As I pondered on Jesse, I tried to focus on reading some poetry. An I.M. came onto my screen. It wasn’t Jesse, it was someone else, but from the look of the username, I thought it was a joke.
DemonBoy: Miss me?
DemonGirl: Who is this?
DemonBoy: Oh, this again?
DemonGirl: Benjamin?
DemonBoy: None other!
DemonGirl: So how did you get access to a computer? Don’t you live in a cave?
DemonBoy: So it was you then!
I paused for a moment. I never did admit to being in his lair, but he knew. I remembered him saying something about my scent. I couldn’t deny it. I was there, yes, so who cares if I admit to it?
DemonGirl: So what! What the hell do you want from me anyway?
DemonBoy: Wanting is one thing, needing is another, and you need me, want me…
DemonGirl: Don’t get carried away with yourself there, DemonBoy. I was just looking for answers. I meant to tell you.
DemonBoy: You don’t have to, I can read you, remember? Like you’re reading me right now!
DemonGirl: Huh? I can’t read your thoughts. What are you talking about?
DemonBoy: You are reading my thoughts as I am writing them down right now. Ha ha ha.
DemonGirl: Very funny…
As I started writing something else I heard a noise from outside the open window.
DemonGirl: Ben? Hold on, I need to check on something.
DemonBoy: Sure thing, DemonChick, I’ll be right here.
As I approached the window and peered between the blinds, I didn’t see anything. I was still jumpy from before, so I kept looking around, and that’s when I saw a dark figure behind the thick pines. I opened the balcony doors and stepped outside for a closer look, but the shadow was gone.
I came back in and locked the doors. The time had passed and it was now after seven in the evening. I will be changing again soon, I thought as I walked back over to the computer and typed another message to Ben.
DemonGirl: Still there?
DemonBoy: Yep, still here.
DemonGirl: Where are you?
DemonBoy: At the library in Cleveland.
DemonGirl: Why Cleveland?
DemonBoy: Hada save someone…why else? By the way, how is your saving coming along? I hear you’re zero for zero!
DemonGirl: Sorry I am not great like you. Remember this is my first annual.
DemonBoy: Ah, but you will be!
DemonGirl: No, I won’t be. Someday I will be human again. Jesse loves me. Things will work out. They have to. They must.
I waited for him to message me back as a few minutes went by.
DemonGirl: Still there?
I assumed he had to leave the library; from what I remembered they only give you a certain amount of time to use the computer.
I signed off and lay down. I could feel my body beginning to change. Every time it did, my thoughts raced more and more. Who was that standing behind the trees? Was I just seeing things? Who the hell would break into my apartment? My dad comes to see me too? Now, after all this? I desperately wanted to talk to Jesse and tell him everything. I needed a friend, but I had no one. Benjamin was a good guy, but I still didn’t trust him. There was something about him that rubbed me the wrong way, and yet I had to admit, I was attracted to him. However, he was a demon. He didn’t care anymore about not being human again. I did. I still hoped it would happen. I just needed to tell Jesse the truth, but how?
Chapter Eleven
I woke up in an unfamiliar room. Not knowing how I got there, I slowly got up and looked around. The walls were gray, and the T.V. was glaring an old black and white movie. I was in someone’s den. There were bottles of all sorts of prescription drugs on the coffee table. The strange thing was I didn’t feel like myself. Something was different. I was someone else, but who?
Looking down, I noticed I had on a nightgown. My hair was long and dark brown, and I was heavier, especially around my waist. My hands and arms were of different skin tone—an olive color. It was too hard to tell exactly in the dim light. I was scared and patting myself down everywhere. I could feel I was in someone else’s body. Was this another dream? Who the hell was I, and where was I?
“Do you need anything else?” someone called from downstairs. The voice was muffled. I couldn’t tell who it was at first, and then it became more distinct.
“I’m bringing up some fresh water for you,” he said, coming up the steps.
Oh, God, how could that be? Where was I? That sounded like…
My thoughts where in a whirlwind, and I panicked. I wanted to hide, but I couldn’t. I searched around the room for the light switch, feeling along the walls. With the flick of the switch, I was in shock to see who I was. The image in the mirror on the other side of the wall was of Sarah! Every move I made, she made, but there was a slight difference; she had a look in her eyes like she was trapped.
Dear God, I was in Sarah’s body!
“Here’s water. Did you need anything else before I go?”
It was Jesse looking right at me. I couldn’t believe I was standing within three feet of him! I wanted so badly to run up and hug him, touch him, anything. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I was being cheated out of my first encounter with him. Did I create this? Did I make this happen?
I took a long, hard look at him, and my heart seemed to stop. I couldn’t feel it. Stillness was inside me, like I was a statue. I couldn’t move, yet I was being moved by some kind of force.
The body I was encased in moved in directions I did not want it to go. Sarah’s hands grabbed the bottle of water as her feet walked over to the couch. I could feel her body sitting down, but all I wanted to do was jump out, but how?
