by J. E. Parker
As if hearing my thoughts, Evan squeezed me tighter. “I’m going to keep going,” he said. “I’m going to keep fighting. I don’t care what I’ve got to do, I’m going to fix myself.” His voice was filled with raw honesty. “I’m begging you, Hope”—he rocked me in his arms—“don’t give up on me, baby.”
I leaned against him, getting as close as I could. “I’ll never give up on you.” I lifted my finger into the air and kissed the side of his jaw. “And that’s a pinky promise.”
He wrapped his finger around mine. “You and me, Hope.”
Dropping my head back, I looked up at him. “Me and you, Evan.”
He lifted his bracelet covered wrist into the air. “Say it,” he whispered, his eyes pleading. “Just one more time.”
Unable to deny him, I licked my lower lip and said the words he wanted—no, needed—to hear. “I love you. More than all the stars in the sky.”
Evan’s face dipped closer to mine. I thought he would kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead, he whispered four of the sweetest words I’d ever heard.
Those four words? I love you too.
Twenty-Nine
Evan
Sitting on the picnic table beside Hope, I unzipped the backpack I'd brought with us.
She leaned over, trying to peek inside. "What's in there?"
Her eyes were still puffy, her cheeks still marred with tear tracks, and yet she wore one of the most beautiful smiles I'd ever seen.
And it was all because I'd finally confessed my feelings.
I told her I loved her.
Swimming in disbelief, I felt like I was floating.
I still couldn't believe I'd told her about Amira either. I hadn't meant to, and while I didn't go into detail about her or her death, I'd told someone.
And I said her name...
After three years, I’d finally said her name.
"Evan," Hope said, smacking my arm. "Are you trying to kill me with anticipation or what?" Her eyes twinkled, and my palms began to sweat.
Fuck, I love this girl.
"Nah, baby, I'm not." Reaching into the backpack, I pulled out the stuff I hoped would make her happy. Hands shaking, I locked gazes with her. "Close your eyes." Her eyes slid closed. "Good girl. Now hold out your hands, palm up." Again, she did as I'd asked. Clenching my jaw, I pulled out her gifts and laid them in her waiting hands.
Hope's eyes popped open, and my heart stopped beating.
Please don't get upset. Please don't spiral. Please don't cry.
She took a few seconds to process what she was seeing, but once she did, her chin began to wobble. "Evan," she whispered my name. "You... you..." Her voice trailed off as the first wave of tears spilled down her cheeks. "I can't. Not anymore. It's too—"
I placed my finger under her chin and turned her face to meet mine. I wasn't about to sit there and listen to her to tell me that she couldn't draw anymore. It didn't escape me that she hadn't picked up a single art pencil since Ryker died. But that shit was over. "It's time, baby." She tried to shake her head but I wrapped my hand around his jaw, stopping all movement. "Hope, listen to me"—I pointed at the drawing pad, charcoal pencils, and gel pens she held in her hands—"I refuse to let this shit go on anymore. I know I'm messed up, baby, and I'm trying my hardest to fix myself. But I am done, and I mean done, with letting you walk around in a haze."
Her body shook as she cried harder. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my lap and hug her tight but I couldn't. I needed her to understand that she couldn't keep going on the way she had been for the past three years. It didn't matter what I had to do, I would fix her along with myself. I may still have been hiding secrets—ones I'd never divulge—but that didn't mean we couldn't be happy
My girl has suffered enough... This shit ends now.
"Ryker would whip both of our asses if he knew how we'd turn out." Unable to keep her at arm's length any longer, I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against my side. "Me and you, little bit, this is our fresh start. Let's seize it by the balls, yeah?"
She gave me a quick, jerky nod. "Yeah."
Taking the drawing pad from her hands, I flipped it open to the first blank page. Then, I took a pre-sharpened pencil out of the pack before handing them both back to her. "Tonight was the first time I ever told you I loved you." More crying, more tears. "And I want to remember it forever." I cleared my throat and pointed at the clear sky. "Draw it for me, baby." Shifting my weight, I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and opened it. Pulling out the folded sheet of paper I always kept there, I handed it to her. "Open it."
