The Big Leap

by Gay Hendricks

In business, especially these days, you simply can’t afford to have those kinds of conflicts go on for long. Conflicts cost money; they delay key decisions and turn speed-to-market into a molasses-drip morass. One reason for the conflict between my two executives was that they hadn’t opened up the kind of space between them that allowed a deeper communication to emerge. Once it came out, the problem was resolved quickly. Building the new factory became a business decision, not an emotional issue.

  A serendipitous event occurred while I was working on this section of the book. I caught the sounds of my two granddaughters, Imogen and Elsie (age ten and twelve, respectively) playing in the pool with one of their friends, all under the watchful eye of my wife, Kathlyn. To me, the sound of kids playing is one of the sweetest in life; the squeals coming from the backyard were so delightful that I left the quiet of my den and went to work out back so I could be closer to the action.

  It wasn’t long before the girls swam over to the pool’s edge and asked me what I was working on. I told them I was writing a book about the Upper Limit Problem. Elsie and Imogen nodded (the ULP having been part of their vocabulary much of their lives). Elsie’s friend, Hannah, asked, “What’s that?” It gave me an opportunity to hear how a twelve-year-old would explain it to another twelve-year-old. Without missing a beat, Elsie said, “If you don’t know it’s OK to feel good and have a good time, you’ll do something to mess up when things are going well.” I was typing furiously, trying to capture every word. Hannah asked for an example, and Elsie thought for a moment, giving my fingers a chance to catch up. Finally she said, “You remember when we were playing dodgeball during recess last week, and that kid Frankie broke in and kicked the ball over the fence?” Hannah nodded: “He does that sort of stuff all the time.” “Well,” Elsie said, “he’s got an Upper Limit Problem. He doesn’t know how to just have a good time all the time.” Grandfatherly pride aside, I think that’s a pretty good definition of the Upper Limit Problem.

  Sensing we were on a roll, I told them I was working on a section about unique abilities. I asked them, “What do you think your unique ability is?” I explained that a unique ability was a special gift, something you were really good at that was also helpful to people around you. I was searching for another way to explain it when Elsie chimed in and said, “It’s like a superpower, right?” She referenced a movie in which the four heroes each had a superpower they used to help in defeating the forces of evil. Imogen got it right away: “Yeah, like a superpower, only it’s real!” I couldn’t have thought of a better way to describe it myself.

  I asked the girls, “What’s your real superpower?” Right away Elsie said, “I can sense other people’s feelings.”

  I readily agreed. Pretty much from her first breath, I’ve always found her to be one of the most sensitive, aware people I’ve ever known. Perhaps influenced by what Elsie said, the other two girls claimed similar superpowers. Imogen said her unique ability was knowing when people were angry but trying to hide it. Hannah said her skill was being able to tell if people liked each other. Recalling the dramas of life in junior high school, I told them I thought all those skills would come in very handy.

  Now, back to focusing on your own unique ability. I’d like you to be able to speak clearly and articulately about your genius. To do that, I’ve constructed an activity I use when coaching people on their genius.

  ARTICULATING YOUR UNIQUE ABILITY

  Here’s a way to refine your understanding of your own innate genius. Recalling the image we used earlier about the Russian dolls, let’s focus first on the outermost doll. This is the larger skill within which is hidden your innate gift. Anne is the forty-year-old CEO of a Silicon Valley consulting firm. When I asked her about her unique ability, she answered, “Running meetings.” That was the outermost of the Russian dolls. Now we went one level further in. I asked, “When you’re running meetings, what is it that you’re doing when you’re at your very best?”

