by Marie Force
But she kept circling back to the same thing over and over again—a vision of herself months in the future, wrecked by the breakup she’d seen coming all along. Tears leaked from the corner of her eyes as she allowed her mind to wallow in the pain of that far-off inevitable moment.
Her brain spun around in circles until she finally dozed off only to wake sometime later to realize she wasn’t alone.
“It’s me.” Colton kissed her face and lips as he drew her in close to his naked and fully aroused body. The scent of fresh air and smoke from the fire came with him into bed.
“Colton.”
“Were you expecting someone else?”
“Of course not, but I wasn’t expecting you either.”
“Will, Nolan and I snuck out and came back to town. I couldn’t stand to know you were a few miles away and sleeping alone.” He kissed her cheeks and eyes. “Why do you taste salty?”
“Do I?”
“Uh-huh. Have you been crying, Luce?”
“Maybe a little.”
“How come?”
What could she say? She couldn’t very well tell him she’d been crying because she’d been thinking about how best to end this thing with him while she still could.
“Lucy?”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“This. Us. All of it.”
“Why do I get the awful feeling I’m not going to like what you’ve been thinking about?” His hand slipped beneath the long T-shirt she’d worn to bed. As always, his touch set her on fire.
She heard Molly’s voice in her head, reminding her that things like this didn’t come along every day.
“You’re not going to tell me?”
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yes, Lucy. I know. And I love you more every day.”
“That’s just it. I love you more every day, too, and I keep thinking about what happens a few months from now when it all goes bad. When living between two places gets to be too complicated. When we decide we can’t do this anymore. I’m afraid of that day, Colton. It’s all I can think about as I seem to get deeper into this all the time.”
“I want you to know that I understand what you’re saying, and I get why you’re afraid. We’d both be a little bit crazy not to be afraid of what’s going on here. But I’m asking you to trust me, to have faith in me and in us for a little while longer. Will you do that for me?”
“I want to have faith. You have no idea how badly I want that.”
“I know, honey.” He kissed her then, pouring all the love he felt for her into a kiss that made her body hum with the kind of desire that only he could arouse in her.
She needed to get closer to him, to hang on to the one thing that made sense in all of this. The T-shirt disappeared over her head into the darkness, followed soon after by her panties. His lips and hands were everywhere as he made her forget everything other than the powerful connection they’d shared from the very beginning.
He grasped her hands and held them over her head as he entered her in one smooth thrust that had her biting her lip to keep from crying out.
“Shh,” he whispered, his mouth curving into a smile against her lips. He pressed deeper into her, and Lucy arched her back. “Lucy . . . God. I love you so much. You have no idea.” He barely moved, but he touched her everywhere.
“Love you, too.” Lucy tugged her hands free and wrapped her arms around him. She held on tight, her fingers sifting through the hair he’d cut for her as his muscles flexed and his chest hair abraded her nipples. He overpowered all her worries with sweetness and tenderness that brought new tears to her eyes when she imagined how empty her life would be without him.
“Stay with me, honey. Give me this week. I promise you won’t regret it.”
“Okay.”
Her acquiescence seemed to spark a flame in him. Without making a sound, he took her somewhere she’d never been before, somewhere she already knew she’d never go with anyone but him.
The week passed in a flurry of activity that led up to their departure for Burlington on Friday. Every night, there’d been some sort of gathering with the friends who’d come to town for the wedding. Though Hannah had intended to keep her pregnancy a secret until after the wedding, it didn’t take long for the whole family to hear about the baby who would arrive in the spring.
While they spent a lot of time with Colton’s family and friends, they also spent much of their time alone on the mountain. Lucy powered through a ton of work during the day while he took care of his own work outside. He came in at lunchtime for what he called “conjugal visits.”
By the end of the week, Lucy had succeeded in pushing aside most of her worries about the future, mostly because she hadn’t had the time to dwell on them. With everyone around her in high spirits as the big day approached, she had no desire to be a downer in their midst. The Abbotts had waited a long time to see Hannah happy again, and though the weekend promised to be emotionally fraught for them, Lucy was determined to enjoy the celebration of two people who deserved as much happiness as life could bring them.
“Are you ready to go?” Colton asked her when he came in from securing the retail store for the weekend.
“Just about.”
“Elmer and Sarah are waiting by the truck.”
“I can’t believe everyone is bringing their dogs.”
“The Abbotts go nowhere without their dogs. You should know that by now.”
“But still, Colton. A wedding?”
“Wouldn’t be a family occasion without everyone there.”
“You’re nuts. You’re all nuts. I bet that huge house is going to get awfully small with everyone there.”
“That’s why we’re not staying there.”
“We aren’t?”
“Nope.” He came over to her and slipped his arms around her. “I want you all to myself this weekend with no prying eyes or ears anywhere near us.”
