Harmonious Hearts 2017

by Olivia Anne Gennaro

  I replayed tonight’s performance in my mind. The images so absorbed me I didn’t notice the couple wander off. When I broke from my reverie, I found Brinn standing before me.

  She gave me a wide smile, as always. Her face glowed in a way the makeup artist couldn’t take credit for.

  “Can you believe it’s over?” she asked.

  I cursed our costumes. Our characters had been foils, and the costuming department had played that up. Brinn had her radiant gown and tiara, while I wore a monochrome uniform and fraying headband. Her makeup sparkled; mine grayed my skin and enhanced the shadows under my eyes. She was purity; I was corruption. I instinctively felt unworthy of her presence.

  “No, I can’t,” I said.

  I attempted to smile back. My lips stretched, but the corners felt too heavy to curl upward, and it ended up as more of a grimace.

  Brinn leaned closer. “You look like something’s on your mind. What’s up?”

  “Could I have an alone moment? I mean, a moment alone with you? Outside? I need to tell you something.”

  She blinked at me, then brightened her voice. “Sure!”

  We mazed through the crowd and left via the side door.

  I breathed in, glad for the fresh air. Wynvershore Hall reeked of vinegar—God knows why. Outside, the air was suffused with the sweet, smoky smell of night.

  The sun had set during our performance, leaving the sky the color of the deep ocean. A few stars were visible, which, in a town like Wynvershore, is the equivalent of seeing Andromeda. The light pollution was so grim the horizon shone jade.

  Behind the hall was a bank sloping up to a playground. Brinn and I sat on that bank, which was sort of a no-man’s-land of light, untouched by the moat of amber surrounding the hall or the streetlamps that caged the playground. The contrast between our costumes wasn’t so obvious in the gloom. It was silly, but that made me feel better.

  “So,” Brinn said, “what did you want to tell me?” She sounded excited.

  I tangled my fingers in the long grass. It was cool and soft and not at all calming.

  “I’m Stephen.”

  Brinn sat upright. She cupped her ear, even though I’d spoken surprisingly clearly. “Pardon?”

  “Stephen. Your Dreamed Guy. I am him.”

  Her lips parted.

  “I’m so sorry.” I turned away from her and dropped my gaze to the grass. I’d torn out a huge tuft without noticing. “I should have told Pixel Hearts. I should have asked them to assign someone else to you. But at the time, I swear, I didn’t expect us to become friends, and when I realized we were, it seemed too late, and—” My voice cracked, like I was on the verge of tears. Maybe I was. I forgot what I’d been saying. “I’m so sorry,” I repeated. “I was so—”

  Before I could properly admonish myself, Brinn grabbed my shoulders and turned me back toward her. “Hey, hey. Yan.”

  I couldn’t meet her eyes. I focused on her tiara instead. Silver and sapphire and emerald and—the colors bled into each other as the world turned liquid, and I had to breathe.

  “You must think I’m such a creep,” I mumbled.

  I tried to pull away, but my efforts were half-hearted. When Brinn tightened her grip, my whole body tensed.

  “A creep? We tricked my parents and we talked about games. What’s creepy about that?” She released my shoulders and pressed her lips together. “Still, I am a little upset. I liked you from the moment we met. I thought you were so… genuine. It kind of hurts that you were hiding this ever since that day. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

  The word “genuine” settled in the pit of my stomach.

  “I thought you’d be embarrassed. I didn’t know the boyfriend was for your parents’ benefit until the end.”

  She furrowed her brow, then nodded. “I suppose that makes sense. I probably would have been embarrassed if I’d done this to end my lonely days.”

  “But it would still have been wrong for me to do nothing. I feel awful that I couldn’t be the person you thought I was.”

  “I’m not sure if you’re that different. You did come clean just now, after all.” Brinn gave the faintest of smiles. In the darkness, it was blinding. “I mean, now is a pretty useless time to do it, but I can respect that in its own way. You had no reason to confess except to put things right.”

  I forced myself to meet her eyes. They were as kind as they’d always been.

  “Do you think you could forgive me?”

  “You’ve been a good friend, Yan. Twice. I refuse to lose you because you didn’t know how to handle some stupid coincidence. Of course I forgive you.”

  I shivered. Last night I’d stayed awake imagining a thousand paths this conversation could take. Now that I thought about it, none of them had ended with true forgiveness.

  “Oh, Brinn. I really am sorry.”

  “Keep up. I just forgave you,” said the actual angel. “No more apologies.”

  I nodded, and Brinn smiled—properly this time.

  “You helped me a lot, you know,” she said. “Even though I’ve already thanked you twice, I’d like to do it in person too.” She winked. “Stephen.”

  “You’re welcome.” The words tasted strange seconds after my last apology. “We got your parents off your back, then?”

  Her smile stayed in place, but the creases vanished from the corners of her eyes. “I guess we did.”

  “You guess?”

  Brinn sighed. “I couldn’t fit the full story into one hundred and sixty characters. It wasn’t as simple as ‘getting them off my back.’”

  She shifted on the bank, scuffing her sparkly heels against the grass.

