by J. E. Parker
My own tears started to blur my vision.
“I couldn’t understand a word she said except that you’d been shot.” Pausing, she clutched Melody tighter and took a breath. “And since that moment, I don’t think I’ve taken a single breath.”
My throat still burned and my lips were chapped so badly they had begun to peel, but I ignored both of those things and forced myself to speak. “Mad—”
“I almost lost you.”
The door to my hospital room opened and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hendrix step inside. At the sight of me being awake, he exhaled, his shoulders slumping in relief.
“And I can’t ever lose you, Hope.” Maddie still hadn’t seen Hendrix come in. “I love Shelby and the other girls to death but it was you that pulled me through the darkest time of my life.” Standing from the chair, she readjusted Melody and started to pat her back. “You were there for me when I lost Hendrix and you were there the day that I buried my son.” Bending forward, Maddie began to sob, unable to hold in the pain any longer as horrible memories from the past surfaced. “You held me as they lowered Sean’s casket into the ground and you laid with me in bed, your arms wrapped around me tight as I cried myself to sleep every night during the months that followed.”
With tears falling down his own cheeks, Hendrix moved forward and took Melody from her arms. Then, using his free arm, he wrapped it around her waist and pulled her back into his side. “Calm down, pretty girl. We don’t need to upset Hope.”
Maddie shook her head back and forth before gripping the hospital bed rails. “You almost left me,” she said, ignoring her husband. “You almost left Melody.” Her eyes met mine. “Do you know what that would have done to me? To us? For us to never see your beautiful smile again?” More sobbing. “It would’ve torn our entire family apart if we lost you.”
“I couldn’t let him shoot her.” My voice sounded rougher than sandpaper but at least I could speak. “Her boys need her, Mad. I don’t… I don’t…” Tears clogging my throat made it dang near impossible to get the words out. “Besides Evan, no one needs me.”
Speaking of Evan…
I needed to see him.
Not bothering to ask Maddie if he was still alive or not—I knew in my heart he was and I refused to believe otherwise—I dug my elbows into the bed’s mattress and tried to push myself to a sitting position.
I tried and failed.
I didn’t even make it an inch before my muscles gave way and I slipped back to the mattress. Pain, dull and incessant, spread through my chest at the slight movement.
“Don’t you friggin’ move,” Maddie hissed, her eyes nearly bulging out of her head. “What are you trying to do? Rip open your gosh dang chest? You were shot, Hope. A bullet missed your heart by less than an inch and—”
“Evan,” I cried, angry tears spilling down my puffy cheeks. “I need Evan, Maddie.” My gaze swung to Hendrix. “Hendrix, please.” Violently shaking my head back and forth, I stared up at the ceiling. “I need to get to him; need to see him.” The machine that monitored my heart rate began to beep faster, keeping in time with my rising pulse.
“Shit,” Hendrix cursed, handing Melody back to Maddie. Dropping the bed rail next to me, he sat on the edge of the mattress and placed his hands on the sides of my face. “Stop moving,” he demanded, his tone firm. “If your heart rate keeps climbing, it will set off an alarm at the nurses station and they’ll rush in here and give you meds that will knock you out.”
“No,” I whispered, panicked. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to get to Evan even though I was determined to find a way. I didn’t care if I had to crawl or run someone over with a wheelchair, I was going to find him. “I need Evan.”
I wasn’t worried about my wound bursting open or my heart spilling out of my chest. The only thing that scared me was not seeing my big guy again. If he didn’t pull through; if he didn’t wake up… that would be it for me.
“Damn it, Hope,” Hendrix cursed as I continued to freak out, fighting to push myself up. Weaker than a butterfly, I could hardly lift my arms, much less climb out of bed. “If you’ll calm down, I’ll take you to him.”
I momentarily paused fighting.
Looking from him to Maddie, I asked, “Is he awake yet?”
Her hesitation was the only answer I needed.
