Hidden Monsters (Volkov Bratva Book 4)

by London Miller

  Lauren looked taken aback. “I don’t give a shit what his name was! He is my friend—”

  “Zatknis’—Shut up! You don’t question me or what I do. Take her home, and if she fucking protests, drag her there.”

  Lauren reared back as though she had been slapped, her face flushing with the heat of her answering rage, but before she could utter a word, Mishca turned his back on her and entered the office they’d all been in. Klaus whispered something to Lauren, his hand at the small of her back as he led her away, Celt in tow.

  Alex remained where she was, not knowing what to do, but she would try.

  For Luka.

  She would try for Luka.

  Alex stood at the mouth of the office, watching her brother dig out a bottle of vodka, drinking straight from the bottle for several long seconds before he threw it, shattering it, raining glass and alcohol onto the carpet on the other side of the room. She didn’t know how long she had. For all she knew, they could be across the city, driving onto a private airfield. She knew that she couldn’t go up against them alone. She needed Mishca. He was the only way she could get Luka back.

  “Mish—”

  He raised his hand, not looking at her. “Don’t.”

  “But you don’t understand,” Alex said, forcing the words out as they seemed to get caught in her throat. “I love him, more than I’ve ever loved anybody. And…and you can’t let them take him. I know what he did was…you don’t know him the way I do. He’s been there for me. He’s helped me more than you even realize. I’m begging you—”

  “Go home, Alex.”

  “Even if you’re mad, then you take it out on him here. Whatever. I don’t care, but do this for me. Do it because you love me.”

  He finally faced her, eyes unblinking and angry. More angry than she had ever seen him. “I won’t tell you again.”

  “I had a drug problem. I was getting high on anything that I could get my hands. Whatever Snow gave me—” There was a glimmer of recognition in his eyes, but Alex was too focused on what she had to say to question that. “—I didn’t care what I had to give him in return. If he wanted my body, he could have it. I didn’t care. Luka helped me. Don’t you understand? He stayed with me for three days as I suffered through withdrawals. He practically brought me back to life. When no one else was there for me, he was!”

  Mishca flinched. He actually looked hurt by her admission. She hadn’t meant to hurt him in her confession, but it was too late to take it back now.

  “I’m sorry.”

  For a moment, she thought he was apologizing for not being there—not that he could have known much since she’d avoided him at that time.

  “I’m sorry you fell in love with him. But we all answer for the lives we’ve led and those we’ve taken. Maybe one day you’ll forgive me for this.”

  The pain in her chest was expanding, nearly consuming her as she choked on more tears. “If you let them have him. If you don’t bring him back, I’ll never forgive you, Mishca. Do you hear me? I will never forgive you.”

  He didn’t shy away from her pain, her tears. He faced them with the same look of indifference that Mikhail had shown her so long ago.

  “It’s already done.”

  PART FOUR

  Love in my heart is a cry forever

  Lost as the swallow’s flight,

  Seeking for you and never, never

  Stilled by the stars at night.

  -Sara Teasdale

  43

  ____

  Off and Back Again

  “Oh, you’re just the cutest thing,” Alex cooed at the squirming baby, smiling when he gave her a toothless grin as he reached for the hair that had fallen over her shoulder.

  He was a grabby little thing, loving to tug on anything he got his hands on And while the pain hurt more than it didn’t, she let him do it all the same. Sadly, she didn’t get to see him as often as she wanted, not since she had moved to Paris seven months ago, but that was just one sacrifice she had to make.

  “Thanks again for babysitting, Alex,” Lauren said as she rushed around the room, packing her bookbag while simultaneously packing a diaper bag. “I know you’re not back for long and—”

  When she made a move to put a bottle in with her textbooks, Alex gently took it from her.

  “Don’t worry about it. Me and this little booger are going to have loads of fun, aren’t we?”

  Making a funny face, she laughed in turn when he giggled, his little belly moving with the effort, but she lost that smile when he grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled.

