Rekindled Romance

by Lorraine Beatty

  He released her but was unable to take his eyes from hers. He’d known from the moment he’d first seen her he’d lose his heart again. It was why he’d fought so hard. If she’d stayed away, he could have kept his love buried. But now here he was. Lost.

  He’d been lonely but comfortable in his grief. Shelby had come home and forced him out of his apathy, forced him to come alive again and confront part of his grief he’d buried. But she’d also brought with her a risk. The risk of losing her, of facing the possibility of loss again. He wasn’t strong enough, his kids shouldn’t have to face that again.

  “Shelly, why did you come back?” It was barely a whisper. He wasn’t sure if he’d said the words aloud or not.

  Shelby inhaled sharply and stepped back. Without a word, she turned and walked out, the thud of the door the only sound in the empty room.

  Chapter Eleven

  Shelly. He’d called her Shelly. His pet name for her. Shelby pressed her fingers to her lips, fighting back the tears. The kiss had sealed her fate. She was hopelessly, forever in love with Matt. She should never have let that happen.

  But she’d wanted him to kiss her. She’d wanted it so badly. She’d been playing house for weeks, imagining herself as part of his life. Tonight the dream had come true, his kiss had been the fulfillment of all her desires. Then he had shattered the dream with a few words. Why did you come back?

  Shelby curled up in the chair in her room, staring out the window. What had he meant? You’re ruining my life? You’re digging up pain? Probably all of that. He’d made it clear all along how he felt. She shouldn’t read too much into a kiss, one weak moment on both their parts. To be honest, the attraction was still there, but that’s all it was. Attraction alone wasn’t enough to build a life on.

  She closed her eyes, reliving the kiss once again. Matt cared about her, but did he care enough to accept her as is, flaws and all? A knife-edge of sadness twisted in her heart. Doubtful. And she couldn’t blame him. He and the kids had lost so much. How could she expect them to willingly walk into that valley again? Her situation wasn’t anything like cancer, but living with the uncertainty, the threat of something happening, would be like walking the edge of a cliff every day. No one could live like that.

  Tears stung her eyes and she lifted her gaze upward. “Father, You know how much I love those children.” The Lord might never have intended for her to have a life with Matt and his children, but He’d shown her what her future could be. He’d restored her faith and redirected her life. To ask for anything more would be greedy.

  The ache in her heart squeezed tighter, choking off her air. She drew her knees up to her chin and gave in to the tears. Her mind might rationalize the pain away, but her heart grieved.

  *

  “The number you are calling is unavailable.” Matt listened to the monotone voice in his ear, then tossed his cell phone onto the counter. He stared out the kitchen window at Shelby’s house and the empty driveway. Where was she? It was Friday. The day of the slumber party. He’d realized he had no idea what to expect or how to prepare. He needed to talk to Shelby, but her car had been gone since early morning and she wasn’t answering her cell. He’d tried to reach her all day between Handy Works projects, but she’d not returned his calls.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t looking forward to seeing her after last night. He didn’t know whether to apologize for kissing her or behave as if nothing had happened. All he knew for certain was that last night had changed everything. He loved her and he could no longer deny it. If her response to the kiss was any indication, she had feelings for him, as well.

  So what? It didn’t change a thing. All it proved was they were both attracted. That alone didn’t spell a future together.

  Swallowing his pride, Matt picked up the phone and dialed Shelby’s cell again. No answer. Where had she been all day? Had she forgotten her phone? He checked his watch. It was nearing time for Cassidy to get home from school, and she’d have questions and he had no answers.

  An hour later he called Shelby’s cell again. It went directly to voice mail. A grain of apprehension formed in his gut. If he couldn’t locate Shelby in time, he’d have to find a backup chaperone for tonight. His parents weren’t due home until Sunday. That left Laura. She was coming home for the weekend.

  He paced the kitchen impatiently as he waited for his sister to answer. “You have any idea where Shelby might be?”