Gritting my teeth, I called on all the strength that I had left in me, which let’s face it, wasn’t much, and snapped, “Get your hands off me, Hendrix.” I managed to push myself to my elbows though the move made my head spin. “I’m not waiting on you…” I paused, taking a breath. “… to take me. I need him. Now.”
The monitor beeped faster and the pressure in my chest built.
“Hope, goddamn, calm down,” Hendrix nearly yelled. “You’re going to—”
A second later the room door was pushed open and a nurse, the same one from the night before, burst in, followed by Dr. Hudson.
“Ms. Peterson,” Dr. Hudson said. “I need you to calm down for me.”
Fighting for breath, I shook my head back and forth. “No,” I hissed. “I need to see him.” Dr. Hudson wrapped his fingers around my wrist in an attempt to check my pulse; I quickly snatched my arm away. Well, as quickly as I could under the circumstances. “Don’t touch me!”
At that point, I was manic; completely unhinged.
Tears filled my eyes as Mama, followed by Keith rushed into the room. “What’s going on?” Mama asked, a look of panic etched across her beautiful face.
Dr. Hudson didn’t answer her right away. Instead, he looked at Nurse Karen and said something that I couldn’t understand. A heartbeat later, she produced a syringe which she proceeded to inject into my IV.
Within seconds, my eyelids grew heavy.
Muscles relaxing, my back sunk into the beds mattress.
Unable to hold on much longer, I let my eyes slide closed.
My last thought as I slipped into the abyss? Please, Evan, just hold on.
Forty-Six
Evan
I was back in Iraq.
Standing in the middle of a sand field outside of Baghdad, I stared down at Amira’s grave with angry tear-filled eyes. I never thought I’d see it again but somehow I’d managed to dream my way back to the place where everything fell apart.
Just my fucking luck.
Kneeling down, I dusted off the small grave marker I’d secured in place three years earlier using a spare piece of rope and a couple of rusty railroad spikes. It was a shit job, but it was the best I could do at the time.
Blowing out a breath, I ran my hand over the place where I’d scrawled her name across a sand colored boulder. “You deserved better than this,” I whispered, my heart squeezing in my chest. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you.”
Standing, I slid my hands into the pockets of my slacks. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I should’ve been able to since it’s what I was trained to do. But I fucked up, little one. I lost my head, acted too quickly.” Hands clenched into fists at my side, I continued. “But I meted out justice. The man who hurt you, along with the others who failed to protect you, all died at my hands, beautiful girl.”
If only I could kill them all over again…
“None of them will hurt anyone else. I made sure of that.”
Unable to bear the pain any longer, I was half a second away from closing my eyes and forcing myself to wake up from the nightmare I found myself trapped in when a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.
“You motherfucking dickhead!” Ryker barked from behind me.
Ryker?
Spinning around so fast my head spun, I came face-to-face with the asshole that had been my best friend since before I could sing the alphabet.
No damn way, I thought. I know this is a dream but fuck!
I blinked to clear my eyes.
“Yeah, I’m really standing here,” he snapped. “Not all ghosts are see through, jackass.”
Ghosts? What in the act
ual hell is going on?
“I have no clue what you’re talking about, dipshit,” I admitted, swaying on my feet. My side ached, and I was short of breath yet I didn’t know why.
“Yeah, well, you’re about to be a hell of a lot more confused when I smack you upside your watermelon sized head a few times.” Crossing his arms over his chest, he glared at me, a pissy look etched on his face. A face that was almost identical to Hope’s.
“Tell me, asshole… What part of take care of my shortcake did you misinterpret? Cause I’ve gotta say—you’ve been doing a shit job at doing what I asked.”
“I know,” I replied, not bothering to deny it. “I’ve fucked up…”
“… Numerous damn times,” Ryker finished for me. “Now tell me why before I drop kick your sorry ass to the moon.”
“Why?” I snapped. “Are you serious right now?”
Ryker rolled his eyes. He looked so much like Hope at that moment that it made my gut twist.
My Little bit… I need her.
