For the Love of a Marine

by Sharon Kimbra Walsh

  Katie abruptly stood up. She needed to get this thing done, find out once and for all, and then she could begin to plan her future. On getting to her feet, she felt instantly lightheaded, and a wave of nausea enveloped her. Putting a hand to her mouth, she murmured, “Oh, here we go again.” She hurried quickly to the en suite bathroom, heading straight for the toilet, where she spent the next few minutes bent over the bowl, retching dryly, perspiration beading her forehead, her wretchedness adding to her mental anguish. Once her stomach had settled, she wiped her mouth with a swatch of toilet paper, pressed the button to flush the toilet, and went to the sink. She glanced emotionlessly in the mirror, seeing pale skin with freckles standing out distinctly and brilliant green eyes that seemed dim and dull without their usual sparkle. Her soft mouth trembled with suppressed grief. Katie hastily looked away from her reflection, took her toothbrush and toothpaste from its ceramic holder on the shelf above the sink, and began to brush her teeth. Afterward, she washed her mouth out with mouthwash, grimacing as the mint taste threatened to upset her stomach all over again. She stood motionless again, as though she had forgotten what she should be doing, then glanced toward the toilet cistern and the box lying on it jogged her memory. Sighing, she moved back toward the toilet. “Okay, here goes.”

  Picking up the pregnancy test, she glanced briefly at the front of it, reading the name, and then opened it, shaking out the small thermometer-like object inside. She shook the box again and the instructions slipped out to join it. For a few minutes, she read the instructions thoroughly then spent another two minutes carrying them out. Once she had flushed the toilet again with a shaking hand, she set the test on the cistern. The instructions said one minute for the results. Sixty long seconds to wait before she would know. Filled with trepidation and excitement, she knew that whatever the result she would have to sit down and think about her life without Joe in it.

  The next sixty seconds were the longest of her life. She paced the bathroom floor, glancing every few seconds at her watch, her breathing rapid and uneven. As the seconds ticked by, she became increasingly shaky, eventually loudly telling herself to calm down. Finally, a minute passed and slowly she walked to where the test was resting. Her hand trembled violently as she reached out to pick it up. As she looked at the result, at first she couldn’t see it as her vision was blurred with tears, and one fell as she eventually saw that there were two horizontal pink lines across the small window, and beneath it read four weeks.

  Sobs threatened to overwhelm her and the tears came faster, running down her cheeks and dripping from her chin. She had known all along what the result of the test would be, had even known before she had left Afghanistan. The nausea, the early changes in her body, and intuition had already told her that the one night she had spent with Joe had culminated in her expecting his child. Now, the ski slope of life-changing decisions would begin, once she had visited an Army doctor to confirm the test.

  Katie threw the test into a wastebasket and left the bathroom, making her way downstairs to the kitchen. She put the kettle on to make coffee. She couldn’t face drinking tea anymore—it made her feel sick—then she sat down at the kitchen table. She gazed around the large kitchen, feeling some small comfort at her familiar surroundings. The house had belonged to her parents, and when they died, it had passed to her. The décor was a little shabby and worn but she loved it and hadn’t wanted to decorate or change any of the furniture. She felt at peace here, as though her mother and father were watching out for her. Now, she had plans to make. One decision she had already made was that she was going to keep Joe’s baby. There was absolutely no argument with that. The Army would help her, her job, as a CTM would be safe. She would take as much maternity leave as she could to bring up her child the best way she knew how, and during that time, perhaps Joe would come home. She was convinced that he was alive, somewhere. A search and recon mission did not find his body, only his helmet, dog tags, and weapon. That gave Katie cause to feel a faint hope that he was a prisoner somewhere with every chance of escaping. She needed to keep that desperate belief alive. It was a small spark of hope among the heartbreak, but it was better than nothing.

  However, she first had to see a doctor to confirm her pregnancy, then the doctor would notify the WRAC personnel officer and there would be interviews, particularly as she was single. This wasn’t going to look good on her record, but she couldn’t care less. Her first priority now was her baby. A vague plan had sprung into her mind during the many nights when she had lain awake, the pain of loss and love banishing sleep. She was unsure whether it was legal, or even if it could be done. She would have to get the Army’s help to bring it about, but for now, she had to ring the medical center at the base and make an appointment. Thereafter, she would consult with the relevant people and go from there. At the moment, she was still on two weeks disembarkation leave, given to service personnel so that they could reorient themselves back into military life after a deployment. For the first time since Joe’s disappearance, a small sense of excitement rejuvenated her and some of her energy returned. Forgetting the boiling kettle, she went into the lounge and lifted the receiver to begin dialing the medical center’s number.

  * * * *

  A week later, Katie sat in front of the WRAC personnel officer, Captain Lee. The office was silent as the female officer read Katie’s personnel file, placed on the desk in front of her. Eventually, she looked up, closing the paper folder. She sat back in her chair and folded her arms, regarding Katie with a look of sympathy and a little concern on her ageless face. “I’m sorry for your loss, Corporal Walker,” Captain Lee began warmly.

