The Widow and the Orphan

by J. Thomas-Like

  “What do you think it means?” Vivienne moved on from the diaper to putting an outfit on the baby.

  Pepper said nothing for a long time. “I don’t know, really. When he walked out of the house, it was kind of like he was telling me it was okay to sell the place and find something new.” Pepper said the words out loud and thought they sounded ridiculous. “Well, okay, maybe not. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just saying that to make myself feel better.”

  Vivienne sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know, either. But if your heart is okay with the dream and it’s all right with selling the house, then I wouldn’t worry about it anymore.” She lifted Jane off the changing table and handed her over to Pepper who gladly cuddled the squirmy, giggly little bundle. “What’s your heart telling you?”

  Pepper couldn’t speak. As she gazed down into Jane’s chubby, adorable face, she felt like her heart was saying a million things. Mostly it was filled with a tremendous amount of love. Love for Gabe and Vivienne and Will. For the gorgeous baby in her arms. For Gavin. As much as she missed her husband and the life they would never have, Pepper felt peaceful for the first time about the future to come. There would always be a fullness there with all of them to fill the void of her widowhood.

  She looked up at Vivienne and smiled, even though tears were now coursing down her cheeks. “It’s all going to be okay. That’s what my heart’s saying. Everything is going to be just fine.”

  Chapter 57

  Pepper stood in the middle of the living room of her new house and grinned like a fool. She couldn’t believe it was really hers. Often her life moved so fast, she barely had time to breathe, much less fully consider the things she did. This time she knew she’d made the right choice, rash or not.

  Because she made such a large offer and because she paid in cash, the whole process had only taken two weeks. The previous owners were already living in their new home and they had been desperate to sell. They even paid all the closing costs and the agent’s commission because they were so excited to get such a good deal. Pepper wasn’t in any hurry to sell Gabe’s house, so they would be able to stay there until she bought all the new furniture and any other fixups she wanted to do.

  The thing was, as she gazed around the rooms, there wasn’t anything she really wanted to change. The colors on the walls in the living room were earthy and warm, giving the space a cozy feel while still being open. The fireplace was gray and white stone in varying shades and she liked it just as it was. The only things she didn’t really care for were the window treatments and light fixtures, but that didn’t keep them from moving in as soon as they wanted. She could choose new ones once she really began to get a feel for the house.

  Looking into the main kitchen, Pepper knew that was perfect the way it was. Originally, she’d been confused by the little room off the kitchen that looked like a miniature duplicate of the first. The real estate agent had explained it was a kosher kitchen for the Jewish family who sold the house. Eventually, she could do anything she wanted with the space or leave it as it was. Pepper didn’t even care. She would think about that down the road, if it even occurred to her.

  “Gavin?” she called out.

  The boy came running from the back of the house. “Yeah?”

  “Have you decided on what color you want?”

  “Yep. I want blue.”

  “Blue it is.” She smiled at him and held out her arms. He ran directly into them and they rocked back and forth in an exaggerated hug. “All we need to buy is furniture and we can do that in an afternoon. What do you think the cats will think of the place?”

  “I think they’ll like it. We can put their cat trees in front of the windows so they can look out.”

  “I think that’s a good idea.”

  “I’m gonna go outside!” He didn’t wait for response, just turned and ran to the back door and out into the yard.

  Pepper grinned and then took a seat on one of the couches that was still in the living room. The staging company was due to arrive any minute with trucks and movers to take everything away, leaving a completely blank slate for Pepper. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and texted Vivienne.

  Wanna go furniture shopping w/ Gavin n me today?

  Within seconds, Viv responded.

  You bet!

  Great! Pick u up after staging company leaves!

  Pepper leaned back and sighed. She couldn’t help wondering what Gabe would have thought of the place. Furniture and décor had never been anything they talked about, but she felt pretty confident he would have liked it. The exposed beams were gorgeous to look at and such a focal point in the room. The gas fireplace would take the chill off the large area when the temperatures dropped, and the built-in shelving along the west wall would be the perfect spot for Gavin’s toys, DVDs, CDs, just about anything that could clutter up the joint.