  “Not so long ago,” she said, “I had a friend who we’ll call… Kayleigh. I’ll spare you the details, but Kayleigh and I ended up becoming a little closer than friends. You get me?”

  I nodded. Brinn watched me carefully, assessing my reaction. A moment later, her shoulders relaxed.

  “Kayleigh was my treasure. She was so optimistic and such a romantic. I didn’t know one person could contain that much sunshine. For a month—God, the best month of my life—she swept me up in a secret romance. I wanted it to last forever. I thought she felt the same.”

  “She wanted less than you did?”

  “She wanted more. My happy ending was her stepping stone. People like Kayleigh don’t hide their hearts away; they tell their love stories to the world. But I….”

  Her voice quieted. “I hadn’t come out as a lesbian, and I wasn’t going to, not for all Kayleigh’s ‘encouragements.’ She didn’t get it. My life isn’t an inspirational movie; it’s one false step away from a gritty documentary. For her, coming out had been a matter of courage. A second of shock before everyone goes dewy-eyed and swears they love you unconditionally. For me… it would be a matter of stupidity.”

  My gaze fell on Brinn’s hand, buried in the grass. A braver me would have placed mine over it. Her voice sounded so broken I wondered if I should stop her, say I didn’t need to know any more. But her eyes were misty, unfocused, like she’d forgotten I was there.

  “I lost Kayleigh for the same reason I fell for her. She was an idealist. She believed that love could conquer anything—that if we just loved each other enough, the world would rearrange itself to accommodate that love. But she didn’t get it. She didn’t understand my family.”

  Brinn gave a dark laugh. It was more pained than a sob, more vicious than a growl. “If you love me, you’ll tell them. If you love me, everything will turn out for the best. No way. Love is not the all-powerful force she thought it was. Look at the play we’ve just performed. Sometimes love can’t do shit and you die.”

  My blood chilled. “You don’t think your family would have killed you?”

  “Don’t be silly.” The usual lightness crept back into her voice, and that disturbed me more than her grave tone from seconds ago. How much pain must she have gone through to make her numb to these words? “But would they have let something else do it
on the streets?” She shrugged, then gave a sad smile. It wasn’t directed at me but the stars. “You understand, don’t you? They can’t know.”

  “Of course.”

  “Well, that fling ended as badly as it could have without totally ruining my life,” she said. “I lost the girl, and I didn’t do a great job keeping my parents in the dark either. They’d noticed something off about my and Kayleigh’s friendship.” She lowered her gaze from the stars. Something of their glitter lingered in her eyes as they met mine. “That’s where you came in. If I had a boyfriend, how could I be queer? They don’t believe in bisexuality.”

  I couldn’t imagine having a family like Brinn’s. I’d had the ideal coming-out experience—I hadn’t needed to come out at all. I’d given little hints here and there, and they’d been received as casually as they were dropped. None of my close friends or family could care less about my bisexuality. They certainly wouldn’t question its legitimacy.

  Of course, I’d known other people had a harder time, but that knowledge had been distant, theoretical. I struggled to process Brinn’s story. It seemed like the kind of thing that happened in a different, darker universe.

  “I’m glad this happened,” Brinn said. She regarded me with an affectionate smile, and I thanked the breeze for carrying the heat from my skin. “It was nice getting to know you, even though I was behind my phone and you were behind your false beard.”

  “It was nice getting to know you too.”

  We sat there for a while, silent.

  Familiar voices rang from the other side of the building. Our castmates—well, just schoolmates now—were leaving the hall. I thought we should go too.

  But when I made to get up, Brinn stopped me. She placed her hand on mine, like I’d been too afraid to do earlier, and leaned closer.

  “Anything else to confess?” She watched me as if she were waiting for me to remember my line.

  “Um. I’m also glitchdoctor.”

  The silence briefly resumed.

  “Christ, Yan, who aren’t you?” Brinn shook her head, but she was laughing. “Never mind. I’ll do it.”

  She curled her fingers so her hand was clasping the back of mine. My heart thrummed.

  “Yan, I like you. I’ve been trying to hint that to you ever since we met.” Her voice trembled. “And I think you might—”

  “I do.”

  The words bubbled from my throat before they reached my mind. My free hand darted to cover my mouth.

  For a second, Brinn’s smile shone impossibly bright. I couldn’t help but return it behind my hand. I’d made her feel the way she made me feel.

  Then she remembered herself, and that smile vanished the way lucidity chases away a dream.

  “But….” Her grip on my hand loosened. “I understand if you’re like Kayleigh. Our breakup was mutual, you know. I wouldn’t fight to keep her. Not because I didn’t care about her enough. Even when she was being sickeningly naïve, I still loved her. I let her go because I didn’t think it was fair. I’d never ask anyone to sacrifice their freedom for me.”

  I turned over the hand she was holding and laced our fingers together. I should have been afraid of the gesture and my next words, but I wasn’t. Maybe I had forgotten who I was.

  Or maybe I’d just realized.

  “I choose to be with you,” I said. “That’s my freedom.”