  “I won’t get out of class until six, but if you have plans, I can have Mish—”

  “No,” Alex said, extracting her hair from his vice-like grip. “Totally fine. Just call me whenever you’re home and I’ll bring him by.”

  Sighing, Lauren crossed the room, reaching into the crib to pick up Sacha as she cradled him to her chest. Though she was smiling, she did look tired, making Alex wonder how everything was back here. While she might have spoken to Lauren once every two weeks since she’d left, she hadn’t talked to Mishca once. At first, he seemed perfectly accepting of that, but after the first month, he made it a point to call her and leave voicemails—ones she promptly deleted without listening to them—probably at his wife’s urging.

  “I know I promised not to get in the middle of this, but don’t you think you’ve punished him enough?”

  Not even close. “Luka spent years suffering in the very place that Mishca sent him back to and for what? What could his reason have possibly been to do that to someone who cared more about all of us than he did himself?”

  Alex wouldn’t lie. She did miss her brother, more than anything, but her resentment was far stronger. She could still remember begging him to do anything to bring Luka back, how she had even gone to Klaus, then Celt, only to be shut down because they were ordered by Mishca not to help her in any way. How could she ever forgive him?

  One week later, she’d emptied the last of her savings and fled with the clothes on her back…and Loki. She could never have left him behind. Her pain had only been made worse because of Loki’s reaction to Luka being gone.

  At night, he whined, sometimes pawing at the door to be let out, but after a while, he would give up, jumping up on the bed beside her and resting his head on her leg.

  Those nights were the hardest.

  “I know, and I understand your anger with him, but—”

  Alex knew she meant well, but she just wasn’t ready to have this conversation. “Lauren, please. I love you, you know that, but…I can’t. Not right now. One day, I might be able to speak to him, but it’s too soon for me.”

  Sighing in defeat, Lauren shook her head. “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”

  “Thanks.”

  With several kisses to Sacha’s cheeks, she handed him over, smoothing down his hair. Alex had no doubt that Lauren was a great mother. She could not remember a time when Anya had ever looked at her so fondly, and with her compassion, Alex doubted that she would expose Sacha to the life that had caused so much pain in their family.

  “Go on, I have him.”

  Laughing, she shook her head. “Everything you need is in the bag. You have my cell, obviously, and I wrote—”

  “I’ve got it. We do this every time.”

  “Right, right. Sorry. I know you said you don’t want Klaus riding with you, but I would still appreciate it if you let him tail you to your hotel.”

  “Of course.”

  She pulled Alex into a hug. “It’s good to see you, Alex.”

  They went down together, but in the lobby, Lauren headed for the parking deck and Alex went out the front, careful to keep Sacha’s blanket covering his carseat.

  Outside, she didn’t have to look for Klaus. He was leaning against the side of her rental, arms folded across his chest, feet crossed at the ankles. He’d let his hair grow out some since the last time she had seen him, the dark strands now pulled back
into a small bun at the back of his head. Still dressed in his customary black, there wasn’t much change to him.

  Ignoring him for the time being, she pressed the unlock key on the remote, pulling open the rear door to get Sacha situated in the back.

  “Bit rude not to speak, you know.”

  Still ignoring him, she hunted through the diaper bag for the small blue pacifier that was Sacha’s favorite, then a toy before she closed the door again.

  Smiling tightly, she said, “Hi.”

  “Is that anyway to treat your long-lost brother?” he asked, trailing behind her as she went around to the driver’s side. He opened the door for her before she had the chance to reach for it.

  Alex spun around so fast that her hair slapped him in the chest. “You’re not my brother, Klaus. Mishca is not my brother. Think of me as more like a distant cousin—the one that only comes around for holidays, and even then, it’s only for about an hour.”

  “Time of the month?” he asked as she climbed in, pulling her seatbelt on.

  “Fuck you. Go get your ass in your monstrosity of a car and follow me over. The sooner we get to my place, the sooner this meeting is over.”