  She thought for a moment then said, “One thing is knowing when and how to gracefully cut off a discussion and move along.” That gave us a little more detail, but it still was not the essence of the skill. I asked another question: “What gives you the ability to know when to do that?” She paused and reflected, and then said, “I’ve never thought about this before, but I feel an energy shift in the room and inside me. Something shifts in the room, and I know it’s time to move on.” Her face began to take on a glow as we discussed this subtler skill. That’s one way I can tell when people are homing in on their unique ability. Their faces reflect a sense of wonder and rapt attention. “Now that I think about it,” she said, “I’ve been able to do that since I was a kid. It was a way to stay out of my parents’ way when they were getting into one of their fights.” She told me that she had grown up in a fairly chaotic family, with a father who drank too much and a mother who resented having to carry the extra weight of responsibility.

  The first place most of us use our unique ability is in navigating the tricky shoals of childhood. If you reflect on your unique ability, you’ll probably find that it made its appearance early in your life. You used it, probably without being aware of it, to cope with stressful situations and optimize your ability to thrive. My early life was an ideal training ground for a budding therapist and executive coach. My mother struggled with depression after my father’s sudden death, and I spent much of my early childhood living with my grandparents. They were wonderful with me, but their relationship with each other was a different story. By the time I arrived on the scene, they had been in a pitched battle for several decades, characterized by constant bickering and periods of uneasy truce. I became a go-between for them in times when communication would stall out completely. Since I was about the only thing they could ever agree on, I was in a unique position to help them paper over the rifts between them and get them talking again.

  Anne had refined her unique ability in the heat of similar action. I summarized what I’d heard her say: “You have an ability to feel a certain kind of energy shift in the room and inside you, and tuning in to this energy helps you know what to do.”

  “That’s basically it,” she said. I asked her if that ability showed up in other situations. “I don’t know,” she said, “But it’s a good question, because if I can use that wherever I am, I’ll always know I’m applying my very best part of me to the job.”

  That’s the payoff I’d like you to get. To do that, I recommend that you deconstruct the set of Russian dolls until you uncover the one that contains your unique ability. Begin with a fundamental statement like this:

  I’m at my best when I’m _________ ___________________________________________.

  Let that statement resonate in your mind a few times; then speak it out loud. Discover what you come up with. Perhaps you come up with “I’m at my best when I’m generating ideas on a yellow legal pad” or “I’m at my best when I’m figuring out how to put a team together.” Just get a good general statement of what you’re doing when you feel you’re at your best.

  Once you’ve come up with a simple, clear statement of you at your best, go a little deeper. Use a statement like the following to zoom in for a closer look:

  When I’m at my best, the exact thing I’m doing is _________________________________________________.

  Go for a more detailed description, such as “When I’m generating ideas on a yellow legal pad, the exact thing I’m doing is doodling and enjoying the feeling of creating something out of nothing.”

  Go even deeper with a sentence like this one:

  When I’m doing that, the thing I love most about it is ____________________________________________________.

  For example, “When I’m doodling and creating something out of nothing, the thing I love most is not knowing where it’s going to take me. I love the surprise factor, the excitement of seeing what’s going to emerge.”

  You’ll be able to know you’re getting closer to your unique ability when you feel an inner glow of w
onder and excitement. Even though I’ve been with hundreds of people as they tapped in to that feeling, I never feel blasé about it. There’s something intrinsically enlivening about being with people when they’re discovering this depth within themselves. Probably because the process is connected to my own genius, I can engage in it all day long and never get tired. That’s what I want for you.

  FIVE

  Living in Your Zone of Genius

  Using the Ultimate Success Mantra to Thrive in Love, Abundance, and Creativity

  Once you have broken free of the Upper Limit Problem, your job is to learn to live in the Zone of Genius. It is at first a delicate tightrope walk, which then gets easier as you master the skills required to keep your balance in the new environment. Fortunately, there are shortcuts, learned through the raw life experience of hundreds of people. These shortcuts can save you a great deal of time and trouble. I’ll show you how to put them to work in this chapter.

