Encounter with a Commanding Officer

by Charlotte Hawkes

  The triumphant tone was unmistakable but Ash didn’t care. His only concern was the woman he now knew for certain that he loved. The question was whether she loved him enough to come back to him now.

  The silence seemed to smother him.

  He did have her answer.

  But it wasn’t an answer he could live with. For his own sake, he had to walk away.

  Wordlessly, Ash strode into the bedroom, shoved his belongings into his overnight bag, all the while straining to hear Fliss. His gear packed, he slung the bag over his shoulder and headed back out into the hallway. Fliss hadn’t even moved from her spot in the kitchen.

  Something inside finally shattered into a million pieces as Ash left without a backward glance.

  He couldn’t afford one.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ‘I WOULDN’T WORRY about it, darling; it’s for the best. You were never going to be able to hold onto a man like that, anyway.’

  Fliss turned, the exultation in her mother’s expression like a slap on the face. But she was already reeling from everything Ash had said.

  He loved her?

  He loved her?

  It had sounded too incredible to be true. The ground had pitched and shifted beneath her feet and all she’d been able to focus on had been staying upright as she’d tried to work out how her entire world had now changed.

  He’d told her she was worth more. Told her that she deserved more. And she’d thought talk was cheap, but he’d proved it to her by telling her he loved her. It had been like watching a fireworks display—the Army kind her uncle had taken her to where they’d used up all the end-of-year pyrotechnics for a display that surpassed anything in the civilian world. Just like being with Ash surpassed any other relationship she’d ever known in her life.

  She understood why he’d said he couldn’t be around her if she couldn’t even stand up for herself. She’d known all evening that his iron control was slipping but she hadn’t been able to help him, because that would have meant helping herself. And she hadn’t thought she was good enough for that.

  Ash had proved to her she was, and she’d been so stunned that she hadn’t reacted fast enough.

  And now she’d lost him.

  But he’d still left her with a choice of her own. To accept her life as it was, her relationships as they were, or to finally stand up for herself. The least she could do was ensure that losing him wasn’t for nothing.

  She turned to her mother, determined to find out whether the chasm between them had ever stood a chance of being bridged or whether Ash was right, and her mother would never change.

  ‘Do you really hate me that much?’

  She could feel the chill hit the room.

  ‘Don’t start believing your little lover’s words now,’ her mother warned, her voice so sharp that it could have cut through Fliss deeper than any physical wound.

  And it would have. Before Ash.

  ‘Do you hate me?’ She advanced on her mother, a tiny sliver of her old self returning with each step.

  In an instant, her mother’s face twisted into a smile that was too ugly to be anything but loathing.

  ‘You ruined my only chance at happiness the day you were born.’

  ‘You knew your dancing was over when you realised you were pregnant.’ Fliss wasn’t trying to antagonise, but it was something she’d always wondered about and never understood.

  ‘Why didn’t you get rid of me if you felt that strongly? Why have a child only to put it through such utter hell?’

  ‘You think that isn’t what I tried to do?’ her mother spat, the truth embedding itself into Fliss’s very being.

  ‘Why did you change your mind?’ she whispered.

  There was no regret, no empathy, no love in her mother’s reply. The scornful tone like applying heat to a burn.

  ‘I didn’t change my mind. I was more than happy to go through with it. But then your grandfather turned up, stormed in and frog-marched me out. White gown and all. There was no way he and your grandmother were ever going to allow me to do something that would shame them even more than they already were by my pregnancy.’

  Rushing blood roared in her ears as she clawed at the edge of nothingness with her fingernails, just to try to find a purchase.

  ‘I’d made a mistake, yes, I’d got pregnant. But the obvious solution to get rid of it wasn’t even a consideration for them. That would be letting me off too lightly; in their eyes I was going to have to live with the consequences.’

  ‘So because they’d trapped you into a miserable life, you made mine even worse?’ Fliss cried.

  ‘I tried to get out of there, I took you with me so that you wouldn’t be brought up with the same restrictions I’d had. But the first chance you got, you went running back to them. You chose them over me,’ her mother raged, her face inches away from Fliss’s.

  ‘I was eight!’

  ‘You threw everything I did for you back in my face.’

  ‘You did nothing for me,’ Fliss argued, standing up to her mother for the first time in her life. ‘Except make my life more wretched than it needed to be.’

  It was almost too much to take in. Feeling for a chair, Fliss backed up and sat down. Ash had been right. Nothing she could say or do would make a difference to her mother. She was craving affection which was never going to come.

  Repeating the cycle would only hurt more people. She’d been hurting herself, and she’d definitely been hurting Ash. They deserved better than that.

  Maybe it wasn’t too late.

  Standing up on shaky legs, Fliss fixed her mother with a calm, firm stare. Her major’s stare.

  ‘I think it’s time you left.’

  Her mother snorted, deliberately turning her back.

  Fliss inched her way to the door, fumbling with the catch as she hauled it open. It felt heavy, almost too heavy, but she gritted her teeth. ‘I said, it’s time you left.’

  Her mother gave a bark of laughter. ‘I don’t think so, Felicity.’ She didn’t sound as sure of herself as usual.

