Cinco De Murder

by Rebecca Adler

  “How do you know?” Lily walked up, her trumpet tucked under her arm. “You were in the back.

  “I object. The witness is accusing counsel of giving false testimony.”

  Patti delivered a playful punch to Lily’s shoulder. “Watch out, shrimp.”

  When Anthony gave Cindy a brief kiss, his bandmates broke into “Amor Eterno.” Tired feet be hanged, we began to twirl our skirts and prance around the embracing couple.

  “Bravo.” Ryan appeared at the back of our happy group. “Estúpido.”

  The dancing halted as we shook our heads in bemusement at Ryan’s poor attempt to speak Spanish. Immediately, the other dancers broke into smaller groups to revisit each stretch of the parade and their performance.

  “What did I say?” Ryan asked.

  “If you were going for Spanish that means stupid,” I said, breaking into exhausted and satisfied laughter. “Try estupendo or increíble next time.”

  “Thanks, Miss Know It All.” He gathered Lenny and me into a bear hug. “Way to charm the crowd, Lenster.”

  “Yip.”

  “Couldn’t have done it without you manhandling that box, Coach.”

  “Nice try. You’d have made it work without me, senorita.” He gave one of my braids a tug.

  In return, I knocked his West Texas baseball cap from his head.

  “Yip.”

  “Josie!” Aunt Linda called from the far side of the lot. “We’re heading back.” Her way of reminding me that Milagro’s customers would flood through the door any minute. She and Senora Mari hurried over to where Uncle Eddie’s white F150, bearing the familiar Two Boots dance hall logo, waited.

  “Duty calls.” It was our busiest day of the year, not a day to stand around soaking up the celebration with good friends.

  I was holding Lenny, but Ryan gently tapped one of my hands with his forefinger.

  “Yip.” My Chi responded, licking his finger.

  “Let’s get together later.” Ryan kept his gaze on Lenny’s ablutions.

  I shot a glance at my family, feeling their impatience for us to leave. “Sure, but we don’t close until nine o’clock.”

  His smile was warm and easy. “The band is playing at the gazebo all afternoon. Milagro closes at two, and if I know you, you can make it to the square by two fifteen if you put that sharp mind of yours to it.” He clasped his hands together and laid them over his heart. “If you need inspiration, think of me waiting, spurs on, hair combed, hands clapping.”

  I laughed, remembering his two left feet. “Can’t wait to see you in spurs. Have you been taking lessons?”

  “Come along this afternoon and find out.” He winked. “Later, Lenster.”

  “Yip.” Lenny raised his paw, and the two friends shook.

  A familiar horn blared. “Gotta go toss tortillas.”

  “Two fifteen. And don’t bother to change; the costume suits you.” If he hadn’t laughed, I might have taken his compliment seriously. Ryan was giving me his undivided attention today, but I was leery of the reason behind it. I had the notion it had something to do with Lightfoot stopping by Milagro earlier.

  Lenny and I hurried off. When we climbed into Uncle Eddie’s truck, we were met with silence. Each of my family members stared at me as if I’d grown another nose. Aunt Linda and Senora Mari didn’t hide their concern, while Uncle Eddie watched the scene unfold through his rearview mirror.

  “I recognize that look you’re wearing.” Aunt Linda carefully moved a strand of hair from my face.

  “She could do worse.” Uncle Eddie pulled out, careful to avoid a female rider leading a gorgeous quarter horse down the alley to a waiting trailer.

  Senora Mari’s gaze followed Ryan as he disappeared down the alley toward the crowd on Main Street. “You be careful. Don’t play with lightning.”

  “I didn’t hear anything about him in your dream this morning. You can’t throw him into your pot of forebodings willy-nilly.”

  “I can do what I please. I’m much older and wiser than you.” She reached up and took me by the chin. “You are too easily hurt. Protect yourself.” She locked eyes with me.

  “Okay.” I kept my voice low. “I hear you.”

  She released me and gave my cheek a pat. “And he’s not your type. You are simply bored.” Slowly she gave me the once-over and a sorrowful shake of her head. “And when young women are bored, watch out.”

