A Taste of Utopia

by L. Duarte

  She looks at me, an unexpected smile gleaming in her face. “Luna will be so psyched when she finds out you’re alive.” She pauses and grabs my arm. “You are going to tell her, right?”

  I freeze. I hadn’t thought that far yet.

  “We have to tell her, Seth—or . . . uh, Jake?”

  “Call me Seth. Jake no longer exists. He died in that fire.”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  I smile and shake my head. “Only you would apologize for that.” I grab her hand and bring it to my lips. “I’m a lucky bastard. You know that?”

  Her lips curl up in a sweet and slow smile, the same smile I fell in love with so quickly.

  “The answer is no. I won’t tell Luna I’m alive. I ruined her life once. Won’t do it again.”

  Lottie withdraws her hand. “But, but . . .”

  “No, Lottie. You have to understand. I can’t. Luna is happy. She has your brother. She has Jake. She’s expecting a baby. I can’t ruin it all for her. Not again,” I say resolutely.

  “Seth, you don’t understand. Luna would be thrilled to have you back.”

  “No!” My voice thunders through the night.

  Lottie cringes.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry.” I gather her hand back. “Nothing will convince me to invade Luna’s life and tell her I’m alive.”

  “So, um, what about us?”

  “What about us?”

  “We can’t be together without Luna finding out.”

  Shit. That’s true. “We’ll find a way.” I can’t ask Lottie to live a lie or pull her away from her family. If we remain together, I’m bound to be found out.

  “We’ll figure it out,” Lottie says resolutely. “As long as we’re together.”

  We sit in companionable silence until the moon is high in the sky.

  “I’m hungry,” Lottie finally says, breaking the silence.

  “Let’s go in. I’ll fix you something to eat.” I like the levity the casual conversation brings back. We had too much drama for the night. We need an emotional break from the cumbersome and dirty.

  We prepare dinner and eat by the pool, sipping wine. When we go to bed, our lovemaking is slow, bonding, and transcendent.

  AS AGREED, FABRICIO returns for us at sunrise.

  We reach the main island and ride back to Lottie’s family house. Each of us lost in our own thoughts and concerns, remain quiet.

  “I’ll talk to Dad,” Lottie says with new bravado in her voice.

  “No. Absolutely not. I’ll handle him.” The house comes to view.

  “But, uh, Dad can be harsh.”

  “If by harsh you mean an asshole, you’re right.”

  “I think it’s best that I talk to him,” she utters.

  “No. This is between him and me. I’ll talk to him.” First, because I will not put Lottie in a position where she has to argue with her dad. She adores the douche. It would hurt her deeply. Second, because I want to have the satisfaction of watching his reaction when he hears all I have to say.

  I park on the street in front of the house. I usher Lottie out of the car. With my hands gently holding the side of her face, I ask, “You ready for this?”

  She nods her head, but her beautiful features crumple with emotions.

  The front door flings open, Ana sprints out of the house and dashes our way.

  “Lottie.” She gathers Lottie into a protective hug. “Where have you been?” She pulls back, and her eyes dart between Lottie and me. “I’ve been worried sick about you two.” She hugs Lottie again.

  “Hey, Mom. Too tight,” Lottie says letting out a squeak.

  “Oh, sorry.” Ana releases Lottie. “God, you can’t do this to me. I’m old and susceptible to a heart attack.”

  “Oh, stop all the nonsense. Let the girl breathe,” Granny says as she approaches us. She puts her arms around me for a hug. When she pulls back, she winks and smiles. “I think it is utterly romantic to snatch your bride away for a real honeymoon. Tell me you took my granddaughter to a place where you two spent the day naked.” Her broad smile is hopeful.

  Lottie turns pink. “Granny,” she mumbles, staring at the ground.

  “What? I live vicariously through you these days, deary.”

  “Let’s get in. Your dad has been in a sour mood since you left.”

  I possessively grasp Lottie’s hand. There’s no way I’ll let her dad near her. The man is a douche, and there’s no telling if he’ll unveil his wrath on her. I’m not taking chances. She’s risking a lot being with me. Surely her family won’t approve of her marrying an escort. However, she is my wife now. It’s my job to protect her. Even from her family.

