by Brunstetter, Wanda E. ; Brunstetter, Jean; Brunstetter, Richelle
She sat in her chair mulling over what to say. “I thought I’d go down to Katie’s place this morning and apologize for the disagreement we had awhile back.”
Nancy Anne sat looking intently at her and waited.
“But I didn’t follow through on my task. I guess it turns out I’m not quite ready yet.”
Roseanna’s sister patted her shoulder. “You did try, so that’s a start.” Nancy Anne smiled as her hands expressed her thoughts. “My advice is to keep praying for strength. It should come to you in time, and then you’ll be ready.”
Roseanna mouthed, “Thank you, Nancy Anne.” She got up and gave her youngest sister a hug. They visited a little while longer, and then Nancy Anne left to wash more windows. Roseanna got up and went to the window, stretching her arms out. She closed her eyes and quoted Psalm 31:3. I know Mom repeats that verse often, but where did she get it from?
As she was laying out material on the table, Roseanna couldn’t stop thinking about Mark’s willingness to wait for her to decide if she was ready to fully commit to their relationship.
The tempered wind swept into the room from the open window as she leaned forward and laid her head on her propped-up hand. I am thankful to have Mark in my life. He has been nothing but good to me, even before we ended up together. He’s always shown devotion to everything he does. Roseanna closed her eyes, breathing softly through her mouth. Could I ever return the love he has for me?
Roseanna recalled the feelings she’d had before entering the tent that Thursday morning. The feelings of uncertainty. She’d been worried things might not work out between her and John. Yet she’d pushed her doubts aside. But with Mark, as strange as it was for Roseanna, she had no feelings of uncertainty. What held her back was the possibility of getting hurt a second time. Was she willing to risk being vulnerable again?
She got up from her sewing table. “I’m going to see Mark and tell him that I’m sure of our relationship now.”
Walking with wide steps, Roseanna was at the back door in a matter of moments, stopping to slip on her shoes. Mark will be relieved to know that I’m sure of myself now. Roseanna twisted the doorknob. Maybe we could do something together after I tell him that—
“Roseanna! Are you going somewhere?”
The sound of her heartbeat thrashed through Roseanna’s ears as she stood with the door hanging open, staring at her runaway groom. “J–John?”
CHAPTER 10
This cannot be happening right now. Roseanna shut the door in John’s face, gulping air until she began to feel light-headed. Why is he here? John knocked again. It had been rude to close the door in his face, but she’d acted on impulse. She’d never expected to see him again—especially after all these months.
Trying to regain her composure, Roseanna grasped the knob. When she opened the door, she was surprised to find him still there.
John lowered his head. “Roseanna, I know that I’m probably the last person you’d want to speak to, but—”
“That’s a bit of an understatement.” Roseanna bit her tongue.
“Maybe this isn’t a good time. I’ll come back later.”
“No.” Her palms were damp as she held them against her hot cheeks. Roseanna lifted her chin, trying not to show how badly she was shaken. Keeping her tone steady and firm, she said, “You may as well tell me what you came here to say.”
John’s gaze trailed up to hers. “I don’t know where to start, but I’m gonna try. Can I please come in?”
Roseanna shook her head. “I’d prefer if we didn’t talk inside. Let’s take this out somewhere in the yard where there are fewer interruptions.”
“Okay.” John stepped out of her way.
Roseanna’s thoughts were jumbled as they walked along. She felt like screaming out her frustrations—reminding John of how much damage he’d done by running away from her. He’d thrown everything Roseanna thought she knew about him out the window and turned his back on her. But nothing was ever one sided. There were always explanations for a person’s behavior, good or bad. John had first appeared to be an honest and upright person, who would never hurt someone intentionally, but she’d obviously misjudged him.
Taking a deep breath, Roseanna crossed her arms, waiting for John to speak.
