by Penny Ward
It was on another level.
Even though we had just met, I felt like I knew him. I have never experienced that before.
But I also haven’t felt that betrayed since my father left for overseas.
Jackson took my heart and threw it aside.
This is how Mom must have felt when Dad left.
I feel broken.
I have never been one to take a risk, and even thinking about Jackson makes me nervous.
I can’t risk my heart.
It would hurt too much.
“Just saying he’s single…” Mom smiles as she leaves the room to get ready into her wedding dress.
Chapter 8
Timothy and Mom have set their backyard up for the wedding and it looks stunning. It is a very simple set-up of white foldout chairs and a wedding arch, but the simplicity of it looks amazing.
The grass beneath our feet is a soft, lush green and the view from the wedding location looks directly out to the fields of horses with the snow-capped mountain ranges in the distance. A gentle breeze blows across the wedding and the air fills my lungs with freshness.
The well-dressed guests mingle quietly and move softly as they wait for the big moment. The air is full of subdued excitement.
It feels nice. Like this moment was meant to be.
The crowd at the wedding is mostly Timothy’s extended family and the local towns people. Mom has her sister, Joanne and I, but that is it. She’s had a hard life and she really deserves a great day today.
I go to see Mom before she walks out and she looks fabulous. Seeing her in the fitted white gown brings a tear to my eye.
She looks radiant.
She is glowing and wonderful.
“Timothy is a very lucky man,” I say as tears well up in my eyes.
“Don’t you dare make me cry,” Mom smiles as she struggles to hold in the tears.
I give her a gentle kiss on the cheek, leave the room and go to take my seat in the ceremony location.
One of the locals acting as the usher smiles at me as I walk outside.
“You must be Rachel, the brides daughter,” the older lady says, “I’m Natalie. I love your dress. You make it look amazing.”
“Thank you,” I grin, “I love your dress too.”
I love weddings.
They are full of love and positive emotions.
“Let me lead you to your seat. You’re sitting next to the other family members. Your seat is reserved up the front row.”
Natalie leads me up to the front of the seating and then points to the chair I am supposed to sit in.
Damn.
“You can sit next to your new brother,” Natalie says with a country smile.
Why couldn’t I have sat next to Joanne or her mother? Why did they have to place me here next to this idiot?
“He is not my brother,” I moan under my breath.
I reluctantly sit next to Jackson, remembering that I cannot spoil Mom’s special day, but he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence.
Bastard.
I really should have expected this.
He is very rich and very handsome.
That is a basic formula for being an arrogant prick.
Waiting for the wedding to start is uncomfortable to say the least. I fiddle with my thumbs and Jackson does not even look at me once.
I wonder if he even remembers who I am?
Finally, the music begins and I turn to watch my mother walk up the aisle. It brings tears to my eyes.
She looks ecstatic. Magnificent.
I can only hope I am that happy one-day.
Timothy stands up the front of the wedding and tears fill his eyes. He looks to my mother, filled with love.
What a moment…
It makes my heart melt.
Timothy looks charming and nice – everything his son is not.
The sun shines through the clouds and bathes the ceremony in color.
It is an enchanted moment.
Although the ceremony is brief, I can’t help but to keep thinking about the man next to me.
Prick.
He hasn’t even acknowledged my existence.
Why did they have to sit me next to him?
We are not family.
I want nothing to do with him.
It takes all my focus, but I resist punching him in the balls. That’s where I want to punch him.
Straight in the balls.
Where it really hurts.
I want to give him something to remember me by.
Maybe after a few wines at the wedding reception…
Mom and Timothy exchange heartfelt vows, and I begin to tear up again.
It gives me hope.
Mom has been through so much pain, and yet she still has found her man. After struggling all her life, she now gets to live her dreams.
She has found her home and it must be an amazing feeling.
There is still hope for my love life…
Chapter 9
The reception is the event of the year for this small town.
A large marquee is erected on the expansive lawns next to the homestead. Around two hundred people are gathered inside, celebrating the union of the Cider Springs popular couple.
Drinks are freely flowing and everyone is in a festive mood, laughing and rejoicing. The sounds of excited conversation and glasses clinking fill the air. The smell of beautiful fresh food is alighting my senses and the staff ensures my glass is never empty. I mingle with a number of the locals and they have nothing but love for my mother. It makes me proud to say that she is my mother.
She has fitted into this town so well.
After an hour has passed at the reception, Mom walks to the front of the crowd to make the first speech. Usually the bride doesn’t open the speeches, or make a speech at all in some weddings, but this is a casual wedding that has thrown tradition out the window.
“I would like to thank everyone for making it today. I am so blessed to find this man in my life,” she says into the microphone and everyone applauds, “I have had a life full of ups and downs, twists and turns. I have lived in many different places, including the remote countryside, small towns and in the hustle of a big city. But it is here on the ranch in Cider Springs that I feel most at home. I feel like I have found my spot in the world.”