  “Uh, no. I’m out of town all week. Why would I know that?”

  “You two talk don’t you?”

  “Yes, but only briefly and she doesn’t give me her hourly schedule. Why? What’s up?”

  Matt explained. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t answer.”

  “Could be any number of reasons. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure she’ll show up. She wouldn’t miss this slumber party. She’s as excited as Cassidy.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” He sighed, refusing to think the worst. His sister was right about one thing. Shelby would never disappoint Cassidy.

  He called Shelby’s phone several more times but she didn’t answer. A knot of anger and anxiety began to form in his gut. No. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. He had to stop thinking the worst.

  His cell rang and Laura’s name appeared.

  “Is she there yet?”

  Matt clenched his jaw, trying to quell the knot growing in his gut. “No.”

  Laura sighed into the phone. “I don’t understand. Why doesn’t she answer?”

  He could find only one explanation for her to be out of touch this long. She was gone and avoiding his calls. He didn’t want to believe that, but what other reason could there be?

  “No.” Laura’s voice broke into his dour thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

  “I should have seen this coming.”

  Laura growled into the phone, “Mathias Durrant, I’d like to wring your neck. There’s a perfectly good explanation, and you’ll feel like a worm when you hear what it is.”

  He wanted to believe that. “You’re probably right.”

  “I know I am. In fact, I’ll bet she shows up before Cassidy gets off the bus. Have a little faith.”

  His faith waned, and fear and anger rose as time passed and Shelby failed to appear. He prayed his sister was right, but an hour later when Shelby was still not home, Matt had to face the truth. She’d done it again. She’d grown tired of the small-town life and run back to her career. Only this time, it wasn’t his heart she’d left broken in pieces, but his children’s.

  Matt stood on the front porch waiting with a sick dread in the pit of his stomach. Cassidy had been bouncing off the walls all week with excitement over her slumber party. Now he had to tell her it wasn’t going to happen? He watched as his daughter darted off the school bus, her expression filled with joy and excitement. Matt’s heart ached. She would be devastated. Not only would she not have her slumber party, but Shelby’s departure would crush her.

  His cell rang again. Laura. “She’s not home.”

  “Oh, Matt.”

  He turned away from the sight of his child skipping up the driveway toward him. “How am I going to tell her?”

  “Don’t. Not yet. The party doesn’t start for hours yet. I’ll be home around then. I’ll fill in if you need me to.”

  Matt exhaled a tense breath. “She needs to be prepared for the worst.”

  “She does, or you do?”

  Laura’s question was like a thorn in his spirit that he tried to ignore. This wasn’t about him.

  Matt gave Shelby another half hour before taking his daughter aside. “Cassidy, I think we need to talk.” He pulled her onto the sofa beside him, searching frantically for the right words. “We may have to cancel your slumber party.”

  Dark blue eyes widened with surprise. “Why? What did I do?”

  The tremor in her voice broke his heart. “Nothing. It’s not you, s
weetie. It’s Shelby. I think she’s gone back home. To New York.”

  Tears welled up in her eyes, trickling quickly down her cheeks. “No. She wouldn’t go without saying goodbye. Besides, she’s going to be our chaperone. I’ve told everyone about her. We’re going to do magazine makeup, and she’s going to do pictures of my friends like she did me and…” A sob erupted from her throat. She rested her head on his shoulder. “No. She wouldn’t do that.”

  Matt held her close, wishing he could cry himself. He’d believed in Shelby, too. Look what it got him. “She was gone when I got up this morning. She probably missed the big city and decided to go back home.”

  “You’re wrong.” Cassidy pushed him away. “You don’t like her. I thought you did. You said you were friends, but you’re always telling us she’ll go away. You’re glad she’s gone.”

  Was he glad? There had been a time when he could have answered honestly yes. Now, all he felt was aching sadness and the sting of betrayal again. Right now, what mattered was his daughter’s tender heart.