“Roseanna, I’m sorry for everything. I made a huge mistake leaving you.” Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead, and he reached up to swipe it away. “I just… I got scared. I regret what I did to you. I know I hurt you and… I wish I could take it all back.”
Roseanna’s throat tightened as she drew in a deep breath. “That’s not all, John.”
“W–what?” He stood near a shrub and pinched off a leaf in his nervousness.
“Your mom came over here to check up on me a couple of days after you left. She told me what happened with your previous girlfriend.”
His face paled, and he took a step back, bumping against a tree. “I wish she hadn’t told you that. It was my place to do the telling.”
“Then why didn’t you?” Roseanna kept her gaze locked on his.
“I—Well, it was too hard to admit. If you had known, you may not have agreed to marry me.”
Roseanna bit the inside of her cheek. “What was her name? Do you still love her, John?”
“You think that’s why I left?”
“I don’t know…. Maybe.”
He shook his head. “That wasn’t the reason, Roseanna. I haven’t spoken to Sara for several years.”
“Then what, John?” She groaned. “Was it because you had second thoughts about me? Did you suddenly decide you didn’t love me anymore? Was that why you ran out in the middle of our wedding?” Roseanna’s voice quavered.
“I… I…” He rubbed his eyes with his sleeve.
Roseanna heard a bird in the distance singing to its heart’s content. The bird’s cheerful tune was the only thing keeping her calm.
“Please, give me the chance to prove myself to you. I want you back, Roseanna. I want you to trust me again.”
“John, I can’t.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I still love you, Roseanna. Please. I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked.
“It’s too late for us. I’m with someone else now.” Roseanna could not believe after all these months that John had just shown up. If he was going to come back, why couldn’t it have been before she became involved with Mark?
As John walked away from the yard, he couldn’t keep himself from looking over his shoulder. This is what I deserve. He clenched his fists, heat radiating throughout his shaking body. I would be with her right now if I weren’t such a coward.
John headed to the hitching post, hoping no one else had noticed he was here. He didn’t want to be approached by any of Roseanna’s family. He’d come here hopeful that Roseanna would take him back, but he realized now there wasn’t much chance for that ever happening.
“Hey!”
Mary? Oh, great. I better pick up the pace. John climbed into his buggy to make a quick getaway, but Mary came running up next to the back wheel.
“John, what are you doing here?”
“I came to apologize to your sister.”
“Well, you’re a little late.” Mary stepped near the front of the buggy. “Months late.”
“Jah…” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“You know, Roseanna might have taken you back if you had shown up before Mark began courting her. Not right away, of course, but I know how she felt about you. When you two were courting, she could never stop talking about you.”
John looked away. What could he say? Mary wasn’t wrong, and he certainly wasn’t about to deny it.
“I told my family I was going to give you a piece of my mind if I ever saw you again, but you voluntarily showed up here to apologize to Roseanna, so I won’t say anything more.” Mary crossed her arms. “Just don’t ruin my sister’s happiness because of your mistake. She deserves to be happy after everything she’s been through.” She turned and w
alked away.
As John headed back to his folks’ house, all he could think about was Roseanna and the mess he’d made of things. Was there a chance he could get her back, or was it too late for them now?
“I don’t know what to do, Mom.” Roseanna stumbled over her words. “I still can’t believe John came back. It’s too much for me to take in.” She sniffed. “I don’t even know what I want anymore.”
Pulling Roseanna into an embrace, her mother rubbed her back tenderly. “It’s okay, Rosey. It’s going to be all right.”
“Is it?” Roseanna’s throat felt parched, and her sight had become hazy. She would’ve fallen to the floor if it weren’t for her mother propping her up. “I need to sit down.”
“That’s fine.” Mom led her to the living room. “Just try to relax for now.”
“Danki.” She slumped on the chair and closed her eyes. Breathe, Roseanna. Breathe. You’ll get through this somehow. Roseanna’s chest felt like it was weighed down by bricks.
