Dissolution (Breach #1.5)

by Lynn, K. I.

  I shuddered at the thought, my eyes turning toward the small wooden chest lying exposed in the closet after my search. My mind moved back to another “made” family. My hand caressing the bump that lay between her hips, the ultrasound showing the life we had created.

  Gone. All gone.

  My wife.

  My little boy.

  “Happy birthday, Daddy!” she said with an excited smile while I opened the box she handed to me.

  We were spending the weekend at her parents’ place for a combination belated birthday-Father’s Day party.

  Within the box laid a black picture frame. Behind the glass an ultrasound picture with an arrow pointing between what appeared to be legs with the words “I’m a boy!” printed on it.

  I smiled as I looked from my wife to the picture containing our child. Miscarriage after miscarriage, finally we were going to have our family. I leaned forward and captured her lips, conveying my love for her and for our child.

  “I wish I hadn’t missed that appointment.”

  “It was the first one you haven’t been able to make. I think that’s pretty good, especially with your schedule,” she said, her hands running through my hair.

  “But, I missed this.” My fingers traced the form of our child.

  “But what a great birthday slash Father’s Day gift! Besides, you won’t miss anymore.”

  I was pulled back by the frightening reality her statement held.

  No, I didn’t miss any more because there were no more to miss. She didn’t know, none of us did, that just a few short hours later I would lose them both.

  They said he wouldn’t have survived outside the womb, even if he’d survived the crash and they’d gotten to him in time.

  I saw the evidence photos; he didn’t survive the crash.

  I pulled the shirt back up to my face and inhaled, breathing in Lila’s lingering scent. It was amazing how even that tiny bit that remained could calm me. What was I going to do when there was no more scent?

  Her soft, warm body haunted me. I wanted to feel her in my arms. Just…feel her. Lila, my Lila.

  My hand unconsciously rubbed at my chest to try and soothe the ache that lay beneath.

  You can still fix this. Get her back! The beast spoke. Lay claim to her, make her ours! Marry her!

  “No.”

  Why?

  “And give Vincent Marconi someone else he can take from me?”

  We can protect her!

  I couldn’t protect them; how was I supposed to protect Lila?

  I looked up at the clock; fifteen minutes past eight. She was running late, past her normal seven-thirty. I tried to ignore the thought that sprung forth about the last time she was late, but it caught me nonetheless.

  The phone on my desk rang and, in my daze, I answered it without looking at the caller ID.

  “Nathan Thorne,” I said in greeting. There was a whimpering on the line before Lila’s voice broke through.

  “N-Nathan, i-it’s Lila.”

  There was something wrong, off in her voice, and I found myself on edge—my body leaned forward, bracing for the impact of her words.

  “I-I’m n-not going to-to make it… Oh, God!” she cried out, and I heard the pain and fear. Mine was rising to meet hers. Her speech faltered, and I was unable to make out what she was saying. “Won’t…be in…”

  “Lila? Lila, are you okay?” My anxiety was skyrocketing faster than my heart rate. Her pain coming out in whimpers and gasps. She was having a difficult time breathing.

  “So…ung…so much b-blood,” she whispered more to herself than to me. “I d-don’t know where…w-where it’s com-coming from.”

  Her voice grew in pitch near the end. My stomach dropped and the blood fled from my face.

  “Lila, what happened? Where are you?”

  “C-crash. N-not far… St-t-star-b-bucks,” she struggled to say.

  I jumped up from my chair. Voices of the rescue crew were in the background, asking her questions, gaining vitals. What sounded like a chainsaw started, and I feared they had to cut her out of the wreckage.

  Crumpled metal and mangled flesh flashed before my eyes and a vice formed around my chest then began to tighten.

  “Lila! I’ll be right there. Do you hear me? Lila!”

  There was no response before the line went dead. I slammed the phone down on the receiver and ran out of our office. I rushed to the elevator bay and pushed the down button at a frantic pace in a fruitless effort for it to arrive faster. The doors sprung open, and I barely registered anyone was coming out as I pushed through and entered into the cab.

