A lump of sadness settled in her chest. She should have expected him to do that.
“Can’t you stay here?” Kenny’s voice was filled with pleading.
Shelby hugged him to her side. “I don’t have a job here, sweetheart.”
“You could do scrapbooks for people.” Cassidy’s sweet face lit up with hope.
“That’s a good idea.” Shelby chuckled. “Gramma has complained she has to go all the way to Jackson to find a good assortment of material.” A local scrapbooking store might do well here. Dover was certainly big enough now to support such an endeavor. There were several available storefronts around the square, and she’d always wanted to start a business of her own. Except she couldn’t stay here now. She turned her focus back to the children and their crestfallen expressions. “I know I didn’t give you very good news, but I wanted tell you myself because that’s what friends do.”
Kenny’s bottom lip stuck out. “Who’s going to watch us after school?”
Cassidy nodded. “And what about our scrapbook? I can’t do it without you, Miss Shelby.”
“I’m sure my gramma will be happy to babysit. She was supposed to from the beginning, remember? I was only her helper. And I’ll bet she’d love to help you finish the scrapbook, Cass.”
“Don’t you love us anymore?”
“Of course I do.” She reached across the table and took Cassidy’s hand. “I want you to know that no matter where I am, I will always love you and we’ll always be friends. You can call me whenever you want to talk, and maybe you can come and visit me in New York. There’s all kinds of cool things to do and see.”
“Daddy won’t bring us.” Cassidy shook her head slowly.
She was probably right about that. “Then maybe your aunt Laura will bring you. She’s my friend, too. Or I can come and visit you. Remember, my gramma still lives next door, and I don’t think she’s planning on moving away.”
Kenny looked over at her with wide eyes. “Are you going to die?”
“What?”
Cassidy and Kenny exchanged glances. “We heard Gramma talking about you on the way home from the airport. She said you were sick. That you had a heart attack.”
Shelby sighed. She should have anticipated this, but she wanted to spare them any unnecessary worry. “Yes. I did, but it wasn’t a bad one. Just a very little one. Kind of a warning attack.” She squeezed Kenny’s little hand.
“So, it’s not a sure thing. I mean, it’s not like when Mom had cancer?” Cassidy asked, her eyes moist.
“No, it’s not like that,” Shelby reassured her quickly. “There’s a lot I can do to stay healthy. I’ll take medicine, I’ll exercise and eat right and I’ll be fine. There’s a lot of heart disease in my family, so I have to be extra careful. Plus, I had a checkup and the doctor told me I’m much better.” The doctor had adjusted her meds. And, while he was pleased with her improvement, he’d admonished her to continue watching her diet and exercise regularly. He’d also strongly recommended she avoid stress. He probably wouldn’t approve of her decision to return to the hectic pace of her life in New York. But she had no other option.
“Well, we’d better get back home. It’s a school night, remember.”
“Will you still watch us tomorrow after school?”
She swallowed the lump of sadness in her throat. How could she face that final moment of goodbye? “Sure. I wouldn’t miss that.” Shelby gathered up the children and started toward the door, painfully aware of the dejected slope of their small shoulders. Seeing the fear in their eyes when they had asked about her health made her fully realize the depth of their grief in losing their mother. Maybe Matt was right. Having her in their lives wasn’t a good thing. But how was she going to face leaving them?
*
The sun had barely topped the trees when Shelby gave up hope of sleeping. She’d spent the night wrestling between her heart and her common sense. Her heart longed to stay in Dover, be near Matt and the children, but her common sense told her that would cause pain for everyone. Today’s meeting at Harmon Publishing had only added to her worries. Not since breaking up with Matt had she wanted so desperately to run and never look back. But she’d learned the hard way that running and avoiding only made things worse.