“Yes, I’m serious,” he drawled in a smartass tone. “Tell me why you’ve been treating my pride and joy like crap, Sergeant Morgan.”
Since Ryker’s death, I’d had numerous people confront me over the way I treated Hope. Shelby, Maddie, Clara, Grandmama, hell even Pop had gotten in my face more than once about it. I was used to it. Yet there was something about Ryker confronting me about it—even if it is a dream—that gutted me.
Overwhelmed with emotion, I exploded.
“Because I fucked up!” That was the bottom line. “It was my mistake that you got and Amira killed and it was my goddamn mistake that tore Hope apart!”
Why is this so hard for people to understand?
Ryker looked at me like I was stupid. “So your solution was to hurt her more by pushing her away? Oh yeah, that sounds like a great plan.”
I opened my mouth to speak but Ryker kept yelling, cutting me off. “Besides, it wasn’t your damn fault.”
“Yes it was,” I argued like a damn kid. “If I hadn’t lost my head, if I hadn’t chased after Amira, if I hadn’t given her that fucking chocolate—”
I stopped speaking when my head felt like it would explode. Clutching the sides of my skull with my hands, I dropped to my knees. “Fuck!” I screamed as the pain and pressure continued to build. Slamming my eyes shut, I inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth.
Ignoring the pain I was in, Ryker continued to rant and rave, “I chose to follow you into that alley, shithead. Just like I chose to jump in front of that bullet to save your sorry ass.”
Fighting back the agony splicing through my brain, I looked up at him. “Why?”
“Why?” He asked, repeating my question.
I stood. “Yeah. Why, motherfucker? Why would you save me knowing how much it would hurt your sister? You should’ve just let me die!”
Ryker’s face contorted in rage. “You think it destroyed her when I died? Well, Sergeant shitface, it would have destroyed her life if you’d been the one to go home in a pine box. Want to know why?”
I jerked my head down once in quick affirmation.
“Well, here’s your answer—I chose you because you are her future, Evan. You’re her goddamn soulmate!” He sucked in a ragged breath. “You only have one of those and I’d be damned if I’d rob my little sister of that.”
“How?” I asked around the agony trying to choke the life right out of me. “How do you know?”
“Because she told me!”
Hold up.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Ryker exhaled. “She was five.” He couldn’t be serious. “It was the day she fell out of the treehouse and broke her arm. Remember that?”
I nodded once. “Yeah.”
“Remember how she wouldn’t let anybody touch her? Not daddy, not Mama, not me.” I did remember. “But she let you touch her.” An emotion that I couldn’t decipher flashed in his eyes, making me unsettled. “She let you help her up off the ground and into the back of Mama’s Corolla so we could take her to the hospital.”
She had. How could I forget this?
“And it was you that she let hold her hand through the x-rays and cast application.” Again, he said, “Not daddy, not Mama, not me. It was you, Evan.”
After a brief pause, he continued. “It’s always been you.”
My head spun. “What exactly did she tell you?”
At my question, Ryker’s head dropped forward.
“Answer me!”
Looking up, his pain-filled eyes met mine again. “She said you were the only one who made the pain better.” I opened my mouth to respond, but he kept speaking. “And then she told me that she wanted to keep you forever. Her words combined with your actions and I knew...”
“You knew what?”
A lone tear slipped free of Ryker’s eyes. “I knew that one day I’d lose her to you.” Pulling his gaze from mine, he looked away. “It just happened a lot differently than I thought it would.”
Fucking Christ.
“Do you regret it?” I asked, choking up.
A small smile played at his lips. “Nah, man. Not once.” Squatting down, he picked up a handful of sand and tossed it into the air. “Even when you were treating her like shit, I didn’t regret it. Was I pissed? Yeah and I still am. But I figured you’d pull your head out of your ass, eventually.” His eyes cut to mine. “Took you long enough.”
I chuckled. “Still working on it.”
“Yeah,” Ry replied, standing. “I hope so because you don’t have a lot of time left.”
