Arzee the Dwarf

by Chandrahas Choudhury

  He walked out of the building, and looked up at Phiroz’s. He didn’t need to call out, because the girl Shireen was sitting right there at the window, her face raised towards the night sky and the moon. She wore a white sleeveless blouse, her hair was tied back in a ponytail, and the expression on her face was serene. Her nose was not like Phiroz’s at all. Arzee stood still, entranced by the picture. As he watched, the girl’s fingers went to a pendant on her throat, and then groped for something on the window sill. A crust of bread came flying down and hit him on the shoulder, but the girl did not look down.

  Arzee realized that Phiroz’s daughter was blind.

  EIGHT

  Deepakbhai, Work,

  Love, and God

  ‘…I should have just gone to Dubai, Deepakbhai, I should have just gone to Dubai. When I was nineteen I had an offer to work there at a five-star hotel, but because there was a place for me at the Noor I didn’t even think about it a second time. But I made a mistake, Deepakbhai, because now I see I’ve been walking up a dead end all these years. It’s only a day since I saw you last, Deepakbhai – a day and a few hours – but it’s like a year has gone by. I know what you’re thinking. It was so stupid of me not to go to Dubai, when everybody else is dying to get there. And I agree with you. But that’s how I am! I think from the heart – from here, Deepakbhai, and not from here! And I’ve been happy all these years, so it’s not like I haven’t been happy, but today I’m cleaned up, Deepakbhai, so all those times have become small. Put yourself in my shoes, Deepakbhai. Imagine for a moment that the syndicate’s not behind you any more, and you’re out on your own in this world, and also that you’re small like me, and everyone looks at you strangely – then you’ll know what I’m feeling. I could have not come this evening after all this, Deepakbhai. But I didn’t want you to get into trouble with your people, so I came, and brought the money. Please write off my remaining payments now, Deepakbhai. I’m squashed under a hundred other things anyway. And after all it was just money on paper to begin with – it never really existed! Otherwise I’ll have to borrow money from my mother, Deepakbhai, and you don’t know what that means.’

  ‘Hmm-mm,’ said Deepak.

  ‘Deepakbhai, I…

  Deepakbhai,’ said Arzee, and in all this there wasn’t anything he said that he had not said already. ‘Eh? Deepakbhai?’

  The clock on the wall made a sound, and a little wooden bird hopped out of a door and cheeped ten times. Deepak grunted, and with a flick of the TV remote he switched off the episode of India Victorious he had been watching.

  ‘Really, what a talker you are!’ he said. ‘They should put you in the Lok Sabha. But my memory doesn’t lie. Tendulkar could really play when he was young.’

  Deepak was sprawled in a big, padded armchair, and his legs were resting on a small table. Arzee was sitting on the sofa opposite him. The soles of Deepak’s feet were black. He was wearing his faded black jeans and an olive-green vest with the picture of a bulldog on it. When framed against his wife, working at her sewing-machine, her tongue stuck frowningly into her cheek, against the simple and bright furnishings and pictures, against the photograph of either his or her parents on the wall, and against the football and the green rubber chicken lying on the floor, Deepak didn’t look like the stoned, the fearsome Deepak, who was the only Deepak Arzee knew. He seemed like any normal husband and father, stretching his legs at home in the evening after the day’s work. Arzee could never have imagined this domesticated air of Deepak’s, or that he could have such a pretty and accomplished wife, whom he had done nothing to deserve. He kept looking at Deepak, and finally Deepak seemed to forget Tendulkar and remember him. Deepak stretched his arms above his head.

  ‘What can I say?’ he said. ‘You know it. I’m not pleased to hear this. Not pleased at all.’

  Arzee blinked, and his legs shook slightly in the air. Deepak was not pleased. That meant he was upset. But upset how? Upset with him, or upset for him? He couldn’t tell.

  ‘It’s our country’s independence day tomorrow, Deepakbhai, but there’s nothing in it for me,’ he offered.

  ‘Don’t feel so left out. There’s nothing in it for me either,’ said Deepak, and yawned.

  Arzee said to himself, ‘I’ll go now. Deepak’s safe for a month now that I’ve given him the money, so he’s thinking he’ll deal with me next month. What does it matter to me? I might not be around next month either – I might have left this wretched city. I’ve been talking all evening, but this is the reason why I can’t stop, because I’ll return to gnawing at myself like this! – Deepak hasn’t asked me to leave yet, so I’ll stay a bit longer. Five more minutes! They haven’t been bad to me – maybe they’re listening after all. Shall I tell them about my visit to Phiroz’s? It was all so strange, like a dream. No…this is where I always make a mistake! I’ll get them to speak, and I’ll do the listening.’