The crowd claps again.
“As most of you know,” she continues, “I meet Timothy through an online dating service. It was with much apprehension that I accepted his online request but as soon as I read his first email, I was in love. We communicated for a long time before we gained the courage to meet. Timothy agreed to meet me in a bar in New York and I have never seen a man more uncomfortable in his surroundings.”
The crowd roars with laughter.
“He’s not a city boy!” someone shouts out.
“But I knew that if this man was willing to travel across the country and meet me in a place where he felt so uncomfortable, that it must be love. Life was particularly hard for me at that time but Timothy managed to steal my heart. He is handsome, charming, smart and loving. He is everything a man should be. I love you, Timothy.”
Mom looks to Timothy with a loving gaze,
“Thank you for making my life complete.”
Mom has tears in her eyes, and so does half the room, including me.
After he kisses Mom, Timothy stands to make the next speech.
“Thank you everyone for being here,” he begins, “Thank you to all the people who have travelled out for the wedding. I know some of you have made long journeys to make it here today. I especially want to thank my son, Jackson, who has made it out from New York. Thank you son for taking time out of your busy schedule to be here.”
Jackson nods. He is so arrogant that it makes me want to punch him repeatedly.
“And thank you for the kind words, Laura,” Timothy turns to my mother and pauses.
The couple stares at each other with a beautiful gaze.
; They are so lucky to have found each other.
“With Laura, I have been lucky enough to find someone that is loving, caring, kind, patient, affectionate, tender, enthusiastic, smart, witty, determined, maybe a little stubborn,” the crowd laughs, “Beautiful, pretty, energetic, a wonderful cook, a great listener, and someone that is maybe a little … cheeky.”
Everyone laughs again.
He is rocking this speech.
“And I am blessed to have a person as magical as you in my life. It is a miracle that a woman like you could fall in love with a man like me, but I am happy to play along. My only wish was that we had met earlier in my life. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish that I were as wise in my thirties as I am today. What Laura has taught me, is that you have to take a chance in life. A person has to take a gamble and risk everything if they want to succeed in their personal life. I took a massive risk travelling to New York to meet a lady I had only talked to online. Laura doesn’t know this but I almost didn’t go.”
Mom smiles, “I’m glad you did.”
“I was about to cancel the trip when my son Jackson called. Now, Jackson and I only talk about once per year because of his work, so I had to explain the whole situation to him. And then I told him I was going to cancel the trip. But Jackson insisted that I didn’t. He said that I had to risk my heart. He said that if I wanted happiness, I had to be prepared to risk it all. And he was right. I risked my heart. I said yes to the trip. And the rest is history.”
Jackson said that?
What would he know about love? What would he know about risking his heart?
I bet he doesn’t even have a heart. I bet that he is a cold-blooded creature that is kept alive by one of those blood-pumping machines. And he probably read that quote in a magazine.
“Thank you Laura for making my life complete,” Timothy concludes his speech.
The crowd provides them a standing ovation as they kiss.
It is beautiful.
My eyes are full with tears.
This is a wedding full of love and emotion. Both these adults have experienced love and loss, and now they have found love again.
I couldn’t be prouder of my mother.
Clapping with everyone else, it is clear how popular this couple is.
But as the applause dies down, Jackson stands up, “Dad has asked me to say a few words as well.”
His perfectly fitted suit effortlessly shapes to his broad frame as he stands at the front of the room,
“For those of you who don’t know who I am, my name is Jackson Steele and I am the son of this great man. I am proud of you, Dad. You taught me a lot when I was growing up. You taught me determination, the value of hard work, how to manage employees, how to run a successful business and how to make money. But you never taught me how to manage my feelings… and that is because you did not understand yours. But… but since you have met Laura, I have never seen you happier with your life. You have found what is important. You have succeeded. And clearly, by the look in your eyes, that is what is important in life. I’m proud of you Dad.”
He pauses and looks around the room until he finds me.
“My personal life is a mess and when I met someone who is the most perfect, wonderful woman I have ever met, I ran away. When my heart was on the line, I got scared. It is easy to dish out advice but it is harder to follow it. I have met the most amazing woman and I threw away the chance at love.”
He stares straight at me. His crushing gaze lands upon me, and I tremble under his watch.
My mouth drops open.
The world stops spinning.
Don’t do that to me.
I want to punch you in the face, Jackson Steele…
I want to scream at you.
But his beautiful eyes rest upon me with tenderness.
He looks like he means it…
No!
Don’t fall for it. Don’t fall for his trap.
“Dad, I hope one day, you can teach me how to be successful in my life too…”
He continues to stare at me while the crowd applauses.