I froze. “A lot of time left for what?”
A shit-eating grin spread across his face. “Until you get my gift.”
I was about to ask him what he was talking about when I heard Clara’s voice in my head. Her agonized pleas filled my ears, blocking everything else out. “Evan, you big bastard! Please,” she cried, “you’ve got to come back. Hope needs you.” I heard her choked sob and felt her pain deep in my chest. “We all need you.”
“Times up, Sergeant Morgan.” Ryker continued to smile. “As much as I like busting your acorn sized balls, my sister needs you.”
Acorn sized my ass.
“Ry, how do I—”
“Before you go, someone wants to say hi.”
Confused, I furrowed my brow. “Who?”
He pointed off into the distance. Following the trajectory of his finger, I searched for what—or who—he was trying to show me.
A second later, my eyes landed on her.
Amira.
Standing at the edge of the sand field, she waved her arm around in the air. “Hi, Choc-a-lot-tey!” She yelled before shifting her gaze to Ryker. “Hi, Ry Ry!”
Gut twisting into a thousand knots, I waved back.
“She wants you to know that she’s okay,” Ryker said, pulling my eyes from Amira to him. “And she wants you to know that there’s nothing for you to be sorry for. She’s happy where she is now.” His signature cocky ass smirk spread across his face. “Besides, she gets to spend all day with me now. What’s better than that?”
Idiot.
Blinking back tears, I managed to choke out, “You better take care of her dickface. If not, I swear I’ll find a way back here so I can beat your ass black and blue.”
Call me crazy, but Amira was special to me. Always had been.
Ryker rolled his eyes again. “Threatening to beat a dead guy? Classy, Sarge. Real classy.” He threw a half-assed punch to my chest. “I’ll take care of Amira, man. I love that kid.” He momentarily paused. “But you better promise to take care of my Shortcake.” Before I could reply, he added, “For real this time, Evan. No bullshit. She deserves better than the shit you’ve been handing her.”
“I know,” I replied, dropping my head. “Trust me, I fucking know.”
Not missing a beat, Ry continued speaking. “I mean it, shithead. This needs to be closure for you. Whether you accept it as such is up to you but the way I s
ee it, you’ve only got two choices.”
“Yeah?” I asked. “And what two choices are those?”
“Choice one, you accept the fact that what happened to Amira, and me isn’t your fault and you move on. You marry my sister, you build a family with her and you have a good life. Choice two, you keep wallowing in your own guilt until you drown in it. The former makes you a happy man, and the latter means you’ll die miserable and alone.”
“Now, do me a favor and confess all your bullshit to my sister and choose the first option. Start over with a clean slate and give her the happily ever after she deserves. Got it?”
Did I have it?
“Yeah, corporal, I’ve got it.”
“Alright, so promise me.”
Holding up my pinky in the air, I said, “I pinky promise, shithead.”
Ry wrapped his finger around mine. It had to be one of the most awkward things I’d ever done. “It’s a done deal.” Tossing his arms around me, he pulled me close and patted me on the back twice before dropping his arms and taking a step back. “Now get your ass back to my sister before the redheaded chick works herself into a frenzy.”
“How?” I asked, still confused. “How do I go back?”
Ryker dropped his head back in exasperation. “How many damn times am I gonna have to do this today?”
I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Close your eyes, Sergeant Buttsniffer.”
Chuckling, I closed my eyes.
“Now take a deep breath.”
Doing exactly as Ry said, I took a deep breath.
Forty-Seven
Evan
It was 7:42 at night when I woke up.
The first thought that ran through my head was of my girl.
I have to find her.
I need to make sure she’s okay.
Lying on my back, I blinked to clear the milky haze that covered my eyes.
Soon as I can see, I’m going to find her.
Like at the Shelter, the smell of bleach and disinfectant lingered in the air making it hard to breathe. Lungs irritated by the strong smell, I coughed once. Pain, hot and fiery, streaked through my chest at the move.