If Anything Should Happen

by Bonnie Hearn Hill

  He shook his head. His expression had changed. He looked lighter and years younger, the lines of doubt erased. ‘Should I?’

  ‘Tri-Hi-Y,’ she said. ‘While the class brain was studying in the library, his girlfriend was sewing this pillow for her hope chest.’ She handed it to him, and he ran his hands over its furrowed surface.

  ‘I don’t remember it, but if you say it’s important, it is.’

  ‘It was purple and white squares,’ she said. ‘You just stitch the tops of two squares together. That’s what makes the smocking.’

  He sat on the bed and took a closer look at the pillow. ‘I can’t say that I remember it exactly, but it does look familiar.’

  ‘Work your fingers inside those stitches on the side,’ she said. Her heart sped up, and her breath came fast. Let this be the right thing to do. Let her be right about Leighton. She could see by his eyes that he’d found the new stitches in the pillow.

  ‘There’s something buried in here, an envelope.’ He pulled it out slowly.

  Rena hadn’t taken it out since the day she hid it before Dale could find it. She watched as Leighton lifted it from the pillow, opened it, and took out what was inside.

  His face filled with the realization of what he held. ‘It’s us.’

  ‘At the fair, your senior year.’ She choked on the words, and she could see the tears in his eyes. She rose from the chair so that she could see too, and then hit the floor with her foot. She moaned.

  ‘Hold on.’ He helped her on to the bed, and they looked at the short string of photos, the two of them in a fair booth, laughing, kissing, and holding their fingers in Vs over each other’s heads. Five shots in all. ‘We were beautiful,’ he said. ‘Why didn’t I know we were so beautiful?’

  She looked hard at the faces of the two young people who had been Leighton and Rena. Time had robbed them of everything except memories. Maybe that’s why she had kept the photos and risked what would happen if Dale found them. As painful as the memories were, she wanted them now, and she needed to fill in the blank spaces in her mind. They sat beside each other, Leighton holding the photos. She looked up at him, until he returned her gaze.

  ‘You asked if I cared?’ she said. ‘There’s your answer.’

  ‘Reen.’ His voice broke. His arms went around her. She pressed her face against his shoulder. ‘How could we screw it up like that?’ he said against her hair. ‘How did we ever get from there to here?’

  ‘I don’t know. Leighton, there’s so much I don’t know any more.’

  He continued to hold her, stroking her hair. ‘I’ll never let you go again,’ he said. ‘No matter what.’

  ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘You know what he’ll do.’

  His steady hand on her hair quieted her racing heart. ‘He’s not going to bully you any more,’ Leighton said. ‘He’s never going to bully you again. It’s you and me now. It’s us, Reen.’

  A faraway part of her wanted to believe him, but the part that could think knew it was dream talk. She and Leighton had been given their chance. They couldn’t go back.

  The needles in her foot relaxed and let up. She felt as if she’d had a cup of one of Kendra’s night-time herbal teas. She let herself drift, as if she and Leighton were on a safe little boat together. She slid down on the bed and felt him follow along side of her. Then, she knew what the sensation was, something she’d almost forgotten.

  ‘I feel safe,’ she told him.

  ‘I want you to.’

  She was lying on her bed, her bed and Dale’s, with Leighton. She didn’t want to lead him on, but she was so light-headed that she didn’t know how to tell him. She pressed her hand against his chest. ‘I can’t, Leighton. I wouldn’t do anything wrong.’

  ‘I know. Don’t worry.’ He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers.

  ‘Could we just stay here like this for a while?’ she asked. ‘Would you mind?’

  ‘I’ll stay as long as you want me to,’ he said, and drew her closer.

  And she did want him to stay, just like this, his breath soft and easy on her. She was sleepy, but she wasn’t scared any more. She knew Leighton would be here, and she knew he’d take care of her in whatever way he could, until she got stronger. And, Lord, she really did want to get stronger now. Maybe he was right and they really did have a chance.

  She felt the terry cloth slip from one shoulder and didn’t care. She didn’t have to protect herself from Leighton. She wanted just to float on this dream with him as long as she could.