  She waited for him to step back to close the door, jamming the key into the ignition as he jogged back to his own car. When the roar of his engine sounded, Alex pulled out, only checking in her rearview mirror once on the way to her hotel. The ride itself was short, and by the time she parked and grabbed Sacha from the backseat, Klaus was walking up.

  “As you can see, we made it here just fine. And look,” she said pointing toward the entrance, “there’s even a doorman.”

  “Are you gonna act bitchy all the way up to your room?” he asked candidly as he shut the door behind her. “Because bottom line, we need to have a talk.”

  Gritting her teeth, she glared at him. “I don’t have to let you in.”

  “Voluntary or involuntary. Either way, I’m coming in. Your choice, sweetheart.”

  There was no point in arguing it further. He was going to do what he wanted anyway. Hoisting the bag further up her shoulder, she headed inside.

  Once they were in her room, she set up Sacha’s bouncing chair, carefully laying him on it, making sure the overhanging toys were in reach. It was easy enough keeping him entertained.

  Going over to the sitting area in the room, Alex sat, folding her legs beneath her as she watched Klaus walk over. She tried not to look at him, focusing on her lap because no matter how different their personalities were, he still looked just like Mishca.

  “What do you want, Klaus?”

  He got comfortable first, drumming his fingers on the armrest of the chair. “How’s Paris?”

  “Fine.”

  “Ballet?” He tried again.

  “Fine.”

  “And how are you doing?”

  “Fine.”

  Klaus sighed, leaning his head against the back of the sofa. “Not good enough.”

  “Why do you even care? The last time I checked, the only person you really cared about in this fucked up family of ours is Lauren. Tell me, Klaus, do you get those twin urges? Can you feel them when they’re fucking?”

  While he didn’t lose the smile, Klaus’ eyes grew hard. “I’ve heard that before. Guess the Albanian rubbed off on you.”

  Anger flushed through her. “You don’t get to talk about him. Ever.”

  “No? Seems fair since he went to work on me, and though the only thing I wanted to do was make him pay for this, I kept this secret from the Russian. You should be thanking me.”

  Alex scoffed. “Let me make sure I have this right. You show up out of nowhere threatening everybody, acting like a complete dick, at least until your brother’s wife bats her eyes at you, and then you have a change of heart? Oh, but wait, you lure that fucking Albanian here and what does he do? He buries me alive, and the only reason I’m here is because of Luka. So fuck whatever you’re—”

  “Listen.”

  He’d never been anything but polite to her, so the sharpness of his voice caught her off guard.

  “The Albanian you know, he wasn’t that guy years ago.” He visibly tried to rein in his anger, though whether it was aimed at her, she wasn’t sure. “I understand your loyalty. Believe me. I did what I could, but there are—”

  “Is this the part where I thank you?” Alex asked, and then thought better of it. “Thank you, Klaus. For everything that you’ve done. But that doesn’t change anything because Luka isn’t here.”

  Alex dropped her feet to the ground. “I watched all of you do everything in your power to make Lauren safe. No one was safe. I never doubted for a second that when I needed you, you would be there. Not a single one of you lifted a finger to do anything to help Luka. So, honestly? Save your lecture or whatever you’re here to give. I don’t want to hear it.”

  “Do you honestly think I wanted you to get hurt, Alex?” he asked, rising to his feet.

  “I don’t think any of you cared what happened to me, as long as Luka suffered for who he was before.” She gestured to the door. “Please. Just save your hypocrisy and just get out.”

  44

  ____

  Home Away from Home

  As soon as she touched down in Paris, the plane rolling to a stop on the runway, it felt like a weight lifted off Alex’s shoulders. She hailed a cab back to her place, happy to see her building coming into view. Paying, she stepped out, typing in the code to get in the gate, heading toward the back of the courtyard where the elevator was located.