  “Hold on, folks. Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt. Just because Ryan and I talk doesn’t mean anything’s going on.”

  “She’s heard you. Right, hon?” Aunt Linda asked with a wink.

  “Yip.”

  Senora Mari gave Lenny a nod. “I am always right. Wait and see.”

  Chapter 12

  Josie and Patti Do a Bit of Shopping

  “Josefina, stop hiding at the bar.” A tired abuela was a salty abuela. “Double-check those tables. Lunch service or no, I am going home for a foot soak.” Our staff had everything set up and raring to go when we returned from the parade, which gave me time to relax before we opened our doors.

  As Senora Mari made a dramatic exit through the kitchen, I eased off my stool onto my own tired feet. Fortunately for me, I’d changed into my flats once we’d returned from the parade. Lenny would be sure to mention in his next blog that black pumps should be sold as instruments of torture and permanently banned from the traditional folklórico costume.

  “Hey, Jos!” Patti Perez called as she banged on the front door like a one-woman SWAT team.

  “Hold your horses, woman.” I let her in and locked the door before any hungry customers could find their way inside.

  “Tell me you’re not going upstairs to take a nap.” She stepped into the waitress station and helped herself to a red tumbler of iced tea and a lemon.

  “Why? You got something better in mind?” From long experience, I knew that since Anthony had set up the dining room, he would expect to get the first two tables. Truth was, he could handle all of the tables in our casita wearing a blindfold with one hand tied behind his back. As long as I didn’t leave him alone for more than a half hour, he’d be grateful for the additional tips.

  “There’s a vendor on the street selling silver jewelry. I want to check him out.”

  “It’s too bad my bike needs a new tire.”

  “Why’s that?” she asked with a frown.

  “Because that’s the only way you’d get me on these stumps again.” I gestured to my aching feet.

  “Got any ice cream to go with that pity party of yours?”

  I laughed in spite of myself. “Hush. You’re the one who wants to check out the jewelry vendor, not me, you hussy.” Within the Broken Boot Feed and Supply, Patti sold feed, saddles, Western wear, and home furnishings, as well as beautiful silver and turquoise jewelry. After her parents passed away, she’d added the jewelry as an enhancement to draw not only farmers and ranchers, but their wives too.

  She sighed dramatically. “Can I help it if I appreciate the finer things in life?” She ran her fingers through her bottle-black hair.

  I threw a Windbreaker over my peasant blouse and found Lenny’s spare leash under the register.

  “Let’s hit it,” Patti said, already holding open the door. We eased our way onto Main Street. By that time, the crowd I’d seen along the parade route had long since dispersed into window-shoppers and a steady stream of lollygaggers, handling merchandise at the various vendor booths.

  “Let’s see what earthly delights wait to be discovered.” Even though it was May, I had a plan.

  “Don’t even try.”

  “What?” I asked innocently.

  “Yip.” Lenny’s bright eyes shone.

  “You. Shopping? I don’t know which one fits you less, shopping or curling your hair.”

  My hair was a tragic tale, best left untou
ched.

  I hated shopping for my family and friends for Christmas. Too much pressure to please. Too much to remember about their likes and dislikes. That sounds selfish, right? But frankly, no matter how much I tried to choose something that would express my sincere affection and set their eyes to sparkling, more than one would end up staring at their gift in confusion.

  “I’ve decided it would be smart to combine the Cinco de Mayo festivities that I love with the shopping that I hate.”

  “Browsing vendor stalls is totally nonthreatening,” she said, holding open Milagro’s door and then pulling it closed behind us.

  I ignored her sarcasm. “If I happen upon the perfect gift for Aunt Linda or a salty abuela, my time-management skills will have increased exponentially.”

  “Wie geht’s, Lenny?” Fred Mueller called from his booth across the street. The owner and proprietor of Fredericksburg Antiques was a spare man with a white mustache to match his short, salt-and-pepper hair. His sharp blue eyes and wire-framed glasses announced his keen intelligence and demanding personality. I had hoped to sneak by his enticing booth with its aroma of beef summer sausage and smoked cheese until we made our way back, but Lenny dug in his tiny heels and refused to walk, run, or march past the array of rich, fatty foods.