“I’ll make you some tea. Want something to snack on, too?”
“No, tea is fine. I’m not very hungry.”
Why did she feel so conflicted about this situation? She’d been so sure of her feelings for Mark, but seeing John again brought back the familiarity she’d once had with him. And Roseanna now realized that she hadn’t fully moved on from their relationship. How was she supposed to when John was back in Lykens and wanting her back? Did she want to move on?
“Here you go, Rosey. Some chamomile to help you relax.” Her mother placed the mug down on the side table. “I hope it’ll make you feel better.”
She paused then brought up another point. “Now that John is back home, you’ll probably be bumping into him here and there. What will you do?”
Roseanna pondered the question.
Her mom rocked slowly, sipping her tea and nibbling on a cookie. “If you don’t feel comfortable being in Lykens right now, maybe you could stay with Grandpa and Grandma Zook in Paradise for a while. I’m sure they would love for you to come and hang out with them while you sort this all out, Roseanna.”
She shifted in her seat and looked over at her mom. “I think that would be good. I’m confused about John being around again. It’s strange. When he left and was away for so long, I adapted.” Roseanna’s hands rested in her lap. “Right after the wedding I wanted him back with me. But now my heart simply feels numb to him.”
Her mother got up and gave Roseanna a hug. ”You need to pray through this, Daughter, and the Lord will make things much clearer for you in His time. Then you can decide how to pursue this situation.” Mom released Roseanna and smiled brightly. “I’ll go out to the phone shed here in a few minutes and give Grandma Zook a call and line it up for you.”
“Thanks so much.” As her mother left, Roseanna sipped from her mug of tea and thought. While she was collecting herself, a knock sounded at the front door. Roseanna couldn’t stop her heartbeat from quickening. Please, don’t let that be Mark.
She went to open the door.
“Hi, Roseanna.”
“Oh.” Relieved it wasn’t Mark, Roseanna still wasn’t excited about her guest. “Hello, Katie.”
“Could I come in? I need to talk to you.” Katie’s voice was unusually soft.
“I suppose.” She moved from the doorway to allow Katie to come in. Roseanna then led her upstairs so they could have a private conversation. It was strange that her best friend felt almost like a stranger.
“I’m so sorry,” Katie cried. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I thought I was helping, and I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Roseanna’s heart plunged as she watched Katie’s tears stream down her face. She didn’t know how to respond. Awkwardly, Roseanna wrapped her arms around her friend.
Gasping for air, Katie continued. “Please forgive me. I don’t want you to be mad because of what I said.”
“I’m not mad about that anymore, Katie.” Roseanna rubbed her back, the way Mom had rubbed hers earlier. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. I ruined our friendship.”
“You didn’t. We’re still friends, Katie. We’ll always be friends, no matter what.” Roseanna tightened her arms and squeezed, hoping to reassure her. “I forgive you. I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“Roseanna, you had every right to.” Katie sniffed. “But I forgive you, too.”
“Every argument is two sided. Besides…” Roseanna let go of Katie, feeling heat rise to her forehead, “you were right.”
Katie’s eyes widened. “Did you and Mark break up?”
“Ach! Not that. No, but John was here earlier.”
“Really? What happened?”
Roseanna briefly told her friend what had occurred. Even talking about it caused her to get a little riled up.
“Oh my word, Roseanna.” Katie clasped her hand over her mouth. “What are you going to do?”
Roseanna took a seat on her bed and invited Katie to join her. “I have an idea. My mom is calling my grandmother in Paradise about me staying with her and Grandpa for a while. All I know is that I need some time to think.” She went over to her closet and slid some of the dresses from the hangers. “I’ll need to get my suitcase and start figuring out what I should bring with me for my long visit. I can’t stay here with the possibility of Mark or John showing up.”
“But, Roseanna, it’s not good to run away from your problems.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.” She pulled out her bag from the closet floor and stuffed the dresses inside. “I know I’ll do something I’ll regret if I simply react irrationally.”