  “Everything will be all right. I’ll be the chaperone tonight—”

  “I don’t want you here,” Cassidy wailed, sobbing again. “You’re a boy! This is a girl night!”

  Matt held up his hand. “Only until your aunt Laura gets here. She’s on her way home, and she said she’ll come and stay so you can have your party.”

  “That’s not the same. I want Miss Shelby. I love her.”

  Kenny and Chester darted through the room. “Hey. Miss Shelby is home. Can I go see her?”

  Cassidy ran to the window, then turned and dashed for the door. “Daddy! She’s here. I told you she hadn’t left.”

  Matt walked out onto the front porch. Cassidy ran up to Shelby as she got out of her car and gave her a hug. Matt knew she was spilling her guts and he cringed at the same moment his cell rang again. “She’s here.”

  Laura grunted in his ear. “Imagine that. She showed up in time.”

  Her sarcasm hit its mark. “Cutting it kind of close.”

  His sister’s tone was icy when she spoke. “If you don’t wake up and take that log out of your eye, you’re going to lose something special. Is that what you really want?”

  Matt watched from the porch as Shelby and Cassidy walked toward him. Shelby looked angry. He braced for the confrontation.

  “See, Dad. I told you she hadn’t left.”

  Shelby raised her chin, her brown eyes shooting sparks. “I had a doctor’s appointment in Jackson. And then I had some shopping to do. I didn’t realize I was supposed to report my comings and goings to you.”

  “I’ve been calling you since nine this morning. You couldn’t have been at the doctor’s all this time.” Inwardly, he cringed at his accusatory tone. He shouldn’t be attacking her. He should be telling her how relieved and how grateful he was that she hadn’t broken Cassidy’s heart.

  “I turned off my phone and forgot to turn it back on. It happens.”

  “What was I supposed to think?” She could have at least called and explained her absence.

  “That I wouldn’t let Cassidy down.” She pushed past him and walked into the house with his daughter.

  Matt ran a hand through his hair. Why were they always at odds? No. They weren’t. He was. He thought he’d gotten past his fear that Shelby would run off again. She’d proven her reliability over and over since she’d been watching the children. But a part of him was still wary. Laura had warned him he might be losing something special. He knew she was right, but how did he let go and trust Shelby again? How did he let himself love a woman who was sick?

  *

  “Molly and Darcy are here!” Cassidy squealed, dashing to the front door.

  Shelby gathered her courage. The slumber party had officially begun. Matt had made himself scarce since she’d arrived, for which she was grateful. His sour attitude would have dampened her excitement, not to mention Cassidy’s.

  Matt’s lack of faith hurt. She’d thought they’d gotten beyond the old issues, but she was beginning to think Matt would never completely trust her, or anyone, with his heart ever again. His depth of mistrust and fear of loss could never be overcome. Her main goal now was to make sure Cassidy had the best slumber party possible. Matt would have to deal with his resentment in his own way.

  Everything was ready. Food. Movies. Games. She’d bought a new laptop that afternoon, complete with the software she needed for image enhancement. Cassidy was eager to share her new discovery with her friends. It was going to be the highlight of the evening.

  Several hours later, Shelby curled up in the chair in Matt’s downstairs guest room. It was near enough to the living room to hear the girls if they called, yet private enough that she could get some sleep if possible. Not that she planned on getting much sleep. The girls were giggling and laughing. The music was loud. That meant the evening was a success.

  She’d taught the girls all about makeup. They’d taken pictures and tweaked them the way she’d done for Cassidy, only this time it came with a discussion of what was real and what was fake, what was appropriate and what wasn’t. She’d been surprised at the girls’ wisdom. One girl had brought up the fact that the Lord expected them to behave and dress one way and the world another. It was a topic that went on for some time since a few of the girls apparently didn’t attend church.

  Their discussion had convinced her that starting a Christian magazine for young girls was a good idea. She had a new desire to publish what was inspiring and supportive, instead of encouraging them to dress and act like celebrities. It wasn’t that Tween Scene did anything wrong, but she wanted to create something better. Reaching for her drink, she realized the house had gone silent. Not a good thing at a slumber party.