  “Nathan!” Jack’s voice rang out, drawing my attention. “Nathan, what’s wrong?”

  My eyes met his, and I knew he could see the fear and desperation. “Accident. Lila’s been in an accident.”

  His eyes widened, but he remained silent as the doors slid closed. I didn’t know how much I had just given away, but at that moment I didn’t care; nothing else mattered. I needed to get to Lila, she was all I cared about.

  I paced as the elevator descended to the plaza level and dashed out as soon as my body could fit through the gap in the doors.

  Panicked, I ran. She was about half a mile away, and I could get there faster on foot.

  I had to get to her, I had to tell her. I couldn’t lose her.

  Please…don’t go!

  The rain had let up to a sprinkle, but it didn’t matter if it was down-pouring; I was too focused on reaching her.

  I turned the corner, and it all came into view. Gawkers stood around, blocking me. Police cruisers were everywhere, fire trucks and ambulances, but I couldn’t see her car.

  I ran up to the line next to a cruiser when it came into view. The sight almost brought me to my knees, and it would have if the need to see her and make sure she was all right hadn’t been so great.

  It had been a direct hit to the driver’s side. It was a crumpled mass of metal that once resembled her sedan. The door had been ripped off, and I could see blood on the upholstery.

  That night began to flash again, overlaying on the scene in front of me. Another car, another crumpled bloody mess, with another woman I loved.

  My heart rate increased and my chest tightened with each step forward, my body shaking.

  “Hey, hey! You can’t enter!” A cop called out to me, stepping in front of me.

  “Please, I have to… Lila!” I yelled as I pushed past the officer. “Oh, God. Lila! Love, no! No!”

  My vision started to darken and my heart was beating in my ears. It was sprinting. I knew the officer was trying to stop me, but I pressed forward, searching for her. Another officer came up and they tried to restrain me.

  “Get your fucking hands off me. That’s my girlfriend! Lila!”

  An ambulance gurney came into view, and on it laid a woman. Her left hand was lying over the side, limp, stained with red.

  “No!” I screamed, my knees buckling. Another image filled my mind, almost an exact parallel from the photo of my wife’s hand to Lila’s.

  The officer attempted to slow my descent to the ground. My heart was beating at a furious pace, my chest caving in to the point that I was grasping, clawing, at whatever was keeping me from breathing. My vision was blurred and getting darker with each beat until I could see no more.

  I had a vague feeling of people surrounding me, talking to me, and then I heard a familiar voice, breaking through everything.

  “Help him! He’s having a panic attack!” Caroline cried out.

  I didn’t even get to breathe a full breath before I felt a prick in my arm and everything turned black.

  It was bright, sunny, and I had to shade my eyes from the light. Something stirred at my side and I looked down to find my Lila snuggled in. Her head tilted up; her intriguing gray-green eyes met mine briefly before snuggling back into my chest. My arm was around her shoulder, and I leaned my head down to breathe her in, kissing the top of her head. I let out a sigh and pulled her clos
er, reveling in her warmth.

  I looked around and found we were outside, lying in the middle of a park, people all around us. People all around, yet there we lay, relaxed and content. I felt something move on my chest and looked down to find Lila’s hand resting over my heart, a diamond glinting from her ring finger, a small band seated just beneath.

  I couldn’t pull her flush to me, so my gaze moved farther down and saw that her stomach was large and swollen. My hand reached out to rest on her belly. I felt a kick against my palm, and my heart swelled at the feeling of life beneath it. A life we had created.

  She shifted and sat up. “Anna!” she called out. “Anna, come back away from the pond!”

  I looked to where she called and my breath caught in my chest. A small girl, who couldn’t be more than four, turned to look at us. Her light brown curls were bouncing as she ran toward us, hands waving in excitement. Her eyes lit up just before she threw her tiny body on top of me.

