As the landscape passed, her rage subsided. The anger remained, of course, but she no longer felt the urge to rip Lukas limb from limb. Not much anyway.
With Lady Anne’s house approaching, she contemplated a stop to say goodbye. But the potential of Severon’s spies led her to reconsider. She snorted. Spies other than her husband.
She passed by the road leading to Haddon House with an ache in her heart. Lady Anne was the only flesh and blood relative she’d ever known. Would her aunt understand her reason for riding on?
Why Lord? She prayed as the sun started its descent. Why did you allow me to have these feeling for Lukas when you knew he was plotting against me?
‘Return daughter.’
She frowned. Lord?
‘Return to your husband.’
She ignored the still, small voice and continued on her way.
An hour later, she stopped to rest the horse and eat. The command to return had her bothered. She couldn’t reconcile it with what Lukas had told her. Couldn’t reconcile it with what would happen if she did return.
Maybe she’d heard wrong.
Lord, I’m doing the right thing, aren’t I?
‘Return daughter.’
Why? Why would you want me to?
‘Love your husband.’
She laughed and remounted. Now she knew she was crazy. God would not, could not ask her to love Lukas. Any chance of that happening disappeared with his confession. What she needed was help forgetting those feelings, not the other way around.
Forget it! Forget I asked. I’ll go back to the twenty-first century and serve you there. I’ll go to Seattle and earn my masters. I’ll help the hurt women, Lord, the way I planned all along. But don’t. Don’t ask me to love Lukas. I can’t.
‘Return daughter.’
No! Why can’t You understand? Any chance for us is gone. He planned to have me killed.
‘I have redeemed him. I have called him by name. He is mine.’
For the second time that day, her arms rippled with gooseflesh.
‘Daughter.’
I’m not listening.
‘Daughter.’
I can’t.
‘Daughter. I make all things new.’
She stopped when she noticed the hot tears running down her face. Why did everything have to be so hard? But then, when did anything worth having come easy?
She sniffled. Almost a month ago, she decided Dresdonia was worth the sacrifice. Was it still?
More importantly, was Lukas?
Chapter Fifteen
The full moon hung low and bright, casting the wilderness around her in a golden radiance. Foolish, she knew, to have continued once the sun set, but while she felt peace with the decision made hours ago, the butterflies filling her stomach would reproduce with any delay. And the horse knew the way, she just had to hold on.
The long, circular road to Hullington finally came into view, and she knew, delay or not, the butterflies had multiplied. Her hands shook as she handed the mare over to the stable boy who answered her call. She offered silent thanks he was too shocked at her reappearance to notice.
A bath would be divine. Six hours on horseback had taken its toll on her appearance. Even a mirror would be welcome. Or maybe not. Perhaps it was best she not see how horrible she looked. She straightened her dress and brushed it off as best she could. It would have to be enough.
Knocking on the back door, she prayed someone would be awake.
“My lady!”
Margaret then. Of course, had she expected Lukas to answer the door?
“Hello, Margaret.”
The older lady wrung her hands. “We didn’t expect to see you again.”
Lukas had told them. She felt strangely comforted he told them something. But she didn’t have the time or patience to talk with Margaret. Her courage was fading fast.
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” she said. “Where’s Lukas?”
Margaret’s eyes widened, surprise covering her face. “He left about an hour after you did. I haven’t seen him since.”
Well, that put a kink in her plans. She hadn’t thought about him not being at Hullington. Should she go to her room and wait for him to return? But she had no way of knowing when, or if, he’d return. Blast.
The door behind her opened and closed, but she focused her attention on Margaret.
“You didn’t ask where he was going?”
“No, my lady.” Margaret lifted her head. “I didn’t think it my place to ask.”
“Alexia.”
It couldn’t be. Lexy spun at the sound of her name spoken in the smooth cadence of the haughty accent she’d come to love. “Lukas?”
“Do you want to tell me what you are doing back at Hullington or what you thought by riding for hours in the dark? You lack all semblance of sense. Did it not occur to you that you could be killed riding as you did? Why did you not stop at Hadden House?”
Her body shook at his nearness, but because it was so much easier to argue with him, she set aside her original purpose. “Do you have a preference as to which question I answer first? Or do you suppose my senseless mind can decide for itself?”
From the corner of her eye, she saw Margaret leave the room. She was alone with Lukas. Somehow she didn’t feel the relief she expected.
“Please,” he said. “Answer them at your leisure. I shall await your response with the utmost patience.” He leaned against the doorframe and closed his eyes.
He was anything but patient, his body was tight and tense; she could tell from where she stood. But just as she prepared herself to answer back with another cutting remark, the realization of what he said struck her. “You followed me.”
“Of course I followed you.”He snapped his eyes open and glared at her. “You think I would let you travel alone?”
Why yes, she had. But instead he’d followed her to ensure her safety. Her heart sang. “Thank you.”