I can’t risk my heart.
It is worth too much…
Chapter 10
When the speeches finish at a wedding, it is a signal that the formalities are over and it is time to let your hair down. And this town knows how to let its hair down! The dance floor quickly fills with people who clearly haven’t danced in a long time.
Joanne pulls me aside as the wedding celebrations become louder and more rowdy.
“You know that he was talking about you,” she states.
“Who?” I pretend not to know what she is talking about.
“I’m talking about Jackson’s speech. He was talking about you. He was looking straight at you. It would take a fool to say that he wasn’t talking about you. That was a speech full of emotion and it felt real. Did you listen to what he said?”
“I heard what he said and I don’t believe it. It’s just another one of his games. He clearly likes to play games. Jackson would have realized that he has to spend another night in town because he has drank too much champagne to fly his helicopter home tonight, and there are no beds left here in the ranch, which means he is back in the hotel with me, or sleeping on the floor of his helicopter. I haven’t seen the inside of his chopper, but it wouldn’t be a comfortable place to sleep.”
“That was not what he was saying. There was anguish in Jackson’s eyes and I have never heard a more heart felt speech at a wedding. I know right now you are blinded by your anger but he was being honest. You heard what he said and you saw how he looked. You can’t deny that the speech was full of emotion.”
“Weddings can do that to people. They make people full of repressed emotions and it all flows out after a few drinks. He’ll wake up tomorrow morning the same man he was yesterday – a bastard. And that is what he will always be. Mighty good looking but a bastard. He will never change his ways.”
“I think you’re wrong. I think everyone experiences one moment in their life where they realize they were on the wrong track. I think today Jackson realized that no matter how much money he has, and no matter how successful he is in business, he will only be happy if he sorts out his personal life. Today is the day he realizes what life is about. And right now, he thinks that life is about you.”
“I don’t want to be his experiment Joanne. I don’t want to be the person he uses while he tries to understand what is going on in his head. I don’t want to be his attempt at love because I deserve better than that.”
“What do you want then?”
She stares at me with eyes that know the truth.
Joanne always knows what I want before I know it.
“What do you think?” I ask her.
“I think he is everything you’re not. And I think it excites you. I think you’re scared because he hurt you once but he has just admitted that was a mistake,” she pauses before she looks directly into my eyes, “Don’t miss your chance at love. You have to risk it all to have the happiness your mother and Timothy have. Don’t miss your chance, Rachael.”
I shake my head.
Joanne and I often talked long into the night about love when we were growing up.
We both concluded that we were only likely to receive a few chances at love in our lifetimes and they will come to us when we least expect them.
“You think this is one of my chances?”
I ask the question to Joanne but it is more of a question to myself than her.
Deep down, I know she is right.
I know this is my chance.
Am I brave enough to take it?
Joanne rests her hand on my shoulder, “You may not be ready for it, but don’t let it slip away. Take the risk.”
Damn.
“I am still trying to find myself after my last boyfriend, Joanne. That was enough of a disaster. I don’t think I can take it again.”
“You can. Be brave.”
Whether it is all
the emotion of the day, the amount of wine I have drunk or the decision that rests before me – but tears well up in my eyes.
“What do I do?” I ask Joanne.
“That’s up to you. It’s up to you to understand your feelings and try to land the man. He clearly wants you. He clearly experienced the emotions that you experienced last night. He said that to you and now he has left the ball in your court. It’s your decision what happens next.”
“How would it even work?” I ask as my mind goes into planning mode, “He’s a billionaire in New York. I don’t want to be hanging around in those circles. I don’t want to be a billionaire’s housewife while he goes off on business trips around the world. He would probably want me to quit my job and I don’t think I could handle that life.”
“You’re making excuses and you’re thinking about this too much. You’ve gone back into your safe little planning mode. Don’t do that,” she stares at me, “Take a risk.”
“Take a risk?” I repeat softly.
I’m not convinced I have the courage to do that…
Chapter 11
The celebrations continue well into the night and a lot of alcohol is consumed. There is much laughing, dancing and joyous chatter as the celebrations continue. This is a wedding that I will happily watch the video for.
Mom is having an amazing time. The smile on her face doesn’t leave all day and I have never seen anyone as happy. She is glowing with love.
I spend the evening dancing with some of the locals, talking with some of Mom’s new friends and laughing with Timothy’s family. It is an interesting collection of people – some people work for Timothy, some bake with Mom and others haven’t seen each other in ten years.
Timothy’s family is lovely. They are all very successful people but they are calm and friendly. There is clearly a lot of money here but nobody flaunts it.
Except for Jackson.
He is the most successful of his family and they all talk about him with pride. He is the boy that left the farming community and made it big in the city.
His family adores him.
As hard as I try to ignore it, the ever-present large frame of Jackson is always in my view.