The Widow and the Orphan

by J. Thomas-Like

  Three little dots danced on the screen as Pepper waited for Vivienne’s answer.

  Sure. I need about another hour or so. We could meet for lunch at noon and then look for your dress.

  Pepper smirked and wondered if she and Gabe hadn’t planned all this beforehand.

  Sounds good. Where?

  Café Gratitude at noon?

  C u there!

  “Well, you got your wish,” Pepper said, as she looked up at her fiancé. “Viv’s on board.”

  “Brilliant.” Gabe smiled at her and normally she would have brightened right up. This time, the way the light from outside hit his face, he looked gaunt and gray. Pepper’s stomach clenched with the thought of leaving him alone.

  “Are you sure?” She leaned against the counter and hugged herself, unease sloshing around in her stomach along with the coffee. “I don’t feel right about going.”

  “Bollocks!” Gabe shouted, but his tone was light and teasing. He scooched his chair away from the table with more force than she’d seen him exert in weeks. “You will go. Did you ever stop to consider that perhaps I need a break from you?”

  Pepper should have been offended by that statement, but she laughed instead.

  “I had not considered that at all. How could you possibly want to be away from me for even one single second of your life? Hmmm?”

  Gabe grunted and pulled himself out of the chair by using the table’s edge. He walked slowly, but soon was standing in front of her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

  “You’re right, my love. I never like to be apart. However, you are going to make yourself sick if you don’t get some fresh air and exercise. You haven’t shopped in weeks. Rodeo Drive will go out of business if you don’t get back to it.”

  Pepper laughed against his chest, trying not to notice how much thinner he was as she hugged him back. “All right. I guess my Amex needs a workout. Just be careful and stay in bed till I get back, okay?”

  “Indeed I shall.”

  Pepper made him keep his promise by leading him back to the bedroom. She tucked him in, made sure his phone and the TV remote were on the nightstand, and that his laptop was in bed beside him if he decided to work at all. She also retrieved bottled water and saltines from the kitchen, in case he needed a snack.

  “All set?”

  “Aces, darling. Now go get ready.”

  Placing a lingering kiss on his forehead, Pepper did just that, trying to shove her misgivings to the back of her mind.

  Chapter 22

  Pepper browsed the dresses on the rack, not seeing anything that really piqued her interest. She moved from one garment to the next without any real sense of excitement or enthusiasm. All of the gowns blended together and looked the same.

  “What about this one?” Viv held up a simple, silk sheath with lace and beaded overlay.

  Pepper shrugged. “Too much lace.”

  Vivienne hung the dress back up and continued her own search.

  Pepper found something wrong with every dress she touched. Too much bling, too much embroidery. Too frumpy, too matronly. Too young, too sexy. What she couldn’t explain to Viv, who was getting very frustrated with her, was that each dress represented her fear that she would only remember her wedding day as the marker for the countdown to losing Gabe forever. Any time Pepper considered coming clean to Viv about her dread, she stopped herself. It wasn’t her best friend’s responsibility to be the cheerleader. Pepper needed to understand her feelings and work through them by herself. It wouldn’t be fair for her to heap all her drama on Viv, who was supposed to be experiencing the best time of her life with a new husband and new baby. Pepper was supposed to be the one people came to in a time of need, not the other way around.

  “Come on, girl!” Viv sighed. “This is the fourth store we’ve been to. You mean to tell me you haven’t seen anything you at least want to try on?”

  Pepper ignored Viv and reached the end of the last rack. “I’ll know it when I see it.”

  “You keep saying that, but we’re running out of stores.”

  Viv’s tone was teasing, and Pepper knew that her friend was only trying to be kind. She wished it was true, that they were running out of stores. Maybe if she put off the wedding long enough, Gabe’s cancer would hold off too. She knew it was irrational, but her senseless heart and brain were warring to convince her that if they never got married, Gabe wouldn’t die.