  They could have made a home here together, the three of them. Now, Pepper was going to make damn sure it was a home for the remaining duo.

  * * * * *

  “I like this one!” Gavin bounced up and down on the bottom mattress of a set of run-of-the-mill bunkbeds and Pepper laughed.

  “It’s only the first one, kid. Take a look around.” She encouraged him to check everything out before he made a decision.

  “I have to say,” Viv leaned against Pepper’s arm for a second, “his enthusiasm is infectious, that’s for sure.”

  “Yep.” Pepper watched Gavin wander from set to set, testing all the mattresses and chairs. “Kind of makes you wonder about fate, you know?”

  “Hmm.”

  “If it wasn’t for Gavin, I probably would have never gotten out of bed again. I mean, the first few weeks were rough, but you were right. Once I made the choice to focus on him and what he needed, the grief started to kind of fade into the background.”

  Vivienne gave her a sad smile. “But it doesn’t go away.”

  “Nope,” Pepper agreed. “It’s always there. Mine happens to manifest in, ahem, digestive issues. But it’s manageable. Gavin is my distraction.”

  “Makes you wonder if some higher power isn’t looking out for you, huh?”

  Pepper snorted. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. If there was a benevolent higher power out there, it wouldn’t have killed my husband. But that’s a discussion for another day.” Her best friend wasn’t religious or devout by any means, but Viv had her opinions and she was steadfast in them. Pepper wasn’t interested in being talked out of loathing the god Viv believed in at the moment.

  “I’m glad we came here.”

  Vivienne changed the subject and Pepper chuckled inwardly.

  “Yeah, me too. All those other places felt too fancy. Good ole Art Van. It was good enough for us in Michigan when we were growing up, and it’s good enough for us now.”

  “You bet.”

  Pepper flagged down the salesman, Jack, who had accosted them the minute they entered the store to offer his assistance and business card. He reached her side in an almost run. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Okay, Jack, I think I’m ready to start ordering.”

  Jack’s eyes opened wide. “Sounds great. What were you thinking of?”

  Pepper grinned, her eyes twinkling with delight. Shopping was always fun. “I have a whole house to fill.”

  * * * * *

  Gavin stood in the middle of his bedroom a couple of days later, surrounded by paint cans, trays, and rollers. Tarps were spread across the whole floor to keep the hardwood from getting ruined. He was dressed in his most beat up jeans and tee-shirt, raring to get started. Pepper wore a pair of her old cut-off jeans and a tank top, her hair pulled back and covered with a bandana. The last thing she needed was blue paint in her hair.

  “Now, you’re sure this is the color you want, right? Because we’re not going to be painting your room every other week. Got it?”

  “I got it.”

  Pepper squatted down by a can and used the metal thing they gave her at Home Depot to pry open
the can. The thick, cloying scent of paint wafted directly into her nose and it actually knocked her on her ass.

  “Ugh!”

  Pepper crab walked away from the odor until her back was against the wall. The queasiness that erupted in her stomach had her thinking she was going to have to run for the bathroom, but after a deep breath or two, she managed to quell it.

  “What’s wrong?” Gavin asked, rushing to her side.

  “The smell!” Pepper gasped, pinching her nose between two fingers. “Crap, I don’t think I can take that.” She stood up and breathed in, but the smell of the paint overwhelmed her again. Granted, Pepper had never painted anything in her life, but she didn’t think this kind of reaction was normal.

  Gavin went back to the can and put the top back on. “Is that better?”

  “Yes, but I think getting away from the paint will be better.” Pepper exited the room like the devil was chasing her and Gavin followed.

  “I can do it myself, Pepper.”

  She grinned at him and shook her head. “No, you don’t have to do it yourself. Maybe we just need to open the windows first.”