  ‘Safe,’ she told him again. ‘You make me feel safe.’

  ‘You are safe with me.’ He pressed her head against his shoulder, and she knew he would hold her like that all night. ‘I won’t let anyone hurt you,’ he said.

  She shuddered just a little, then let herself drift off. Only one person wanted to hurt her, and they both knew who that was.

  Rena woke up to the sound of the shower in the morning, and she knew without thinking that it was Leighton. Sure enough, he came out a moment later, in his jeans and the shirt he’d had on the night before, his face pink and soft looking. Her head felt clear, and she couldn’t remember any dreams. She did know every word they had said to each other, though. She knew she had shown him the photo strip, which was still on the bedside table.

  But what about her? Rena looked down and realized she was still wearing her robe. Good. They must have slept on top of the covers. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

  Leighton came over and sat down beside her on the bed. He smelled of soap and her shampoo. She wished she could bury her face in the smell. ‘Let me see your eyes.’ He lifted her chin and stared at her. ‘Not a trace of red. That’s perfect.’

  She still felt weak, and she still cringed at the thought of having to deal with Dale when he got back. But she was better, she knew. ‘I’m going to be all right,’ she told Leighton. ‘Thanks for taking care of me. I’m going to be fine now.’

  ‘You sure?’ She could tell from the way his eyes stayed on her that in his mind he was still seeing those pictures. She was too.

  ‘I am.’ She patted his shoulder. ‘Tell Kendra to go take care of her shop. I can get around just fine, and I can feed myself. You guys have already spent too much time taking care of me.’

  ‘I’ll tell her.’ He moved closer.

  ‘I don’t know how to say this, Leighton, but something in me started to heal last night. It was because of you.’

  He reached for her, and she turned away from his lips.

  ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘You’re going to be yourself again. Just let me hold you for a minute.’

  His chin pressed hard against the top of her head. ‘You helped me last night,’ she said. ‘I think you turned it around, whatever I was going through.’

  ‘I hope so, Reen.’ They both laughed.

  ‘Go on, now. And thank you for staying with me.’

  He took her shoulders in his hands. ‘There’s a lot going on right now, but I’m going to figure it out. Then, once it’s behind us, I’m coming back here, and we’re going to have a real talk.’

  Last night, she would have been afraid, but she was starting not to be. ‘You do that,’ she said. ‘You find out what happened to that poor woman who tried to help Kendra.’

  ‘I intend to,’ he said. Then, he leaned down and let his lips brush hers.

  ‘Leighton.’ Memories shot through her. Other kisses. Other days, other nights. Promises, wishes. She thought she’d had only one strip of photographs. Instead, she had a whole lifetime locked in her mind. ‘Come back soon.’ Wasn’t that what she’d said before he’d left before? Was she really saying it again?

  ‘I will,’ he said, and kissed her again, a little longer this time, and Rena had to be the one to pull away. He squeezed her shoulder. ‘But this time you’d better be waiting for me.’

  TWENTY-NINE

  Tamera was dead. I couldn’t forgive myself for letting her go to Arizona on my behalf, and I tried to make sense out of her death. Af
ter losing my mom, I had felt numb. Now, I realized how raw that pain still was.

  Despite my own grief and guilt, the airport that day had an optimistic feel as I waited with Richard for my flight to Phoenix. Richard wore jeans and a sweater, and his hair was smashed down from the baseball cap.

  ‘Mom and I were in an airport the last time I saw her,’ I said. ‘I just assumed there would be a next time. Now, she’s dead, Tamera has been murdered, and—’ I couldn’t finish. ‘Tamera,’ I managed to get out. ‘I let her go in my place so that I could do my stupid radio show.’

  ‘Don’t, Kit.’ Richard put his arm around me, and I tried to control my trembling. ‘She wanted to go. You didn’t make her.’

  ‘How do you know that?’ I asked, and then I realized the truth. ‘You were still in touch with her?’

  ‘We talked sometimes,’ he said, his voice guarded.

