“Last time I checked, you were alone.” Luc held his hand up. “And I’m not talkin’ about those transients in mini-skirts that wander in and out of your life.”
“Ouch, that’s harsh,” Ryan said, clutching his chest. Too bad he couldn’t deny it. “It might interest you to know I’m tryin’ to rectify that situation. That’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about.”
“I’m listenin’.” Luc leaned back in his seat and reached for his glass.
“I talked to Josh about this last night, so I wanted you to hear it from me.”
Marisa appeared at the door, a smile lighting her face when she saw her son. “I saw your car parked out front, and I thought maybe you came to use the sauna.”
“No,” Ryan said, getting up to kiss her cheek. “I wanted to talk to you and Dad about a couple of things.”
“You were sayin’ somethin’ about Josh,” Luc said, gesturing with his hands. “Carry on.”
This shouldn’t be as difficult as it was. Josh hadn’t disapproved, why should his own parents? “So, I, uh…” He could actually feel the heat creeping up his neck. This was mortifying. He felt like the five year-old boy who’d been sent home with a note from the teacher because he stuck his foot out and tripped a classmate at recess. “Have feelings for Brianna.”
“What kind of feelings are we talkin’ about here?” Luc asked, eyeing him carefully.
Marisa slipped her arm around her son’s waist in a silent show of support. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what he’s talkin’ about, Luc.” She looked up at Ryan, smiling. “I’m so happy for you two, honey. You couldn’t have picked a better girl. And I’m just so relieved that you’re finally thinking about settling down-”
“Hold on,” Ryan said, extricating himself from her grip. “I don’t want anyone orderin’ weddin’ invitations. I just wanna take this slow-”
“I knew it,” Luc said, glaring at him. “I can’t believe you’re even considerin’ this. What the hell’s wrong with you?”
Ryan tried not to lose his temper, but his father tried his patience at the best of times. “I’m not askin’ your permission. I’m tellin’ you what the deal is…” he said between clenched teeth. “Before you hear it from someone else.”
“You’ve been friends with Brianna forever. Why can’t that be enough?”
“Because I want more.”
“What you want is to get in her pants,” Luc said, scowling at him.
“Luc!” Marisa said, reaching for Ryan’s arm when he took a step toward his father.
“Don’t you ever say anything like that to me again,” Ryan said, pointing at Luc. “That girl means the world to me, and I want to be with her, only her.”
Luc looked at his wife. “Sweetheart, can you give us a few minutes?”
Marisa looked back and forth between her husband and son. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“We need to work this out on our own,” Luc said, getting up and ushering his wife to the door. He leaned down and kissed her. “We’ll be on our best behavior, I promise.”
She flattened her hand on his chest before glancing over his shoulder at Ryan. “Just see that you are. And that goes for you too,” she said to Ryan.
Luc closed the door and turned to face his son. “You said she’s the only one you want to be with. Did you mean that?”
“Of course I did. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”
“Sit down,” Luc said, pointing to the leather club chair by the fireplace. “I want to hear more about this.”
Ryan followed his direction, not because he wanted to have a heart-to-heart, but because he wanted to get this over with so he could make it back to the office before Brianna left for the day. He was hoping he could talk her into going out for a drink with him so they could talk outside of the office. His mother would understand if he bailed on dinner.
“What do you want to know?”
“I wanna know when you started having these feelings for her.”
Ryan shrugged. “Does it really matter?”
“Yeah, it matters to me. Have you been feelin’ this way for days, weeks, months…”
“Try years.”
“Jesus,” Luc said, sinking into the chair across from his son. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything about it before? More importantly, why didn’t you act on it? That is, assumin’ you haven’t?”
“We haven’t slept together if that’s what you’re askin’.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’ve loved her forever, Dad.” He looked Luc in the eye. “But I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Losin’ her. She’s the best friend I’ve got. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“Does she feel the same way about you?” Luc asked. “I mean, does she want to try takin’ this relationship to the next level?”
“I think so.”
Luc sighed. “Jesus, Ry, this is a helluva risk. If things don’t work out, you will lose her as a friend. You can’t go back to what you have now, not once you’ve crossed that line.”
That’s what terrified him the most. “Don’t you get it, Dad? If I don’t take this risk, I’ll have to stand by and watch her marry some other guy. She’ll have his babies, share her dreams with him. I want that guy to be me. I need for that guy to be me.” He took a deep breath when he realized he was raising his voice. He was surprised to look up and see a wide grin on Luc’s face. “What the hell are you smilin’ about?”
“Do you know how long I’ve been waitin’ to see you this passionate about somethin’?”
“What’re you talkin’ about?”
“I’ve been prayin’ that something or someone would come along to light a fire under your ass for years. I never thought it would be Bri, but I couldn’t be happier that it is. You know your mama and I already love her.” He chuckled. “You got my blood runnin’ through your veins, kid. If you want that girl, I know you’re not gonna let anything get in your way.”
***
Ryan made it back to the office just as Brianna turned the light off and closed her door.