“We need to talk about all of this at some point, Colton. We’ve been in this dream state all week, pretending we don’t have anything to worry about when we both know that isn’t true.”
“You’re trusting me, remember?”
“Yes, but—”
He kissed her. “No buts about it. I promised you it would be okay, and it will be.”
“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I never do. Let’s get going. The rehearsal dinner is at five. We don’t want to be late.” He picked up her bags and headed for the door.
Lucy followed him, but a sense of foreboding came with her. As Hannah and Nolan prepared to begin their life together, why did she feel like hers was about to come unraveled?
CHAPTER 34
What I learned this year about boiling: If the trough bubbles like fish eyes it’s not ready; if it bubbles like sheep eyes it’s syrup.
—Colton Abbott’s sugaring journal, after the boil
The unease stayed with Lucy all the way to Burlington and throughout the festive party at the lake house that evening. Gathered around a bonfire on the beach, the Abbott family and their friends were in high spirits and looking forward to the wedding the next day.
Sitting on Nolan’s lap next to the fire, Hannah looked serene and happy. The peaceful aura that surrounded her was contagious, and for a short time, Lucy nearly forgot to be worried about her own situation. But then she would think about the flight back to New York that was booked for Sunday, and she’d remember that she had just two more nights with Colton before they’d return to their separate lives.
“Are you ready to go?” Colton asked her.
“Any time you are.”
“I’m ready.” He stood and held out a hand to help her up from her seat on a blanket that had been spread out on the beach.
“Can I hitch a ride with you guys?” Nolan asked.
“Me, too,” Hannah said.
“Where are you going?” Molly asked her daughter.
Hannah used h
er thumb to point to Nolan. “With him.”
“But it’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding.”
“I’ve used up my lifetime share of bad luck,” Hannah told her mother. “I’m taking my chances.”
“Nolan,” Molly said. “Do something!”
“Sorry, Molly,” Nolan said as he put his arm around his fiancée, “but I’m with Hannah on this one.”
“Of course you are.”
Hannah bent down to kiss her parents good night. “I’ll be back in the morning, and you can fuss over me to your heart’s content.”
Molly tugged on Hannah’s long hair. “I’ll look forward to that.”
“Nolan,” Lincoln said, “take good care of my daughter and get her back here on time tomorrow.”
“You have my word.”
After they’d said their good nights to the rest of the group, the four of them headed up the stairs to the house, where they collected their belongings. Hannah let out a squeal and jumped onto Nolan’s back.
He grabbed her legs to keep her there. “Christ, woman. Don’t break me before the honeymoon.”
“I expected my mom to put up a much bigger fight about me leaving.”
“Let’s get these kids back to the inn so they can have a good night’s sleep before their big day,” Colton said to Lucy.
Hannah nibbled on Nolan’s ear. “Sleep is highly overrated.”
Colton put his arm around Lucy. “I couldn’t agree more.”
“You two are so cute together,” Hannah said. “I predict you’ll be the next to tie the knot.”
The statement hit Lucy like a punch to the gut, making her gasp. “What? We aren’t getting married.”
Hannah shrugged off Lucy’s protest. “Call it a hunch.”
“You’re wrong.” She looked to Colton, hoping he would back her up, but his expression was unreadable.
Lucy and Colton traveled the short distance to the inn in silence as Nolan and Hannah whispered and giggled in the backseat. Lucy envied them. All their questions had been answered, and their future stretched out before them bright with promise and all the joy they both deserved.
The more Lucy thought about the many unanswered questions in her life, the more exhausted she became.
They parted company with Hannah and Nolan on the second-floor landing. Hannah hugged them both. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Colton gave his sister a second hug and a kiss. “Happy for you, Hannah Banana.”
“I’m happy for you, too.”
Colton smiled but his eyes were sad. “Get some sleep.”
“Uh-huh,” Hannah said.
With his hand on her lower back, Colton guided Lucy up one more flight of stairs. Inside the room, they took turns in the bathroom. Lucy put on the new silk gown before she brushed her hair and teeth. When she emerged from the bathroom, Colton was already in bed. The covers hugged his waist, leaving his muscular chest bare to her hungry gaze. Would she ever look at him and not want him? Probably not.
Lucy got into bed and turned on her side to face him. She expected him to turn to her, but he stared up at the ceiling for a long time. “What’s wrong?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
He sounded truly upset. “What do you mean?”
“We aren’t getting married. As if it’s the most preposterous thing you’ve ever heard.”
“You’re mad about that? We’ve never even talked about getting married and your sister is predicting we’ll be next. What was I supposed to say to that?”
“I don’t know, but your emphatic denial makes me wonder what the hell we’re doing here.”
His words filled her with fear. “You want to talk about getting married when we can’t even figure out a way to be in the same place at the same time for more than a few days.”
“We’ve just put together two full weeks.”