  ‘I can see that you’re thinking something, Deepakbhai,’ he said, sitting up straighter. ‘I think you’re thinking of your children. Will they be back soon from their tuitions?’

  ‘I’m thinking that if you’re thinking you would have had a better life in Dubai, then you’re a fool,’ said Deepak. ‘The syndicate’s got a branch in Dubai. Just last year, we started. I’ve been there – would’ve been there twice, in fact, but once I came down with dengue. Trust me, it isn’t as great as you think. It’s the same shit. We Indians just think that working abroad is great.’

  ‘You’ve been to Dubai? Then why didn’t you say so all this while, Deepakbhai?’

  ‘Did you give me even one second to say anything? You’re like the Rajdhani Express. Once you start you only stop after three hours.’

  ‘I didn’t know you guys were so big, Deepakbhai.’

  ‘So big? We’re even bigger than you think. Don’t go by the look of our place. We’ve got to keep that look for business reasons. But we’ve got contacts all around the world. I’ve got more than six hundred numbers on my phone, all business contacts. And there’s an international country code on maybe a hundred of those.’

  ‘That’s quite something, Deepakbhai. I don’t think I’ve made an international call in my whole life.’

  ‘Just because you’re small, it doesn’t mean we can’t be big,’ said Deepak, and he began looking around the objects and furniture in the room, like Brahma surveying creation. ‘If you want something from any place in the world, we can get it, so long as you can pay the price. If you want us to track someone down, we can find him.’

  ‘Any one? What’re you saying, Deepakbhai?’

  ‘Of course. Just give us a name and a description, and we’ll sniff him out.’ Deepak made a sweeping gesture with his arm to indicate the great beyond that lay on all sides of the Old Wadia Chawl. ‘Whether he’s hiding in the foothills of the Himalayas or the ravines of the Chambal valley, in the sands of the Kutch or the forests of the Bay of Bengal. As long as he isn’t dead, we’ll find him. If he’s dead we bring back our condolences.’

  ‘Don’t believe a word of what he says,’ said Deepak’s wife, with a mischievous glint in her eye.

  ‘But if you decided to get lost somewhere, we’d find it hard to find you.’ Deepak laughed uproariously. ‘There are so many more places in which we’d have to look. Little places.’

  ‘Ha ha – good joke, Deepakbhai.’ Arzee sat still for a few moments in contemplation, his hand over his mouth. Only his leaping eyes gave away the agitation inside him. All day long he had been thinking about his future. Now he said cautiously, ‘Is there any chance that – any chance that I could do some work for you people, Deepakbhai?’

  ‘Work for us? A-ha!’ said Deepak. ‘After months of sneering at me because of your fancy cinema job, you now think that working for us is all right, is it?’

  ‘I never sneered, Deepakbhai. I don’t know what you were thinking, but it was all wrong. All work is work, Deepakbhai. And I loved my work, so I wouldn’t have thought of it earlier. But I’m willing to change now.
I can see that I’ve got to become a new person for a new time.’

  ‘You’re a strange fellow,’ said Deepak. ‘Sometimes I think you’re stupid, because of that look on your face when you’re thinking, but then at other times you zoom through even before the signal has turned green. Funnily enough, I was just thinking that you might be of use to us.’

  ‘You were?! I’m very pleased to hear that, Deepakbhai. But… what kind of work will it be? I don’t want to do anything illegal, Deepakbhai. At least not to begin with. Knowing my luck, I’ll get caught the first day itself.’

  ‘If it’s work with us, how can it not be illegal?’ said Deepak. ‘In that case it’s all over.’ He looked at Arzee’s crestfallen face and laughed. ‘What a mouse you are! Don’t worry, it’ll be absolutely legal. You might even enjoy it. And that way you won’t have to worry about paying us back our cash either. We’ll just take it out of the money you make.’

  ‘Oh. So it’s that way, Deepakbhai.’

  ‘Of course it’s that way! If you thought I’m running a charity, then think again. But it works for you as well. After your debts are paid off, whatever you make is your own. What do you say to that?’

