The Story of Us
Page 19
I haven't even gotten to see him yet, but hearing him is enough to melt my heart. I was never really great with kids. In fact, I pretty much avoided them if I could. Holding babies scared me to death. And talking to kids was awkward and uncomfortable. My greatest fear throughout this pregnancy was that I wouldn't enjoy being a mom. I never said that out loud, of course. People would have thought I was crazy. But the idea of a messy, screaming, time-consuming child never really enticed me. I never dreamed of being a mom, like some girls do. But when I found out that I was pregnant, I was beyond happy. I know it sounds crazy, but I actually felt alive again. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that, with Craig being gone. And I couldn’t help but think that this baby was a gift from him. With that first loud cry, I know that I will love him with all of my heart, for the rest of my life.
“I’ll take good care of him,” I whisper up to the ceiling. “I promise. I’ll love him enough for the both of us.” My tears stream down the sides of my face, but I don’t move to wipe them away.
So this is our love story. It’s not a love story that will go down in history as one of the greatest love stories of all time. It’s not Cinderella, or the Notebook, or Romeo & Juliet. It’s nothing like that. Because let’s be honest, Craig was a pain in the ass, a pain in the ass with a sideways smirk that melted my heart. He was a punk, but that was before Drew. He was a player, but that was before me. He irritated me beyond belief. But that was only because he got to me in a way that few could. And he was able to get to me because he took the time to truly understand me. He loved me fiercely with a love that rivaled anything I’ve ever seen in the movies. But he wasn’t showy about it. It was fleeting, but it was real. It was real and it was ours. Sometimes it’s not about the happy ending. Sometimes it’s just about the story.
I know you don’t understand any of this right now, but I’ll keep telling you the story anyway. Once you’re old enough to understand, I’ll have to edit it quite a bit. But that’s okay, as long as you grow up knowing that you had a daddy who loved your mommy so much that she was finally able to break down the walls that kept him out. As long as you grow up knowing the story of us. Not just of me and your daddy, but of me and you, and how we came to be.
Epilogue
“Knock, knock.”
“Come on in guys,” I tell Hailey and Drew. “I was just putting CJ down for a nap.”
“He looks exhausted,” Drew jokes, noticing him bouncing around, wide awake.
“I’m trying to get him in a routine. But he’s stubborn. Just like his father.”
“Come here, CJ. Auntie Hailey will save you. Tell mama, no naps! You tell her, no naps!”
I roll my eyes at her. “He’s cranky without a nap. And besides, I have to get going. I have class in, like, ten minutes.”
“Good thing Auntie Hailey and Uncle Drew are here then,” Hailey says more to CJ than to me.
“You sure you have him?” I ask her.
“Go,” she waves her hand at me. “Get to class. Learn something.”
“Okay. He just had a bottle and he was changed maybe twenty minutes ago. He should be good until I come back.”
“We got it, Val. You’re good to go,” Drew tells me.
I kiss CJ, squeeze him gently, tell him I love him, and then walk out the door. I only have to walk down the street to get to class. It’s not really an ideal neighborhood to raise a child, but it works for now, while I’m still attending the college.
Kathy, Rick, and Lexie were beyond happy when I told them the news. My parents, not so much. My father disowned me instantly. It still hurts to think that he chose to let us go. But in the end, I know that it’s his loss. My mother… well, she’s never met her grandson. But she sends a generous check every month. Along with her money and the help of, not only Drew, Hailey, and Jane, but The Morgan’s too, we’re getting along just fine. Even Ashley and Julie help from time to time.
Call it crazy, but I am actually happy, most of the time. I still miss Craig. It’s an ache that will never completely go away. But I manage it. Little CJ helps. I have to be okay, for him.
Sometimes it’s comforting to see Craig’s facial expressions again through CJ. Other times, it’ll catch me off guard and I’ll wipe away tears, hoping no one will notice. It’s such a contradiction. Remembering him hurts in the most excruciating way. And yet, I want to remember every single moment that I ever had with him, the good and the bad. Craig Jr. looks so much like Craig, it’s uncanny. I wish he could have met this little guy, who I know he would have instantly fallen in love with, just as I had. I know Craig would have been a great father. I know it by the way Lexie idolized him.
I think she took his death harder than anyone, including me. She was devastated. It’s hard comforting someone who takes everything so literally. We couldn’t tell her that he’s in a better place, because she only believes in the science of death. She doesn’t think his spirit is out there somewhere. She just thinks he’s gone.
The elderly man who hit him didn’t end up making it either, the heart attack killed him. So we can’t even really be mad at him. It was a tragic accident that was cruel and unfair. But somehow, we’re all getting by, including Lexie. The Morgans take CJ twice, sometimes three times a week. When I go to pick him up, I usually end up spending quite some time upstairs with Lexie. We talk about Craig. But we also talk about the Disney characters she likes. And the boy bands she likes. We talk about anything and everything. When I leave her room, I always go into Craig’s. It always hits me like a ton of bricks, but still, I always go in. I sit in there and talk to him for a few short minutes. I give him updates on CJ. I tell him how much I miss him. I feel closer to him there than I do at his grave. I know Kathy and Rick will have to pack up his stuff eventually, but for now I relish in the fact that they haven’t. His room still smells like him. It still feels like him. It makes dealing with the fact that he’s gone just a little more bearable.
He told me once that I was his refreshing change from the ordinary. I think he was more of that to me. But regardless, CJ takes that title now. Without him, I’d be stuck in a depression with no end in sight. He’s the one thing that makes me as happy as Craig used to. He’s my Friday night.
I would just like to end this with a huge thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my novels. The great response I received from What Doesn’t Kill Us readers is what ultimately influenced me to continue on and write The Story of Us. I’m so blessed to have such a supporting audience. I hope you all enjoyed it! -Steph