  ‘I’m asking you nicely. Don’t make me do this the other way.’

  The words were out before she could stop them. And, to her disbelief, they sounded strong, confident, forceful.

  Enough that her mother bit back the retort which was on her lips.

  For several long moments the two women faced off against each other. It took everything she had, but Fliss refused to back down. Not this time.

  ‘You will regret this.’

  ‘No.’ Fliss shook her head. ‘The only thing I regret is not doing this sooner.’

  Perhaps then she wouldn’t have lost someone as special as Ash from her life.

  * * *

  Ash had no idea where he was heading. He’d been driving in circles for the last two hours without seeing anything. He’d left Fliss’s house intent on driving back home, sorting his kit out and leaving early for the next posting. Anything to get his mind off Fliss. But his heart had known what his head hadn’t yet been ready to accept.

  However hard he tried, he couldn’t shake her from his head. Her desperate, ravaged face, or her defeated stance. Everything about her marked her as a different person to the Major he’d been instantly attracted to. The woman he’d fallen in love with. It killed him to see her allowing herself to be pulled down as she had tonight, but he couldn’t have stayed. He’d tried to help her see the truth but she hadn’t wanted to listen.

  Pressing his foot on the accelerator, Ash tried to ignore the voice in the back of his head. But, however fast he drove, he wasn’t going to outrun it.

  The control he’d kept tonight, not for himself but for Fliss, told him how far he had come in less than a month. And that was down to her. If he loved her the way he claimed to, should
n’t he be prepared to fight for her? Shouldn’t he try for longer than one evening, to help her to fight for herself?

  And he did love her. He loved her intelligence, her focus, her dry sense of humour, her hidden sense of adventure, as much as he loved her lips, her body, the way she always broke apart in his arms.

  Checking the road around him, Ash felt a rush of adrenalin surge through his system and it had nothing whatsoever to do with the slick, if illegal, U-turn he had just executed in the last turning lane of the dual carriageway.

  By the time he got back to her house it was bathed in darkness.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ASH SPOTTED FLISS the instant she stepped out of the car with the General. Ash stopped dead on the field where he was supposed to be warming up with his team, his chest constricting. The inter-battalion rugby match was the last place he’d expected to see her, and he couldn’t help wondering if she was sending him a message.

  He watched her nervously smooth down her dress, barely even noticing the garment itself, and then, as though sensing his eyes upon her, lifted her head and looked right at him.

  For a moment he thought he saw a hint of a smile but, before he could respond, a bellow pulled him up sharply.

  ‘Heads up!’

  Split second reactions served him well as he caught the well-placed throw of a teammate, pulling the ball into his gut and taking off down the field for thirty or so metres before lobbing the ball to another team-mate to do the same back up the pitch.

  By the time he looked up again, Fliss was already disappearing into the marquee set up for family and friends.

  He should play it cool.

  Instead, he found himself yelling an excuse across the field before striding over the grounds and into the tent. He marched straight up to her, the people milling around only cranking the tension up further, making the need for formality all the more crucial.

  ‘Major.’

  ‘Colonel.’

  ‘Colonel.’ The deep voice of Fliss’s uncle had Ash swinging around. He hadn’t even noticed the old man there.

  ‘General—’ Ash greeted him as protocol demanded ‘—it’s very good of you to take time out to attend our rugby match.’

  ‘I hope it’s going to be a good match; I want to see that trophy returned to its rightful place.’

  ‘The lads are all geared up, sir. We fully intend to have that trophy in your hands by the end of the day.’

  It was like some kind of unending torture. With no notion that Ash was actually there to talk to Fliss, the General was likely to keep the conversation pleasant for a while. It was something of a relief when the older man was pulled away by his aide-de-camp in order to greet a VIP.

  He turned back to Fliss. The air between them crackled with unspoken questions. The situation was impossible. Suddenly, Ash didn’t care any more.

  ‘Walk with me,’ he ordered.

  ‘I...now?’ She panicked, dropping her voice to a low tone. ‘People will wonder.’

  ‘It wasn’t a request.’ He didn’t bother lowering his voice.

  Nor did he worry about the curious eyes on them as he took her elbow and steered her out of the tent.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  She swivelled her head to look at him. ‘I thought you didn’t want any more to do with me?’

  Ash didn’t even bother to hide his disapproval. ‘That isn’t exactly what I said.’

  ‘No,’ she acknowledged after a moment. ‘It isn’t. I’m sorry, I’m just nervous. I wanted to tell you I stood up to my mother.’

  Surprise swept through him, followed by the whisper of a promise.

  ‘Why are you here?’ he demanded abruptly.

  Her gaze didn’t waver although he could read the nerves behind those insanely blue eyes.

  ‘Because you said you were playing in the match and I wanted to tell you. To thank you, I suppose.’

  ‘I came to the house.’

  This time it was her turn to be surprised.

  ‘That night—’ he shrugged ‘—all the lights were off. Your car was gone. I figured you were out.’