Tossing aside the covers, she rose and went to the window, pulling back the lace curtain to look at Matt’s house. One afternoon was all she had left with Cassidy and Kenny. Gramma would be home tomorrow and she would take over the babysitting duties. A sob formed in the center of her chest. How she dreaded this day and that moment when she’d have to say goodbye. She’d decided to take the children to a movie that afternoon or to the park. Anything to keep her busy and out of Matt’s house. Sitting there waiting for the end to come would be torture.
Sadness rose up without warning, swamping her like a tidal wave. The smallest thought of Cassidy and Kenny brought her to tears. Her heart burned like it was being slowly pulled from her chest. She couldn’t allow herself to even think about Matt.
Turning away from the window, she prayed for courage and strength to face the challenges of the day. She had to stay busy today. Keep her mind occupied. After a quick shower and breakfast, she devoted herself to finishing the scrapbook as a welcome home for Gramma. She ached for her comforting hug. Being alone made all of this worse.
When her cell rang later in the morning she jumped. She’d been so absorbed in her task she’d forgotten about the meeting. One glance at the screen told her it was the call she’d been dreading. She answered, listening as her boss relayed the bad news, her heart sinking into the pit of her stomach.
Stunned, Shelby dropped her phone on the table and buried her face in her hands. Her worst fears had come true. No one at Harmon had been spared. Tween Scene, along with most other publications, was being discontinued. The new company was restructuring everything, moving in a different direction. Severance packages were generous but wouldn’t last long. She’d have to find a different place to live, a new job. Her head throbbed with the enormity of the prospect.
She thought she’d been prepared for this moment, but now that it was here, it was more frightening than she’d expected. Her heart raced. Pressure began to build in her chest. A sob rose up from deep inside, doubling her over with its force. It was too much. Matt. The children. Her job. How was she supposed to go on when her life was in ruins?
Her throat tightened, making it hard to swallow. Closing her eyes, she shook her head, fighting the sense of impending doom crawling across her mind. She straightened and started across the room for a glass of water to calm her nerves. A wave of dizziness brought her up short. She couldn’t catch her breath. A vice grip squeezed around her chest. Fear closed her throat. Her palms grew damp, broke out in a cold sweat.
Black fear rose up from her core, coiling along her nerves like a deadly serpent. “No. Oh, please, God. Not again.” She couldn’t be having a heart attack. She forced herself to remain calm and think. She’d been following orders, eating right, exercising, taking her meds. Why was this happening again?
What should she do now? Call the paramedics? The cardiologist she’d seen was an hour away in Jackson. Shelby closed her eyes, struggling to calm herself. Dr. Morgan had given her reams of information to read to educate herself on her medical condition. Why hadn’t she read it?
One thought screamed loud and clear in her mind. She didn’t want to die. This wasn’t about Matt or a job. This was about life and death.
Hurrying to the phone, she dialed 911, praying she hadn’t waited too late.
*
Matt strode down the hall toward his office, eager to lock himself inside and grab a bite to eat. He was having a hard time concentrating on lessons today. He kept thinking about Shelby and her decision to leave Dover. It was for the best, but the thought of her being gone left a hollow feeling in his chest.
His cell phone rang the moment he grasped his office doorknob. The name displayed on the screen brought him up short. Pam Fleming. Wh
y would she be calling him at work? A finger of concern touched his mind. “Hello.”
“Matt, this is Pam Fleming, Shelby’s friend.”
“Yes, I know. What can I do for you?” There was a pause that sent Matt’s concern spiking.
“I just found out that Shelby was brought in by ambulance earlier. They think she’s had a heart attack.”
Icy fear froze the blood in his veins. “Is she—”
“I don’t know any more right now. I’m headed down to the E.R. to check on her. I thought you should know.”
“Yes. Thanks. I’ll come right over.” His mind struggled to grasp what had happened. He had to get to the hospital. He had to see her, to know she was all right. Within minutes he was in his car heading for the hospital on the other side of town. He’d arranged for a replacement for his classes and called his mom to come stay with the kids after school.