  ‘I…I don’t know, Deepakbhai. The thing is, it’s been so many years since I’ve had to deal with such things that –’

  ‘Settle your small problems first,’ piped up Deepak’s wife. ‘Then the bigger problems will take care of themselves. Don’t refuse work. Work’s not easy to find.’

  ‘Heard that?’ said Deepak. ‘Even women have more sense than you.’

  ‘Okay…okay, I’ll do it, Deepakbhai. I’m convinced now. Thank you, Deepakbhai. I would have never thought, when I saw you yesterday morning, that we would sitting here talking like this.’

  ‘Look how generous we are to others,’ said Deepak, turning back towards his wife, as if continuing some old debate. ‘And yet those Pakistanis keep popping up in our country with guns and bombs every year. And yesterday I learnt from our little friend here that they’re taking over our films as well. We Hindus are getting screwed. How long can this go on?’

  ‘Deepakbhai, I –’

  ‘What is it? What is it you’re keeping on opening your mouth to say?’

  ‘Deepakbhai, I…I’m not what you think I am. Everybody just assumes I’m a Muslim because of my name. But my father was a Hindu. So, if you’re going to keep dividing people up like this, then I’m on your side too.’

  ‘What’re you saying!’ Deepakbhai let out a whinny of mirth and slapped his thigh. ‘What an extraordinary little man you are. So what’s your last name then?’

  ‘It’s…it’s Gandhi, Deepakbhai. You’re laughing! I know it sounds strange. My father was Gujarati – he came from a bania family. But I rarely use my last name. Everybody knows me just as Arzee.’

  ‘Ar-zee,’ said Deepak. ‘I’ve never heard of anybody else with that name. Doesn’t it mean “order” or “request”?’

  ‘It’s more like “plea” or “petition”, Deepakbhai. There’s a story behind that too. My parents were trying for a child for many years before they had me. So when I was born it was as if their plea had been answered, and so they called me Arzee.’

  ‘And you’ve definitely lived up to the name, little man,’ said Deepak. ‘Not a day goes by without you pleading for some grant or concession, because life’s not easy for you. From now on, say “This is my arzee” before you ask me for anything.’

  ‘See that picture of Ganesha on your wall, Deepakbhai?’ said Arzee, nimbly changing the topic to something that would impress Deepak and his wife. ‘I know it’s very unusual, because Ganesha’s trunk is curling to the right in it, and you almost never see that in pictures of Ganesha. In the picture of Ganesha we have in the cinema, his trunk goes straight down.’

  ‘You’re right!’ said Deepak’s wife.

  Arzee was pleased. ‘When you come to our projection room, Deepakbhai, you’ll see that we have pictures of gods from every religion on our wall. I know lots of things about religion, though it’s another matter that I’m not a believer. I’ll have one last biscuit, Deepakbhai.’

  ‘Don’t just eat the chocolate biscuits. Eat the glucose ones as well,’ ordered Deepak.

  He reached out and claimed the chocolate biscuit that Arzee had conceded. Crumbs fell in showers from his mouth, like debris on a construction site. He asked between chews, ‘So, if your father was Hindu, what did he go and marry a Muslim for?’

  ‘It was his choice, Deepakbhai. My parents lived in the same neighbourhood, and they fell in love, so that was that. Why shouldn’t they have married? Love is love, Deepakbhai. And even if they shouldn’t have, can one ever fault one’s parents?’

  ‘One certainly can!’ said Deepak, looking with resentment at the photograph of the two aged people on the wall. ‘As for me, I say: what’s the point of being a Hindu if you won’t marry a Hindu? Keep the faith, that’s what I think.’

  ‘It’s not bad to marry outside your faith, Deepakbhai,’ said Arzee. ‘That’s what my own father, who’s no more, would have said, and he was a Hindu just like you. If you open your heart to a person who’s different from you, you grow bigger, not smaller. That’s what he used to say.’

  ‘You’re a fine one to say such things, considering how small you turned out,’ said Deepak, and his derisive laughter seemed to echo off the walls. ‘It’s your parents who grew bigger – they left you all small! Now you’ll have to marry outside your faith, too, if you want to grow bigger. Find a nice Christian girl for yourself. Shirley – Betty – Florencia…’

  ‘If you’re going to make a big joke of this, Deepakbhai, then let’s not talk about it. For your information, I was on the verge on marrying a girl from another religion. But it all went wrong.’

