by Penny Ward
He is hard to miss.
He is tall, handsome and very well dressed.
Plus he has every woman in town falling over him.
I’m sure he would like to sleep with all of them. He wouldn’t be worried about his reputation out here. As long as he doesn’t bring them back to my hotel, I’m fine with that.
Well, not really, but that is what I tell myself.
After many drinks the night draws to a close and everyone catches a lift back into town on the back of the local’s pick-up trucks. I awkwardly hitch my dress up and climb into a truck with some other locals, and they kindly drop me off at the hotel.
It is going to feel strange sleeping in the bed where Jackson and I spent an amazing night together, but I’m sure he has found another bed to sleep in.
I’m sure he has found the prettiest girl in town and gone back to her house.
And then he will be out of here in his helicopter first thing tomorrow morning. I bet that he won’t even have the decency to say goodbye to me.
Well, that’s just fine. I hope I never see that smug face again.
Why are all good-looking men bastards?
Is it because they have women falling at their feet their whole lives?
Does that make them feel like they can treat all women with complete disrespect?
I hope I never see that handsome face again. I imagine if I see his face in the newspaper, I will cut it out and throw it in the bin.
Then set fire to it.
And then throw it in the river.
That is how that bastard made me feel.
But as I enter the hotel hallway...
Damn.
Jackson’s tall, broad frame is waiting for me.
What is he doing here? Couldn’t he find another woman to go home with?
Or did all the other women see through his charming act and figure out that he is a prick.
“Hi,” he states as I go to open the hotel room door.
I don’t reply.
“Did you hear my speech?” he asks.
“Of course I did,” I roll my eyes.
This time, I am able to force the hotel door open by myself but Jackson follows me into the bedroom.
“Didn’t you organize another place to stay?” I snap at him.
“No,” he shakes his head.
“You’re not staying here,” I reply bluntly.
He stares at me for a while before replying, “I am sorry that I left without saying goodbye this morning.”
He wheels his black bag back into the room with confidence.
“I don’t think so,” I state, looking at his bag.
He raises his eyebrows to me.
I don’t think he is used to being told no.
“Why not?”
“Why not?” I fume, “I am not some piece of meat that you can sleep with and toss aside. I am not a brainless bimbo – I am a grown woman! I’m surprised you didn’t leave a fistful of dollars on the bedroom table when you left. I’m sure that’s what you’re used to doing.”
He looks stunned that a woman could talk to him like that.
“I am not one of the models that fall all over you,” I continue loudly, “I am a woman that needs to be treated with respect. How dare you leave me here this morning without saying goodbye!”
He stares at me after I have shouted my rage at him.
“I’m sorry?”
“Is that a question? Because it doesn’t sound like an apology.”
“I’m not sure. I think I was asking if that is the right thing to say.”
“The right thing to say would be how you feel.”
“I feel like you are the most amazing person I have ever met,” he states coldly.
“Really?” I am still angry.
“Really… I have never felt this amount of chemistry with anyone before. I feel like you know what I’m feeling. I… I don’t know how to explain it but you and I have something. I don’t know what that something is, but I like it.”
I don’t respond.
I don’t know how too.
I want to be angry. I want to be mad.
I want to hate him…
But I am struggling.
He is too attractive to hate…
And he is right.
There is something between us.
Something unexplainable.
“My personal life is a mess,” he continues, “My whole world is a mess. I have nobody I can call a friend and I have never had a relationship with a woman that has lasted more than two weeks.”
He looks to the ground,
“Rachael, I have always felt like there was a hole in my life but I have never been able to explain it. Even after celebrating a big business win, I feel empty… and I have never understood why. But after seeing my father today, I realized what my life is missing. I realized that life is about more than just business. I realized that I need someone.”
I resist him.
“I am not a fix that you can apply to your life. I am not someone that will be your girl and everything is fine. I am more than that. I am my own woman. I am not ‘someone’,” I state.
“That is not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
“I need you. Not someone. I need you. I can’t explain it but I need you. Last night, for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I was empty. I woke up this morning and I felt… I felt complete. And that scared me.”
“That’s not good enough for me. It really hurt when you left this morning. I couldn’t believe that someone would do that. I thought we connected last night, but then I woke up and you were gone. How could I feel anything but cheap?”
“I’m really sorry,” he replies, and I think he means it, “But I got frightened. I have never felt like that with another person. Nobody has ever made me feel like that. You touched me in places I have never been touched before, and I’m not talking physically. I felt something deeper… and that frightened me.”
I stare at him.
I don’t know what to say.
