Dirty Obsession

by Ella Miles

  “Talk to me then. Tell me what is going on.”

  “I slept with him.”

  “Who?”

  “Asher. And then he dumped me after.”

  “What do you mean? What about Wade?”

  “I broke up with him before I slept with Asher. The wedding is off. There is no way he will take me back now.”

  My head is spinning, trying to understand what the hell just happened.

  “I’ve ruined everything.”

  “Shh.” I rub her back as she cries. “It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. You still have me. You have your family, your job, your friends. We will figure this out. Together. And then everything will be better.”

  * * *

  “Danielle, you have to get out of bed today. I want you to come to work with me today. I think seeing the kids will do you a lot of good.”

  “No. I’m staying in bed.”

  “Honey, it’s been a month. I know it’s hard, but you can’t stay in this bed forever. You have to get out and join the real world again.”

  “No.”

  “I’ll take you to your favorite restaurant for lunch, and then tonight, we can drink wine and watch movies all night long. That will be fun, right?” I say, trying to use bribes to get her out of bed.

  “No.”

  I frown, and then I get desperate. I grab her ankles and start pulling her out of bed. She fights me the whole time, grabbing hold of her headboard to stay in bed.

  “God, you’re freakishly strong.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not up for seeing people who know what I did.”

  “No one at my work knows what happened. They don’t know you or your story. And the kids sure as hell don’t. Just come with me. I could use a friend today.”

  “What do you need a friend for? You have a perfect life that could never fuck you over. Your perfect job with your perfect boyfriend and your perfect body and perfect money.”

  “Wes and I split up.”

  She sits up just a little. “Good. That will just make room for a more perfect boyfriend to come in and replace him.”

  “Come on, Danielle. I could really use a friend today. I need you.”

  She throws the covers over her head. “You have plenty of friends. I can’t help you.”

  * * *

  Two months later, Danielle finally made an appearance. She got out of bed, got dressed, and walked right out of the condo without even saying a word to me.

  I couldn’t help but smile from seeing her out of bed.

  And then, two days later, the same. And then the next day and the next until she was getting out of bed more days than she was staying in it.

  I thought she was doing better. I thought she’d finally decided one day that the men in her life were no longer the most important things. I thought she was choosing living.

  I didn’t realize that she was still depressed. And that, when she started leaving, it was actually the most dangerous part of her healing.

  “Hey, Danielle. I need to borrow that pink lace shirt that you said didn’t fit you anymore!” I yell through her bedroom door.

  She doesn’t answer.

  I knock. “Danielle?”

  She doesn’t answer.

  I smile when I look down at my watch. I’m running a bit late today. Danielle must have gone into work early. She works at a marketing company.

  I push the door open to just grab the shirt I need myself. We are always borrowing each other’s clothes and never care when the other borrows something without asking first.

  I scream when I see her and then immediately gather my composure to run over to her. A needle is sticking out of her arm as she lies in her bed.

  “Danielle,” I say, gently tapping her face.

  She doesn’t move, but I do see her chest rise and fall. She’s still breathing—for now.

  “Come on, Danielle! Wake up!”

  She moans softly as I tap her face harder, but she doesn’t wake up. I grab my phone and dial 911. I don’t know what else to do. The operator gives me some instructions to try and wake her up. But, most importantly, I just need to make sure she is still breathing when the paramedics arrive.

  I hold her head in my lap as I wait.

  “I’m so sorry, Danielle. I’m so, so sorry.” I pat her hair.

  She looks so peaceful, lying in my arms like this, but I know she is anything but at peace.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize what was going on. I should have known after this happened before. I’m an idiot. Just please don’t die, and I’ll be here for you. I’ll make this better. I promise.”

  * * *

  I place my hand on Danielle’s tombstone and then fold my legs as I take a seat in front of it.

  “I’m so sorry I couldn’t keep my promise. I couldn’t save you. I thought I could. I thought that, once you healed and went to rehab, they would be able to help you. They couldn’t. I thought our friendship would be enough to save you. It wasn’t.”

  I let the tears fall down my face.

  “I thought that a lot of love could save you, but it couldn’t.”

  I cry for a long time, just sitting there with her. I don’t know if I will ever get over her death. It was so senseless. It was all because a stranger came into her life and played games with her heart. The coroner’s report said that she died because of an overdose. That’s not true. She died from a broken heart that was never able to heal.

  “Sloane?” I hear Wes behind me.

  I stand up and wipe my tears.

  “I was in town and thought I would come see how you were doing. Not well, huh?”

  I shake my head.

  “I’m so sorry about your friend.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I wish there were something I could do to help you. I could go kick that guy’s ass if you want.”

  I smile and then cock my head to the side, looking at Wes. “Maybe there is something you can do to help me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You can propose.”

  He frowns. “I care about you, Sloane, and I would do anything for you, but I don’t think you and I getting married is going to fix anything. You and I don’t work as a couple.”

  I shake my head. “I mean, to help me get revenge. Propose. Pretend we are getting married. Let the asshole steal me from you. And then I’ll rip out his heart, like he did to Danielle.”