  Linking her arm through Viv’s, Pepper led her out of the store. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  When they reached the car, Viv stopped before getting in. Looking over the roof, she put her hands on the frame of the door. “Pepper, you need to level with me. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Pepper lied. “I just can’t figure out what I want.”

  “I’d believe that if you would try anything on.” Viv frowned. “But you won’t. I know you. Now talk to me.”

  Pepper opened her mouth, but then closed it. There was no way she was going to tell Viv about her crazy thoughts. Logically, she knew she was being an idiot. But the apprehension growing inside her since Gabe’s diagnosis had total control. She couldn’t seem to combat it. The fear let her be strong with an outward appearance of calm and support. The price for that was to believe all the crazy superstitious things that bloomed in her mind like weeds choking a garden. “I swear, I just can’t make up my mind, that’s all.”

  “That’s it. I’m calling bullshit.”

  Viv slammed the car door closed and walked around to stand beside her. Pepper looked down at the woman who had known her longer than anyone else on the Earth.

  “Vivvy–”

  “Don’t Vivvy me. I know you and Gabe are struggling right now. You don’t have to tell me that, but you have to talk to me. Or someone. You can’t keep it all inside or you’re going to have a breakdown.”

  Pepper snorted. If you only knew.

  “Don’t snort at me either. I’m the authority on meltdowns around here. If you hadn’t been there for me, I don’t know what would have happened. Now it’s my turn to be there for you.”

  Pepper wanted to respond, really wanted to feel Viv’s arms around her and pour out all of her dread and panic, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. There was no reason for anyone else to suffer the way she was. “You are, hun. You’re totally there for me. I’ll talk when I’m ready, okay? Don’t push me right now.”

  Vivienne stared at her, but said nothing.

  “I promise I’m all right. I really just want the dress to be perfect.”

  Pepper sighed when Vivienne refused to move.

  “Ya know, this reminds me of when we were kids.” Pepper slung an arm around the shorter woman’s shoulders. “Every time you wanted something from me and I wasn’t ready to give in, you’d stand there with your arms crossed or your hands on your hips.”

  Vivienne rolled her eyes. “Yep. And I always won in the end.”

  “Not before I landed a couple of slugs to your arms, though.”

  Pepper hopped away and threw her fists up in front of her and danced around on her toes. “Come on, shorty. Let’s see whatcha got!”

  Vivienne burst out laughing and pulled Pepper into her arms, squeezing her tightly. “Okay, you win this time, blondie. Just this once.”

  * * * * *

  Pepper pulled the car into the driveway and put it into park, feeling utterly exhausted from the hours spent hunting through dress shops. She pulled herself out of the car and shuffled to the mailbox, finding it empty.

  As she made her way to the front door and inside, she was greeted by three kittens bounding toward her. In spite of all the stress that cancer had brought to her life, the sight of her little fur babies tumbling amongst themselves never ceased to make her smile. She reached down and scratched them all, as they fought to be the first under her fingers.

  “Hey, guys,” she whispered, scooping all three of them into her arms. “Gabe?” She hadn’t really expected him to stay in the bedroom the wh
ole time she was gone. She figured he might have come down to nap on the couch or sit outside but she didn’t see him anywhere. No matter how hard she tried to fight it, the feeling of dread always filled her when she didn’t immediately see him upon coming home. Setting the cats down gently, she hurried up the stairs to see if Gabe was still in bed.

  Sure enough, he was there, enveloped in the down-filled comforter. As she got closer, Pepper could see dots of perspiration on his entire face and the slight trembling of his body. “Honey? Are you okay?”

  Gabe gave out a little moan. “I’m not feeling very well, love,” he whispered.

  Pepper rushed to his side and put a hand on his forehead. He was as hot as a burner on the stove. “Shit! Come on, babe. We need to get you to the ER.” Dr. Agnone, the oncologist, had made it quite clear that if Gabe’s fever spiraled out of control that he was to go straight to the hospital.

  As Pepper tried to help him sit up, Gabe flopped back onto the bed, as weak as any of the kittens had been when they were newborn. Even though he’d been steadily losing weight from the chemo, he was still heavier and several inches taller. There was no way Pepper would be able to get him down the stairs to the car.