“I am really sorry,” he keeps going, “I don’t know what more I can say. I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling. If I could reverse what I did this morning, I would. I would have stayed this morning. I woke up and looked at you for an hour. I studied every part of you. And I wanted to stay… but I… I am sorry.”
“You can’t have been that sorry because you didn’t even acknowledge me at the wedding! You didn’t even say hello!”
He shakes his head, “I was so nervous that I couldn’t speak. I knew you were supposed to be sitting next to me, and I kept saying to myself that I would come up with a great excuse about why I left this morning. But when you sat down… I froze. I knew what I did was cowardly, and I was scared that I hurt you.”
I don’t respond.
“I have travelled the world,” Jackson continues, “And I’ve met kings, queens, princes and presidents. But nobody has made me feel the way you did. Nobody has taken my heart like you took mine last night.”
“What do you want from me?” I am direct.
“Tell me to leave.”
It’s a challenge.
I really don’t want him to leave and he knows that. He knows my self-control is weak. He hurt me but I am not that strong-willed.
I can’t resist him…
Jackson’s tall broad frame stands in front of me, waiting for a request to leave.
Damn.
I was not prepared for this.
I expected I would come here tonight and lie down to sleep. I was not prepared for this attack.
And maybe if I was, I would be stronger.
Maybe if I knew he was going to be here, I could have built my confidence and prepared my response to him.
I have to think of something else to say. I have to let him know exactly how I feel.
Come on, think of something to say.
I can’t think of anything.
Instead, I stand in front of him
not saying a word.
I can’t say a word.
I am too nervous to speak.
I talk all day, and I could talk all night, but now that I am in front of a beautiful, handsome man – I can’t think of anything to say…
My mind is blank.
“Leave,” I state.
What?
Why did that come out of my mouth?
That is not what I wanted to say! I wanted to say ‘take me!’
But I don’t.
Jackson stares at me in shock. This was not the outcome he expected.
“Leave,” I repeat the word, stronger this time.
“But Rachael…”
“Leave.”
He stares at me.
“I’m sorry Rachael.”
Jackson goes to say something else, but no words come out of his mouth. He drops his head and I let him walk out of the room…
The hotel is now silent.
And the room is as empty as my heart.
Chapter 12
I reach the phone and call Joanne.
“What happened?” she answers the call immediately.
She expected this call.
“I told him to leave.”
“He came to your hotel room?” she questions.
“He was here when I arrived. Then I panicked and I asked him to leave. So he took his bag and left the room.”
“Oh no… Did you give him a chance to explain himself? Did you listen to what he had to say?”
“I did,” I reply softly.
“Well? What did he say?”
“He said he was sorry.”
“That was it? Did he have an excuse why he left this morning? Like he had to be at the house to help his father get ready for the wedding?”
“No excuses.”
“Then why did he leave?”
“He said he was scared.”
“Scared? That was his excuse?”
“He said he has never felt like this before. He said he felt the connection but it sacred him. And it scared him so much that he ran away…”
“And you believe him?”
“I do. But why did he have to run away Joanne? Why couldn’t he have stayed here with me?”
“That’s what men do, Rachael. When they don’t understand what is happening with their emotions, they run away. And he might have run away this morning, but you are the one pushing him away tonight.”
I don’t respond.
She is right.
Jackson ran away because he was scared.
But I told him to leave because I am scared now.
“You’ve done what he did,” Joanne continues, “You’ve gotten frightened about taking a risk, and you’ve run away from your chance at love. He came to you and you threw him out.”
“I asked him to leave because he hurt me.”
“Jackson is not the type of guy that you will bump into on the streets of New York. Your paths may never cross again Rachael. You have to take a risk.”
“But what if he doesn’t feel the same? He said he felt the same, but that might be another one of his tricks. He probably said it to get me into bed again. Men like him can’t be trusted.”
“You said that you had never felt chemistry like that before. Chemistry is not a one-way street. For people to connect, it has to go both ways. He would have felt it too. He would have felt that powerful connection. You can’t deny that.”
“He said he felt it,” I reply softly.
“Then what are you doing!”
“I’m scared,” I reply with tears in my eyes.
“He came to you and opened up. He showed his vulnerability and you threw it in his face.”
I don’t respond.
“Rachael, do you know how hard that would be for a man like him?”
“Very hard,” I whisper.
“That’s right, Rachael. Men like Jackson Steele do not pour their hearts out for anyone. They guard it very closely.”
“Maybe…” I am slowly being convinced.
“Maybe?”
“It’s too big a risk.”
“No, it’s not. Doing nothing is a bigger risk. Doing nothing means that you will go back to New York and find Mr. Just Fine. You deserve better than Mr. Just Fine. You deserve the best, Rachael.”