  A fulminating stare meets us inside the living room. “Charlotte. My office. Now.” With those words, Mr. Cahan turns on his heels and storms out of the room.

  “Let me face the music,” she says, pulling her hand away from mine. One thing I already know about my girl is that she’s a pacifist. This ordeal must be absolute hell for her.

  We walk toward the office. At the door, when we are out of earshot, I say, “You stay out here. I’ll handle your dad.” I hold her hands and squeeze them in reassurance.

  “Dad is furious.”

  “More of a reason for me to do this. He’s mad at me, not you. When I’m done with him, we’ll face your family together and then we’ll leave.” I tuck her hair behind her ear.

  “How do you think they will take it?” Insecurity laces her voice.

  “Why don’t you pack? They’ll need time to digest everything. It’ll be best to give them some space.” I drop a kiss on her lips and follow Mr. Cahan into the office. Before I enter, I turn back and wink at her.

  Her lips curve up into a trembling smile. God, I would do anything to wipe that sad and worried expression off her face. I wonder if she ever questions herself if I’m worth the trouble. I hope not.

  “I don’t recall inviting you in.” Mr. Cahan chugs down the amber liquid from a tumbler.

  “Yet, here I am.”

  “Get Charlotte.”

  I flash a smile at him. “My wife isn’t going to be part of this conversation.”

  “Your wife is my daughter. Get her. She needs to hear what I have to say.”

  “I’ve already told her everything.” I sit, uninvited, across from him.

  “Did you now, Jacob McCoy?”

  The blood swishing inside my veins freezes. Holy Shit. He knows.

  “You didn’t think I would sit idly by while you continue to ensnare my daughter in your web of deceit, did you? See, McCoy, I protect what’s mine.”

  “So do I, Mr. Cahan. Lottie wants to stay with me. I, too, protect what’s mine. I’ll protect Lottie from anyone, even you. Whether you like it or not, she is my wife. Nothing you do will separate us.”

  “Oh, I don’t suppose you include jail time in that pathetic little speech of yours.” He retrieves one his horrendous cigars. My stomach churns at the sight. He lights it and blows a stinky puff straight toward my face. I do hate this man.

  “Besides, when she finds out who you really are—a criminal fugitive of the law, she’ll rethink this spectacle you two call a marriage.” The smoke from his cigar curls up like a snake around his head.

  “She already knows, Mr. Cahan. Married couples shouldn’t keep secrets from each other, now, should they?”

  He narrows his eyes and stares at the cigar he is rolling between his index finger and thumb. “You certainly don’t know who you’re dealing with, young man. Don’t pick a fight with someone bigger than you.” His voice is quietly menacing. “Walk away now or rest assured that soon you will be in jail. And while there, you’re going to rot and wallow in the guilt of having destroyed your cousin’s life.” He calmly brings the cigar to his lips.

  I blanch at the mention of Luna’s name. Where is he headed with this?

  “See, my beloved daughter-in-law has had a hard time carrying a baby full term. She got pregnant against medical advice. As we
speak, she is at home, peacefully on bed rest to ensure her safety and that of her unborn child.” He clicks his tongue. “Imagine the stress of having a long-dead cousin resurrect from the dead, only to go to jail. It would be so devastating. Chances are she’d miscarry.” His expression is one of so much concern and sincerity that it’s disturbingly surreal. The man is good. And by that, I mean cruel and evil.

  “You wouldn’t. It’s your grandchild she’s carrying. How could you live with yourself after causing so much devastation in the life of your flesh and blood?”

  “Caleb chose her over his family. He’s a big boy. He can handle the consequences.”

  “You wouldn’t.” I shake my head in defeated disbelief.

  “Oh, I will.”

  The door opens abruptly. “No, Dad, you won’t.” Lottie steps into the room and sits beside me. Other than wringing her hands something fierce, her face is serene.