  “You’ll pay for this, bucko.” I scooped him into my arms.” If I gain so much weight I can’t take you for a walk, who suffers?”

  “Bring on the bacon.” Patti laughed at my expression; she could chug beers, eat a tubful of tamales, or whatever her heart desired without packing on the pounds.

  With deft precision, Fred straightened his display of gift baskets and cheese balls into straight rows. “Ah, my best customer.” He chucked Lenny under the chin.

  “How’s business?” I asked.

  “Yip, yip.” Lenny’s straw hat slid down over one ear as he raised up on his back legs to paw the air.

  “If only all my customers were as enthusiastic.” He opened his palm and presented a morsel of summer sausage, which Lenny politely swallowed in one gulp.

  “Store closed today?” I asked.

  His incredulous gaze made me squirm. “My sister Ilse is manning the shop this afternoon.”

  Patti pointed out a small gift basket perfect for Senora Mari. Throughout the year, my abuela cooked chorizo, but her guilty pleasure was hickory-smoked delicacies from the German descendants of local Texans.

  “Why sausage and cheese?” Goth Girl asked. “Is it a family thing?”

  He lowered his wire-rimmed glasses. “Ilse’s idea of a . . .” He pursed his lips. “What do you young people call it?” His expression cleared. “A side hustle.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. “Uh-huh.” I caught Lenny attempting to lick a sealed package of smoked gouda and moved him to my other arm. Ever persistent, he stuck his head under my arm and lunged for a sample of cherry venison jerky.

  “No!” Patti assumed the role of alpha dog with the flutter of an eyelash.

  “Oh, let him try one—someone’s got to.” He tossed Lenny a tidbit of jerky.

  “Yip.”

  “You’re welcome, canine.”

  Feeling guilty, I purchased the smoked Gouda gift box. “Too bad your nontraditional chili didn’t win first place this year. I thought it was yummy.” It was odd that Mueller didn’t appear to be in a particularly bad mood. Before this year’s ICA-sponsored event, the locals competed against one another mostly for bragging rights, but if Mueller didn’t win, I steered clear of his icy manner and accusatory stare for at least a good month, even giving his table at Milagro to Anthony.

  He frowned. “Your Uncle Eddie’s venison chili may have won last year, but this year I would have ground him into chili powder.”

  With a smile, Patti tried a sample of brie. “Too bad he couldn’t enter this year to prove you wrong.”

  “Of course not. The organizer of such an event must remain impartial.” With a little frown, he took a flowered dish towel and wiped the cutting board to clear off the crumbs Patti had left behind. “And he executed his plan with precision, no matter what members of the town council say.”

  I studied Mueller’s suddenly animated face and bright eyes. “What are they saying?” He was a terrible gossip, and a long-time, dedicated member of Broken Boot’s town council.

  After a brief hesitation, he withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket and began to clean his glasses. “The usual. Anytime there’s new blood on the council there’s a lot of Get rid of them and Impeach the no-good varmint.”

  Patti’s pierced eyebrow rose. “I can’t imagine Mayor Cogburn, or anyone else on the council, using that word.”

  He chuckled. “Nor I. But it was a good excuse to say the word varmint.”

  My heart sank. Uncle Eddie had put in long hours of worry and months of planning to impress that hard-to-please group of naysayers. “It wasn’t his fault someone was murdered before the event could even get started.”

  Mueller replaced his glasses and lowered them to the tip of his nose, the better to give me a hard look. “Holding a charity chili cook-off was a top-notch idea—even if I didn’t win. But asking the council to admit the event wasn’t ruined by the presence of an ambulance, the deputy cruisers, and officers questioning the contestants . . . ist eine ganz andere Frage.”

  I nodded sagely as if German were my second language and not something I’d heard only in the musical Cabaret.

