Bulky & Beauteous

by Mary E Thompson

  I giggled at Charlie. She always made me laugh. “We all have one of those inside. But then we shove a cupcake down her throat and she shuts up,” Sam declared.

  I snorted, knowing it was true. Every time any of us tried to lose weight we lasted for about a day before heading into Bite Me! and lamenting over the lack of weight we’d lost. I think we were all destined to be on the bulky side, and that was okay. It just meant we could enjoy cupcakes without feeling guilty.

  “You’re up, Addi,” Charlie said, settling back into her seat, with the apron still tied around her waist.

  I lifted the bag in front of me. It was heavy, and unsteady. Pulling out the tissue paper on top, I saw the top of a bottle and a book. I grabbed the book first. “Cocktail Chemistry,” I read.

  “Ah, damn, that’s awesome. What else is in there?” Sam prompted me.

  I pulled out the bottle. It was purple and sparkly. “Viniq. Shimmering liqueur. A fusion of premium vodka, moscato, and natural fruit flavors. Ooh, this sounds good.”

  “I sort of cheated,” Drew said next to me. “Mandy said you like purple and are always looking for a new drink to try. I figured I’d get you both. I can’t guarantee this is good, but it looked interesting.”

  I turned to him, smiling at my new friend. “It sounds awesome. Do you mind if we open it up now?”

  Drew shook his head. “It’s yours. That choice is up to you.”

  “Will you try it?”

  “Sure,” Drew said, grinning. “Garçon, two glasses, if you please!” Drew passed the bottle to Xander. As he headed to the kitchen, shaking the mysterious bottle and making it shimmer even more, Drew unwrapped his gift.

  “This has to be from Mandy,” he said without any humor in his voice. “A Nice Guy’s Guide to Finding a Nice Girl.”

  “Oh, shit,” I laughed, taking the book from his hands. I flipped it over. “‘You’re a nice guy,” I read from the back cover, “but you always seem to go for the wrong girl. In this comprehensive guide you’ll discover new ways to meet nice girls, new conversation starters, and before long a new girlfriend you’ll be proud to call your own.’ Oh, Mandy, you didn’t.”

  Mandy clutched her side and laughed. She was drunk, which only added to the humor she found in the situation. “Oh, it’s a joke. I just think you’re a good guy and you need to find someone worthy of you. Brandi isn’t right for you. If you were single I’d hook you up with one of my wonderful friends here, like Addi, but I wouldn’t put her in the position of breaking up a couple.”

  “Addi’s not exactly single these days anyway,” Sam sing-songed.

  “Sam!” I shouted. “Hush!”

  “Ooh, holding out on us? What happened? Is it the ski guy?” Mandy scooted next to Sam and they giggled like school girls.

  “Yep, she gave him a blow job on the ski slopes the other day,” Sam whispered, loudly.

  My cheeks flamed. I couldn’t believe she just told everyone that. It was bad enough that it happened, but for Sam to blurt it out.

  “Sam! Shut up!” I yelled, leaving the room. I passed Xander heading back into the living room on my way out the back door and grabbed my new drink from his hand.

  The burst of cold air immediately cooled my burning cheeks, but did nothing to hide my embarrassment. I couldn’t believe Sam said that. Yeah, I knew she was drinking, but she didn’t need to share something so private with everyone.

  The patio door opened behind me, but I didn’t turn around. I wasn’t ready to face whoever was designated to make me feel better. I could hear them all talking inside still, but it was obvious I’d ruined the party mood. No, Sam ruined it. I didn’t ruin anything.

  “We’ve all done things like that,” Claire’s voice said. “Sam didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I sighed. “I know. But I didn’t exactly want to be the topic of conversation tonight. It’s bad enough you’ve all been talking about what a pushover I am.”

  “That’s not true,” Claire argued. “We don’t ever say that. Yes, you like to make others happy, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It makes you a great person. We’re all happy to see you taking some happiness for yourself.”

  “But I didn’t. Not really. I wanted him, and when he asked to go somewhere with him I did, without a second thought. But I made sure he was happy, then refused to let him touch me. Even trying to go after something for myself I still made sure the other person got the good parts.”