  ‘Of course. You were good friends.’ How self-centered I had been to assume that Richard would break off his relationships with my family and friends just because he’d broken off his relationship with me.

  ‘Tamera was protective of you,’ he said, ‘and because of what happened when she tried to find her father, she was determined to help you find your biological mother.’

  And she had died trying.

  ‘I never dreamed anyone would kill her,’ I said, forcing myself to keep my voice low. ‘Why would anyone want to harm Tamera? I never should have let her go to Arizona.’

  ‘Maybe it has nothing to do with you,’ Richard said, as if trying to convince himself. ‘Maybe it was random. Drug-related; a robbery, maybe.’

  I felt the strength drain out of me. ‘I don’t believe that. Something’s going on. Somehow this is all connected.’

  ‘Let me get you some coffee,’ he said.

  I nodded and wondered what he was doing back in my life. One minute he never wanted to see me again. Now, he was offering to fetch my coffee. It was temporary, though. I knew that, too. We had too many differences to give each other more than momentary comfort. ‘Coffee would be great,’ I said. ‘Black, no sugar.’

  ‘I haven’t forgotten.’

  He said it lightly, but I felt a twinge I couldn’t identify. Maybe it was just the surreal quality of the airport. Maybe it was the confusing chemistry between us – two people who’d once been a couple, but who were now somewhere between that and being the polite, very separate individuals divorce would render us.

  I watched him walk away, the easy gait of a man who looked a lot more open than he was: a man who let in very few people.

  I started to phone Farley, but before I could, I realized there was someone else I needed to call. Matthew Breckenridge, the man who had apparently replaced Mick in my mother’s life, had tried to contact me, as he had promised, regarding my mom’s autopsy. He was the one who had dealt with the doctors and, unlike Mick, knew the details. I needed to know more about how she died, why her heart stopped. Surely there was no connection between her death and Tamera’s murder, but I couldn’t take any chances.

  Breckenridge’s voice registered surprise when I announced myself. ‘I didn’t think you would return my call,’ he said, ‘but I’m glad you did.’

  Richard returned with the coffee, and I took the flimsy cup from him, gesturing with the phone. He nodded and stood behind me, as if protecting me from an invisible attack.

  ‘I need to talk to you about my mom,’ I told Breckenridge. ‘About her death. I don’t know how to ask this, but are you sure, are the doctors sure, that she died of natural causes?’

  ‘Oh, my, yes.’ He seemed shocked, but I was the one who slopped coffee on to my hand.

  ‘How are you so sure?’

  ‘You don’t know,’ he said. ‘Do you?’

  I wiped my hands on my jeans and listened, afraid of what he was going to say next. I felt Richard’s fingers on my shoulders and realized how tense I was. ‘Don’t know what?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m sorry. Elaine was so private, so proud. I’m not surprised she hid her illness from you.’

  ‘I didn’t know anything about an illness,’ I said. My thoughts flew haphazardly. I remembered that she’d always seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time on doctors’ visits. I’d even wondered if she were a hypochondriac. Then, there were those hospital stays. But they were for cosmetic surgery. At least, that’s what she’d said.

  ‘She had a difficult time with it, especially because she was such a perfectionist,’ Breckenridge told me. ‘We were lucky to have her as long as we did.’

  ‘She never told me,’ I said.

  ‘I’m sorry. You know how she was. If she didn’t speak it, then it didn’t exist. Besides, it was an extremely rare blood disorder. I can send you details if you wish.’

  ‘Did Mick know?’ As I asked, I remembered that Mick had tried to tell me, but I was too overcome with grief to believe that he knew more about my mother’s health than I did.

  ‘Of course he knew,’ Breckenridge said.

  ‘She told him but not me?’

  ‘It wasn’t like that, Kit. Before they married, Elaine told him that they’d never be able to have their own biological children. Mick – your father – is a good man.’

  ‘Yes,’ I repeated. ‘A good man.’

  ‘My relationship with Elaine started out as purely business, so I already knew everything before we … before …’ His voice faltered, and then broke.

  And he had still fallen in love with her. There was more to Breckenridge than I’d guessed.