  She squeezed my hand, as if to check it was really there.

  Are you sure?

  I squeezed back.

  You know I am.

  Brinn untangled our fingers and threw her arms around my waist. I tentatively draped mine over her shoulders. Her hair smelled like apricots.

  “And it won’t be like this forever, will it?” I said. “You’ll move out. You’ll be free too.”

  She nuzzled my shoulder, smudging powder and glitter on my black uniform.

  “September.” The warmth of her breath seeped through the fabric. “I’ll leave for uni, and I won’t come back. I know where I’ll go, which friend I’ll move in with, everything I’ll do and how I’ll do it. This has been my plan since I was fourteen.”

  Brinn pulled back to gaze at me. Our hands slid to rest on each other’s arms.

  “One summer,” she said. “One summer, and then we can belt love songs from the rooftops. Write love letters on billboards. Recreate this moment live on stage.” She leaned forward. “Whatever you want.”

  We were close enough to feel each other breathing—and that’s when I realized neither of us was.

  Brinn cupped my cheek. I instinctively leaned into her touch.

  “You are so cute,” she said.

  I realized I was staring at her lips. I flicked my gaze back up to her eyes, embarrassed, only to see she’d been doing the same thing.

  She raised her other hand to my other cheek, one of us leaned a little closer, and our lips met. The kiss was so gentle it barely felt as though we were kissing at all. Any more than that, and I might have broken. My chest trembled, tears prickled behind my eyes, and the blood rumbled in my ears like distant thunder. I released a gasp against Brinn’s lips, and it shook like laughter when I imagined how we must look—a princess and a maid sharing secret kisses on the shadowy bank.

  I’d described the first sparks of love countless times. Now here they were, and I wanted to rewrite every romantic scene I’d ever envisioned. The universe had read my words, cackled, and thrown Brinn into my arms. Isn’t this beautiful? it said. Isn’t this above anything you’ve ever imagined?

  I would write about this moment. I would write about it again and again, with a hundred different characters, backdrops, and contexts. It would permeate every love story I ever told. However long Brinn and I stayed together, every time I mentioned the thrill of first love, our ghosts would embrace again on the bank.

  Brinn stood up and extended a hand to help me to my feet. I needed it.

  “We should go before someone worries,” she said, still holding my hand. She batted her eyelashes coquettishly. “How about arranging a date before we part ways? Saturday, half-seven?”

  “I’d like that.”

  She began to walk away, ever so slowly, not letting go of my hand until we were too far apart to hold on.

  “Great,” she called back over her shoulder. “You promised to pick me up, remember?”

  “I don’t remember…. Hey, you can’t hold me to that!”

  She laughed as she wiggled her fingers goodbye. “Text me.”

  I watched her silhouette coalesce with the darkness, then turned on my own way, so happy my heart could have burst into a thousand blocks of light.

  TRUE ENDING

  LIA SHEPHERD is a bisexual, biracial biology student from the United Kingdom. In her spare time, she enjoys singing, gaming, Wikipedia rabbit hole spelunking, and, of course, writing. She wrote her first story, “Butterfly,” at the age of four and spent her childhood dreaming of becoming an author. Young Lia planned to kick-start this dream by penning a best-selling novel in university, then dropping out. While quasi-adult Lia has more modest goals (e.g. finishing her degree), she hopes getting “The Dating Simulator” published will at least earn her a smile from the author of “Butterfly.”

  E-mail: lia.l.shepherd@gmail.com

  Published by

  HARMONY INK PRESS

  5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886 USA

  publisher@harmonyinkpress.com • harmonyinkpress.com

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of author imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Harmonious Hearts 2017

  © 2017 Harmony Ink Press.

  Edited by Anne Regan

  First, Second, Third © 2017 Elliot Joyce.

  From the Red Field © 2017 Frisk Gillespie.

  Bubblegum © 2017 Malcolm Shearrion.

&n
bsp; Honor Among Thieves © 2017 Giulia Maggio-Tremblay.

  Applesauce and Oatmeal © 2017 Claire Hekkala.

  It’s the Journey © 2017 Mattye Johnson.

  Entrances and Exits © 2017 Olivia Anne Gennaro.

  Lovers in the Great Collapse © 2017 Amy Carothers.

  Ramen and Unrequited Crushes © 2017 K.A. Maldonado.

  Definition © 2017 Morgan Goolsby.

  I Know This Is Bad But I Have a Good Reason © 2017 Joey Scully.

  Hoodies and Glasses © 2017 Sengtdavanh Kinnavong.

  Mortuus Feles © 2017 Arbour Ames.

  The Fall © 2017 Kat Blake.

  The Dating Simulator © 2017 Lia Shepherd.

  Cover Art

  © 2017 Paul Richmond.

  http://www.paulrichmondstudio.com

  Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted on the cover is a model.

  All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Harmony Ink Press, 5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA, or publisher@harmonyinkpress.com.

  ISBN: 978-1-64080-159-2

  Digital ISBN: 978-1-64080-160-8

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2017953696

  Published October 2017

  v. 1.0

  Printed in the United States of America