by Marie Force
Nolan was deeply, profoundly thankful for the future he had planned with Hannah. But in that moment, he would’ve given up his own happiness and everything else he had to see Caleb Guthrie standing in the middle of this gathering he would’ve enjoyed so much.
Bob came over to Nolan and greeted him with a hug. “Congratulations to the groom-to-be.”
“Thank you, Bob. And thanks for being here.”
“Glad to be here. Gav had a last-minute crisis at work or we would’ve been here earlier.”
“You’re right in time for steak,” Hunter said, pressing a beer into Bob’s hand. The two of them headed toward the grill.
Gavin wandered over a few minutes later and shook hands with Nolan. He’d initially objected to Nolan’s relationship with Hannah but had since come around. Even knowing that Gavin’s objection came from a place of relentless grief over the loss of his brother, it had been hard for Nolan and Hannah to handle. The three of them were good now, but Nolan knew the idea of Hannah getting married again had to be tearing Gavin up inside. “Nice turnout you got here, pal,” Gavin said.
“It’s incredible. I had no idea the Sultans were coming.”
“You’re one of them. Where else would they be?”
“That’s what they said, too.”
“I haven’t been up here in years.” Gavin took a long look around at the familiar buildings that made up the Abbott family’s sugarhouse and Colton’s cabin. “Brings back a lot of memories. Remember all the nights we spent up here when we were kids?”
“Those were some good times. The best of times.”
“Yes, they were. I’m really happy for you, Nolan. For both of you. I hope you know that.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me, and I know it will to Hannah, too.”
“I’m ready for a beer. Can I get you one?”
“Sure, I’m due for another. Hey, Gav?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really glad you’re here.”
Gavin’s smile didn’t light up his face the way it used to, but it was sincere nonetheless. “Wouldn’t have missed it.”
“The first time I came here, this road was full of potholes,” Cameron said as she drove down the long dirt lane that led to her and Will’s place. “Mud season.”
“Ah yes,” Lucy said. “Mud has a season in Vermont.”
“It’s one of Vermont’s many charms.”
“A year ago, if you’d told me you’d be living way out in the boonies espousing the charms of something called mud season, I would’ve laughed my ass off.”
“I would’ve been laughing right along with you.”
“Look at us now. In deep and getting deeper all the time with two brothers from Vermont.”
“You forgot sexy. Two sexy brothers from Vermont.”
“Sorry for the oversight. They are indeed sexy.”
“So you’re in deep, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t sound too happy about it.”
“I am happy. When we’re together.” Lucy blew out a deep breath. “It’s just, the rest of it . . .”
“I know, honey.” Cameron parked, turned off the car and reached over to squeeze Lucy’s arm. “Come in, see my new home, have a glass of wine, get comfy and we’ll talk it out.”
“Sounds good.” Lucy got out of the SUV and took a good look around at the gorgeous spot where Will had built the home he now shared with Cameron. “This is beautiful, Cam.”
“Isn’t it? I felt at home the first time Will brought me here, before we were even officially dating.”
Cameron released the dogs from the backseat and they took off toward the trees.
“Will they be okay?” Lucy asked as they disappeared from view.
“They’ll be back in a few minutes. It’s part of the routine.”
“You already have a routine here.”
“I do. It’s home.”
Carrying the backpack she’d brought to spend the night with Cam, Lucy walked into the cozy cabin. “This is fantastic.”
“Not much to it.” Cameron spread her arms. “Living room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, loft up there where you’ll be staying. Everything we need, but no frills.”
“Is the bathroom inside the house?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Then compared to Colton’s place, this is the Ritz. Though both places have plenty to recommend them. It’s so quiet. Does that ever drive you crazy?” She dropped her backpack on a chair inside the door.
“Not at all. I thought I’d miss the action of the city, but I don’t. I’m so busy and engaged here that I don’t have time to miss New York. I miss you and my dad and everyone there, but the city itself? Not so much.”
“I like it here. I honestly do. But I don’t think I could ever really leave the city.”
Cameron opened a bottle of red and poured them both a glass. “It’s in your blood.”
“It wasn’t in yours?”
“Not the way Will is.” She leaned forward, elbows on the counter. “Talk to me, Luce. What’re you thinking?”
“The truth?”
“And nothing but.”
“I need to end this with Colton before I get in any deeper. There’s no way this can work long term with the two of us living so far apart, and the more time I spend with him, the harder it gets to think about leaving him.”
“If you end it with him, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering if you let the love of your life get away.”
“So which awful scenario is better—that or ending up a few months from now crushed and heartbroken when the whole thing blows up in our faces?”
“What if it doesn’t blow up? What if it works out perfectly? Here, there and anywhere the two of you are together?”
“How can it work perfectly when we don’t live in the same place?”
“You love him. He loves you. Why not have faith that it’s all going to be fine?”
“Because I’m far more convinced that it’s not going to be fine.”
“Will said Colton has never been this way with any girl. Ever.”
That news sent a happy jolt to Lucy’s heart. “What way?”
“Smitten, gaga, demonstrative. Obviously in love. I told him I’ve never seen you this way either.”