  Grabbing his cell phone from the bedside table, she started to press the numbers 9-1-1, but then clicked off the dialer. Instead, she pressed the button with Will’s face.

  “What’s up?” Will’s voice was like a life preserver in the ocean of panic Pepper was in.

  “Get over here right away. I need you.”

  “On it.”

  Pepper disconnected the call and sat down beside Gabe, stroking his forehead and whispering comforting words as she waited for the cavalry to arrive. Why the fuck did I leave him?

  Chapter 23

  Pepper rubbed her eyes and stared out the window of the hospital room, watching the sun come up in myriad oranges and reds and yellows. Gabe’s breathing was still a tiny bit labored, but not nearly as bad as it had been. The antibiotics were doing their job.

  Gabe had a roaring case of pneumonia, but every doctor treating him was confident that the antibiotics would grab hold and kick the infection racing through his body.

  Pepper lowered herself into the chair next to the bed, and propped her elbow on the arm to cradle her head. She let her eyes close for just a moment, wishing she could sleep, but too afraid to let herself. Sleep only brought dreams. Nightmares, actually, and she couldn’t take another one on top of the reality she was in.

  “Pepper.”

  Gabe’s hoarse whisper was barely louder than the humming monitor he was attached to, but it brought Pepper right out of her almost doze.

  “I’m here.” She lunged out of the chair and was next to him in an instant.

  “I’m thirsty.”

  Pepper reached for the cup of ice chips and gently placed some in his mouth. After he’d sucked on them till they were gone, he spoke.

  “What happened?”

  “You went and got yourself pneumonia, big guy.”

  Gabe grimaced. “I want to go home.”

  Pepper smiled and kissed him on the forehead. “That’s not gonna happen today.”

  Gabe lifted his head off the pillow to argue, but that was the most strength he could muster.

  “Just rest, babe.”

  * * * * *

  “I mean it,” Gabe insisted. “I wish to go home. Now.”

  Pepper hid her snicker behind her hand as she watched her fiancé argue with his oncologist. That didn’t take long. Only another twenty-four hours later and Gabe was just about back to his normal self. He’d always been such an easy going, laid back guy since the day they met. But after his diagnosis, he had started to get a bit on the obstinate side. He wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and there was no discussion to be had. It wasn’t like he was being a child and demanding an extra dessert without eating his vegetables first. Gabe simply didn’t want to be bothered with taking steps to do something right. He instinctively knew his time could be growing short and he didn’t want to wait or be stuck in the hospital. It made Pepper love him that much more.

  “And you will go home. As soon as I think you’re strong enough,” Dr. Agnone replied, arms crossed in front of him, a calm and tolerant look on his face. His thick black hair, graying at the temples, was combed back and reminded Pepper a little bit of what Elvis might have looked like had he lived and been a cancer doc. He even seemed to have a build slightly similar to the King. Wonder if he’s hiding a gold jumpsuit under his clothes?

  “I would much rather have your permission, but I am quite capable of getting up and leaving on my own.” Gabe threatened and pouted at the same time and now he did look like a little kid who wasn’t getting his way.

  “Babe, don’t give the doctor any shit. He’s just looking out for you.” Pepper waggled a finger in his direction and Gabe glowered at her.

  “You stay out of this.”

  Pepper didn’t bother to hide her amusement. “Ha! Make me.”

  Gabe eyed the doctor and Pepper, and finally gave up, slumping in the bed and letting out a low growl. “May I at least have something more substantial to eat? I’m starving.”

  Dr. Agnone’s laughter started low in his chest and gained momentum as it came out of his nose and mouth. “That’s the best news I’ve heard since you got here. Yes, I will make sure that there are no restrictions on your diet.” Putting his hand out, the doctor waited patiently until Gabe finally smirked and shook hands. “I’ll see you next time, Gabe.”

  Pepper walked the doctor to the door, then followed him into the hallway. “Tell me the truth, Doc. How serious is this?”