“Hey, I caught you just in time,” he said, moving in behind her. “I was hopin’ I could talk you into havin’ a drink with me.”
She glanced at her watch. “A drink? I probably shouldn’t. I haven’t even had dinner yet.”
“Even better; dinner it is.” He took her hand and led her toward the elevator. As they were waiting for it to reach their floor, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and buried his face in her neck, inhaling the subtle scent of her perfume mixed with vanilla shampoo.
“Stop,” she said, slapping his forearm as she leaned her head back on his shoulder. “The cleaners are here. I heard the vacuum cleaner in the reception area a little while ago.”
“So what?” He wanted the world to know how he felt about her. He was tired of lying to her, himself, and everyone around them.
He didn’t hesitate to pull her into the elevator and hit the stop button as soon as the doors closed. He backed her into the wall and framed her face with his hands, pausing long enough to look into her eyes. He’d dreamed of this moment hundreds of times, having the freedom to claim a kiss from her without worrying about the repercussions. Now that everyone knew how he felt about her, and he had the blessings of the people who mattered most, he had the courage to set his fears aside and go after what he wanted.
“What are you doing?” she asked, slipping her arms around his waist.
“What does it look like I’m doin’, beautiful?” he asked, threading his hands through her hair as he tipped her head back to invite his kiss. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been thinkin’ about this. You know you can’t lie to me. I know you too well.”
She sunk her teeth into her lower lip and looked up at him through her lashes. “I may have thought about it a time or two since the other night.”
He smiled. “You’ve thought about it a hell of a lot more than that.”
She hooked her thumbs through his belt loops and tugged him even closer. “Awfully sure of yourself, aren’t you, Spencer?”
“Where you’re concerned? Yes.” He lowered his head and slid his tongue over the seam of her lips, groaning when she parted for him. The kiss quickly escalated from gentle and teasing to fiery and intense. Every swipe of her tongue stoked his hunger for her, but he forced himself to pull back. He’d waited too long to allow their first time to go down like this.
“Wow,” she said, struggling to catch her breath. “You continue to surprise me.” She blushed when he smirked. “I can’t believe I let it go that far.” She glanced at the security camera in the corner of the elevator. “I have a feeling we just put on a show for poor old Harry.”
Ryan laughed as he took her hand and reached for the button to activate the elevator. “Harry won’t say anything. He’s nothin’ if not discreet.”
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience. Is this where you usually bring women when you want an audience?”
“Don’t do that,” he said, bringing her hand to his lips. “Don’t belittle what we have. You’re nothin’ like the other women I’ve been with, you know that.”
She turned into his arms and looped her arms around his neck, smiling up at him. “I do know that.” Her smile trembled when she asked, “What the hell are we doin’ here, Ry? We both know this is a bad idea.”
Knowing that she still had reservations about their relationship hurt, but he knew she was pragmatic. Of course she would want to weigh the pros and cons of getting involved with him before they took that leap. “Sweetheart, we could have it all. Can’t you see that?”
She closed her eyes, and he knew she was afraid to let him see how much she wanted to believe in the fairy tale.
“I do want it all with you. But that doesn’t mean we have to rush it.” He brushed his thumb across her cheek and smiled. “Hell, it’s taken us this long to have our first date. I’m willin’ to wait another year before we take it to the next level.”
Her eyes flew open and she laughed when she saw his smile. “Somehow I can’t imagine you swearing off sex for a whole year.”
He knew now was the time to come clean. “I haven’t been with anyone since before Christmas, Bri.”
She flattened her palms against his chest and took a step back. “What are you talking about? Why not?”
“Because of you.”
Brianna searched his face, almost as though she expected him to crack a smile and tell her he’d been teasing. “You can’t be serious. We weren’t even…” She shrugged. “You know… I mean, you didn’t owe me anything.”
“Maybe not, but I owed it to myself to grow up and start takin’ life a little more seriously. I’ve had a hell of a lot of fun, and I don’t have any regrets…” He ran his fingertip down the length of her nose and smiled when she crinkled her nose. “I take that back. I do have one regret. I wish I’d had the sense to tell you how I felt about you years ago.”
“How do you feel?” she asked quietly, lowering her eyes to his chest.
“Look at me,” he whispered. He waited until she looked him in the eye before he said, “I love everything about you, from your fierce determination when you tackle a problem to the loyalty you’ve always shown your friends and family.” He pulled her closer. “You’re my best friend, Bri. But I want you to be so much more than that. I want you to be my lover, my-”
She placed her finger against his lips. “I love you too, you know that. I’m obviously attracted to you, but you can’t deny sex would complicate things between us. I’m not sure if we’re ready for that… if we’ll ever be ready for that.”
Ryan tried to ignore the knot of dread tightening his stomach as he led her off the elevator. Why wouldn’t she accept the fact that he wanted so much more than a physical relationship with her? He knew why: he was a terrible risk.
Stopping in front of the glass doors that led to the parking lot, he asked, “Will you just give me a chance?”