Lucy fiddled with the stem of her wineglass. “I want to be happy and enjoy it and say to hell with all the worries. I want to be that person, the one who can go along like it’s no big deal that we have this huge obstacle standing between us. But I’m not that person. I haven’t been her in a very long time.”
“Since your mom died and you had to grow up overnight and take care of everyone and everything.”
Lucy dropped her head to her folded arms.
Cameron came around the counter to rest her hand on Lucy’s back.
“I can’t let this crush me, Cam. I just can’t.”
“I understand. I don’t like it, but I get it. When will you tell him?”
“After the wedding.”
“That’s a week from now.”
“I know. I thought about telling him before we came here, but I’d already agreed to go to the wedding with him. And I wanted to see everyone again. One more time. At least until your wedding when I’ll have to see him again. I guess I’ll have to deal with that when it happens.”
“That and when Will and I have kids and other events and things I’ll want you here for. You’ll see a lot of him. Are you prepared to see him with someone else? Maybe even married to someone else?”
Tears rolled freely down Lucy’s face. “No, I’m not prepared for that. But hopefully I will be by the time it happens. It’s what he deserves. He should have someone who can be with him freely.”
“I want you to do something for me.”
Embarrassed by her emotional meltdown, Lucy wiped her face and tried to find her composure. “What?”
“I want you to take this week to really think this through. I’d hate to see you do something you migh
t regret.”
“Of course I’m going to regret it. I already regret it, and it hasn’t even happened yet. But it’s the right thing for me, even if it hurts like hell. It’ll hurt a hell of a lot worse a few months from now when we realize there’s no way we can make this work.”
“I worry you’re underestimating him, Luce. Obviously I don’t know him as well as you do, but I know him pretty well, and he doesn’t seem likely to go quietly.”
“He’ll respect my wishes.” As she said the words, Lucy hoped that was true, but suspected Cameron was right.
“I hope it’s okay I told Hannah, Ella, Charley and Molly to come by for some wine and snacks tonight. I thought it would be fun to give Hannah something to do during Nolan’s bachelor party, but if you don’t feel up to it—”
“I’m fine, and that does sound like fun.” She welcomed anything that provided a distraction so she didn’t have to think about what it would be like to say the words to Colton, to crush him after he’d been so amazing to her. Telling herself it was in his best interest—and hers—didn’t make it any better.
While Lucy helped Cameron put together some appetizers, they talked about everything other than the topic that had upset Lucy earlier and continued to weigh on her more than an hour later. It stayed with her all evening, during a fun get-together with Colton’s sisters and mother, who made her feel like a part of the extended Abbott family. They acted like she was one of them rather than a temporary visitor.
She felt like she’d led them on the same way she’d led Colton on.
“So I have something to tell you guys,” Hannah said, glancing at her mother.
Molly smiled and reached for Hannah’s hand.
“Do you want to tell them, Mom?”
“Oh no. It’s your news, honey.”
“Someone had better tell us,” Charley said.
“I’m pregnant.”
The women erupted in screams and tears and hugs that Lucy watched with an odd sense of detachment. She wouldn’t be a part of this. She wouldn’t get to see Hannah round with pregnancy or visit her in the hospital after she had the baby. Colton would want to be there with his sister and the rest of their family, but she wouldn’t be with him.
“Congratulations, Hannah,” Lucy said, hugging her. “I’m so happy for you and Nolan.”
“Thank you. We’re so excited.”
“And you’re feeling all right?” Ella asked.
“I’m so tired and nauseated pretty much all the time. But other than that, I feel great.”
“I propose a toast,” Cameron said, “to the new mom, the new grandma and the aunts. This will be one very lucky baby.”
“Hear, hear,” Lucy said, forcing a cheerful tone. She ached from the desire to be part of it all, to be there at the moment when Colton found out whether he had a niece or a nephew, to see him holding the fragile little body in his big hands. Her chest ached from the pain of the desire to see that.
“Lucy?” Molly studied her intently. “Are you all right, honey?”
She was going to cry. There was no way to stop the flood that was coming. “I, um, excuse me.”
CHAPTER 33
Default Sugarhouse Cleanup Music: Paul Simon’s Graceland. Default Music to Boil By: O Brother, Where Art Thou; any of William Elliott Whitmore’s CDs.
—Colton Abbott’s sugaring journal, after the boil
Fighting to control her emotions, Lucy got up and went into Cam and Will’s bedroom. With her hand on her chest, she sat on their bed and fought to get oxygen to her air-starved lungs.
She sensed a presence in the dark room. “I’m okay, Cam. Really. Go have fun with your family. I’m good.”
“You don’t look too good.”
Shocked to hear Molly’s voice, Lucy tried to pull herself together. “Sorry. I’m fine. Just PMS and stuff.”
Molly came into the room and sat on the bed next to her. “I used to suffer terribly from that. I know how awful it can be.”
Lucy nodded in agreement.
“I also know how awful it can be to find yourself in love with a man who wants to be somewhere other than where you are.”