  Dr. Agnone sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Very. As you know, it’s stage four and it’s not going to go away. Given the fact that he’s already started suffering side effects does not bode well.”

  Pepper gritted her teeth and nodded. Her brain knew all of this. Her heart wasn’t ready for it. “But there’s still hope, right?”

  “There’s always hope.” Dr. Agnone took her hand and squeezed it. “Always.”

  “Do you think he’ll really be able to go home tomorrow?”

  “I don’t see why not.” Dr. Agnone scratched his head. “If he’s going to fight hard, that’s fine. He needs to take it easy while he’s having the chemo. Otherwise, pneumonia or some other stupid infection will kill him instead of the cancer. Is he still working full time?”

  “For the most part,” Pepper admitted. “He works more from home than he did before, but that doesn’t mean much.”

  “I know he won’t listen to me, so I’m going to rely on you to get through to him. There are ways to fight and win and there are ways to fight and lose. I don’t want to see him hurry in the wrong direction.”

  Pepper smiled sadly and then shook hands with Dr. Agnone. “I hear ya. I will work on him.”

  When she went back in, he was pursing his lips and his eyes were flashing with indignation. “You needn’t step out of the room to talk about me.”

  Pepper grinned and sat down on the bed beside him. “You bet I do. Otherwise, I’d start laughing at all the funny faces you make when I’m trying to have a serious conversation.”

  Gabe rolled his eyes, then shook his head. He took Pepper’s hands in his and looked directly at her. “It was just a temporary mishap. I’m going to be just fine. I got myself too worn down.”

  “Exactly,” Pepper agreed. “That’s just what Doc said. You need to slow down and take it easy. Let your body get strong so it can fight.”

  Gabe squeezed her fingers. “I refuse to lay around like a bump on a log. I may have cancer, but I still have a company to run and a wedding to plan. A life to live. I’m not about to give in and let it control what I do.”

  Pepper’s heart filled with love and pride for Gabe. She wanted to borrow some of that positivity and strength from him. She could tell by the look on his face that he believed every single word he was saying, but she didn’t know how to believe it herself.

/>   “I get that, babe. I really do. But Doc knows more about this stuff than we do. I think we need to take his advice. I’m not saying give up, give in, don’t fight; but maybe, just take a little more time to do things. Go a little slower, that’s all.”

  Gabe eyed her suspiciously. “I get the distinct impression you’re trying to say something. Out with it. What’s on your mind?”

  Pepper took a deep breath and nodded, her blonde hair bouncing nervously about her face. “I’ve been thinking we should postpone the wedding–”

  “No!” Gabe immediately protested, throwing his hands up and shaking his head firmly from side to side.

  “Hear me out–”

  “I will not consider it. We will be married.”

  “Fine!” Pepper grabbed his face with her hands and forced him to look at her again. “I can see trying to talk you out of marrying me isn’t going to work.”

  Gabe’s mouth fell open with shock. “Wait one moment. You’re the one who talked me out of letting you go!”

  Pepper’s eyes began to water and she sniffed loudly. “I know, I know! I don’t want to leave you. I just thought, I mean, people might think…” She faltered, unable to say the words that had been circling around her brain for the last few weeks, like vultures over a carcass.

  “Think what?” Gabe urged. “What?”

  “I don’t want people to think I’m a gold digger, just hanging around waiting for you to die,” she whispered, finally, unable to face him as the tears spilled out of her eyes and onto the bedsheet.

  “Oh, darling.” He pulled her into his embrace and kissed her over and over on the forehead and temple. “No one could ever think that.”

  Pepper wanted to argue with him. There had been tabloid stories and all kinds of trash written about them since his diagnosis had gone public. The one and only time Viv had gone with them for a chemo session, some scum of the earth paparazzi had taken pictures of Gabe, looking gaunt and tired as he exited the hospital. One of the rags had even gone so far as to compare Pepper to Anna Nicole Smith and that old guy she married. She continued to sniff and leak tears onto his hospital gown.