“I did,” he said, raking his hands through his hair in frustration. “I would have… eventually. The timing was never right.”
“That’s just it, Ev,” she said, placing a hand on his chest. “The time was never going to be right for us.”
“Yes, it would have,” he said, holding her hand against his heart. “If you’d just given me a little more time.”
She shook her head sadly. “I gave you almost six years.” She looked up at him. “Do you know, I would have married you when I was a starry-eyed twenty year-old with years of medical school ahead of me. The timing would have been terrible, but that’s how much I loved you.”
“Baby, just give me one more chance,” Evan pleaded, bending to look into her eyes. “Please. Let me prove to you that I’m ready to make our relationship more of a priority.”
Brianna held her breath, waiting, praying that her friend would take another chance on a man who obviously loved her enough to pour his heart out to her in front of the rowdy crowd at Jimmy’s bar.
“I can’t,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “I meant what I said. I’ll always care about what happens to you and love you because of all of the wonderful memories you gave me, but I stopped being in love with you a long time ago.”
“How can you say that?” His voice was rough and raspy as he let her go and shoved his hands into his pockets. “You said you would’ve married me if I’d asked. Hell, if I’d come home with a ring in my pocket that night, are you telling me you wouldn’t have accepted it?”
“I guess we’ll never know the answer to that question, since you didn’t.” She stood on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Just know that I’ll always care about you. I’ll always want what’s best for you.”
His arms closed around her and Brianna feared it may take three men to force him to end the hug everyone knew would be their last.
Finally, Erika braced her hands on his biceps and withdrew from his embrace before turning to her friends. “I’m glad you brought me here tonight.”
Lena blinked back tears as she said, “I’m so sorry. It was all my fault. I didn’t mean to hurt you guys any more than you’ve already been hurt.” She glanced at Evan.
“It’s okay,” Erika said, hugging her. “We needed to have this conversation.” She hugged Anna, Brianna, and Alisa before she said, “I think it’s time for me to go. I’ll catch up with you guys another time. Have fun tonight.”
Evan watched her leave as the girls parted in search of an empty table.
“They’re playing our song, cowboy,” Brianna said, tugging on the front of his shirt to draw him closer. “Come on, let’s dance.”
He looked at the door. “I think I’m gonna head out too, Bri. I’m not in the mood to party tonight.”
“That’s exactly why you have to stay,” she said, taking his hand and leading him towards the dance floor. “Nothing good can come of you going home to that empty apartment.” When she turned into his arms, she said, “Maybe you should think about selling that place, Ev.”
“Not ready yet,” he said, clasping his hands at the small of her back. “Don’t know if I ever will be. I don’t want a new life, Bri. I want my old life back.” He closed his eyes and tipped his head back. “I just want someone to tell me how the hell to get my old life back.”
Brianna forced back the tears lodged in her throat, knowing her sadness would only make him feel worse. “Sweetie,” she said, stroking his shoulder, “you can’t make someone love you if they don’t. You have to let her go.” She knew that was easier said than done. If someone asked her to let Ryan go so he could find happiness with another woman, it would be like asking her to lie down on the train tracks, knowing that a train was coming, but not knowing exactly when to expect it.
“Tell me how to do that,” he said quietly. “Tell me how to forget her and I will. Tell me how to fall asleep with somethin’ other than her on my mind or how to wake up without this ache in my chest that reminds me she’s gone and she’s never comin’ back. Just tell me how to let go.”
“I wish I knew,” she said, laying her head on his chest. “Just know that I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
“That goes for me too,” Ryan said, coming up behind them and slapping his brother on the back. “I’m sorry I was such as asshole earlier.”
“You weren’t,” Evan said, clearing his throat. “I was.” He placed Brianna’s hand in Ryan’s and gripped his brother’s shoulder as he whispered in his ear. “Whatever you do, don’t make the same mistakes I made, man.”
Chapter Twelve
Brianna knew she was being selfish for enjoying this moment while Evan was obviously agonizing over his loss, but being back in Ryan’s arms felt so right.
“I missed you,” he said, brushing his lips over the top of her head. “A lot.”
“I missed you, too,” she admitted, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his chest. “Why didn’t you call?”
“After our last conversation, I thought you could use a little time to sort things out.”