  ‘I went to my uncle’s...’ She faltered. ‘Once I’d asked my mother to leave I didn’t want to stay there alone until I’d had the locks changed. Not that she’d do anything. Just... I needed the company.’

  ‘What did your uncle say?’

  ‘He told me that he was glad I’d finally stood up to her. He’d also like to shake your hand, not that he knows it was you, of course. But he wanted to thank whoever it was who finally made me see her for what she is.’

  ‘That must have been difficult to hear,’ he murmured. He could read Fliss only too well.

  ‘Yeah—’ she swallowed ‘—it was. But it was time. Anyway, you still haven’t told me what you came back for.’

  ‘I couldn’t leave it the way I did. I had to try again. I needed to make you see what she was doing to you. Or, rather, what you were letting happen to you.’

  ‘So you really came back?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He could see the pleasure in her expression and couldn’t stop himself from wanting to make it shine all the brighter.

  ‘In the boot of my car right now is a fresh overnight bag. I thought I’d try again straight after the matches. I didn’t expect to see you here.’

  ‘I came because you said you were playing today. I wanted to see you,’ she blurted out. ‘I asked my uncle to bring me along as his guest; given the number of functions he’s asked me to accompany him to over the years, I didn’t think he’d mind.’

  ‘I’d have thought that would arouse his suspicions.’

  ‘Maybe.’ She shrugged as though she truly didn’t care. ‘Especially after that little performance you put on, manhandling me back there.’

  ‘Hardly,’ he scorned before realising she was trying, in her own way, to tease him.

  He wanted to know more, wanted to sort it out with her. But he forced himself to hang back. He was sure of his feelings but he needed to be sure of hers. It was testing his self-restraint to the limits. He felt as though an elastic band were pulled tight around his chest, holding a plethora of emotions in check until he knew she was ready for them. Ready for him.

  He had to know what stage of their relationship—or not—she had reached. Without anything from him colouring it or pushing her along faster than she was prepared to go.

  ‘Tell me what’s in your head. This isn’t going to work if you believe I said I didn’t want anything more to do with you.’

  Her pupils skittered from his left eye to his right eye.

  ‘I said I was sorry about that,’ she choked out.

  ‘I know that.’ He took her hands in his, both to soothe and to reassure, not even thinking about who might see them. ‘I’m not asking for an apology. I’m asking you if you can trust me now? Can you talk to me, Fliss? Because until you feel comfortable enough to tell me, I can’t help. Right now, the ball’s in your court.’

  ‘This isn’t easy, you know.’

  ‘I do know,’ he vowed. ‘But I can’t just have part of you, Fliss. It would never be enough. I need you. Body, heart and mind.’

  She swallowed hard but said nothing. After what seemed like an age she pulled her hands out of his, glancing around nervously. Then, dropping them to her sides, she turned away from him, walking further up the field.

  Ash fell into step alongside her, forcing himself to be patient, to give her space, resisting the impulse to simply drag her into his arms and kiss her so thoroughly that she’d realise she couldn’t be without him either.

  But whether he won her or not, Ash finally acknowledged that he would rather have known this love with Fliss only to lose her, than the alternative. Never having had Fliss in his life, in his heart, woul
d have been worse than any pain he might suffer now if she walked away from him.

  They walked in silence. Going up the field, along the field at the top and back down to the pitches. Just when he thought it was going to all start falling down around him, she stopped as abruptly as she had started.

  ‘I want to talk to you, Ash.’ She turned to face him, an urgency in her tone. ‘I came here to talk to you. But now that you’re standing here I can’t find the words to explain. Especially with practically the whole battalion and their partners wondering what we’re doing out here.’

  Which meant the General would be wondering what the two of them were doing out here. He hadn’t thought that out properly when he’d steered Fliss by the elbow before.

  ‘Meet me tomorrow,’ he told her as he began jogging backwards, back towards his team.

  ‘Not later?’ She frowned uncertainly, but Ash couldn’t help that.

  ‘No. I’ve got something critical I can’t afford to put off.’

  And a match trophy he couldn’t afford not to bring home.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ‘COLONEL, GOOD TO see you again.’

  ‘Captain Wyland.’ Ash greeted the eager young officer warmly.

  ‘I believe I have you to thank for my appointment as ADC. So thank you, sir. It meant a lot.’

  The lad had been a second lieutenant in one of Ash’s units when Ash had marked him out as a potential high-flyer, and a possible aide-de-camp for a general. It was satisfying to see his instincts had been right. Not that he was about to say that to the Captain.

  ‘You were the one who put the extra effort in, so you don’t need to thank me,’ Ash replied firmly. ‘You worked for this promotion and you deserved it.’

  ‘Still, thank you, Colonel.’

  Ash dipped his head in concession.

  ‘Anyway, General Delaunay is just finishing up on the phone,’ the Captain apologised. ‘We’re running a little late, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Right,’ he offered grimly.

  Just about refraining from pacing the office, Ash considered his approach. He’d already pulled a considerable number of strings to get an audience with the General without the added complication of time constraints. He knew the man well enough on a professional basis, but turning up without an appointment to ask the General for his niece’s hand in marriage was a completely different thing.