“Wow. You saw right through that PMS thing, huh?”
Molly flipped on the bedside light and winced at the carnage that must’ve been evident on Lucy’s face. “Ten kids. I’m good at this.”
Lucy hadn’t expected to laugh, although she shouldn’t have been surprised. Colton was one of the funniest people she’d ever met, and there’d been nothing but laughter during the time she’d spent with his family.
“Linc was on his way to Oxford when I met him. All he talked about was going to England. He was so excited. It was his dream. To spend time in England, to live and study there.”
Lucy listened, although she couldn’t figure out where Molly was going with this.
“I loved him, you know? Nothing in my life had ever been more instantaneous than the way I felt about him. It was like lightning striking, and he was going to England for two years. God, that sucked. It was all I could think about. It colored every minute that I spent with him. I kept asking myself, ‘What’s the point?’ But oh, Linc . . . He was persistent. I’ll give him that.”
Her smile was infectious, and Lucy couldn’t help but return it. “His son gets that from him, then.”
“I’d imagine Colton can be quite persistent when he has his heart set on something.” Molly reached out to push Lucy’s hair back.
The gesture stirred poignant memories of what it felt like to be mothered.
“He has his heart set on you, Lucy. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, I know.”
“And your connection to him was every bit as instantaneous as mine was with Linc. His father and I saw that the night we went to dinner with you two. I told him on the way home that I’d felt like I was intruding by being there, and he agreed.”
“We were that obvious, huh?”
“Oh yes. Am I being presumptuous to think you might have your heart set on him, too?”
Lucy shook her head. “You’re not being presumptuous.”
“It’s a difficult situation. I’m not making light of that. Cameron was coming after you, but I asked if I could. I wanted you to know I’ve been where you are, and I know how hard it is.”
She didn’t want to cry all over Colton’s mother, but Molly was so kind, so caring and so understanding. Lucy covered her mouth to muffle the sob that escaped from her tightly clenched jaw.
Molly put an arm around her. “It’s okay, honey. Let it out. You’re among friends here.”
“I’m sorry. I’m a hot mess tonight. And hearing that Hannah’s pregnant . . . I wondered if I’d get to meet the baby or see Colton hold it. He’ll be a really great uncle. You should’ve seen him with my niece. She’s more in love with him than I am.”
“You know what I think?”
Lucy shook her head and wiped at her tears.
“I think if it’s important enough to both of you, you’ll find a way. You’ll figure it out. Like we did.” As she spoke, Molly continued to stroke Lucy’s hair, and Lucy wanted to purr from the pleasure of being tended to by a professional mother. “Linc didn’t go to England. At first, I didn’t agree with that decision. I thought he’d regret it and grow to hate me because I kept him from following his dreams. But you know what he said when I told him that?”
“What?”
“He said dreams change. He said he had a new dream now, and that dream was me.”
“For what it’s worth, I would’ve married him, too.”
Molly laughed. “I know, right? Who says no to that?”
“Did his dream also include ten kids?”
“Oh hell no! That just sort of happened. By the time we figured out what was causing it, we had ten kids!”
Once again, a gurgle of laughter took Lucy by surprise.
“I’ve never once, in thirty-seven years married to him, caught even the slightest hint of regret coming from him. No
t once.”
“You guys are really lucky.”
“We are lucky. We’d never deny that. But we were also willing to do whatever it took to be together. He doesn’t know this, but if he’d gone to England, I was going with him.”
“You would’ve done that?”
“In a New York minute,” she said, winking at the play on words. “But he made his decision first and seemed to be at peace with it, so it never came to that.” She paused before she added, “I don’t want to be dramatic or overplay my hand, because we’re talking about my beloved son here, and I’m biased where he’s concerned. But things like this, what you have with Colton, they don’t come along every day. Although the obstacles might seem insurmountable, I assure you they are not.”
“I want so badly to believe that, to hold on to it with everything I’ve got.”
“But?”
“But I can see this ending badly down the road when the distance gets to be too much, and if it hurts this badly now, what will it be like then?”
“None of us can predict the future—and thank goodness for that. I’ve got all I can do to live in the here and now. I can’t help but wonder if you’ve considered the other possibility. That it could all be fine and work out swimmingly.”
“You’re quite convincing, and you make me want to believe that anything is possible.”
“Anything is possible—if you want it badly enough.” She gave Lucy a kiss on her forehead and patted her shoulder. “I’m here if I can help.”
“Mrs. Abbott?”
“Please, call me Molly.”
“Molly . . . I just want to say thank you. I miss my mom a lot, especially lately, and . . . Well, thank you.”
“My pleasure, honey.”
After Molly left the room, Lucy took a few minutes to pull herself together. When she rejoined the others, she was incredibly thankful that no one said a word about the obvious evidence that she’d been crying.
Hours later, after Hannah, Ella, Charley and Molly had left and Cameron had gone to bed, Lucy lay awake staring at the ceiling in the loft thinking about everything Molly had said. She wanted so badly to believe that Molly was right, that anything was possible and no obstacle was too great to overcome when you were facing the challenges with the right person by your side.