  She made a stop at one of the ground floor apartments first, knocking gently, smiling when she heard the whines coming from the other side. It took about a minute, but once the door opened, Loki came flying out, his big body barreling into hers as he licked at her face, his tail wagging.

  She laughed, pushing him away as she rubbed his head, smiling up at Cadessa who was leaning in the door with an apron around her waist, a kitchen towel in her hand.

  “He’s missed you.”

  “Only because I take him to the dog park every other day.”

  “You should come over for dinner tonight, Aleksandria. We would love to have you.”

  Cadessa and her husband, Gabriel, were the only couple in the entire building near Alex’s age, though still a number of years older. When she’d moved in, Cadessa had instantly welcomed her in, introducing her to Gabriel a few days later. Alex couldn’t count the number of times she had been over to their place for dinner, at least twice a week.

  They knew about Loki since Alex needed them to watch him, they knew she traveled back to New York when she could—even showed them the picture she carried of Sacha—and that she was dancing with the Francis Ballet Company. For once, since she was younger, she had friends, and though they knew nothing about the family she came from—she went out of her way to avoid talking about them—she was glad for it.

  “Sure. Need me to pick up anything from the market? I was going anyway.”

  “No, no. We have everything.”

  Smiling, Alex waved goodbye, Loki at her heels as they made the short journey up to her apartment. Shifting her luggage to her other shoulder, she unlocked the door, pushing it open, letting Loki trot in first before she followed behind, closing it back and sliding the lock into place. Turning back around, she dropped her keys in the bowl on her way in, dropping her bags along the way.

  She went through the place, opening curtains, letting in the sunlight to bathe the rooms in a warm glow. The floors were made of blonde timber, finished in a light gray that complemented the white walls. She spent a small fortune buying furniture and decorating the eighteen-hundred square feet apartment, but it was well worth the investment, especially when she wasn’t planning to go back to New York anytime soon.

  Her bedroom was on the east side of the apartment with a connected balcony that overlooked the Seine River. It was for that view alone that this place was so expensive. It followed the same color scheme as the apartment, but with shades of s
ky blue throughout.

  She threw her hair up, changing out of her clothes into shorts and a tank top. Heading to the kitchen, Loki following closely behind, she reached for his bag of treats, laughing when he immediately sat at attention. Tossing him one, she went looking through the refrigerator for something for herself. There was nothing much left, and since she wouldn’t be eating at home tonight anyway, she figured heading to the market to pick up other supplies—along with grabbing something small to eat—would bring her out of the funk she’d been under.

  A part of her knew that it was unlikely, but she liked to hope all the same.

  Shopping in Paris, for Alex at least, was always a leisurely affair as she made her way around the smaller shops, picking up little things that she needed. She’d already gone by the market, picking up fresh bread and a bottle of wine to take over to dinner later—even if Cadessa had said they had everything, she wanted to be polite—but as she was heading back home, she stopped at a stationary store. She slipped through the aisles as she looked through the stands, waiting until she found the perfect postcard, one she hadn’t already picked up prior.

  Right at the end, there was one with a sunset across the front, reminding her of waking up at a house in the middle of nowhere back in New York. She ran her finger along the front, smiling wistfully before going to the register and purchasing it. She headed home after.

  Back there, she left her bags in the kitchen to put away later, heading back to her bedroom as she rooted through a drawer next to it for a pen.

  Normally, she waited until there was something substantial to write on these, making sure the notes were all good. Even now, as she lay on her stomach and wrote out the short message in careful strokes, she savored this moment, wanting to put every bit of her emotions into it as she could.

  It began, as it always did, Dear Luka, and as she finished, having run out of room toward the end, she ended it with, Love always, Alex.

  She kissed the front of it, her lipstick leaving an imprint on the front, but unlike most people who bought these, she didn’t add any postage to it, instead placing it in a decorative box she kept under her bed, already filled with at least a dozen more messages she had transcribed over the last six months. He would never see them, would never read them, but they gave her hope, and at the very least, it kept his memory alive.