“And now what? Now I go home the day after tomorrow and see you again when?”
“The following weekend?”
“And then what?”
“I don’t know! I don’t have the answers you want. All I know for sure is if we give up now we’ll never know what could’ve been. You’re giving up. I’ve felt you pulling away from me for days now, and then you say something like that to my sister, and . . .” He blew out a deep breath. “It’s got me questioning everything.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. She caught me by surprise when she said that.”
“It sounded to me like you’d given the matter some considerable thought and already made up your mind that it’s never going to happen.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?”
Her throat tightened and closed, making it impossible to speak over the lump that settled there.
“Thought so.” He turned on his side, facing away from her, and turned off the light.
Lucy lay awake for a long time, staring into the darkness, wishing she could find the courage to stay the course and hope for the best, but she just wasn’t built that way. Tears slid down her cheeks and dampened her hair. She tried to be quiet in her misery, but a sob escaped anyway.
Colton turned over and put his arm around her. “I’m sorry, Luce.” He kissed her shoulder and arm. “Please don’t cry.”
“I wish I was different.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m not courageous the way Hannah is. I’m not strong or resilient like Cam. I hurt easily, and I wish I didn’t. I’m afraid if I don’t stop this now, it’ll ruin me later.” The darkness that surrounded them made it possible for Lucy to speak her truth, to say the words that had been in her heart all week.
He slid one arm under her and put the other around her middle, pulling her in tight against him. “I happen to love you exactly the way you are, tender heart and all.”
Surrounded by him, warmed by him, her body shook with sobs. “I’m sorry, Colton. I’m so sorry. I kept telling myself just one more weekend, just one more . . . I never should’ve let this happen.”
“Please don’t say that. Don’t have regrets. The time we spent together has been the best time of my life.”
“I’ll understand if you don’t want me to come to the wedding. It’s such a special day for your family. I wouldn’t want to do anything to take away from it for you. Or them.”
“I’d really like you to come with me.”
“Okay.” After a long silence, she said, “I really am sorry, Colton.”
“So am I, honey. So am I.”
In the pearly predawn, Hannah slept in Nolan’s arms, floating in that narrow space between wakefulness and dreams. Her one conscious thought was that she would marry Nolan today and begin her new life with him. Warm and cozy, she drifted, letting the dreams carry her for a while longer.
He came to her then, in that in-between place, brushing the hair back from her face and kissing her forehead. He lingered for a long moment, his lips pressed to her skin, his fingers stroking her hair.
She held her breath, waiting to see what else he might do, but as quickly as he’d come he was gone again.
Hannah opened eyes that were filled with tears. Had she been dreaming? She reached up to touch the place on her forehead that still tingled from the touch of his lips. In all the years since she’d lost Caleb, it was the most vivid dream she’d ever had about him. She hadn’t seen his face or touched his skin, but she’d felt his presence as powerfully as she ever had when he was alive.
Why today of all days would she feel him so potently?
Nolan’s hand shifted from her hip to her belly, pulling her in closer to him as his lips touched her shoulder.
Hannah covered his hand with hers, holding on tight to him.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“Nothing.”
“I can feel how tense you are. Are you having cold feet?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Would you tell me if you were?”
“I’m not, Nolan. I promise.”
“Then what is it?”
After a long pause, she said, “I had a dream. At least I think it was a dream. Caleb was here. He . . . He pushed the hair back from my face, and he kissed my forehead. It was only a few seconds, but he was here. I’ve never felt him like that before.”
“He was wishing you well, love. He was letting you know he’s with you always, even today. Especially today.”
“It was just a dream.”
“I’d like to believe it was more than that. I’d like to think he was actually here and that he knows you’re all right. I’d like to believe he knows I’m taking care of you for him.”
Needing to see his face, Hannah turned over.
He wiped away her tears with the gentle stroke of his finger on her face.
“I love you,” she whispered. “Thank you for letting me share that with you.”
“I’d never want you to feel you couldn’t share something like that with me. Believe it or not, it brings me some comfort to know he was here, that he knows about us, that maybe he approves.”
“Of course he would approve. He loved us both.”
Nolan gathered her in close to him, tucking her head under his chin.
She breathed in the fragrance of soap and clean skin that had become so familiar to her in the last few months. It was the new scent of home. “I’m glad I was with you when that happened. It might’ve messed me up if you hadn’t been here to tell me it was okay.”
“I’m glad I was here. I’ll always be right here, Hannah. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be in this entire world than right here with you.”
“In that case, what do you say we make it official?”
He grunted out a laugh. “I say you’re on.”
Hannah looked stunningly gorgeous as she came down the stairs to the beach, accompanied by her parents. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head in what some might call a messy bun, but on her it was nothing short of glamorous. She wore a simple off-white silk dress, carried a bouquet of wildflowers and was chased down the stairs by her overly excited puppy, Homer.