  “Daddy! Daddy! There are fishies in the water!” The joy rolled off her tiny frame, her smile consuming her face.

  Her unique gray-green eyes stared up at me, identical in color to Lila’s. Her hair the same shade of brown as mine. Other elements of Lila could be found in the shape of her lips and the angle of her little nose.

  My hand reached out to touch her face, but instead of meeting flesh, my hand fell right through her as she dissipated between my fingers.

  The sky turned gray, dark clouds tumbling into view. My gaze turned back to Lila, she was still curled into me, but her body was limp and skinny, no swell in her stomach. I looked to her hand, it was now bare of the rings that had been there and blood covered her skin.

  “Lila,” I called to her, shaking her, but she didn’t wake. “Lila!”

  “Lila!” I cried out. My eyes snapped open, my breathing hard, as I looked at the ceiling. I could hear the beeping of various machines next to me.

  I sat up and looked around, trying to orient myself, and recognized my family in the room. My mind fought back, trying to remember how I got there. Visions of Lila’s crumpled car, her bloodied hand hanging from the stretcher came back at once. I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat as the panic set in again.

  I had to find her. I needed to make sure she was all right, that she was…alive. She had to be alive. Please, she had to be.

  I pulled back the sheet and swung my legs over the edge. There was a tug on my hand, and I ripped the heart monitor from my finger. The machines began beeping wildly, alarms going off.

  “Nathan, honey, it’s okay. She’s alive,” I heard my mother say. I could tell by her tone it was a plea in hopes I would calm down, but it didn’t work.

  I could vaguely hear and see my parents in the room along with Darren, Trent, and Erin. They were talking in whispers, but I couldn’t concentrate on that. I had to find her.

  Please be okay. Please be alive. Please don’t leave me!

  “Lila!” I cried out for her, my panic rising.

  “She’s all right, Nathan,” Darren said to me as he stepped to the side of the bed. I didn’t believe him, I couldn’t. I had to see for myself. I swatted at him, pushing him aside.

  My feet landed on the cold floor, and I took a few steps forward before a sharp pain pulled at my wrist. I looked to find an IV line attached in one hand.

  “Lila!” I called out again.

  “Mr. Thorne, please, lay back down!” a woman in green scrubs directed upon entering my room. I ignored her, pushing past her and out into the hall, the IV tube in my hand as I dragged the stand behind me.

  Darren followed behind me, arguing with the nurse; him telling her to let me go, her telling him I was disturbing patients.

  I didn’t give a fuck if I disturbed patients; I needed to find my Lila.

  “Lila!” I called again. My chest was throbbing with each step, tears stinging my eyes. She had to be here, somewhere, she just had to be.

  “Mr. Thorne! You need to return to your room!” The nurse screeched at me.

  “He has to do this, Mary, just let him go,” Darren said to the annoying nurse.

  “Lila!”

  The IV stand caught on something in the hall, and I pulled on the tube, dislodging it from the bag.

  “Don’t pull that out!” another nurse scolded as they all chased me down the hall.

  “Lila!” I wailed. A sob was growing, about to release while tears began streaming down my face.

  I looked into each room, one at a time, the irritating nurses following right behind, yelling at me, threatening me. Darren and my parents then started yelling at them.

  “Lila!” I was begging for her to answer, but with each room I came to and didn’t find her, my desperation grew.

  My heart was hammering in my chest, the ache growing. My vision began to dim again, dread setting in.

  I reached a room near the end of the hall, and leaned on the frame, bracing myself while my limited vision wildly searched for her.

  And then I saw her. She was bandaged and beaten to hell, but she stared back at me with wide-eyed recognition.

  My vision returned and my body relaxed while I took her in. Lila was alive. Thank God, she was alive.

  Her eyes met mine, and relief flooded every part of me, tears stinging at my eyes. Joy that my nightmares hadn’t come true.

  I wasn’t too late. I could fix this, fix us.