“Sarah? Are you okay? I could stay home if you want. I’ll just call in,” Jesse said.
“No!” I shouted. Oh, God, I could speak her voice! How could I when I was having trouble motoring her body? It was like half of me was there and half of me wasn’t. Was I possessing Sarah’s body?
“Sarah, you’re scaring me. How about I stay home with you tonight?”
I tried to settle my thoughts and think of what to say next without being detected somehow. I reacted again, using her voice.
“Jesse…” I said, pushing my voice out of Sarah’s mouth. It was hard to be talking to him face-to-face, for the first time, and I wasn’t myself. I had to act as though I was Sarah.
“Yes?” he asked again.
“Just go, I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!”
“You seem so jumpy, what’s wrong?”
Yes, I did seem jumpy, and that was because I wanted to jump out of her body and escape this entrapment somehow.
“Please go. I’m just going to rest,” I said.
Jesse came close, kissed me on the cheek and left.
Once I knew he was gone, I had to act fast. I could feel the forces pulling me to the den again. I watched Sarah’s hands pick up a prescription bottle and felt myself moving to the bathroom.
Someone else was controlling me. It was Sarah’s spirit still inside me. I looked in the mirror and saw her face. She was down and depressed, and it looked like she wanted to speak, but when I opened my mouth, it was her mouth moving with my voice!
“Please, God! Help me!” I said in the mirror as I saw Sarah’s lips move.
Sarah looked down at her belly, putting one hand up to her stomach. I could feel something moving inside me. As I peered through her eyes, I noticed a slight bump, and then I saw her belly move. She was pregnant!
Was that why she wanted to kill herself? Why in God’s name would she want to do it while she was pregnant?
She opened the bottle of pills and peppered them into her hand, and then she took the bottle of water with the other. Oh, God…she was killing herself while I was stuck in her body!
I couldn’t do anything about it. All I could do was speak to her—through the mirror.
“Don’t do this!” I said, staring into her eyes. I could see her pupils dilating as if she heard me. Did she hear me at this point?
“Sarah, come back!” I said to her.
I used all my might to force something to happen. I pushed inside her mind to snap her out of it. I could feel myself filling with strength as if water was rising within my own thoughts.
“Sarah, please!”
Through the friction I was causing in her mind, I was able to knock the pills out of her hands. It felt like a light dream, yet I was fully awake.
As I gazed into the mirror again, locked in a stare-down, I felt myself getting closer and closer into the mirror. My eyes were changing, and the yellow hint was coming back. I could feel myself peeling out of her body as if it was a wet-suit. Slowly, I came back, growing more and more into myself as her body fell to the ground. She knocked her head on the sink.
I was in my demon form. Sarah had been knocked unconscious from my exorcism as her body lay on the cold, hard tiles of the bathroom floor. She hit her head hard and was bleeding. Quickly, I picked her up and placed her on the bed.
I didn’t know what else to do. I was still in shock that this had happened. Delmara said I would know when it would happen, but I didn’t think it would be like this.
I took a towel from the bathroom and wrapped it around her head. There was only one thing I could think of—to call for help, but who?
I picked up the phone and dialed the only number that would save Sarah; 9-1-1.
Leaving an anonymous message to the police, I told the dispatcher I had seen a disturbance from across the street. I gave out Jesse’s address and hung up. I didn’t want them tracing the call back to the place of the accident as more questions would rise.
Everything happened so fast, I forgot to make sure nothing was out of place. Soon the police would come and search the house for what happened at the scene. Only a few seconds had passed. Again I froze. It was like someone knocked the wind out of me. I’d lost some strength from the struggle to save her from downing the pills, swooping her up so fast, and I hadn’t realized it took almost everything out of me.
After knowing Sarah was safe, I decided to walk out before the ambulance arrived. Everything appeared to be in slow motion. My insides were burning, yet I felt freezing on the outside. Come on, Charlene, you have to get out of here.
Using all my might, I limbered down the steps and out the back door.
Chapter Twelve
As I flew through the night, I came into Traverse City, landing safely before the sunrise. I thought of only one place to go since I wasn’t quite home yet. With my body changing and still drained from what happened, I had to hide. I remembered there was an old abandoned clothing factory near my place, which closed a few months ago. Walking through the alleyways, I picked through the dumpsters for anything I could find to wear. Once my body formed back in its natural shape, I would be naked. I had to find something to cover myself.
As I crawled into the dumpster, I rummaged through the garage bags. I was lucky to find an old torn-up T-shirt and towel. Digging further down, trying not to vomit from the smells, I discovered some chewed-up flip-flops.
I put on the shirt and wrapped the towel around my waist. After I slipped on the flip-flops, I crawled out of the dumpster and left.
I had miles to go before I was able to reach my place, so I walked the streets again, like I did years ago. I remembered my old life and living in alleyways like this. Although I never dabbled in drugs, the pain from when I lived with my mother and Adam was unbearable. There were so many things I wanted to tell my mother about, but I kept it hidden.