  She peeked around the corner at the living room. Sleeping bags filled with little girls covered the floor. Tousled hair peeked out of the covers and little feet protruded from blankets.

  Every flat surface in the room was covered with food or makeup. She smiled. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun, when she’d known such joy and a sense of belonging. Teaching Cassidy’s friends about makeup had kept them all in stitches. They’d giggled and laughed until tears rolled down their cheeks.

  “Thank you, Father, for this opportunity.” She would cherish these memories forever.

  A blanket moved, causing Chester to raise his head from his comfy spot beside his mistress. Cassidy sat up and smiled, her eyes drowsy but bright with happiness. Shelby waved.

  The girl scooted out from under the covers and hurried toward her, throwing her arms around her neck. “Thank you. Thank you, Miss Shelby. This is the best party ever. I’ll love you forever.” She kissed Shelby’s cheek, then scurried back to bed.

  The lump in her throat made it hard to swallow. Fighting tears, she turned and walked back to the guest room and crawled into bed. This is what she wanted. This is what her life should be about. A home. A family. Children.

  She loved Matt. She loved his children. She would gladly spend the rest of her life raising them, but the wounds she’d inflicted ran too deep for him to overcome. Her health issues were an obstacle that Matt shouldn’t have to confront ever again. She couldn’t go on pretending, living a life that could never be hers. It wasn’t fair to Matt and his children, and it wasn’t fair to her.

  Her leave was almost up. Gramma would be home in a few days. Maybe it was time for her to return to New York. Go back to the life she knew and let Matt return to his.

  The realization sent a lance of sadness through her heart.

  *

  Matt and Kenny stepped through the front door Saturday morning and stopped in their tracks. The room resembled a bedding store after an earthquake. He looked closer and saw little heads sticking out here and there. No one stirred.

  He glanced down at his son, putting his finger to his lips, indicating silence. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s go around to the back door so we don’t wake anyone.” Shelby was perched on a stool at t
he counter, sipping coffee when they entered. “Good morning.”

  Her smile was welcoming, though a bit droopy. He doubted if she’d gotten much sleep. “We brought sustenance.” He held up a box of fresh doughnuts. “How did it go?”

  “Chester.” Kenny reached down to hug his dog, who came trotting over. “Can I have a doughnut now?”

  Matt nodded and filled a cup with fresh coffee. “Any problems?”

  “Not a one. They were perfect little angels. Even Chester behaved. The girls all loved him.”

  He grinned. It felt natural to have Shelby waiting for him this morning. “Looks like they left a perfect little mess in there.”

  She shoved the doughnut carton to the far side of the counter. “The bigger the mess, the better the party.”

  “I’ll remember that for next time.”

  Shelby glanced downward, staring into her cup. Was she thinking the same as he? Next time would happen without her participation.

  “How about you bachelors?” She extended her arm, drawing Kenny to her side.

  “We lived wild and free, didn’t we, sport?” Matt ruffled his son’s hair.

  “We got pizza at bedtime,” Kenny proclaimed. “It was awesome.”

  The doorbell chimed and shuffling noises commenced in the living room.

  “That’s probably Anna’s mom. She said she’d have to pick her up early this morning.” Shelby rose and moved to the other room.

  Matt followed behind, wondering at the ease with which she’d assumed command of his household. Cassidy met him in the hall.

  “Good morning, Daddy.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.

  He kissed the top of her head. “Good morning, sweetheart. Did you have fun?”

  She nodded. “It was the best ever.”

  He hugged her again. It was all worth it. The worry. The doubt. The second-guessing about leaving Shelby in charge. His little girl was happy. Matt watched his daughter scurry back into the jumble of the living room. Shelby stood in the center of the room, smiling, laughing with the girls as they started to gather their belongings. She slipped an arm around Cassidy and pulled her close.