Her heart started beating double time as she realized this was the moment of truth. She had to be willing to take a chance on him or let him go. “I… uh…” She tipped her head back to look at him and was surprised to see something she’d never seen in Ryan’s eyes before. Fear.
“Have you talked to Clint lately?” he asked.
She knew he was trying to side-track her, in case she planned to say something he wasn’t prepared to hear. “No, he’s been out of town, too.”
“I know.” He smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as he cupped her cheek in his palm. “Who do you think sent him out of town?”
“Why?”
“You think I wanted him here makin’ inroads with you while I was away?”
She reached up to mindlessly brush her fingers through his hair. “You’re supposed to use your powers for good, not evil, Spencer.”
He chuckled. “In my mind, gettin’ Clint outta the way is a damn good thing.”
“I told you before, there’s nothing between us,” she said, biting her bottom lip.
“When are you gonna tell him that?”
“As soon as I see him.”
“Good.”
Brianna smiled at his quiet conviction. That was the man she knew and loved. “Not because of you,” she said, knowing how important it was to rein him in once in a while. Someone like Ryan, who was so used to people doing his bidding, could easily step out of line, given half a chance. “Because I know he’s not the man I want.”
“Interesting,” Ryan said, pretending to be deep in thought. “Why don’t you tell me a little more about the kind of man you’re after?” He winked and flashed a quick grin that turned her insides to mush. “I just might know someone who’d be perfect for you.”
“Really?” she asked, satisfied to engage in his game of cat and mouse. At least fun, playful Ryan was back, and she knew that meant they were back on track. “Well, let’s see. He’d have to have a sense of humor.”
“What else?”
“That tall, dark, and handsome thing works for me,” she said.
“Check, check, and check.” He grinned and she couldn’t help but smile at his smugness.
“He’d have to be confident and sexy. Of course, for me there’s nothing sexier than a guy who’s comfortable in his own skin.” She ran her hands up his biceps and watched his eyes drift closed as he continued to move effortlessly in time to the music. Deciding it was time to beat him at his own game, she said, “He’d have to be an incredible lover.”
“Jesus, Bri,” he whispered, sounding tortured as she felt the proof of her effect on him. “Don’t do this to me.”
“I’m not doing anything to you,” she said, letting her hands travel over his chest to his ribs. “You asked me what kind of man I’m after. I’m merely telling you what I’m looking for.”
“When are we gonna stop screwin’ around?” he asked, opening his eye
s.
His piercing blue eyes were heavy with lust and longing and she knew a man like Ryan couldn’t be contained forever. He may claim he was willing to take their relationship slow, to let it evolve naturally, but she knew his patience wouldn’t last much longer.
“I want you,” she whispered, knowing she had to give him something or risk losing him for good this time.
He eased his hands into her hair and tipped her mouth up to meet his. Without regard for the couples dancing around them, Ryan slipped his tongue past the seam of her lips, demanding without asking, taking without giving her a chance to object. He flattened one hand against her lower back, melding her softness with his hardness as his mouth continued to explore hers so thoroughly the crowd around them slipped away. His mouth was the only thing that mattered, the slow slide of his tongue against hers, his heat and hunger stoking her own.
“Oh, wow,” she said breathlessly, leaning her head against his chest as she tried to find her balance in the spinning room. She gripped the bulging biceps straining through his shirt and she knew he was still fighting for control. When she finally looked up into his eyes, he had a lazy, self-satisfied smile on his face. “What’s so funny?”
“I’d say we finally went public with our relationship.”
“Oh, Jesus,” she groaned, closing her eyes when she saw their friends standing around, smiling and laughing at their public display of affection. “I guess we could have been a little more discreet, huh?”
“Why?” he asked, brushing his lips against her ear. “I’m ready to tell the whole goddamn world that I’m in love with you, Bri.”
An unsteady breath escaped her lips. She didn’t know how to respond to his claim. Admitting that she was in love with him was a step she was afraid to take while so much remained unresolved between them. “Ry, you know nothing has changed. I still don’t know how we’re going to make this work. Everything I said the other night is true…” But Liam and Alisa had made her realize there may be a way to make it work, if they were both willing and able to compromise.
“But…” He skimmed her cheek with his lips. “I know there’s a but in there somewhere. If there wasn’t, you wouldn’t have kissed me like that.”