I was back in my old neighborhood, walking across the street to the church. Its blood-colored bricks and rainbow windows were bleeding different pictures of pain. The wooden doors, carved in ornate patterns of curled leaves, opened heavily with my firm grip on the steel handle as I stood there gazing inside the building. The long, lacquered pews stretched from one wall to another, and as I slipped into one of them I picked up a leather-covered book.
I remembered, when I was in school, the nuns would command us to sing to the man hanging and wasting away on rotted lumber. I remembered how Jesus looked then. His bones protruded as His dirt-stained flesh dripped off the cross. I was ashamed of myself for thinking how beautiful He was, suffering so elegantly with His hands and feet crushed from the nails. I’d gaze at the light reflecting off His face. I had never prayed so hard for Him to glance my way.
Looking at Him now, several years later, my feelings still remained the same. I wanted Jesus to come save me like I was taught. I was raised Catholic, yet I committed a sin against God. They never taught us what would actually happen if you did. No one ever truly knew what God had planned after you decided to break the greatest commandment of all: Thou shall not kill.
I was so wrapped up, pleading to the statue on the cross, bowing my head down with my fists clasped tight, I hadn’t noticed the priest there at the altar.
He walked over to me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me, miss, can I help you with something?”
“Oh, I am so sorry,” I said, wiping the sweat off my face. Thank God I hadn’t been crying or my face would be covered in white ooze. I hadn’t the strength to cry.
“It’s perfectly fine, my child. Would you like to talk about it? I have some time before Mass starts.”
“I don’t know where to begin, Father.”
He took a seat in the pew ahead of me and pulled a rosary from his pocket.
“Here, you need this more than I do. Pray to Him, my child.”
He handed me the thin rosary and told me again that it would help. “You know He will always be with you. Some things in life are hard to take. Turning to Jesus is a good sign. You are making the first step in the right direction.”
“Thank you, Father.”
“I am here any time you need to talk. The House of God will never close the doors on you.”
I got up, thanked the Father again and left.
I got back to my place around eight in the morning. I stepped inside, took a shower, changed my clothes and called work.
“Lucky’s Diner. How may I help you?”
“Peggy?”
“Yes?”
“It’s me; Charlene. Can I talk to Jan?”
“Sure, Charlene. Hold on while I get her for you.”
She put me on hold for a few minutes, and then Jan picked up the line.
“This is Janet…”
“Jan, I can’t come into work today. I’m sick.” I knew in my heart that wasn’t a lie. I was sick. I didn’t know what was happening to me anymore. Slowly but surely I was losing control of my life, whatever life I had left.
“Oh, Charlene, I wish you would talk to me. I feel for you. After that incident with your father, that had to be traumatic.”
“Yes, it truly was. I still don’t know if I will ever contact him again.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t pressure you about your job. It’s here waiting for you when you come back. Take all the time you need.”
“Jan, you’re a sweetheart. Thank you so much.”
Shortly after that we ended the call. I was relieved she was so compassionate about my problems, even though she didn’t really know what was going on. She didn’t pressure me to find out either. When I was first hired, I told her about my mental illness and that I had spent time in the hospital. I had really nothing else to go by. My amnesia was still prevalent at the time. I didn’t even know who I was. Slowly, the memories of my old life came back to me.
After I got off the phone with Jan, I sat down and opened a book to read. There was a knock at the door.
“Charlene, it’s David. Can I talk to you?” he asked through the door.
“Yeah, just a minute,” I yelled out.
I placed the book down and answered the door.
“I heard about the breakin. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Nothing was taken.”
> “Well, you have nothing to take,” he said, laughing.
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“I am glad you are okay. I would be devastated if something happened to you.”
The statement struck me by surprise. I mean, I was only his neighbor and not anyone really special. I didn’t know I meant that much to him. I looked at him with a different aspect this time. He was really a loving person and cared for me more than I realized. He was a friend to me, and I liked that. I was starting to have mixed feelings about him.
“Umm…yeah. I am glad nothing really bad happened. Glad they didn’t destroy your building either. It could have been worse, I guess.” There was silence.
He looked around the room and then out the window.
“You know what you need?”
“What?”
“Something to spruce up this place. Your walls are too bare,” he said as he headed out the door and into the hallway.
“What are you doing?” I called out to him.
“Be right back! I wanna give you something.”
I heard him run downstairs to his apartment as I stood there for a few minutes, wondering what he was up to. He came back with a painting in his hands. As he turned it around, I was in shock. It was of an angel.
“Here, this is one of Jane’s paintings. Let’s put it to good use. She always believed in angels, why I don’t know…” his voice trailed off as he gazed at the picture.
“Sure you wanna give this up? It is truly a beautiful piece.”
“Oh, yeah. She would have wanted it that way. Besides, since I’ve been cleaning I feel better letting go of things.”
“It’s good to let go. I need to learn how to do that myself.”
I held in my shock as I stood there staring at the painting. It was indeed a painting of an angel—a painting strikingly familiar to Delmara.
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