  When they tried that and her stomach still flip flopped violently, Pepper gave up and called Will. He was more than happy to come over and help out. Vivienne and Jane came too, and the girls sat out on the patio in a couple a couple of lawn chairs Pepper had brought from the other house while the boys got to work.

  “Pep, have you been to the doctor?”

  “No. Why?”

  “Well, I’m getting a little worried,” Vivienne admitted. “You’ve been getting sick a lot.”

  Pepper shrugged and flapped a hand at her. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  Vivienne frowned. “I hate to say this, but Gabe didn’t think there was anything wrong either.”

  Pepper gasped. “Ouch.”

  “I’m sorry, Pep. I didn’t mean to be mean, but I’m worried about you.”

  Pepper held her hands up and waved them. “No, no. I understand. You’re right. I shouldn’t ignore it.” She didn’t know what hurt more: that she had to have Vivienne point out something so obvious or that, once again, Pepper had only been thinking about her own comfort instead of making sure she was okay for Gavin.

  Vivienne reached over and grabbed her hand for a squeeze. “I can tell you’re beating yourself up about this already. Don’t do that. Just make an appointment to see the doctor, all right?”

  “I will. I promise.”

  Chapter 58

  Pepper didn’t expect moving day to be so chaotic. All they had to load on the truck were the boxes with their clothes and personal items. Of course, she hadn’t finished packing everything and maybe that was why she felt so overwhelmed with so many people in the house and not feeling like she was keeping adequate track of Gavin. Luckily, Will and Viv had come by to help, leaving Jane in the care of her nanny.

  “Pepper? Can I just put the rest of the shoes in a box?” Vivienne called from the walk-in closet?

  “Yeah, that’s fine! Just make sure you write ‘shoes’ on it!”

  Pepper stood in the bathroom, throwing cosmetics and toiletries into a suitcase. She’d spent so much time on the kitchen and the other bedrooms packing that stuff, her own bedroom was a mess. She didn’t know why she felt so pressured to get everything moved so fast. She hadn’t even listed the house for sale yet. Still, there was some compulsion pushing her to get out of this house and into the new one as quickly as possible.

  “Pepper?”

  Will shouted from the downstairs.

  “Yeah?”

  “What about the stuff in the garage?”

  Fuck. She sighed and ran a hand across her forehead. “Just leave it! I’ll have to have them come back!”

  “Okay!”

  Pepper suddenly felt like crying. The disarray, the chaos, it was all bearing down on her and she felt overwrought. Wondering where Gavin was, she left the mess in the bathroom to look for him. He was standing outside near the moving truck watching the men load the boxes from the kitchen. Will saw her standing there and called her over.

  “Are you sure you want them to come back? I mean, they’re here now. They said they could box up the stuff that’s out there.”

  Pepper sighed and waved a hand. “Fine. Whatever. I don’t even know what all is out there.”

  “What about the basement?”

  “Fuck!” Pepper snarled. “I forgot about all those boxes of Gabe’s. Can you just make sure they get labeled with his name so I know what they are?”

  Will gave her a questioning look, but said he would take care of it. Pepper trudged back upstairs to finish the bathroom. Each step up seemed harder to manage and by the time she reached the landing, Pepper wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and pull the covers up around her head.

  “Are you okay?”

  Viv almost ran right into her as Pepper entered the bedroom.

  “I’m just tired. Thanks for all the help.”

  “No worries! All the shoes and clothes are packed. They can come and get the boxes now.”

  “Great. I’m going to finish the bathroom.”

  Pepper shuffled past her and surveyed the hodgepodge remaining on the vanity. As she continued to load up the suitcase, her stomach began to flutter. She frowned, but ignored the feeling until it turned into a full blown cramping sensation, sending spikes of pain down into her abdomen.

  Clutching herself, Pepper leaned against the counter and tried to breathe. The spikes began to pulsate and it felt like she was being stabbed in the gut. It reminded her of period cramps, but it was way worse. She fell to her knees and moaned.