  Katie cleared her throat, swallowing the lump of emotion that had suddenly developed there. She wanted to scream, ‘Not dead, not dead’, but instead forced herself to nod in acknowledgement. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  The captain continued to regard Katie silently then continued, “I have been informed that you are pregnant?”

  Katie nodded again, “Yes, ma’am.”

  “And you want to keep the child, which is due in…April?” At Katie’s nod, Captain Lee also nodded. “I see. And the father of the child is Staff Sergeant Anderson, who is missing in action?”

  As she nodded again, Katie felt like she was one of those old-fashioned dogs with the head that wobbled backward and forward on the back shelves of cars, “Yes, ma’am.”

  “So, Corporal Walker, please tell me what you would like to do.”

  Katie hesitated, gathering her courage. “As I’ve already said, ma’am, I want to keep my baby. I would like to take the usual maternity leave if possible. I have enough funds from the death of my parents to look after my baby and bring it up.”

  Captain Lee nodded. “I think that can be arranged,” she agreed. “So you will want to remain in the Army?”

  “Yes, ma’am. There is one other thing I would like to run past you. My… Staff Sergeant Anderson’s parents live in the States. Before… Before he went missing, he asked a friend of his to give me a letter to send to them if anything was to happen to him. I am going to do that but I am also going to inform them about the baby. It will be their grandchild after all, and with Joe—Staff Sergeant Anderson—missing, I think they deserve to know. I also think that they deserve to be a part of its life. It might help to ease their grief over their missing son, so I was wondering if I could transfer from the British Army to the US Army. I love my career as a CTM and I am sure that even though I will have a child, I can still be of some use to either Army.” Having finished the heartfelt plea, Katie’s mouth snapped shut.

  Captain Lee’s expression was unfathomable. “Your request is highly irregular. You do understand that, Corporal Walker?”

  Unbidden, Katie’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m well aware of that, ma’am. I appreciate what you are saying but…” To her mortification, her voice choked on a sob.

  Captain Lee sat forward in her chair and opened up Katie’s file again.

  “You have had an outsta
nding career, Corporal Walker. Your assessments, both as a soldier and a CTM have been excellent. It would be a loss to the Army if something couldn’t be done in regards to doing some research into your request to see whether it is feasible. I cannot promise you anything. The chances are that it cannot be done. It could take months, but in the meantime, we will have you put on maternity leave as of today’s date. I know that it’s very early but the doctor has recommended that you rest and look after yourself. You’ll receive full pay for six months and then maternity pay for the following six months if you decide to extend your maternity leave. Go home now and you will be contacted for a further interview when we have some news.”

  Katie rose to her feet, saluted the officer, and said in a trembling voice, “Thank you, ma’am.” Executing an about-turn, she marched out of the office, insides quivering with nerves and praying that her plan would come to fruition.

  * * * *

  A month later found Katie sitting on her bed holding the letter from Joe that Sergeant Louis Eastman had given to her. The paper of Joe’s letter was well worn from being handled and in some places, the writing was blurred with tearstains. Katie had read and reread the letter many times and knew it by heart. That and his class ring, which he had given to her the night that they had spent together, were the only personal items she had of his.

  She read the letter again with tears in her eyes.

  My Darling Katie,

  If you are reading this then you know something has happened to me and I am sorry with all my heart that you are going through this. Since I met you, you have been my world, always in my thoughts. I am not one for words but I hope you believe me when I say that I love you with all my heart and have loved you since the first moment I saw you. I wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together but, my love, that is not to be now. I need to believe that you will go on. Live your life in the Army. Do what you do best and carry on being the best CTM that you are.

  My buddy Sergeant Eastman will give you another letter. Please send it to my Mom and Dad. They know about you already, know how much I love you, and they will be waiting to hear from you.

  I have to sign off now. They’re calling me to go out on patrol, the nasty one I told you about. Take care, my love, and remember always how much I love you.

  Joe

  Once again, the tears fell onto the letter as Katie sobbed quietly. Every time she read Joe’s words, it renewed her sense of loss. She reached into the envelope and withdrew the ornate gold and onyx ring with the letters JA entwined in raised gold on the stone. She gazed at it, feeling the cold metal against the palm of her hand, knowing that Joe had once worn it. She brought it to her lips and gently kissed it, closing her eyes, and then she rubbed the initials softly across her cheek. She lay back on the bed and curled into a ball, the ring still pressed to her cheek and gentle, sad tears ran down her face, soaking the quilt cover beneath her. Before very long, her eyes closed and she fell asleep.

  Katie awoke a bit later, lay for a while staring at the ceiling, then got up off the bed. Still clutching the ring, she folded Joe’s letter and put it back in its envelope. She needed to write to Joe’s parents, tell them about the baby, what her plans were and also, she wanted to send them Joe’s ring. Getting up from the bed, she collected a pen and writing pad and went to the dining room table. It took an hour before she was satisfied with the results. She hadn’t wanted Joe’s parents to think that she was after some monetary compensation for carrying Joe’s child. All she wanted was to let them know that they were to be grandparents and to advise them that if they wanted to be part of its life then she would welcome that. She kissed Joe’s ring one final time and enclosed it with the letter to them then made a small package of it in a padded envelope. It might be some weeks before she received a response, if any, and in the meantime, she could receive news from the Army about a possible transfer.

