The Widow and the Orphan

by J. Thomas-Like

  The next several weeks went by for Pepper and Gabe in a flurry of doctor appointments for second opinions, follow-up visits, a hospital stay for a biopsy and countless tests. Because of Gabe’s wealth and reputation, they were able to move things along a little faster than if he’d gone the straight insurance route. Opting to pay cash for whatever was required freed up appointment slots that might not have otherwise been had. Pepper was torn between sending out thanks to the universe and still wanting to fuck up that higher power for forcing them into the position in the first place. If it hadn’t been for Aiden keeping track of everything and coordinating the schedules, Pepper thought she would have ended up tearing her hair out by the roots.

  “I can’t thank you enough,” she told Aiden over lunch shortly before chemo was to begin. Gabe was in meetings that he would not allow anyone else to handle, so Pepper hovered around the office with Aiden. She knew she should be at her own office, but Viv had told her to get the hell out. Jane was with the nanny and Viv was more than ready to get back to work.

  “No thanks are necessary. He’s just as important to me as he is to you,” Aiden admitted as they ate at his desk. “He gave me a chance when no one else would. I owe my career to him.”

  Pepper rolled her eyes. He was smarter than hell and could have been doing anything he wanted. Why he chose to stay with Gabe as an assistant was beyond her comprehension, but she wouldn’t deny being grateful for his presence during the transition from their once carefree lifestyle to that of cancer fighters. “You are way more than just an assistant, Aid. I hope you know that.”

  He nodded while he chewed a fork full of salad. “I do know. And Gabe is more than a boss. He’s been the father figure I never had.”

  Pepper didn’t know much about Aiden’s background, but didn’t press the issue. The only thing Gabe had ever told her was that he’d come from a pretty rough upbringing by a single mom addicted to drugs. Whatever the circumstances of his childhood, he was sure as hell a put together, organized guy now.

  “How are the rest of the people taking it?” She pushed her unfinished sandwich away. Aiden pushed it back at her.

  “Eat. You need to keep up your strength, too. People are shocked. The VPs are scrambling to make sure they’re up to speed on all the current projects. The development department is in high gear, pushing for any pending deals to be finalized so that the company will keep moving forward.”

  Pepper nodded and nibbled on her sandwich. “I worry there’s going to be some kind of a takeover. You’ll tell me if you hear anything, won’t you?”

  Aiden glowered at her. “Of course, I will. No one is going to take Gabe’s place unless he makes the decision. The fact that he’s keeping such a high profile around here is keeping everyone in their place.”

  “Good.”

  “The guys he started the company with are his friends. They’ve stayed that way.”

  “I’m glad.” It was all information she knew, but it was a boost to hear Aiden reaffirm it.

  Pepper tried hard to finish her lunch, but every bite tasted like sawdust and sat like a rock in the pit of her stomach. Finally, she wadded the rest of it up in the paper wrapping and shoved it into an empty bag so that Aiden couldn’t force her to eat it. He gave her another pissy look, but didn’t say anything.

  “How much longer is he going to be, do you think?”

  “I told you when you got here, it’s going to take a few hours. You should have just dropped him off and gone on to work yourself.”

  Pepper shrugged and then nodded. “I know. It’s just so hard to have him out of my sight right now.”

  Aiden’s gruff demeanor vanished and he reached over to take her hand. Squeezing it, he smiled. “I can understand that. But if you hover, he’s going to get pissed off. You have to go on with as normal a life as possible.”

  Pepper knew he was right, though it was a hell of a lot easier said than done. She knew there were things going on at the Foundation she needed to take care of because Viv hadn’t yet returned to work full time. When she did come in, she brought Jane with her and ended up spending more time tending to the baby than accomplishing anything else.

  “All right. Tell him I’ll be back to pick him up at four. I’ll go to the office. But you call me if anything comes up or changes. Promise?”