Pulsing urgency coursed through him as he navigated traffic. Why was everyone driving so slowly today? He turned onto a side street, hoping to make better time on the lesser-traveled streets.
He’d feared this moment since Shelby had first told him of her heart problems and he’d tried to steel himself against this very thing. Yet here he was, living his worst nightmare. His heart pounded violently in his chest. If she died… He couldn’t go through this again.
Flashing blue lights appeared up ahead and Matt slowed his speed, passing the group of vehicles on the side of the road. An ambulance was parked in front of a wrecked sedan. He sent up a prayer for the victims and another one for Shelby. It hit him then that it could have been her in that car. In fact, it could have been him. No one knew the number of days the Lord had assigned to them.
How many days had the Lord given to Shelby? What if this were the day He called her home? The thought rocked him to his core.
He loved Shelby. He’d admitted that, but not enough to risk committing his life to her. But if he lost her, his life from here on would be empty. He didn’t want to live in fear any longer. He wanted to be happy again, and having her in his life would be worth the risk.
He knew the exact moment when he’d lost his heart to her again. Friday night in the middle of the pizza place. He’d turned to see Shelby at the table with his kids, relaxed, comfortable, as if she belonged there. He’d tried to deny it, but he’d known in that instant she belonged in his family, in his home and in his life.
He’d loved Katie; they’d been happy together. But she was gone. What kind of happiness would he miss out on if he kept Shelby out of his life? He didn’t want to find out. He prayed for her life and for time to set things right between them.
The Lord had given them each a number of days. Wanted them to live in the present, allowing their faith to light the next step, not the next mile. He’d been relying on his own to protect his heart and those of his children. Dad was right. He couldn’t prevent people from loving and caring about each other. It was time to trust in the Lord and make the most of this day.
Matt battled a gnawing fear as he followed the nurse through the emergency room corridors. No one would tell him anything, instructing him to talk to her physician. He tried to prepare himself for the worst, praying every second for the chance to tell her how he felt. The nurse stopped and pointed to a curtained-off cubicle. He stopped outside room 219, suddenly afraid of what he would find on the other side.
“Miss Russell, there’s someone here to see you.” She pulled back the curtain and walked away. Shelby was standing beside the bed, dressed and sorting through her purse. She turned, her beautiful brown eyes wide with surprise when she saw him.
“Matt?”
“I came as soon as I heard.” He’d expected to find her in bed, pale and weak. Instead she looked as healthy as a fall rose. “What are you doing out of bed?”
“How did you know?”
“Pam called. Are you all right? They said you’d been brought in by ambulance. That you’d had a heart attack.”
She smiled, further confusing him. “No. Well, they thought so at first, the tests confirmed that it was only an anxiety attack. Nothing to do with my heart at all. Just stress.”
“Stress?”
She nodded, focusing on her purse again. “Yes. It’s official. I’m out of a job. Guess I wasn’t as prepared for the news as I’d thought.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. So you’re all right?”
“Fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Upset?” He walked toward her, searching her eyes for confirmation that she was telling him the truth. He reached out and took her arms in his hands. “I was frantic. I thought you might be—” Relief surged through like a dam bursting. He pulled her into his arms, one hand cradling the back of her head. “I thought I’d lost you. Thank God you’re all right.” He held her face in his hands, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks. For the first time in a long time, he felt whole. “Shelly—”
“Oops. So sorry, didn’t mean to intrude.”
Matt turned to see Pam Fleming in the doorway, a knowing smirk on her face.
“I was just coming to get our patient. Admissions has cleared you to leave, girlfriend.”
“You’re going home? Now?”
Shelby nodded. “No reason to keep me. Pam is going to drive me home.”
Matt glanced over his shoulder. “No need. I can take her. She lives right next door, you know.”
“Fine with me. I’ll go get the wheelchair. And, yes, Shelby, you have to ride in it. It’s hospital policy, so don’t argue.”