Carefully unfolding the edges, she did as I said. Then, she gasped. "You kept it?" Her eyes met mine. "After all this time?"
"I did," I replied as I waited for her to see the words I'd scrawled across the top of the drawing she'd given me the night before my last deployment. "Look at it, Hope. I mean, really look at it."
She hesitantly pulled her eyes from mine and scanned the paper. The moment her eyes found my handwriting, her shoulders tensed. "You meant it."
"Meant what?" I asked, confused.
Her tear-filled eyes met mine again. "The day you and Ryker left to go back to Lejeune, you promised me forever." She pointed at the top of the drawing where I'd written five small words. Those five words? Hope is my forever girl. "You really meant it."
I nodded. "It's a promise I intend to keep."
Clutching the picture to her chest, Hope wrapped her arms around my neck and lied her head on my shoulder. "Say it," she said. "Say the words just one more time, Evan. Please."
I didn't hesitate. "I love you, Hope. And like the stars, you and I are forever, baby."
That night was only the beginning.
Thirty
Hope
It was Saturday, Felix's official move in day.
After leaving Evan sleeping in bed, I descended the back stairs of the Shelter. I still had a few things—mostly paperwork—that I needed to take care of before heading to Shelby’s house for the day. Thanks to all the crap happening in my personal life over the past few weeks, I was behind on work.
It was inexcusable.
My mama taught me better than this.
Determined to get caught up on everything, I hummed to myself as I weaved my way through the maze-like Shelter halls making my way to the main office. When I got there, I expected to see Clara sitting behind the desk since she still had a little over thirty minutes left before her shift was over, but I didn't.
Instead, I found Shelby.
Busy talking to someone on the phone, she didn't offer me a single glance as I stepped inside and made my way over to the filing cabinet. Pulling open the top drawer, I slid my fingers over each file until I found the one Iwas looking for.
As I pulled the manila folder out, I heard Shelby ask, "Are you sure," in a shaky, tear-filled voice. Wide-eyed, I spun around. I wasn't sure why Shelby was on the verge of tears, but I knew it couldn't be good.
At least, I didn't think it could be.
It turns out, I was wrong.
Standing from the desk chair, she'd been sitting on, she stared at me, an unreadable expression etched on her face. I dropped the file onto the top of the small table to my right and moved around the desk toward her.
"No, I don't have any more questions. Thank you so much for calling."
A second later, she hung up.
Immediately, I asked, "What's going on?"
Head bowed, Shelby stood with her hands planted flat on the desk.
"Blondie," I said, stepping closer. "Talk to me."
She looked up and her gaze locked with mine. "That was Lanie Miller from Children's Health and Welfare." Heart pounding, I waited for her to continue. "She called to tell me I'm officially a licensed foster parent. Paperwork won't be here until next week, but it's been signed and filed with the state."
My throat felt like it was swelling shut. "Shelby, that's—"
She held up her hand, cutting me off.
"I get to take Ashley home with me today." A torrent of tears slid down her face as her entire body shook. "And it's all because of you."
I sucked in a breath.
"I'm not stupid, Hope. I realize that without your recommendations and you running interference with Lanie that I never would've been approved." A small, sarcastic smile played at her lips. "Not before I married Anthony, anyway." Gripping the edges of the desk, she leaned forward. "I don't know how I'll ever thank you."
She didn't need to thank me. I'd just been doing my job.
When asked if I thought Shelby would be a good fit for Ashley,
I'd answered honestly and without personal bias. My answer? There was no one better for Ashley than Shelby.
It was the truth.
Not only was Shelby loving, caring, and nurturing, but she'd survived a childhood that was similar to Ashley's. If there was anybody who could pull Ashley out of the shell she lived in, it was her.
Of that, I had no doubt.