  “Did you enjoy it?” Claire asked quietly.

  “Hell, yes. It was hot. He was hot. And I felt powerful knowing I could make a man like him feel like that. But-“

  “No,” Claire stopped me. “No buts. If you got what you wanted to out of it, then be happy. You don’t need to live by someone else’s rules. I did for a long time. I hid behind what I thought of others and was scared to be me. Our situations are different, yes, but I think you’re doing the same thing. Sam’s told us about you guys getting Cassandra from all over the place. You shouldn’t have to do that. You should be able to have fun and not worry about getting a phone call in the middle of the night.”

  “Can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t do the same?”

  Claire shook her head. “No. I would, in a heartbeat. But I’d also call the police one of the many times I’d threatened to and let my sister be carted off to jail for public intoxication or something.”

  I snorted, imagining Cass waking up in a jail cell wondering how in the hell she got there. “I might have to try that some time.”

  “Cass isn’t your biggest issue though. Who cares if you gave a random guy a blow job? Who cares if you refused? Who cares if you go out and sleep with the next single guy you meet? You need to figure out what you want and go for it. If Joey is a good guy and he’s someone you want to have fun with, then go have fun. If not, find someone else. But don’t worry about Sam telling everyone about it. Be happy, Addi. That’s all we want for you.”

  I hugged Claire and thanked her, knowing she was right. I wasn’t sure I was truly ready to forget about everything else and go for what I wanted, but I appreciated the idea. Maybe one day I could stop caring so much about what everyone else thought, and if they were okay, but I knew that day wasn’t there yet.

  After a few minutes I went back inside. Claire was opening her gift, a set of boob and penis cake pans Sam had selected for her. “You said you were going to do some more baking. I thought these would be perfect!”

  Claire thanked Sam with a shake of her head. Only Sam would come up with something like that.

  I took my seat next to Drew again and watched Sam open her present. She laughed as soon as she saw it and held it up for all of us to see the happy man wine bottle stopper, with his happy part as the stopper. “Now I have a reason to not finish a bottle of wine,” Sam laughed. “Ads, can I try this out in your bottle?” she asked on her way to the kitchen.

  “Sure.”

  “You doing okay?” Drew asked once Sam was out of the room.

  I nodded. “Just a little embarrassed. I didn’t expect my private business to become public.”

  Drew shrugged. “If it makes you feel better, no one said anything bad about you. They pretty much all yelled at Sam for saying something. I get the feeling you’re a pretty quiet person, but your friends care about you a lot.”

  “I know. Sam’s drunk, which is the only reason she said something. I just feel like whatever might have happened with that guy isn’t going to happen and I’m a little frustrated with myself.”

  “Well, if it makes you feel better, I think the guy’s a fool if he can’t see what a great person you are. And Mandy’s right. If I wasn’t attached, I’d be a fool for not letting her set me up with you or one of your other friends. Of course I’d have to think of you a little differently. You’re sort of like another best friend, someone I could talk to. I hope that doesn’t offend you.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. You’re the same. Definitely cute, but not really my type.”

  “It�
��s the nose, isn’t it? I broke it when I was twelve and thought I could skateboard. I’ve never had much luck with girls since.”

  I laughed as Drew manipulated his nose. “You’re right. It’s the nose. Maybe you should think about getting it fixed.”

  “My luck I’d end up looking like Michael Jackson,” Drew joked.

  “That would definitely cause some problems with the ladies. I guess you’ll have to stick with the one you have.”

  Drew didn’t look overly thrilled with the idea of that but he nodded. Maybe there was something to Mandy’s insistence that he was starting to figure out. Or maybe he was just missing her.

  Either way, it wasn’t my business.

  Sam waltzed back into the room with her happy man’s very happy penis wedged in the top of my purple Viniq bottle. I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Why do I have a feeling that is going to take up a prominent spot in our kitchen from now on?” I asked her.