He’d been ready for an argument. She could tell by the surprise replacing the stern set of his jaw. “No thanks are necessary,” he said.
“I beg to differ.”
“Of course you do. I would expect nothing less.”
Something inside her melted further. It was now or never. “I’d prefer to have this conversation upstairs,” she said, hoping he couldn’t hear the racing of her heart. Without looking back, but knowing he would follow, she walked to the stairs and entered their sitting room.
She pushed the door open, and he entered without a sound after her.
“Will you tell me now why you returned?” he asked, the anger and humor of the previous moments gone.
The corner of the rug had a loose thread. She toed it. Just say it. “I realized I belong here.” She peeked up at him through her eyelashes.
“After all I spoke this afternoon?”
“Yes.”
“It is too late for you to journey out tonight,” he said. “If you start again on the morrow, you shall make Dresdonia by Wednesday.”
“I belong here,” she repeated.
He stood so close she smelled the almond of his soap. “Do listen to reason. You must not remain here. To do so is certain death.”
It was impossible to think with him so close. She backed away to shut the door and returned, leaving more space between them. But it wasn’t enough. She could move across the house, and she’d feel his presence. Four hundred years would be too close. “Do you think God knew you were working for Severon when Ebbe brought me back?” she asked.
“Of course He did,” he said. “To my shame, He knew.”
“And He still brought me back. He still told me to stay.” She dropped her voice. “He still told me to marry you.”
He lifted an eyebrow, but for the first time with no detectable sarcasm. “What say you?”
“I belong here.”
He groaned. “Why? So you can die? We cannot defeat Severon.”
“No. We can’t. But there’s One who can.”
“Yo
u returned for Dresdonia. You mean to stay and fight?”
“Yes. For Dresdonia.” She clasped her hands in front of her, hoping to stop the trembling. “And to forgive you.”
The shock of her words registered on his face. “You do?”
“I do,” she said. “I have.”
His jaw tightened, and a tremor ran through his cheek. “It is more than I thought possible.”
“It’s what I want,” she said, feeling bolder.
“Truly?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
The room’s lone candle flickered, the wavering light casting his face in shadows. In the next second, his eyes glowed with a sparkle she’d never seen. The atmosphere in the room changed and at once, the space between them was charged. She could hear it buzz if she listened hard enough. Or maybe it was because she somehow knew what was coming next.
He stepped closer, his gaze touching her lips, returning to her eyes. “May I kiss you?”
Memories of their last kiss rushed back. She remembered the feel of his arms, the power of his lips. His taste. “You didn’t ask permission last time.”
“I wish to do it right this time.” He closed the distance between them and cupped the side of her face, thumb caressing her cheekbone. His warm eyes glowed into hers. How incredible she’d ever thought them cold.
“Yes. Please.”
His lips brushed hers so lightly, she thought she’d imagined them. But they came again, softly asking the question he’d avoided speaking aloud. He drew her close, and she grew breathless as the intensity of the kiss increased. When it became too much, she pushed back.
He pulled her hairpins out and dropped them to the floor, one by one. Her hair fell about her shoulders, and he skimmed its length. “You are so beautiful.”
Her heart raced. He thought her beautiful. He’d called her a harlot, danced with a gorgeous blonde at their wedding, and he thought her beautiful. “I wasn’t sure you’d want me…as a true wife.”
He widened his eyes. “Not want you? I assure you, not only do I want you as my wife, I have wanted it since we wed.”
It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible.
She shook her head. “I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe, but I doubt so much.” Tears filled her eyes. “I doubt so much and about so many things. I’m so tired of doubting.”
“You have doubts?” He stroked her chin, lifted her face. “You who single-handedly changed not only my life, but the lives of so many others by sharing Christ and His love?”
She gave a weak smile. “I hide them well.”
His hands fell to his side, and the air around her cooled when he walked away. He opened the door leading to his room and held out a hand to her.
Her mouth went dry. But somehow she moved to stand in front of him. He would hold her now. Gather her in his arms.
He took her hands.
“I love you,” he whispered. “My heart and hand, once given grudgingly, are now freely offered to you.”
Tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. “Lukas…”
He reached into his pocket and held her wedding band between his thumb and forefinger. The rubies glowed crimson in the candlelight. “Do you want this?”
She nodded, and he slipped the ring on her finger. The metal carried his warmth. It radiated throughout her body, heating her.
His hold on her hand tightened, uncertainty showing for the first time. “Do you…do you want me?”
She didn’t want to cry anymore, but the precious gift he offered with that one question threatened to undo her. And she did want him.
“If not, I understand.” He dropped her hand and looked at the floor. “To have you back, to have your forgiveness, is quite enough.”
“That’s not it.” She was at a loss to describe how much the choice he offered affected her. But he’d misunderstood her silence and wouldn’t touch her again without permission. If she wanted to remain married in name only, he would agree. But if she wanted more…
A startling sense of freedom filled her. She lifted her head. “Ask me again.”