I opened my mouth to tell her that but stopped when Ashley, of all people, stepped into the office. "Hey, Shel, I—"
Looking from Shelby to me, she snapped her mouth shut. "Oh my Gosh," she said, covering her mouth with her hands. "I'm so sorry, y'all. I didn't mean to interrupt." Taking a step back, she hooked her thumb and pointed over her shoulder. "I'll wait out in the hall until you're done."
She'd just turned around when Shelby said her name, stopping her in her tracks. "Ashley, wait. I need you to do so something for me."
Ashley's eyes met Shelby's. "Sure. Just tell me what you need."
"What I need," Shelby replied, standing tall, "is for you to go into the main room and pack up all of your stuff."
Ashley's face fell as a mixture of terror and worry set in. I had no doubt she thought we were sending her back to the rundown trailer she’d grown up in. Little did she know, that would never happen. Long as she lived, she'd never have to see the horrible place again.
I'd made sure of that.
Seeing the look of horror on Ashley's face, Shelby rushed to continue. "It's time to pack up your stuff because I'm taking you home…" The tears Shelby had been fighting back fell. "… with me."
Ashley froze.
Chin wobbling, she bounced her gaze between Shelby and me before settling it back on her new foster mom. "You're taking me home with you?" She asked, her voice filled with caution. "For good?"
Shelby smiled. Big. "Yeah, sweet pea, for good."
Ashley didn't bother to fight the tears like Shelby had. Running forward, she wrapped her arms around Shelby's waist and buried her face atop her shoulder. She sobbed causing her body to jerk repeatedly.
Overwhelmed with my own emotions, I moved toward them. Catching Shelby's eye, I smiled. Pointing at the door, I whispered, "I'll be in the main room. If you need anything radio me."
Continuing to hold Ashley, Shelby nodded in reply.
I turned on my heel and headed for the hall. When I was about to step out of the office, Shelby called my name, stopping me in my tracks. "Hope, stop." Her voice shook with each word.
I looked at her over my shoulder, “Yeah, Blondie?"
Her blue eyes were filled with so much emotion I couldn't decipher one from the next. "Thank you." She squeezed Ashley tight against her. "From the bottom of my heart, thank you."
I lifted my hand to my mouth and blew her a kiss. "Take care of our girl. That's the only thanks I need."
Nodding once, Shelby closed my eyes. "I will."
"I know you will." My smile grew, stretching across my entire face. "Love you, Shelby. Now take your new daughter home." Both women froze at my words. Still, I continued. "I'll be over there in a bit to help you get both her and Felix all moved in."
Smiling, I walked out the door.
Thirty-One
Hope
It was almost noon when I parked my decade old Civic in Shelby and Anthony’s paved driveway. On my right sat Anthony’s Yukon and parked behind that was Shelby’s old beat up pick-up truck.
I climbed out of the car and walked around to the trunk before popping it open. Grabbing a dozen Target bags out of the trunk, I made my way toward the front porch, my Old Navy flip flops slapping the concrete sidewalk with each step I took.
Anthony must've seen me pull up because he opened the front door, his signature cocky grin in place, and walked outside, meeting me halfway. "Don't you know you're supposed to make Evan carry that stuff for you, itty bitty? You're too small to carry that much shit."
I rolled my eyes. "Puh-lease. I'm superwoman, didn't you know? Besides, he had an appointment. He won't be here for another hour." I didn’t tell him it was a therapy appointment. Far as I was concerned, my big guy seeing a shrink was between him, me, and the fly on the wall.
Anthony reached for the bags. "Alright, superwoman, it's time for you to take a break. Hand it all over."
Huffing out a breath, I gave him all the bags. "Fine. You carry that, and I'll get the rest."
He arched a lone brow. "There's more?"
I stared at him for a moment before replying. "Well, duh. I went shopping for a teenage girl. Do you know how much stuff that entails? Well, let me tell you, I practically cleaned out the entire store."
"What is it with women and Target?" Before I could say a word, he kept speaking. "Swear to Christ, every time Shelby goes in there for two things she comes out with fifty."