Roseanna gathered more of her belongings and laid them on her bed. Her friend sat there watching. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone. If you need me to help in some way or do anything for you, just let me know.”
“Thank you, Katie. I’ll give you my grandparent’s phone number before you go home so we can chat. I will need a good friend like you to talk to.”
She didn’t want to leave without Mark knowing where she was going, but she had to do what she believed was best. Maybe I wasn’t ready to commit to you after all. I’m sorry, Mark.
CHAPTER 11
Karen missed her oldest daughter already, and she could tell her other children did, too. Suppertime was different without Roseanna’s presence at their table. Karen and Seth both wondered how long their daughter would be gone but knew what was most important was to pray for her.
Karen pulled an apple cake from the oven. She inhaled the sweet spicy aroma and decided to take a quick breather. She took some relaxing sips of her warm tea. Eyeing the washer, Karen set her drink down. First, she should get the clothes out on the line to dry.
I’m going to my bedroom to get a sweater. There’s a slight chill in the air this morning.
Karen stood in front of her dresser and sifted through her choices. She picked out an old gray sweater that wouldn’t be damaged by her housework. As she was leaving, her eye caught sight of the pretty box sitting in the corner of her room. I wish my daughter had accepted the Christmas quilt. If only my Roseanna was happily married, instead of going through such turmoil. Karen closed the bedroom door and proceeded back out to the kitchen.
Picking up the heavy laundry basket, she lumbered out to the clothesline. A buggy was coming up their lane. “That looks like Mark’s rig, and he’s pulling in here.”
Nancy Anne came over, wearing a shawl, and stood by her. “I’m done with my chores, Mom. I thought I’d go for a walk.” She spoke with her hands. “Mark’s here. I wonder why.”
“I’ll be finding out soon. He’s already securing his horse,” Karen signed. “Enjoy your morning walk, Daughter.”
Nancy Anne nodded and headed for the road, pausing briefly to wave at Mark.
“Good morning, Mrs. Allgyer. Is Roseanna around? I came by to see her.”
“Hello, Mark.” Karen hung up some socks. “Sorry, but Roseanna isn’t here and won’t be back until she
works through some things.”
“Roseanna left?” Mark pulled on his shirt collar. “When did she leave? Where did she go?”
“She left a few days ago to spend some time with her grandparents down in Lancaster County.” Karen shook out a pair of damp trousers and hung them on the clothesline.
“Why would she go there without telling me? I had no idea she planned to go anywhere.” Mark drew a quick breath. “Business has been overwhelming this week, and I’ve been too busy to even come by or ask her on a date.”
Karen bit her lip. “You know how Roseanna mentioned to you that her groom ran from their wedding last year?”
“Jah, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, apparently John is back. Roseanna said he came to see her, and she was quite upset.” Once the basket was empty, Karen picked it up and moved toward the house.
“Please, can you tell me where her grandparents live?” His voice faltered as he followed her. “I need to talk with her about this.”
Karen tensed, and she turned to face him. Would it be right to tell him? If Mark visited her, maybe his presence would help Roseanna sort through things. But that would be meddling. Karen wanted Roseanna to rely on the Lord and trust in His plan for her life. Karen hoped everything would work out for her daughter in the end, just as it had for her. She’d gone through so much when she moved to Lykens with Seth and their girls. Karen and Seth had drifted from each other for a time, and Karen hadn’t known what to do. Although she got caught up in all of the events that affected their family, she was reassured when she remembered a line of scripture she held deeply in her heart. In the end, the situations resolved themselves, and she and Seth had decided to stay in the Lykens Valley.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Mark. I know you have plenty to say to Roseanna, but I don’t think it’s the best idea right now. You need to give her some time to think and pray about things.”
“I guess you’re right.” Mark clasped his hands. “I’ve been patient with her so far, and I’ll continue to do so.”