He looked at Shelby. Her eyes were filled with questions. He wanted to answer them all, but not here. Not now. He’d been a coward. So deeply wounded by Shelby’s leaving and Katie’s dying to risk his heart again. God had given them a second chance and he vowed to make the most of it.
*
The moment Matt parked his SUV beside the house, Shelby opened the door and climbed out. They hadn’t spoken the entire way home. If she didn’t get away from him soon she’d be in the throes of another anxiety attack. “Thank you for bringing me home.” She tore her gaze from his handsome face and started toward Gramma’s house.
“Shelby.”
She turned reluctantly to face him. She raised her chin and met his gaze.
“Where are you going?”
There was a strange tone in his voice she’d never heard before. The truth pierced her heart. “I’m going home.”
He moved closer, his blue eyes holding her gaze. “Why?”
“It’s where I belong.”
He stopped in front of her, so close she had to tilt back her head to see him. His nearness made her want to cry. Only a short time ago she was safe in his embrace. Now she had to walk away.
“I agree.”
Her heart shriveled inside her chest. Nothing had changed. He still wanted her gone, out of his life. Tears filled her eyes and she turned away. Matt gently pulled her around to face him.
“What do you want from me, Matt?” She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly.
“That’s not your home.” He tightened his grip.
She tried to pull away again, but he held firm. “I’ll be leaving in a few days. You were right, after all. It wasn’t a heart attack, but it could have been.”
“No. You’re wrong.”
Shelby shivered as he slid his hands slowly down her arms.
“Because if it hadn’t happened, I would never have realized what a coward I was and I would have lost you a second time.”
Shelby wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. “I don’t understand.” She searched his eyes for some explanation.
“I love you, Shelly. I always have.”
“No.” She struggled to grasp what she was hearing. “You can’t. What if—”
Matt pressed his fingers against her lips. “What if a plane falls on the house tomorrow? What if a storm blows everything away? We had no warning Katie was going to get sick. Ty didn’t see those bullets coming. It happened. The same could happen to
any of us any time. None of that matters. I love you. My children adore you. Whatever the future holds, we’ll face it together. Your home is with us. Nowhere else.”
Shelby wanted to believe what she saw in Matt’s eyes, what he was saying, but she’d given up hope.
Matt brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “All I could think of as I drove to town was how much we would have missed because of my stupid fear. How much joy my children would never know because I tried to protect them in the wrong way.”
“Matt, are you sure?”
He grinned and pulled her into his embrace. “Yes. I know you love me, too. Don’t you?”
She nodded against the warmth of his chest. “How did you guess?”
He chuckled softly. “Only a woman who loved me would help my children make a scrapbook about their mother.”
“I do love you. I never stopped. I was such a fool to—”
Matt silenced her with a soft kiss. “That’s in the past. I want to look to the future. Marry me?”
“I want to, but can you deal with my problem?” Maybe he didn’t understand what she’d told him. Maybe he wasn’t thinking clearly.
“Can you deal with mine?” He leaned close and whispered in her ear, “I snore.”
She stared at him a moment, then giggled. “That could be a deal breaker.”
“Come home, Shelly. You belong with me. With us.”
She looked into his eyes and saw her future. “I know.”
*
If you enjoyed this story by Lorraine Beatty,
be sure to check out the other books
this month from Love Inspired!
Keep reading to red an excerpt from Rancher’s Refuge by Linda Goodnight
Dear Reader,
I hope you enjoyed meeting Shelby and Matt and their small Mississippi town of Dover. It’s always fun when old loves reunite and the sparks fly. And that’s just what happens with these two. But old resentments and misconceptions can distort even the best relationships if we’re not careful.
Trust and communication were key factors in Matt and Shelby’s breakup and their reunion. Trusting God with our lives and communicating daily with Him through His word are vital to our faith journey.
Rekindled Romance Page 18