  “So good of you to join us, Charlotte. I assume you neglected your manners and were listening behind the door? Well, that will save me the trouble of having to repeat myself.”

  Lottie

  “YES, I HEARD EVERY bit of your speech. And I never felt so ashamed of you. And trust me, Dad, I have felt ashamed of you most of my life.”

  Seth turns, startled, to me. He has never seen this side of me. Hell, I have never seen this side of myself. I have a mellow, shy, and calm personality. A sheltered life nurtured those traits in me. But desperate times call for desperate measures. There’s a lot at stake, and I have to play in the big leagues.

  “I don’t appreciate your tone, Charlotte. You’ve been exposed to some bad influence. It’s time to end this circus. My offer stands. His secret will remain a secret so as long as he vanishes from your life.”

  “Oh, give me a break. I’ve been around you my entire life. That’s enough of an evil influence to rot me through to my bones.” I turn the laptop on the desk to me and access my e-mail account. “I have an e-mail, actually a series of e-mails with very descriptive language, dates, and pictures of Gwen.”

  I glance up and catch a glimpse of Dad’s ashen face.

  I scroll down until I find the folder that has burned a hole in my soul ever since I labeled it “Cotton Candy World.” With a satisfied expression, I glare at Dad’s confused face. “There, I just forward it to you.” I log off my account and look at Dad.

  “See, Dad, according to the dates you started your affair with Gwen, she was a month shy of her sweet sixteenth birthday. The legal age of consensual sex.”

  From my peripheral view, I see Seth shifting his entire body to face me. But I remain impassive. My eyes are fixed on my speechless father.

  “Go ahead, Dad, open your e-mail.”

  “How did you get access to those e-mails?” he fumes. His face has turned from pale to crimson red.

  “Remember when I was going through a computer phase? Remember you all reprimanded me for having my face buried in the pages of a book or in the screen of a computer? I hacked your e-mail account. Not on purpose, mind you. I was just experimenting with my computer skills. All I thought was how wrong, dishonest, and invasive my action was. In the haste to exit your e-mail account, I clicked accidently on an e-mail and an image of Gwen popped up. To my mortification, she was naked and fondling herself.” My voice wavers. “You were the perfect man I had adored and admired my entire childhood. I knew there was a reasonable explanation for the picture. So I searched, Dad. And what I found about you made me see you for who you are. A hypocritical father and a cheating husband.”

  “But you . . . you never said anything.” Dad’s voice is weary. The arrogant man of five minutes ago has vanished. He is playing the victim now.

  “Of course not. I love Mom and Caleb too much to ever to tell them that. Gwen was Caleb’s girlfriend, Dad. How could you?”

  “Lottie, you don’t understand—”

  “Spare me. I will never, ever, understand. How could you? An immaculate judge. Exemplary citizen. Keeper of justice and peace. Perfect father and husband.” My voice trembles at the last part. Up until I found the e-mails that’s exactly how I saw my dad.

  Surprising lightness descends upon me. It’s been years that I carried the weight of this secret. So many times I felt like a major traitor. Along with Dad, I had become a liar and a cheat. But how could I destroy Caleb’s and Mom’s image of him? I cursed the day I came across the e-mails until today.

  “I can’t believe you would hurt Caleb and Luna like that over destroying my relationship with Seth. That’s evil, Dad. Luna is pregnant with your grandchild.”

  Dad springs from his chair. With a pointing finger he says, “No child of that whore will ever be related to me.”

  Then everything happens too fast. Seth flies to his feet. His fist, quick and precise, collides with Dad’s nose. Before I have time to react, I hear the dull sound of a crack.

  “Never call my cousin by that term again, you asshole,” Seth spits. He is leaning on the desk, and I fear he’ll pounce over it and end Dad.

  “Seth, please calm down. I’ve got this.” I wrap my hands around his biceps, pulling him back.

  “You broke my nose!” Dad cups his hand around his nose. Blood gushes between his fingers, flowing down his face onto his baby blue Polo shirt.

