He took one look at Addy and I and shook his head. “I probably don’t want to know what you’re talking about, do I?” he asked, smiling at Addy and the hair stuck to the side of her face.
“No, keep walking, dude.”
He did. He usually wanted no part of these conversations.
When he kept walking, Addy looked at me again. “Do you love him?”
I didn’t want to hide anything from Addy so I told her. I told her that I loved Parker and not just any type of love. It was the kind of love that would break me if he left. The kind of love that had wanting to do anything to make him stay, but I also wouldn’t stand in his way.
Addy understood too. If anything, she understood over everyone else because she was right there with me, in love for the first time.
July 20, 1997
When Sunday came along, I found myself at work and surprisingly not as overwhelmed as I thought I’d be. It turned out Mia did a good job keeping everything up to date, filled, and in order.
Parker came in around ten that morning dragging his feet. He looked exhausted so I kept my distance since he didn’t seem like he was looking for any socialization. It’d been three days since we stood in my driveway. He said he wasn’t ready for this to end, but now I wasn’t so sure.
I passed his toolbox to give Sean the purchase order for the Chevy truck he had parts for, and Parker looked up from the Impala engine he was working on.
Avoiding his penetrating gaze, I began to walk back into the office when I felt his warm fingers grasp my arm securely. He led me down a long, dark hallway to the parts room.
“What are you doing? I have to answer the phones.” I giggled as he continued to pull me inside. Whatever he had in mind seemed urgent.
The large metal door slammed shut behind him as he reached over his head and pulled his T-shirt off in one quick motion. “You really have no idea what you do to me.” He growled before pushing me completely inside the parts room. His lips greedily sought out mine, desperate for contact.