  Sam looked at me and I saw the regret in her eyes. I winked at her, letting her know we were okay, and Sam went back to her normal boisterous self. “Yep, he’s going to be the centerpiece on our table from now on. I should name him.”

  “Woody!” Lexi shouted.

  “No, Richard,” Mandy suggested.

  “Mikey,” Drew said, earning a look from all of us and silence around the room. “Like those old Life commercials. You know, ‘Mikey likes it.’”

  We all fell into a fit of laughter, declaring Mikey the perfect name for Sam’s happy man, all the more fitting since it was a gift from Mike.

  “Okay, Mikey, your turn,” Sam said as she settled back down, gently petting her man’s head.

  “Please don’t call me that,” Mike growled, making us all laugh harder.

  He ignored us and opened his gift. A long thin box revealed the Star Wars logo, Mike’s favorite movie. “Oh, no way!” he shouted, a grin spreading across his face. He held up the box and showed us a pair of Light Saber chopsticks. “These are awesome!”

  “You’re welcome,” Xander said, toasting his beer to Mike.

  “Thanks, man. Where did you find them? I’ve never seen these before.”

  “Some random site online. It seemed to suit you.”

  “Definitely. We need to go out for sushi tomorrow,” Mike said to Lexi.

  “Phew. Then I don’t have to worry about cooking!” He leaned in and kissed her sweetly, making my heart twinge just a little.

  “I think that only leaves Xander,” Sam said, all eyes focusing on him.

  “Saved the best for last,” he joked, shaking his box. I marveled that no one stole anyone else’s presents, but realized as Xander was opening his that we all selected some pretty awesome gifts for each other.

  “What is this?” Xander asked, holding up the box to Claire, the one who’d bought for him.

  “It’s for your new office. I figured when you guys start up your company you’ll need some fun new office supplies, and this was fitting. It’s called a butt station.”

  Xander held up the box showing a little blue man sitting on what appeared to be a toilet, holding a roll of tape that looked like toilet paper. In his mouth was a pen and behind him, where the tank would be, was a stack of sticky notes, and a compartment for more pens.

  “I am so getting one of those,” Drew declared, reaching for the box from Xander’s hand. “That is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Get your own butt station. That one’s mine,” Xander argued, snatching the box back from Drew.

  “Oh, the things I never thought I’d hear from my husband,” Mandy teased, her voice sleepy and slurred.

  Everyone laughed. “Well, I like my happy man,” Sam declared. “I’m glad no one stole him from me.”

  “Oh, damn. I forgot about the stealing thing. No one stole anything,” Mandy said, laying her head down in Xander’s lap.

  “I think it might be time to get you to bed,” Xander told her, brushing the hair from her face.

  “Nah, I’m not even tired,” Mandy finished with a big yawn. “Let’s watch a movie and finish the wine.”

  “Okay, baby,” Xander agreed, knowing Mandy would be passed out in a few minutes.

  It wasn’t long before the sound of the movie played in the background and we all started to drift off to sleep. Lexi and Mike left since Mike didn’t drink much, but the rest of us made ourselves comfortable on the couches. Sam leaned her head against mine, still petting her happy man.

  “I’m sorry I blurted out your secret.”

  “It’s okay. I just know things aren’t going anywhere with Joey and I sort of feel like a slut for doing anything when we’re not together.”

  “You’re not a slut, Ads. You had a few minutes of fun. You should enjoy it, not be ashamed of it.”

  I nodded and snuggled closer to my best friend. “I know. Claire said the same thing. I don’t have time for anything right now. I thought maybe Joey would be a nice distraction, but he was flirting with Amber when we left Monday. I’m pretty sure she’ll be next week’s distraction for him.”

  “You never know. He might surprise you.”

  “Yeah, and he might not.”

  Sam yawned. “Drew seems nice.”

  “Don’t even start,” I warned. “He is nice, but one, I’m not going for another woman’s boyfriend, and two, he’s not my type.”

  Sam rolled her eyes. “Hot should be everyone’s type.”

  I laughed and let my eyes close. If only it were that easy.