  Rolling his eyes, Aiden nodded at the same time. “Yes, mother.” He shooed her out of the offices of EJR and told her not to come back.

  On the drive to the Foundation, Pepper’s nerves were getting the best of her. She was worried that Gabe would have some kind of episode and she wouldn’t be there. Since the diagnosis, he’d continued to say he didn’t feel sick. All of the symptoms that had brought him to the doctor in the first place persisted, but they weren’t troublesome enough to keep him from doing everything he would normally do. His appetite continued to decrease, which was the only cause for real concern. She knew if he didn’t keep his strength up, the chemotherapy scheduled to begin next week would completely wreck him.

  Pepper knew she was going to have to work harder than she ever had before to keep her thoughts focused and her anxiety to herself. She had to make sure that Gabe got what he needed at all times and that he was priority number one.

  Chapter 18

  Pepper fluffed the little yellow petals surrounding Jane’s head so her daisy Halloween costume would have the full effect. Next to Christmas, Halloween was her favorite holiday of the year. She loved passing out candy and seeing all the kids in their costumes. This year, she was trying hard to enjoy it and block out all the trauma going on in her life. Pepper needed a break, needed to forget about death and dying and cancer. One night wasn’t too much to ask to pretend her life was normal, right?

  “You are too sweet, baby girl!” Pepper planted three quick kisses on the baby’s cheek. Jane clutched her Auntie’s finger for a quick second.

  “Yes, the costume is cute,” Viv admitted, “but you still aren’t taking her out trick or treating.”

  “Aw, Mom–”

  “Don’t ‘aw, mom’ me. I’m serious. If you want candy, go buy it. It’ll all be half off tomorrow.” Viv quirked one eyebrow and grinned in Pepper’s direction, then turned back to pouring candy into a gigantic plastic bowl.

  Pepper snatched a tootsie roll and popped it into her mouth, tossing the wrapper into the little trash can in the foyer. When the doorbell rang, she smiled with an excitement she didn’t quite feel but hoped would come as the night progressed.

  She handed out treats to the gaggle of kids standing there shouting “trick or treat” at the top of their lungs. The sight of the princesses and cowboys and super heroes began to work its magic on her. Pepper’s mood lifted and she exclaimed over each and every one of the kids as she dumped candy into their pillowcases and plastic pumpkin heads. It brought back vivid memories of the Halloweens she and Vivienne had gone out for.

  “Remember the year you were Princess Leia and I was Han Solo?” Pepper called over her shoulder.

  Vivienne giggled. “Yes, of course! Those plastic cinnamon bun things left dents in the side of my head for days!” She came up behind Pepper, carrying Jane in the bucket car seat. “Let’s sit outside. It’s nice tonight.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Viv’s house didn’t have a front porch to speak of, so Pepper set up the lawn chairs at the end of the path to the sidewalk, so the kids didn’t have to come the extra twenty feet. The temperature hovered in the mid-sixties and a gentle breeze lifted the leaves on the trees and bushes. The block was crammed with children and their parents rushing from door to door.

  “I can’t wait for next year!” Pepper gushed with ideas for costumes for Jane.

  “Hold on there, Auntie. This kid isn’t trick or treating till she’s at least five. I’m not dragging a toddler around who won’t understand anything except mean mommy not letting her have all the candy when she gets home.”

  Pepper smirked. We’ll see about that!

  Will came up to jo
in them, cocktails in hand, giving the first to his wife. They were discreetly disguised in travel mugs.

  “I thought you were breast feeding?” Pepper took one of them.

  “Heh, me too. Jane had other ideas. She stopped taking the breast and I couldn’t pump enough, so she’s on formula now.” Vivienne swallowed a third of her drink with a greedy slurp.

  Pepper laughed and took a taste of hers. It was a perfect watermelon martini. “Mmm, that’s great, Will! Thanks!”

  “Cheers!” He thunked his plastic against hers and grinned. “How’s Gabe doing? Thought he was coming over, too.”