She smiled as she stroked his face. “You’re the best guy I know. You’re sweet and funny, sexy as hell, and just a little crazy. I love all those things about you, but other things about you scare me, Ry.”
He led her toward a row of chairs lining one wall. He guided her into one of the chairs as he knelt down in front of her. “I know you’re worried that if things don’t work out, we would lose our friendship. I’m not gonna lie, that scares me too, but I’m not gonna allow fear to stand in my way anymore, and I don’t want you to either.”
She reached for his hands and held them tight as her eyes filled with tears. “I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I don’t even want to imagine my life without you. But I’m not going to delude myself either. You are who you are and that’s not going to change. As a friend, you’re exactly the kind of person I need in my life, but as a boyfriend, I know you’d make me crazy.”
The coil of tension in his gut drew tighter as he forced himself to ask, “What do you mean?”
“You’d go out to the strip joints with the boys, get loaded, forget to call or pick me up when you said you would. You’d flirt with every woman in sight…”
Ryan hated her assessment, hated even more that he couldn’t deny she painted an accurate picture of the man he used to be. “People can change, Bri.”
“That’s just it. I’d never ask you to change. I love you just the way you are. A little immature, the life of every party, the first guy to pour a drink and the last guy to leave.” She smiled as she ran a hand through his hair. “You’re the guy every girl in the room is drawn to like a magnet, ‘cause you’re so damn sexy. Everyone wants a little piece of you ‘cause they’re hopin’ your attitude, your outlook, will rub off on them.”
“I know I can’t go on like that forever. I’m not a kid anymore.”
“It’s just part of who you are. Your laugh is infectious because it’s so real, so genuine. You don’t care if you’re the butt of the joke as long as you make everyone in the room laugh with you. I don’t know if you realize how great I think that is.”
Her hands were ice cold, and he knew she wasn’t as collected as she pretended. “There’s more to me than that.”
“You don’t think I know that? I know you’ve always tried to downplay your intelligence. Back in school, you were perfectly content for people to believe that you were just this dumb jock, meanwhile you were pullin’ straight As without breaking a sweat.”
Ryan sighed. He didn’t want to look back; he wanted to move forward. “Where are you goin’ with this, Bri?”
“The point I’m trying to make is that I know who you are, and more importantly, I know who you’re not.”
He held his breath, waiting for her to continue.
“You’re not the guy who’s going to be satisfied with a quiet life in the suburbs or summer vacations to the Grand Canyon. You need excitement and adventure, and I respect that, but…”
“But what?” He knew he didn’t want to hear the answer, but he found the courage to ask the question anyway.
“But… that’s the life I want, Ry. I’m not like you. No one would describe me as fun or particularly exciting. I’m not adventurous. I don’t need the thrill of jumping off buildings or out of airplanes. I don’t need three day benders in Vegas to have a good time.”
The problem with knowing someone so well was that they knew every stupid mistake you’d ever made, even the ones you wished they’d forget. He opened his mouth to defend her opinion of herself when she pressed her fingertips against his lips.
“The thing is, I’m happy with who I am. I really like my nice, quiet, predictable life. I love my job, my routine. I’d much rather curl up with a good book on a Saturday night than attend a flashy party. I know that’s not only a job requirement for you, it’s who you are. That’s why the talent at Titan loves you so much, because you know how to show them a good time.”
“Bri, w
e could find a way to work it out.” He desperately wanted to believe that, because the alternative was unthinkable. He couldn’t go on being her best friend, loving her so much it hurt just to look at her knowing he didn’t have the right to touch her, wanting her, yet knowing he could never have her.
“You can’t change who you are any more than I can change who I am.” She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I love who you are, and I love who I am.” She stood up and pulled him into a lingering embrace. “Don’t ever change, Ry,” she whispered. “Not for anyone, but certainly not for me. Not only would you make yourself miserable, you’d make me miserable too.”
When she took a step toward the door, he reached for her hand. “Hey, what about dinner?”
“Rain check,” she said, before lifting the collar on her black wool coat and stepping up to the sliding glass doors.
Ryan watched her cross the parking lot, barely able to contain the urge to run after her. If she wanted space, he could give her that, but he’d never accept her claim that they were too different to find happiness together.
Chapter Ten
Brianna was on her way home the day after her elevator encounter with Ryan, but the thought of going home to an empty apartment that still reminded her of cheating ex-boyfriends held little appeal.
She kept driving without realizing where she was headed until her car found its way to Brentwood. Her cousin Alisa, someone who’d known Ryan his whole life, would be able to help her make sense of her chaotic thoughts. One minute she was certain she’d made the right decision, telling Ryan they didn’t have a future because of their differences, but the next minute she was reaching for the phone, ready to beg forgiveness for pushing him away.
She’d snuck away to the ladies room more than once to indulge in the tears that seemed determined to ruin her plans for a productive day. She loved him. She suspected she was in love with him, but everything she told him last night was true. They couldn’t ignore the glaring differences between them. She knew he would never be happy with a life of quiet domesticity any more than she would find happiness in the overcrowded night clubs and casinos he frequented.
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