  “But, to do that, he would have to want to steal you.”

  “He will. I know how his game works. I’ll just dangle myself in front of him, and then he’ll try to steal me.”

  “But won’t you hurt your family when you don’t marry me?”

  I shake my head. “The only person that is left to hurt is my grandmother. I’ll tell her the truth.”

  He nods, still thinking. “This is a lot of work for something that might not work out the way you planned.”

  I nod. “I have to do it. For Danielle.”

  He nods, still thinking. “He has to fall in love with you to make this work.”

  “He will.”

  I look at Wes in the eyes, and I know he’s still in love with me. Making men fall in love with me is never the problem. I always have the problem of falling in love with the man.

  Wes nods, obviously agreeing that he will fall in love with me. “You can’t fall in love with him.”

  I laugh. “I won’t.”

  “I killed her,” I say when Sloane finishes telling me her story.

  Sloane nods solemnly.

  “I knew I was a monster, but I never thought what I was doing was killing people.”

  I look at the tears that are now filling Sloane’s eyes.

  “I’m so sorry about Danielle. I never imagined that, that could happen. I’m so sorry she’s gone. I’m so sorry that it was my fault. I’m so sorry I caused you so much pain.”

  “Sorry won’t bring her back. That’s the problem. I thought hurting you would make me feel better
. Would get justice for what you did to Danielle. But nothing can change the only thing that would make any difference. Danielle is dead, and nothing will bring her back.”

  I feel my own tears welling in my eyes, looking at how much pain I’ve caused her. So much pain. And for what? So that I could play a game. So that I could have excitement in my life. It wasn’t worth it.

  “If I could take it all back, I would.”

  Sloane looks into my eyes, studying me for a moment. “I believe you would, but you can’t. And, every time I look at you, all I feel is pain.”

  I swallow a lump in my throat. She doesn’t have to say anything more. I can already tell she means it, even when I thought she was in love with me, all she felt was pain, hurt, and anger. None of it was real. That is what she is trying to say. I’m just not sure I believe her. She has to be one hell of an actress to have slept with me. To have gotten me to fall in love with her and not feel anything in return.

  “I thought I came here for closure. So that I could move on with my life and no longer be in pain. So that I might have a real chance at falling in love again,” I say.

  She raises an eyebrow when I say love.

  “But I realize now, that’s not why I came here. I didn’t come back here so that I could erase the pain you caused me. I came back because I love you, and I want to feel that pain every day.

  “Now that I did something so unforgivable, I think it’s only right that I live with that pain every day. And I want you to be that reminder whether you are mine or not. I have to try to repay my debt to Danielle, to you, to the world.

  “So, even though I know there is no chance of you ever loving me, I will always love you. There won’t be other women in my life, only you. There won’t be any more stealing, only giving. I can’t ask for forgiveness. All I can do is love you with all of my heart and deal with the consequences from what I caused.”

  Sloane hasn’t taken a breath the entire time I’ve been talking. She just looks at me, frozen.

  “Breathe,” I say.

  She does, and then I continue, “The first time I stole was after my father died. He’d died in an armed robbery. The thieves got a hundred dollars in cash. A hundred dollars in cash. That is what my father died for. Something so incredibly ridiculous. I couldn’t make sense of it. The first time I stole, it was electric. I felt a rush like I’d never felt before. I realized that was why the thieves had stolen. Not because they wanted the money or reward at the end. It was the thrill of doing something you weren’t supposed to do, something that you might get caught doing.

  “I know you can’t understand why I would steal when my father died that way. I guess it was my way of dealing and coping. I didn’t ever carry a gun or any weapon when I robbed. I just wanted to feel alive again.”

  “You might not believe me, but I understand why. My grandfather died of smoking, which only made me smoke more. Cigars, anything I could get my hands on. It just helps you feel closer to that person in some way. I get it,” she says.

  I nod. “But, once I started, I was addicted. I couldn’t stop. I ended up in jail countless times. And then, when I realized I had to stop, I couldn’t.

  “But then I accidentally stole a woman who was engaged. I got her to fall for me. I saw the pain I caused her and her fiancé. I became addicted to something new. I became addicted to stealing women. I thought it was better than breaking the law. I thought I was saving these women from what was eventually going to happen later. They were going to get married and then live miserable lives that would eventually lead to divorce. I didn’t think love was real. And, if it was, I wanted them to prove it to me. Prove that love existed by staying away from me. By getting rid of me. None of them did though. Not one. They all gave in eventually.”

  “Danielle and Wade would have eventually divorced. And who’s to say that she wouldn’t have gone down the same path at that point? Not that it should make you feel any better,” Sloane says.

  “Don’t worry. It doesn’t. I’m done meddling in other people’s lives. I did something so unforgivable that I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make things right.”

  “I did something unforgivable, too,” Sloane says in a whisper.

  Her words make my heart stop. I suck in a breath.