  Pepper felt her good mood retreating, but tried hard to maintain her outwardly happy appearance. “I tried, but he had to work late.”

  Viv took Jane, who had fallen asleep, out of the bucket and nestled her into the crook of her arm. “It might be helping him to keep his mind off things.”

  “Probably. He’s trying to reorganize the whole company before his chemo starts. He’s scared to death something will fall through the cracks if he doesn’t do it now.”

  Viv’s smile was patient and sympathetic. “Can’t say I blame him.”

  Pepper nodded with forced enthusiasm. “I don’t either. Doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed, though. He would have loved seeing Jane in her costume in person.” She had sent him a text with a picture, but received no response.

  More trick or treaters arrived, putting a halt to further conversation, and Pepper was glad. She didn’t want them to know that Gabe was actually at home, holed up in the bedroom watching TV. They’d had a gigantic argument not an hour before they were due to leave. He hadn’t wanted to go and Pepper tried to talk him into it. Gabe had never denied her anything, so she pressured him and he’d put his foot down. That in and of itself didn’t bother her, given his mood since the diagnosis, which had been up and down, back and forth, and all over the place. But the way he had done it: shouting at her and stomping off to the bedroom. It had shocked Pepper badly. She stared down at her engagement ring, twinkling in the setting sun. The diamonds sent sparkles dancing on her legs.

  “Hello? Earth to Pepper!”

  Will was waving his hand in front of her nose.

  “Yo!”

  “Sorry!” Pepper shook her head, dragging herself out of her bedroom and back to the present.

  More kids were standing in front of her, waiting impatiently for their treats. She doled them out, clamoring over all their costumes, telling each one how cute they were.

  Will went in the house to get more candy and Viv watched him go. “What day does chemo start?”

  “Next Wednesday,” Pepper mumbled, watching a little girl dressed like Barbie walk away.

  “He’s probably very scared.” Viv didn’t look at her, but focused on Jane.

  “Of course,” Pepper admitted. “But I wouldn’t know. He’s not talking about it. He’s been pretty closed mouth since the biopsy. And when he had his port put in, he wouldn’t even let me go with him.” She hated unloading on her best friend, but there was no one else to talk to. And it wasn’t like she could clam up about the whole situation, because Vivienne would know something was up anyway and then she would be worried too. Pepper couldn’t have that on her conscious, along with everything else.

  Viv sighed and put a light hand on Pepper’s shoulder. It felt warm and gentle, and was more physical contact than she’d had from Gabe in days. “He’s going through a lot right now.”

  “I know that. I want to be there for him. He’s just not letting me.” Pepper hated the whiney tone her voice took on, but was powerless to stop it. She was going through a lot, too.

  “He will. He’s still processing. You guys have really moved this whole thing along a lot faster than most people.”

  Pepper’s shoulders shrunk down, settling into the chair as she waited for more kids. “I guess. I’m trying really hard to be understanding, but you know me. I don’t necessarily have the most tact in the world.”

  Viv laughed at that. “No, you don’t. He knows you love him. He’ll lean on you when he’s ready. Just try to be patient.”

  “I’m trying, Vivvy. I’m trying.”

  * * * * *

  Gabe was asleep when she finally got home. Pepper undressed and climbed into bed. When she snuggled up next to him, he wrapped his arms around her but didn’t wake up. At least she had that. If they couldn’t be physically or emotionally close when they were awake, there was always the night.

  Chapter 19

  The day before Gabe’s first chemo treatment started off all right with them having breakfast together, but things went downhill very quickly when his phone rang and he took a call from the office. Pepper tried not to listen to the heated exchange between Gabe and Aiden, but it was hard not to when his voice got louder and louder.

  “I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t want to do it. You tell him I said that it’s now his responsibility. I’m not going to be able to do everything anymore.”

  Gabe ended the call and threw the phone across the room, where it smashed against the wall and fell to the floor in a jumble of glass and plastic.