  * * * *

  And that was how it worked out. Katie received a telephone call from the WRAC personnel officer to attend an interview some two weeks later. By then Katie was nearly three months pregnant. She had had her first scan and carried the resultant picture around in her bag. She attended the interview with Captain Lee, her nerves frayed with expectation at what the outcome might be. Inside the captain’s office, Katie seated herself in the same chair as before. Captain Lee smiled. “And how are you, Corporal Walker? You look well. How is your baby?”

  Katie offered a small smile. “We’re fine, thank you, ma’am,” she replied.

  “Good. You’re looking much better than the last time we met. Now, I’ll not keep you waiting for an answer to your request for a transfer to the US Army. It would appear that even though you and Staff Sergeant Anderson were not married, you are expecting his child and in the rules we unearthed, your child will have dual citizenship—British as well as American. This means that you, as the child’s mother, would be able to travel to and live in the US. However, there is a rule that you would need somebody to act as sponsor for you, vouch for you, and so forth. We took the liberty of contacting Staff Sergeant Anderson’s parents and they have agreed, wholeheartedly I might add, to act as your sponsors. I assumed that you had already written to them and I did not think it was out of order. Now, the answer to your request is yes, your request for a transfer to the United States Army is approved. All your transfer papers and all the relevant forms have been prepared, including your new orders, ready for you to sign. After your maternity leave, you will report to MSB Quantico where you will join your new platoon as a CTM working with the Marines. You have a flight booked on 30 September, two weeks from now. Now, there is a lot of paperwork to sign. Once that is done you are free to go.”

  Katie was stunned, and, for the first time in a long time, exhilarated. She couldn’t believe in two weeks’ time, she and her unborn child would be flying out to the States to start a new life. She would be meeting Joe’s parents and become a part of their lives, and hopefully she and Joe’s child would ease some of their loss.

  For the next hour, Katie signed form after form in the captain’s office. Finally, she was done. Her new orders, transfer papers, and travel documents were safely in her bag and she was ready to leave the British base for the last time.

  “I wish you all the best, Corporal Walker,” Captain Lee said warmly as Katie stood ready to leave.

  Katie saluted smartly and said, “Thank you, ma’am, and thank you so much for everything you’ve done.” She immediately about-turned and left the office.

  With imaginary wings on her feet, Katie hurried home and let herself into the house. She instantly saw the letter on the floor, and her heart flew into her mouth. Picking it up from the floor mat, she went into the kitchen, placed her bag on the table, and immediately slit open the envelope and extracted the thin blue sheets inside.

  What was written in the letter caused Katie to dissolve into heart-rending sobs.

  Our Dear Katie,

  Jack and I were delighted to hear from you and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for our son’s ring. He had already written about you and he told us how much you meant to him. He loved you very much. We are overwhelmed about your news that you are pregnant. It has filled our hearts with joy that there will be something remaining of Joe. We are looking forward to seeing you and, of course, you will be living with us—that is, if you want to. It is entirely up to you. A Captain Lee has contacted us to verify that we will be your sponsors. We cannot wait to meet you. We have your flight details and we will be at the airport to meet you. Katie, you have given Jack and I everything to live for, something to hope for. We understand completely your reference in your letter that you are asking for nothing, however, anything you ever need, you only have to ask.

  With much love

  Maggie and Jack

  * * * *

  Two weeks later, Katie was at the airport. The period of time leading up to this day had gone by so fast that it felt as though her feet hadn’t touched the ground. The decision to sell he
r house was made with much regret. It had fetched a far higher price than she expected and had sold so quickly that she’d had to stay in a hotel for some days before her flight. Some of her furniture had also gone, the rest put in storage. All that was left of her previous existence were two suitcases, now probably loaded into the cargo hold of the aircraft she was about to board, and all her personal papers and jewelry.

  Boarding the aircraft, Katie felt a moment of sadness at leaving her country behind. She had lived in the UK all her life and it was a wrench, but she would be starting a new life and she would be sharing it with her Joe’s child.

  Eight hours later, Katie’s aircraft descended into Dulles International Airport. Feeling very tired, she disembarked and followed the signs to Customs and Security, going through after she had produced all her military papers to collect her luggage. Using a trolley, she waited at the baggage claim until her flight’s cargo came through and she collected her suitcases. Wheeling the trolley awkwardly, she followed the directions for arrivals and found herself in a huge arrivals lounge where crowds of people were waiting. She stopped dead, feeling a little lost and exhausted, looking at the sea of faces and wondering in panic how she was supposed to recognize Joe’s parents. Her eyes scanned the many faces, swept past one older couple who were staring at her, and froze. Her eyes darted back to them, to the man specifically, and her heart began to pound frantically. It was Joe. The same tall powerful body, the dark blond hair, and the same facial features. In a split second, she realized that it wasn’t Joe but a carbon copy. The couple still stared at her and Katie smiled tentatively, her eyes filling with tears. The man pointed at her then he and the woman began hurrying toward her, beaming smiles on their faces. As they stopped by her, the tall, plump woman asked, “Katie?”