  She cheated on me. She lied to me about loving me. She set me up to hurt me in the same way that I hurt Danielle. She might have had a good reason for doing so, but what she did is still unforgivable. I can never look at Sloane again without seeing his hands on her naked body. I can never hear her moan my name again without thinking about his name escaping her lips.

  We each did something unforgivable.

  I look at her eyes, and my heart stops again. “You loved me. That part wasn’t a lie, was it?”

  She doesn’t answer right away. But she slowly shakes her head. “It wasn’t a lie,” she whispers.

  My eyes widen. I have no reason to trust this woman. She has every reason to hurt me again and again and again. And I have every reason to not trust a damn word out of her mouth. But I trust her because, if there is one thing that I know to be true, it is that we loved each other.

  “You still love me?” I whisper.

  “Yes,” I whisper back before biting my lip.

  I hate myself for loving him. I shouldn’t love him. He is the reason my friend is gone. Or, at least, a contributing factor. Although there are countless things I could blame for her death—Wade, drugs, Asher, Danielle, and myself—blaming anyone isn’t going to bring her back.

  What Danielle would have wanted, I hope, is for me to be happy. To keep living when she couldn’t.

  So, as crazy and stupid as it might be for me to love Asher, to trust that he has changed, I do. Because I love him.

  “Can we try this again?” Asher asks, his little fingers brushing against mine in the sand.

  I grin just a little. It’s the first time I have in the weeks since I betrayed Asher. “Yes.”

  Our hands grasp each other’s faces as we kiss. Our kisses are desperate, like we haven’t seen each other in years, not weeks. Our tongues tangle together as well as our bodies in the sand.

  As I kiss Asher, I realize how stupid I was for following through with my plan. I would have been walking down the same path that Danielle did instead of following my heart and finding happiness.

  I feel the wind blow through us as we kiss. I shiver as it does. Asher wraps his arms around me tighter, kissing me, unable to stop.

  The wind blows harder, and I get sand in my eye, causing me to stop kissing him for a second. When I get the sand out, he goes in for another kiss. I hold up my hand, stopping him. The look of pain on his face is so sad, it’s almost cute.

  “Are you having second thoughts?” he asks, his voice a little shaky.

  I laugh because I love him so much that there is no way I could give him up, yet he still doubts how I feel. It’s going to take him longer to heal than it will take me. But then I’ve had months to heal from his betrayal, and he’s only had days to heal from mine.

  “No. I just want to fuck you in a bed like normal people instead of here on the beach.”

  Asher laughs, and I immediately see his insecurity leave his face. He stands up and then motions for me to climb on his back. I do, and then he carries me while I kiss his neck on the way to his car.

  * * *

  We make it back to my condo building without completely stripping each other naked although it was hard to keep our hands off each other. At one point, I had to sit on my hands to keep Asher from crashing the car. He said he couldn’t crash it. It wasn’t even his car.

  I’ll have to ask him later where he has been sleeping since I took everything in the divorce. But I don’t want to bring up negative things like that now. Right now, I want to remember one of the reasons that I fell in love so hard with Asher. Because of what he does to my body.

  But we can’t keep our hands off of each other any longer. Even though we still have to make it upstairs,
into my condo, and then into bed.

  Asher grabs my face and kisses me as soon as we are in the lobby. Sucking all of my breath away and making me wet with want and need for him.

  “I can’t wait to have you,” I say between kisses.

  “We need to move before they kick us out of the lobby,” Asher says against my lips.

  “Uh-huh,” I say, tangling my hand in his hair that is starting to grow back out again.

  Asher lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks to the elevators.

  “Miss Hart and Mr. Calder, it’s so good to see you together again. I thought you might work it out,” Archie says.

  Asher sets me down while we wait for the elevator, but his hands stay on my waist as he kisses my cheek and neck, just giving my lips a break so that I can answer Archie.

  “We are happy to be back together.”

  The elevator doors open, and Asher pushes me inside. “Thanks, Archie. We’ll see you later.”

  The elevator doors close, and Asher pushes me against the wall as he kisses down my neck, then chest, and then stomach.

  “Slow down, baby. We still have ten floors to climb.”

  Asher pumps his fist against the emergency button, and the elevator comes to a stop.

  “What are you do—” I stop speaking or caring about what he is doing when he lifts my dress up and kisses my bare skin and then down the inside of my thigh.

  “I know you want me to wait to fuck you until we get to your bed, but I can’t wait to taste you. To make you mine again, especially after what he did to you.”

  I slip my panties down, and then he runs his tongue across my pussy.

  “This is mine,” he says against my skin.

  I grab his hair as he licks over me, flicking his tongue across my clit, and then he slips a finger inside my pussy.

  I bite my lip as he does it again and again, fucking me with his tongue, while I stand against the wall of the elevator. It’s wrong and dirty and oh-so right.

  He shows me exactly what he wants, what he needs, with his tongue. Me.

  “I love this pussy,” Asher says between licks. “Tell me you’re mine. Tell me you want me. Tell me you need this,” he says as he licks me faster.