  ‘I’ll want to talk to you again,’ I said, ‘but I have a plane to catch right now.’

  ‘Contact me anytime, Kit.’ I could see why my mom had trusted him. His manner exuded strength. ‘I’m only sorry I didn’t get to know you when Elaine was alive.’

  After we ended the call, I sat there holding my phone in one hand, my coffee in the other. Richard came around from behind me and sat on the seat next to mine. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked.

  I had to board, which was good because I couldn’t stay there any longer. ‘My mom died of a rare blood disorder,’ I said. ‘It’s as if everything I believed in is a lie.’

  ‘It’s not,’ Richard said. ‘We’re not. And your mom wanted to be superwoman. That’s probably why she didn’t tell you. She thought she could conquer anything, and she did, for years.’

  Part of me was furious, but part of me understood what he and Breckenridge had tried to say. In any case, I needed to go to Tucson and try to find out what had happened to Tamera. ‘I need to go,’ I said. ‘The lawyer, Leighton Coulter, is supposed to meet me at the Tucson airport.’

  He put his arms around me. ‘Why don’t I try to get on the next flight and meet you there? I don’t want you to be alone.’

  As much as the idea appealed to me, I shook my head. I’d have enough to deal with without trying to sort out my feelings with Richard. ‘I’ll be all right,’ I said and gave him a peck on the lips, the first kiss we had exchanged since our nightmare began.

  The short flight to Phoenix was fine, as flights go, especially since I’d been trying to digest the information about Elaine’s illness and trying to sort out how Tamera possibly could have been killed.

  Once I got on the plane from Phoenix to Tucson, however, I was lucky I hadn’t eaten lunch. The plane bucked and twisted all the way to Tucson. Several passengers said it was because of the weather, because of the heat. I didn’t know. I just wanted to be out of that sky.

  Leighton Coulter met me at the gate. Although he had to be close to fifty, it was clear from the sloping muscles beneath his blue denim shirt that he worked out. His faded blond curls fell on to his neck. Only on a second look could I see the gray ones blended in.

  ‘How was your flight?’ he asked.

  His voice wasn’t what I expected. Southern, serious, and studied, it was a country-lawyer voice, and this man no doubt used the soft drawl to mask his motives and anything else he wanted to hide.

  ‘Not the best,’ I sa
id. ‘But I’m not here because I enjoy flying. What can you tell me about my friend’s death?’

  ‘Not much.’ He sighed, as if remembering something too terrible to speak of. ‘I’ll share what I do know in the car.’

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘To see Kendra Trafton.’

  My mouth went dry. ‘Yes. I mean, thank you.’ Nothing I could say seemed sufficient.

  I sat in the seat beside him and realized I was finally going to meet this woman who was supposed to be my biological mother. Maybe the newspaper photos of her daughter were misleading. Maybe I’d really be seeing my mother in less than an hour.

  ‘Did Tamera meet with Kendra?’ I asked.

  ‘She never had a chance to.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘She left her hotel to meet with someone. When Kendra and her friend found her …’

  ‘Go ahead,’ I said.

  ‘It’s grisly.’

  ‘I can handle it.’ I shoved up my dark glasses so that he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes.

  ‘Kendra and her friend Rena Pace went to Tamera Flowers’ hotel. The desk clerk told them Ms Flowers had gone to Saguaro Park. When they got there they found her. She had been bludgeoned.’

  I gasped.

  ‘I’m so sorry. There’s no other way to say it.’

  ‘Who was she going to meet?’ I asked.

  Leighton’s face settled into sadness. ‘Me.’

  ‘Why you?’ I managed to ask as we bumped along the narrow road.

  ‘Because she asked me to meet her there, and because I’m Kendra’s attorney.’

  ‘Do you think she’s my mother?’

  ‘I don’t know anything about that.’

  ‘With all due respect, Mr Coulter, I think you do.’

  ‘Why would I? She was living in California a long time and only just moved back.’ Beneath his cool demeanor, I could sense tension. ‘I’ve told you I don’t know anything. I’m just trying to facilitate the meeting. If you want to go head to head, we can do that, too.’