  OUT OF THE BOX AND ONTO THE SPIRAL

  There’s a phrase I use in teaching people how to live in the Zone of Genius: get out of the box and onto the spiral. Here’s what I mean by it. I think of the Zone of Genius as a continuous spiral. You go higher and higher every day as you expand your capacity for more love, abundance, and success. It’s an upward journey with no upper limit. By contrast, I think of the lower zones as boxes. For example, your Zone of Excellence is a space in which you know how to function so well that you can attain great results without stretching yourself very much. It’s a box, though, because ultimately you find yourself stymied and unsatisfied within it. You’re doing the same thing over and over, and while it feeds the people around you, it doesn’t feed you. You need to get out of any boxes you’re in so you can taste the sweet freedom of living on a continuous upward spiral. To do that, a central guiding intention comes in very handy.

  THE ULTIMATE SUCCESS MANTRA:

  A CENTRAL GUIDING INTENTION

  Navigating the upward reaches of a spiral is different from navigating around inside a box. I found that it called for a new set of skills. It took quite a few years of experimentation to refine those skills, but with time I discovered a simple set of shortcuts that will make your learning time much more efficient. The first shortcut is to organize your inner operating system around what I call a Central Guiding Intention. The Central Guiding Intention is a metaprogram I want you to install at the root, or source, of your being. I want you to store it alongside other essential metaprograms such as Relating to Gravity and Eating When Hungry. Your Central Guiding Intention will help you live easefully in your Zone of Genius. The Central Guiding Intention for living in your Zone of Genius is what I call the Ultimate Success Mantra.

  Before I show you the Ultimate Success Mantra, let me explain a few key things about how mantras work. A mantra is a sound or idea that you use as a focal point in meditation. In some meditation systems, the mantra is a word or sound from an ancient language such as Sanskrit or Hebrew. In other systems it might be an idea, such as “Focus your awareness on your breathing.” I’ve received instruction in many different forms of meditation, and regardless of whether the practice comes from Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or other sources, the mantra is usually employed the same way. You focus your attention on the mantra. Then, when your attention wanders, you return your attention to the mantra. The mantra gives you a home base to come back to whenever you notice that your mind has taken an excursion into the past or the future. The mantra is designed to help you return to the present moment.

  For example, if you’re using “Om” as your mantra, you repeat “Om” lightly in your mind. After some repetitions your mind will naturally wander. When you notice that it’s wandered, you let go of the thoughts and return to repeating “Om.” In Buddhist practices, such as Zen and Vipassana meditation, breath awareness is often used as the mantra. You focus your awareness on the sensations of your breathing; then, when you notice that your attention has wandered off into other thoughts, you gently return your awareness to your breathing.

  I’ve been on meditation retreats in which we’ve meditated up to fourteen hours a day. In my daily life, I do a much more modest practice of a half hour in the morning and evening. In fourteen hours of meditation, or even a half hour, your mind will wander and then return to the mantra hundreds of times. The art of meditation is in the way you let go of your wander-thoughts and return to the mantra. Specifically, the art is in letting go of the wander-thoughts and returning to the mantra without giving yourself a hard time about wandering. It’s common in the beginning stages of meditation to criticize yourself when your mind wanders, to think of meditation as a conflict between your mantra and your wander-thoughts. As your practice matures, though, you usually realize that criticizing yourself for your mind’s wandering is just another thought. You let go of it and return to the mantra. Gradually the habit of self-criticism disappears and is replaced by an openhearted feeling of self-acceptance.

  That’s a key to how I want you to use the Ultimate Success Mantra, or USM. In a moment I’ll explain the USM and give you formal instructions for putting it to work in your life. As we get into more details, though, let me emphasize that in all your experiences with the USM, your key to integrating it smoothly and effectively into your life is to be gentle and openhearted with yourself. With that in mind, let’s proceed to the specifics.

  YOUR ULTIMATE SUCCESS MANTRA

  The USM is a comprehensive intention you’ll use to center yourself in your Zone of Genius. It’s a set of instructions to your conscious and unconscious mind, designed to inform all your actions and decisions. If you use the USM as instructed, your life will gradually conform to the comprehensive intention contained within it. Here it is:

  I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.