  I grab a handful of tissues. “Here, put pressure on it to stop the bleeding.” I toss the tissues at him. “I believe we have an understanding, Daddy. A word of this from you to Luna or anyone else, and you will be joining Seth in jail. And from what I hear, inmates aren’t fans of judges.”

  THE CLOUDS BELOW us are white and fluffy. We’re on board a plane returning to the US.

  “Your mom will be okay,” Seth says, sliding his thumb between my brows to undo the frown.

  “Your mom and grandparents are mint. They reacted much better than I could ever guess.”

  “Yeah, I was surprised, too,” I say leaning against his shoulder and stifling a yawn.

  After the initial shock, Mom embraced Seth and expressed her understanding. Along with it, she expressed her expectations moving forward. I think it went well.

  Grandpa wasn’t as understanding. However, in the end, he just went along with Granny. After a veiled warning of the consequences of hurting me, in clipped tones he let out a “Make my granddaughter happy” kind of speech.

  All in all, it went well.

  “Thank you,” Seth whispers in my ear.

  “For what?”

  “For defending me. What you did today was very brave, you know.” His hands are softly patting my hair. “Up until to today, Luna was the only person ever to stand up for me.” His voice breaks.

  “Dad is a bully. I only wish I had known he had blackmailed Caleb, I would have put a stop to it.”

  “Don’t feel sorry, you were a child at the time it happened.”

  “Yeah. It wasn’t until I studied law that I realized that Dad had committed a crime and all that jazz. I just thought he was a monster for betraying Mom and Caleb that way.”

  “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

  “I feared it would destroy them.”

  “How did you do it? Keep this secret all this years. You were so young. And . . . I mean, how you reconciled your previous image of your Dad, and all this junk you found out about him. You never let out a hint of resentment toward him.”

  I shrug. “Love has to be unconditional or it’s not love at all. When I found it out, I went through all the stages of grief. Looking back, it was the equivalent to burying my perfect father and accepting a tarnished version of him. I was angry, lost, and disappointed. Not to mention the guilt and shame of keeping it from Mom. For years, I battled this awful desire of wanting to die.” I turn to face him. “Your death was pivotal in my life.”

  “How so?” He raises his perfect brows.

  “Following your death, Luna was in our house for a few days. One night around one o’clock I went to the kitchen for a glass of water when I saw her outside. She was lying on th
e grass, with arms and legs spread out, under a starlit sky. The moon was round and yellow. I had never seen someone as vulnerable and frail as she was that night. Also, I never saw someone so strong.”

  “Yep, that’s Luna for you. Always a paradox.” A cloud of emotion fills his eyes.

  “I laid beside her with my legs and arms spread out, mimicking her. I wanted to know how it felt to be so free and fierce. We were silent until she started to tell me stories of you. How you liked Nutella and how she gave you hell for eating junk food. She told me how life had given you a shitty hand, but you had survived. But what hit the most was one thing she said. ‘Jake was a pothead, but I loved him wholeheartedly. And love that is complete and unconditional never dies or withers. It just lives on in the chambers of our heart. When you decide to love someone, love despite the cracks and dents, despite the stains and imperfections. Just love, because it will endure it all.’”

  Seth’s body is so still I wonder if he is breathing.

  “Do you think Luna would forgive me? For lying to her and putting her through hell?” His voice is so vulnerable he sounds like a little boy.

  “Of course she will. You were trying to protect her. She’ll be mad as heck at first. You know her. But having you back will outweigh it all. Luna is mature beyond her years. She has lost too much to not know when to rejoice over gaining something.”

  “I hope you’re right. I couldn’t get over it if she didn’t forgive me.”

  “She will,” I reassure him.

  We both fall into a soothing silence.

  I am in peace. Like a tapestry of golden threads our future gleams with promising happiness. And though we don’t know what the future will bring, the lack of knowledge doesn’t scare me. The present is what matters. Being together is what counts.

  Seth and I have so much to figure out. So much to clear out. Our love is a tiny seed, seated in a very fragile place. We’re determined to allow it to root because we both understand the unique spark our connection makes. We both see it. Feel it. Smell it. It’s rare. And it is potent. It’s worth a chance of growing.