  Patti patted me condescendingly. “Let me translate. They’re never going to let Eddie forget it.”

  “Is that really what you said?”

  He gave Patti a wink. “Nein.”

  “Will you keep me informed? I don’t want Uncle Eddie kicked off the council before he can prove himself to those old . . .”

  “Farts.” With a flourish of her napkin, Patti wiped a speck of brie from her mouth.

  Mueller’s gaze narrowed. “Would you like a ribbon for your new gouda?” He held up a large red ribbon that cost five dollars. It was an ordinary bow made of glittery ribbon, but I was willing to cough up the dough for the inside skinny on the town council members and their opinion of my uncle.

  I held out five ones. “Have we got ourselves a deal?”

  With a practiced hand, he grabbed the money, beribboned the gift box, and handed me my purchase. “More than one council member has sampled the gouda today.” He glanced up and down the sidewalk as if expecting them to pop out from the alleys and storefronts like a flash mob, and then he leaned across the table. “One even bragged about derailing the whole event.”

  My ears started to burn. “The chili cook-off?”

  He shrugged. “That is what I understood her to mean.”

  “Her?”

  Again, he zipped his lips, only this time he placed the imaginary key in the breast pocket of his plaid shirt.

  When a couple approached wearing matching How the West Was Won tees, Patti, Lenny, and I slipped away.

  “Some bribe.” Patti glanced over her shoulder. “He wouldn’t even give you a name.”

  “How many women do you think there are on the town council?”

  She looked at me and I looked at her. “Two,” we said in unison.

  Farther down the block, in front of Barnum and Hailey’s Emporium, we found Dani O’Neal and her kids.

  The small girl held out a baby doll to her mother. “Make it go potty,” she demanded.

  “We’re not buying nothing, so forget it.” Dani yanked the doll from her daughter’s hands and returned it to the display table filled with toys and novelty items.

  I turned abruptly, hoping for a fast getaway.

  “Too late.” Patti took my arm before I could step into oncoming traffic—anything to avoid what was coming. “You’re on her radar.”

  “What’s it going to take for me to get my money back?” Dani’s voice could’ve sliced gran
ite.

  “Money back?” I gave her my best confused and befuddled expression. “For what?”

  “For that fiasco you call a chili cook-off!”

  I glanced at Patti in exaggerated confusion. “Didn’t she win a prize?”

  Goth Girl gave Dani O’Neal a dead-eyed stare that would’ve frightened a water buffalo. “Is that the one that tasted like ant p—”

  “Your piddly prizes don’t make up for the torment and emotional stress placed upon my children.” Her other two children, young boys in shorts and scuffed cowboy boots, had donned UT cowboy hats from the table and were gleefully throwing an A&M football back and forth from one end of the display table to the other.

  “Clearly ravaged by the experience.” Patti caught the football midair and tossed it to Mr. Hailey.

  “You can shut up, whoever you are.”

  I stepped between Dani and Patti, intent on preventing my best friend from socking the other woman in the kisser.

  “Your faulty electricity killed Lucky. I’m going to bring you up on charges.”

  “Who died and made you sheriff?” Patti quipped.

  Dani feigned left and then lunged to my right, but I raised my arms to keep her out of Patti’s reach and a broken nose. “You ever heard of citizen’s arrest?”

  I glared at Goth Girl, and we locked eyes. Finally she took Lenny from my arms and stalked away. “Come on, Lenster. If I stand here any longer, I’m going to need a shovel to breathe.”

  “Yip.” Lenny made sure to lick Patti’s hand when she scratched him under the chin.

  “Uh, hem.” Mr. Hailey handed each O’Neal child a swirly bright-colored lollipop. “It’s a beautiful day to enjoy all the sights and tastes of Main Street. Wouldn’t want you to miss the free samples at Elaine’s Pies.”

  “I don’t like pie,” the little girl wailed.

  He chuckled as if she’d paid him a compliment. “A little birdie told me they might be giving away samples of their homemade ice cream.”

  “Let’s go!” the boys shouted in unison.