  Begin to work with the USM right now, in the following way: Say it over a few times in your mind, savoring the comprehensive idea that lives within it. Whisper it to yourself in the quiet of your mind. Let it resonate in the vast reaches of your consciousness.

  Now, discover how it resonates in your spoken tones.

  Say it out loud a few times, listening to the resonance of the words as well as the idea itself. Later I’ll invite you to modify it, if you wish, to your own preferences. For now, though, take it as it is, and try it on as you might slip into a new pair of shoes. Slip into the Universal Success Mantra and take it for an experimental walk in your consciousness. It’s the product of more than three decades of refinement with several thousand people, so I know it works wonders with a broad range of successful people. However, that’s no guarantee you’re going to resonate with it. The only way you’ll find that out is through giving it a thorough tryout in your own consciousness.

  Here’s what the Ultimate Success Mantra does for you on a moment-by-moment basis. It beams a key instruction to your conscious and unconscious mind. It tells you to expand, rather than contract or remain as is, in three key areas of your development: abundance, love, and success. The USM directly counters the Upper Limit Problem, which is based on instructions from long ago to contract or to hold yourself in check. The USM is the antidote to years of conditioning, the ancient programming that convinced your unconscious mind you don’t deserve full success. I want you to mount a gentle but unstoppable offensive against that conditioning, and the Universal Success Mantra is the best way I’ve found to do that.

  HOW TO USE THE ULTIMATE SUCCESS MANTRA

  I recommend you use the USM in two specific ways: formally, as a meditation practice; and informally, as you go about your daily life. The USM is very powerful, so a little bit of it goes a long way. You don’t need to rent a cave in Tibet or devote years to the practice. All you need to do is slip the USM into your thought stream from time to time, and watch the magic unfold in your life.

  To use the USM as a formal meditation, find a place where you can sit quietly for five to ten minutes. Close your eyes, and rest for a m
inute or so until your system settles down. Once every fifteen to twenty seconds, whisper the USM softly to yourself; say the words quietly in your mind, like a faint thought. You don’t need to pronounce the words distinctly, as long as you can feel the concept of the USM. It will go like this:

  Whisper the USM softly to yourself. (It takes me five to seven seconds to do this.)

  Pause and rest with an open mind for ten to fifteen seconds. (This is about the time it takes for two slow, easy breaths.)

  Whisper the USM softly to yourself again.

  Pause and rest with an open mind for ten to fifteen seconds.

  Continue like this for five to ten minutes.

  When you feel you’re at a good stopping place, pause and rest for a minute or two before returning to your normal activities.

  WHAT TO EXPECT

  The ten to fifteen seconds of “pause and rest with an open mind” are just as important as saying the USM. You need to give your conscious and unconscious mind a few moments of open space in which to digest this powerful new idea. You also need to give yourself room to bring forth what I call back-talk from your old programming. Back-talk is what occurs when your old programming argues with the beautiful new idea you’re beaming into the depths of yourself. You say the USM to yourself—I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same—and a burst of mind chatter talks back to you with something like “Forget it. You’ll never inspire anybody to do anything worthwhile.”

  Expect plenty of back-talk during those seconds after you’ve floated the USM through your mind. It’s good to make room for the resistance that you (along with the rest of us) have to the powerful idea in the USM to surface. After all, you’re overcoming decades of conditioning, and you can’t expect that old programming to disappear into the void without a murmur. Actually, I want you not only to expect back-talk but to encourage it. Back-talk is a good thing, because it lets you know that the USM is working. The back-talk will stop once the USM has permeated your conscious and unconscious mind. Later, when you’re firmly established in your Zone of Genius, you’ll look back on your resistance like it was a backpack full of rocks you carried without realizing it. Once you take off the extra weight of the backpack, you’ll feel so liberated you won’t waste much time being concerned with the years you spent carrying it.