“Mr. Just Fine would be ok…”
“Mind-blowing connections in life are rare, Rachael. You and I both know that.”
“But what if it’s not real? What if he is just using me?”
“That’s the risk you have to take.”
“I don’t know if I can,” my head struggles against my heart.
“Rachael,” Joanne is firm, “You need to make a choice. Do you risk your heart for love or do you protect it for comfort?”
Chapter 13
I don’t know whether it is the wine or the emotion of the day, but I hang up on Joanne with purpose.
I can’t let my chance slip away.
Life presents very few chances at love, and I can’t let mine fly away in a helicopter.
I have to chase him.
I can’t let my chance in life slip.
I will run all the way back to the ranch if I have too. I shouldn’t have kicked him out. I should have accepted his apology.
He came to me to apologize.
Jackson opened up to me and showed me his heart.
He took the chance. Now I should take mine.
In a rush, I move out the door.
I sprint down the hallway of the hotel.
I have to find him.
I have to take my chance.
Rushing out onto the street, I spot a tall figure under streetlight, sitting on a bag…
“Jackson?” I question as I approach the silhouette.
He looks up.
He stands.
“What are you doing sitting out on the street?” I question.
“I’m thinking,” he responds bluntly.
“About what?”
“Life. Love. Chances.”
“That’s a lot to think about.”
He shrugs his shoulders and questions, “Why are you smiling?”
“It’s not often that you find a New York billionaire sitting on a bag under a streetlight.”
He smiles, “Well, this isn’t New York.”
“No, this is a long way from New York and a long way from the world that you and I are used to.”
“Are you saying that I am confused about how I feel because of this isolated location?”
“I’m saying that you and I have different lives,” I respond.
Why would I say that? That’s not what I mean. This stuff just comes out of my mouth without any thought!
“Maybe our lives shouldn’t be so different?” Jackson states, “Maybe our paths can cross more often?”
“Maybe,” I reply with a cheeky smile.
“No,” Jackson is firm.
“No?” I am confused.
“I won’t take maybe as an answer. You and I will go out for dinner on Friday night.”
Wow.
I love the way he takes control.
“Ok,” I smile.
“Good.”
We stand awkwardly in silence under the streetlight.
“What now?” I ask.
Jackson’s posture and demeanor shifts.
He looks at me the way he looked at me last night.
I know that can only mean one thing.
He comes towards me and shoves me against the outside wall of the hotel.
When his lips land on mine, my body becomes alight with desire…
Jackson grabs me under the shoulders and legs, and carries me back into the hotel. A man has never carried me this way before. Jackson is so strong that it feels like he could carry me all day.
I feel helpless and vulnerable.
I rest comfortably in his tough arms, and I know I have made the right choice.
I am happy to take this risk.
Jackson kicks the hotel room door ope
n with his foot, and flings me onto the bed.
As he looms over me, my heart pounds.
Jackson comes forward onto the bed and we embrace in a long kiss. The kiss sparks electricity through the air.
The room is suddenly alight with passion.
And that makes me wet.
I want him.
I want all of him.
Looking up, I try to look sexual by biting my bottom lip, staring at him while he rests over the top of me. There is an undeniable chemistry between us, an understanding.
The connection between us is so intense that I struggle to understand it.
Despite being lost in his gorgeous eyes, I notice his hand start to slowly creep down my body, until it stops on my bottom.
His hand runs over the flesh of my behind with a smooth and tender touch.
Jackson is ready to take me.
He is a real man.
My perfect man.
He is also a man that loves the curves of a real woman.
I am smitten and my heart is racing. The bulge in his pants is growing larger and I can feel it press against me.
Yes…
His kisses make my head spin. His hand reaches up and tenderly caresses the side of my face.
Wow…
I am lost in his touch.
My body feels weak and vulnerable in the way he holds me.
His touch is so strong and powerful that it rushes emotion through my entire body.
Wow…
The craving pulsates through me.
In this hotel room, in a small country town, I am about to be dominated.
Quickly, the potency of passion overwhelms us.
The passion forces our hands to smother each other’s bodies.
I need him.
I need all of him.
Now.
I rip off his shirt and throw it across the room. He does the same to my dress.
Oh…
He drops his pants and exposes his rock hard body again.
I can’t resist it.
I rub my hands over every part of his tanned figure.
My hands run all over his chest and up his solid back.
Oh yes… it is so strong.
He continues to kiss my body with hunger and my head spins.
Yes…
Quickly, my underwear is tossed to the side of the room and I am naked. I am exposed to this magical billionaire.
I love lying here naked in front of this powerful man.