In the dim light, she no longer saw the definition between his iris and pupil, just the reflection of the candle’s wave. His lips parted in disbelief.
He finally spoke, the deep smoothness of his voice a gentle caress. “What do you want, Alexia?”
“You.” She ran her hands up his arms, feeling his muscles tremble beneath her fingers. “I want you.”
He sighed against her cheek. “Then I am yours.”
She could no longer hold back her response. Could no longer deny her feelings for her husband. She moved her head to meet his lips, and he encircled her in his arms.
By the time he laid her on his bed, she doubted him no more.
****
Lexy mumbled and rolled away from the window. She peeked through one eye to find her husband propped on an elbow watching her. Oh my. She opened the other eye.
“Good morning, my love.” Lukas smiled and became quite possibly the handsomest man she’d ever seen. “Did you sleep well?”
“Mmm…” she answered, trying to clear her sleep-muddled mind. “I think I like ‘my love’ better than ‘my lady.’”
“It seemed appropriate.” He dropped his voice and traced a finger over her bare shoulder. “Given the present circumstance.”
“I’ll have to ensure you do that more often.”
“What?” His finger finished its exploration of her shoulder and made its way across her collarbone. “This?”
She flushed and worked hard to keep her thoughts on track as he bent his head and replaced his finger with his lips. “I…I have no objection to…uh…the other,” she stammered, wondering if her face could heat further. Oh yes. It could. “But I was actually talking about your smile. I’m not sure I’ve seen it before, and it does wonders for your appearance.”
He lifted his head from where he had been nuzzling her neck. “I was unaware my appearance was in such desperate need of improvement.”
It took a moment to realize he was teasing her. She brushed a dark lock of hair out of his eyes. “I’ll make it one of my most important duties then, to ensure your appearance is never again found lacking in such manner.”
He rolled her onto her back and came up over her. “I can think of more pleasurable duties for you to attend to.” His lips brushed hers before he whispered in her ear. “And if memory serves, you did say you had no objection to them.”
****
“We must get out of bed,” she said sometime later. “Margaret will wonder what’s gotten into us.”
Lukas chuckled and twisted a strand of her hair around his finger. “Margaret is a smart woman. I am quite certain she knows why we missed breakfast.”
She sat up. “We missed breakfast?”
“I daresay we are in danger of missing dinner. Where is that wristwatch of yours?” He reached for her wrist and brought it to his face. “Um. Twelve thirty-seven. As I thought.”
She gave a dramatic sigh and fell back on the bed. “Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples for I am sick of love.”
“Already?” he teased.
“No, of course not.” She sat back up and kissed him on the cheek. “But something to eat would be nice.”
“If you insist.”
All teasing aside, there were important conversations to be held. Once out of bed, she slipped her underdress over her shift. “How did it go with Margaret and Ebbe yesterday?”
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d dressed with haste in his discarded shirt and pants. “They took it about as well as you did. And I doubt they have forgiven me.” He motioned to the corner of the room. For the first time, she noticed the trunk. “I am to leave today.”
“Leave for where?” she asked, studying the trunk.
“For where Bixby is not.”
“I thought you were going to stay with him?”
“He would prefer I not.”
“It’s yo
ur father’s house.”
He gave her a look that told her it wasn’t a point he decided to push.
“We’ll talk at dinner.” She stood on tiptoe, gave him a quick kiss, and left for her room.
****
Ebbe and Margaret sat in the dining room waiting for them. Lexy felt their disapproving looks drill through her even as the siblings stood.
“My lady,” Ebbe said, ignoring Lukas. “I heard you returned. How nice you joined us.” The group sat down. “I trust you and Reynard talked?”
She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard Ebbe use sarcasm before. She decided she didn’t like it. “Yes, Ebbe we have. I’ve also been made aware that you’ve asked him to leave. He will be staying, of course.”
The older man’s face grew red. “My lady! How could you? He has been the downfall of us.”
She thought calming thoughts and leaned back as a servant placed a plate in front of her. “No, he hasn’t. He made some poor decisions in the past, and they have had some unfortunate ramifications.”
“Unfortunate ramifications!” Ebbe glared at Lukas. “I cannot believe you forgave him.”
“Look at me, Ebbe.” She was a princess, after all. The time had come to act like one. “You have recently accepted Christ’s forgiveness, have you not?”
“Yes, my lady, I have.”
“And did you deserve that forgiveness?”
“No, my lady.”
She nodded. “And while Lukas does not deserve my forgiveness, I have chosen to give it. Would you condemn me for an act that echoes what God did for you?”
Ebbe studied his plate, realization dawning on him.
She shrugged, hoping she looked calmer than she felt. “I thought not.” She buttered a piece of toast and passed it to Lukas. “We’ll all have to live with the consequences of Lukas’s past actions. While God forgave him and made him a new creature, the effects of his past will still haunt him. Will still haunt us all. We’ll deal with it as it comes.”
The Peculiar Princess Page 16