  “Viv?” she shouted, but her voice was weak. Gathering her strength, she tried to yell louder. “Vivienne!”

  Her best friend came running in. “What’s wrong?” Vivienne took one look and screamed for Will.

  “Holy shit,” Pepper panted. “You’re going to scare the hell out of everyone.” Another cramp ripped through her abdomen and she fell forward, thunking her head on the floor and falling onto her side.

  “Pepper, what’s wrong?” Vivienne knelt beside her and touched her face as Will came in.

  “What the hell’s going on?” he demanded. “Oh shit!”

  “I don’t know,” Pepper whined. “Pain. In my abdomen.”

  “Oh my God, it’s her appendix! I knew it!” Vivienne gnashed her teeth. “Call 9-1-1!”

  Will fumbled for his phone, which was stuck in his jeans pocket, and then dropped it right on the side of Pepper’s head.

  “What the fuck, Will?” she growled, still clutching her stomach.

  “I’m sorry!” he snatched it up and began to dial.

  “No!” Pepper whined. “An ambulance will only scare Gavin. Help me up. Take me to the ER.”

  Will started to protest, but Vivienne stopped him. “Do it, Will. Pepper, you’re bleeding.”

  Pepper raised her head and looked down. A brownish stain was spreading across her crotch and the sight of it made her head spin. The last thing she heard was Will yelling into the phone.

  * * * * *

  Pepper opened her eyes and was instantly rewarded with two familiar faces floating above her. Vivienne had the biggest smile on her face and was on the left. Will was to the right.

  “Welcome back, sleepy head.”

  “Huh?” Pepper mumbled, trying to sit up.

  “No, just lie still. Rest.”

  That was Vivienne’s calm and comforting voice.

  “What happened?”

  “Well…” Vivienne started to speak, then looked to Will as if for permission. Pepper was starting to get irritated. Then she realized her guts were no longer on fire and trying to jump out of her body.

  She was about to unleash a string of foul language if they didn’t tell her what the hell was going on, when a doctor in scrubs sauntered into the room carrying her iPad.

  “Ah, I see our patient is awake.”

  “Yes and she wants to know what’s happening.
Now.”

  The doctor chuckled and pushed in next to Will. “You gave us quite a scare, Mrs. Seigal, but everything is fine now. You didn’t lose the baby.”

  Pepper stared for a second and then she fainted.

  * * * * *

  “Shall we try this again?” Vivienne smirked when Pepper’s fluttered eyes open.

  Pepper tried to speak, but she couldn’t. She brought a hand up to her cheek and pinched as hard as she could. Yelping, she rubbed her skin. Nope, I’m awake. “Tell me she didn’t say the ‘b-word.’”

  Vivienne laughed with delight and clasped her hands together. “She did, Pep! She did!”

  The doctor was still standing where she’d last seen her and she looked just as amused and pleased as the rest of the crowd around the bed. “Are you sure you have the right patient, doc?”

  “I’m positive, Mrs. Seigal. I’m Dr. Deloney. You were brought in with vaginal bleeding. We typed and crossed your blood and gave you a pregnancy test. Do you remember going for the ultrasound?”

  Pepper nodded, then shook her head. “It’s all a blur. Seemed like I was being whipped around on that gurney from one place to another so fast I couldn’t focus.”

  “That’s understandable. From what Mrs. Foster’s told us, you’ve been through quite a lot. You were slightly dehydrated and exhausted. Did you not notice a lack of menstruation over the last several months? Or were you having your regular periods?”

  Pepper closed her eyes and rubbed a hand across her face. She insisted on sitting up and Vivienne adjusted the bed for her.

  “I can’t be pregnant, doc. My husband died three months ago of pancreatic cancer and I haven’t been with anyone else.” Pepper wanted to throw up. Gabe had been the love of her life. If anyone even thought she had cheated on him, she would have died herself.

  “It’s true,” Vivienne agreed. “I’m her best friend. I’d know if she’d stepped out.”