  That was it. Pepper had had enough.

  “Dude, really?” She got up from the table and went to the mess on the floor, picking up the pieces to throw away. She gingerly plucked the sim card out of the pile and set it aside.

  “What?” Gabe snarled.

  Stopping what she was doing, Pepper looked up at him. “Look, I get that you are having a rough time. You have every right to be angry and sad and whatever else you’re feeling. But throwing your phone isn’t going to solve anything or make it better.”

  “And just what would you know about it?” Gabe demanded. He brushed past her to scatter the broken phone around with his foot. “Just leave it.” Then he stomped from the room and up the stairs.

  Pepper sighed and redoubled her efforts to clean things up. She tossed it all into the trash and then hesitated before going up to the bedroom. It was time. She needed to get Gabe to get the rest of it out of his system so they could move on.

  When she entered the bedroom, Gabe was standing at the window and staring out, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his pants. His face was still tight with anger and she could see how tense he was by the way his hands clenched and unclenched in the folds of the fabric.

  “Hun,” she said softly.

  “Please, not now.”

  “If not now, when?”

  Pepper crossed the room to stand beside him. She wanted to touch him, take on some of his pain, but was afraid it might cause more harm than good. “I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through. I just want you to tell me what’s going on in your head. Say it all. If you keep it inside, you’re just going to keep breaking more phones and that’s not you.”

  Gabe quivered with rage. “I’m so angry!”

  Pepper didn’t say anything, only nodded.

  “I am furious!” he shouted. “Why is this happening?” He turned to her and, while his body still exuding fury, his face and eyes filled with fear. “What did I do to bring this on?”

  “Nothing,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “That’s the thing. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I feel persecuted.”

  “Yep.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Pepper. I don’t know what to do with all these feelings and emotions in my head. I want to punch people and throw things. I wish I could run through the streets screaming.”

  Pepper wanted to say she got it, but her level of frustration and anger was nowhere near his. She wasn’t the one with the cancer. She wasn’t the one who would likely die. She stayed quiet and took whatever he had to give, hoping that he would feel unburdened even the tiniest bit.

  “I have things to do. So much life to live.

  “So do them. Live it.”

  Gabe stared at her with disgust. “How? How am I supposed to do that with a death sentence hanging over my head?”

  Pepper hugged hers
elf and shrugged. “I don’t know, Gabe. We’re all going to die. Don’t you think it makes me sick to think you might do it a hell of a lot sooner than you should? All we can do is make the most of the time we have left.”

  Gabe paced around the room, running his hands through his hair and grunting. “The fact of the matter is, darling, you have many more years to do that. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I think perhaps we should spend some time apart.”

  Pepper was instantly struck with a bout of dizziness and she sank to her knees. “What? What the fuck did you just say?” Of all the abuse she was willing to take in order to help him feel better, the last thing she expected was that.

  Gabe flinched, but did not back down. “I don’t see any reason why we should go forward with our lives together. What’s the sense in remaining together when we know what the ultimate outcome will be?”

  Pepper puffed up with a white hot rage and jumped to her feet. She stalked over to him and had to twist her fingers together to keep from slapping him across the face.

  “Do you think so little of me?” she demanded. “Do you really think that I would leave you? Now?” Oh, how she wanted to pummel the crap out of him. She knew he was scared and wasn’t thinking straight. She didn’t doubt for one second that he loved her and that all the words he was speaking were only out of a misguided attempt to save her from the pain to come. But how stupid could he be?

  “I know you don’t want to. That’s why I’m trying to give you an out. I’m giving you permission to leave without any guilt or regret.”

  That did it. Pepper couldn’t control herself. She put both of her hands on his chest and shoved with all of her strength.

  “You are such an asshole!”

  Gabe stumbled backward, but kept his footing. The surprised look on his face was precious and she savored it like a fine piece of chocolate.