  Twelve

  By the time Monday rolled around I’d almost recovered from our night of drinking. I really didn’t think I’d had that much, but Sunday morning came way too early, and loud, once everyone was up. Thankfully Sam felt the same and we spent the day lounging on the couch and cursing Xander’s delicious concoctions.

  It was our last week of school before Winter Recess, otherwise known as Christmas break, and the kids were starting to get restless. I felt it in the air all day during classes, and on the bus up to Winter Ridge. Kendall was sitting with Braden on the bus and they looked pretty cozy, holding hands and sharing little moments. I was happy that she’d found a way to trust him, and hoped she wasn’t going to end up disappointed.

  Once the students were all off the bus I headed down to unload the gear. Rich was already at work, dragging skis and snowboards off and handing them to the eagerly waiting kids. Amber, I noticed, was off to the side, leaning all over Joey.

  But I wasn’t jealous.

  Not even a little bit.

  Nope.

  Fuck.

  Yeah, right.

  I wanted to claw her damn eyes out.

  She was just too cute in her fitted ski pants that never should look good on anyone, her matching blue ski jacket that brought out her crystal blue eyes, a knitted hat that would have made me look like a third grader, and boots that ended up looking sexy instead of like she was a lesbian out to kick someone’s ass.

  Life just wasn’t fair.

  I turned away from them, not interested in seeing Joey take her off into the woods.

  With the bus unloaded I headed over to the ski rental shack and grabbed a pair of skis. I figured I might as well get some fresh air and exercise while I was there. I would just make sure to avoid the bunny hill and hidden cove I’d visited a week earlier.

  God knew I didn’t want to hear Joey moaning Amber’s name the way he moaned mine the previous week.

  “Where are you headed?” Rich asked me, locking into his snowboard beside me.

  “Uh, I’m not really sure. I haven’t skied a lot in the last few years. The last decade really.”

  Rich nodded as though he understood. “I wasn’t sure about this assignment, but I couldn’t pass it up when Rockwell asked me to help out. How did you get roped into this?”

  “Rockwell told me you and Amber suggested me after Patty Emerling got hurt.”

  Rich inclined his head toward the ski lift and I shrugged. I might as well follow him. At least
it would distract me for the day. “Rockwell called us after, or at least me. He said Patty recommended you, but I figured it would be a good fit. You’re well-liked and coaching tennis and lacrosse so I knew you’d be up for the action. Of course that was before I knew you couldn’t ski or snowboard.”

  I laughed as the ski lift came up behind us, scooping us into the seat and carrying us up and over the hills below. It was beautiful. The snow covered trees outlined slopes dotted with colorful skiers and snowboarders. From up above it was peaceful, serene. I took a deep breath of the fresh, crisp air and coughed from the chill of it hitting deep in my lungs. It felt good.

  “I probably should have declined the assignment, but I was a little taken aback by the phone call. He called me Thanksgiving night, and it’d been a long day.”

  “A little too much fun, Ms. James?” Rich teased.

  “Ha. I wish. Too much family drama. My sister and I don’t always get along and she has a tendency to ruin my weekends. Add in my mother, father, and best-friend-slash-roommate and I was pretty much done.”

  “Ooh, sorry to hear that. I spent the weekend with my in-laws so in a way I can feel your pain.”

  I laughed at the cringe in his voice. It didn’t take much to guess Rich’s in-laws were of the not-so-great variety. “Is your family local?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. My sister lives in Phoenix with her husband and three kids and my parents retired to Florida about eight years ago. They refuse to visit if there’s a chance it might snow, which basically means they come up in July and August.”

  I laughed again. “Makes sense. Although that’s when we’re off so it’s kind of nice.”

  “Yeah,” Rich agreed. “The two months I see them is nice. The ten months I’m left to fend with my in-laws alone are not so great. It doesn’t help that my wife and I are trying to get pregnant and not having much luck, but her parents think we just need one more home remedy to try.”

  “Oh, tell me you’re joking.”

  He shook his head. “I swear if we have one more dinner with them and have to discuss sexual positions and frequency of intercourse I think I might have to pry my wife off the ceiling.”