Tossing my head back, I laughed. Hard.
"Maddie does the same thing," Hendrix said, walking up behind me. Startled by the sound of his sudden deep baritone, I jumped. I hadn't even heard his footsteps. "I don't think she's ever walked out of that place without spending at least a hundred bucks." He came to a stop beside me. I almost squealed with excitement when I saw him wearing Melody in a baby carrier on his chest. "It's ridiculous, man."
Men!
Elbowing him softly in the side, I nodded toward Melody. "How about I take Melly Belly inside while you get the rest of the stuff out of the trunk?" I smiled. "Pleaseeee."
A frustrated look crossed his face. "I haven't even made it in the house yet and somebody is already trying to steal my baby."
Raising my now empty hands in the air, I slipped my hands under Melody's little arms and lifted her out of the carrier. Hugging her against my chest, I stuck my tongue out at him. "She has officially been stolen. Now get the stuff out of the car before I have to call your wife and tattle on you for being a baby hogging, Mr. Grumpy Pants."
Hendrix narrowed his eyes. "Fine but you better take care of her."
"I will."
"I mean it. Don't let her out of your sight, Hope."
"Oh for Pete's sake, Hendrix," I hissed, exasperated. "She's only five months old. She isn't going to walk off."
Grunting, he stared down at me with hard eyes.
“Just go, Hendrix. I’ve got this.”
Leaning down he pressed a kiss to the top of Melody's hand. His face softened. "Love you, peanut."
At the display of fatherly affection, I teared up a little.
Seeing the way Hendrix was with Melody made me wonder how Evan would be with our child if we ever had one.
Would he be as protective?
As caring?
As loving?
I knew the answer to all three questions was a resounding yes. There was no doubt in my mind that Evan would be a fantastic father. He was already an amazing uncle to Isabella, and oh my god, the way he loved her... It made my heart swell to think about it.
"Hey, Muffin," Shelby shouted from the doorway, "it's about time you got here. We've been waiting for you for the last hour."
Turning around, Anthony looked at his fiancée with love-filled eyes. Seeing him look at her like she’d hung the moon and the stars would never get old. After the life Shelby had endured before meeting him, she deserved nothing less than a man who treated her like pure gold.
And that’s exactly what Anthony did.
"She stopped at Target and cleaned out the entire sto
re," he said, nodding in my direction. “I don’t know if we bought Ashley enough furniture to store all these clothes.”
"That’s what closets are for, Stud Muffin,” Shelby said. Her eyes bounced to me. “Clara went shoe shopping for her. She should be back any minute.” She smiled. “And Maddie went to pick up the bedding and bathroom stuff she had Ashley pick out online.
Oh boy. Ashley wasn't going to know what to do with herself.
“What about Felix?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder at Hendrix, who was still getting stuff out of my trunk. Arms laden with bags, he glared at me.
I smiled and winked in return.
“We’ve already furnished the apartment, loaded him up on groceries for the fridge he has in there, and bought him new bedding and toiletries. Grandmama is handling the rest.”
I nodded before pressing a kiss to the crown of Melody’s head. Her little puffs of breath ghosted over my chest, warming my heart. “Alright, so, what else do we need to do?”
Shelby opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut when a beaming Ashley appeared in the doorway beside her. “Hope!” She squeaked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Come see my new room!”
She looked more excited than a kid in a candy shop.
“Sure thing, babydoll.” I put one foot in front of the other and walked onto the porch before nodding toward the inside of the house. “Show me the way.”
With another excited shriek, Ashley turned on her heel and bolted up the front stairs.
Carrying Melody in my arms, I followed behind her.
I was sitting on the floor in Ashley’s new bedroom.
Holding a sleeping Melody in my arms, and a giggling Lucca draped across my lap, I was attempting—keyword here, attempting—to help Ashley organize the dozens of bottles of brightly colored nail polish she now had thanks to Shelby. The amount of teen-themed make-up, nail polish, body spray, and hair accessories she now owned made my head spin.