  ‘I never knew you were such an interesting specimen,’ said Deepak. ‘You’re like those hybrid plants that come nowadays. So tell us, why are you not a believer?’

  ‘It’s never been good between God and me, Deepakbhai.’

  ‘It’s too confusing, is it? There’s the thousand gods of us Hindus on the one side, and’ – Deepak’s voice grew sarcastic – ‘the formless One on the other.’

  ‘It’s not that, Deepakbhai. Even if my parents belonged to the same religion, Deepakbhai, I think I would find it hard to believe. Because…because faith in God also means faith in other human beings, Deepakbhai. It means faith in the system. That’s what makes for a faith. Dwarfhood’ – and Arzee faltered as he said the word, and his limbs seemed to twitch violently – ‘in a way dwarfhood is its own religion, Deepakbhai. If I don’t belong in the world of normal people at other points, then why should I be with them when they turn to God? I won’t – I’ll be by myself instead! So your question is all wrong, Deepakbhai. It’s like you think I’m a coin, just because you’re a coin yourself, and you’re asking me if I like the heads side of myself better or the tails. But I’m not a coin to begin with! I’m like…I’m like a bottle top, Deepakbhai! I’m not part of the system. And it’s all right, Deepakbhai, you grow used to it after a while. And that’s why I don’t pray, Deepakbhai, although many people say that God is kind and just. And maybe that’s why he punishes me like this, by breaking down everything that I try to build. But he should know better, Deepakbhai. If there is a God he should know better.’ And Arzee kept looking at the wall opposite, and murmuring things which no one could hear.

  ‘How strikingly he talks!’ said Deepak’s wife to him in Marathi.

  ‘He’s got a brain in there,’ Deepak agreed.

  ‘I’m sorry to have got so worked up, Deepakbhai,’ said Arzee. ‘That’s why I never talk about these things. I get upset. It’s better that I keep them to myself.’

  ‘It’s all right, it’s all right,’ murmured Deepak. He laughed in a forced way, and said, ‘What a talker you are! Your words are the missing two feet of you.’

  ‘Two feet? Oh, two feet as in height. It wasn’t clear for a moment, Deepakbhai.’ Arzee fell into silence for a
few moments, and then he spoke up again. ‘I don’t blame my parents for anything, Deepakbhai – not for my mixed-up religion, which I don’t want anyway, and not for my size. I thank them for everything. I know my mother feels bad in secret that I’m so small, and she fears that I won’t have a normal life. But I don’t let her take it upon herself if I can help it. That’s why I haven’t told her I’m losing my job, Deepakbhai, though I’ve told you – and I’ve known her for twenty-seven years more than I’ve known you. But I can’t tell her, because I won’t be able to see her suffer for my sake, because then I myself will suffer all the more. After a certain age one has to think of one’s parents, Deepakbhai. We don’t need them any more – it’s they who need us.’

  ‘My parents are dead,’ said Deepak. ‘They’re gone. They don’t need me.’

  ‘Ah, then you’re lucky, Deepakbhai. Not because they’re gone, but because you don’t have to worry about what might be troubling them, like I am now. At the same time you’re unlucky, too, as they’re not here to share your happy times. But there they are in that photograph, Deepakbhai, watching over you and your family. Your parents are always with you, Deepakbhai.’

  ‘Are they?’ Deepak laughed harshly. ‘Not while they were alive, no. They cursed me.’

  ‘Then forgive them for it, Deepakbhai. You’ll feel better for it, I promise.’

  ‘Forgive them!’ repeated Deepak sarcastically.

  ‘We all make mistakes, Deepakbhai! Make your peace and start all over again. Please, Deepakbhai – for my sake! The rose of peace can never bloom in the soil of unrest.’

  ‘That’s what I’ve always said to him,’ said Deepak’s wife. ‘That’s what I’ve always said.’

  ‘You people don’t know anything about anything,’ said Deepak. But his voice was hoarse – he was moved. ‘I’ll just be back,’ he said, and got up and left. Arzee looked at his wife, and she shrugged. They could hear him scrabbling in a drawer, and then washing his face at the basin. After a couple of minutes he came back carrying a number on a piece of paper. ‘Now, I don’t have any more time to waste,’ he said, wiping his face on his sleeve and doing some stretches, ‘so you take this number, and give this man a call. His name is Mehndi, and he’ll tell you what he wants you to do.’