“We just have a long way to go to figure out if this could even work. You can’t deny we’re completely different people.”
“That’s what’s so great about it,” he said, smiling. “I make sure you have fun once in a while, and you keep me grounded. You remind me of what’s important.” His hands skimmed the long blond hair running the length of her back. “You know who else agrees with me?”
“Who?”
“Your father, and mine, believe it or not.”
“Wait a second,” Brianna said, shaking her head to clear the confusion. “You talked to our parents about this? About us? When?” She knew people were noticing their conversation when he took her hand and led her across the dance floor.
He stopped at the bar and whispered something in J.T.’s ear before leading her up the back staircase toward the private quarters that housed an office and apartment for the previous owners.
Closing the door behind them, he spun her around, flattening her back against the scarred wood panel. “I want you,” he whispered, fixating on her lips. “What’s more, I need you. Not just in my bed, but in my life, every day, every night…”
“Ryan,” she said, putting a hand between them. “I think…”
“Sssh,” he said, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. “I let you do all the talkin’ the other night. Now it’s my turn.”
He surprised her by stepping out of her arms. For once, she wanted to be bold and haul him back to finish what he’d started on the dance floor.
Ryan embodied every woman’s sensual fantasies, the way he spoke, the way he moved, the searing imprint of his hands on her skin that taunted without fulfilling the promise of ecstasy. When he brought her up here, she expected him to use his skills in the bedroom to sway her, but as she glanced at the double bed tucked in to the corner of the small apartment, she wondered where that would leave them if he was able to lower her defenses with physical persuasion.
He followed her gaze and grinned. “I didn’t bring you up here for that.”
She felt the hot burn of shame stain her cheeks as she forced herself to look at him. “That’s not what I was thinking.”
He chuckled. “Liar.” His smile fell away as he looked at her. “That’s the thing about knowin’ someone as well as we know each other, Bri. There’s no point tryin’ to pretend this is somethin’ it isn’t.”
She swallowed repeatedly as she tried to find her voice. Maybe those days away had given him a new perspective regarding their relationship. Perhaps he was willing to accept less than everything, if that’s all she was prepared to offer, but she didn’t know if that would be enough to satisfy her any more. With a man like Ryan, would anything less than everything ever be enough?
He stalked the floor as though he couldn’t contain the excess energy coursing through his body. “This isn’t some passin’ thing between us. We have too much history for that.”
She couldn’t argue with his logic. A friends with benefits arrangement would never work for them. “So, what are you suggesting?”
He turned to face her. “I want it all.”
She sucked in a breath when she saw the intensity in his eyes. He was right; they knew each other well enough to know when the other was lying, to themselves or each other. There was no doubt in her mind that Ryan was being honest, with her and himself. “What does that mean?”
Ryan sighed and began pacing the length of the wide wood planks again. “I know it takes time to build a relationship. We trust each other, as friends, but the kind of relationship I’m proposin’ requires a level of trust I know I haven’t earned yet.” He ran a hand through his cropped black hair, leaving it slightly disheveled.
Her response was barely above a whisper when she asked, “What kind of relationship are you proposing?” She cursed herself for leaving that innuendo hovering between them. If there was one thing she knew about men, especially commitment phobic men like Ryan, they hated being backed in to a corner and asked to define a relationship to put their partner’s mind at ease. “Not that I’m asking for a commitment or anything,” she said quickly, hoping it wasn’t too late for her to back pedal to save face.
“But that’s what I’m tryin’ to tell you. I want a commitment.” He took a step closer, closing the distance between them slowly and purposefully, almost as though he was giving her a chance to escape if she still wanted to exercise that option.
Her feet were firmly rooted to the ground as she watched him close in on her. “You mean you want to be my boyfriend?” She felt silly labeling Ryan as her boyfriend. He was already so much more than that.
He smiled at her choice of words as he reached for a lock of her hair, twisting it around his finger as he stepped closer, barely allowing enough room for them to breathe in the gap that remained between their bodies. “I’d like to be more than that, but I guess it’s a start. Especially if it means I get to be the only man in your life.” He pushed her hair aside as his lips descended on her neck, zeroing in on her most vulnerable spot as though he’d mapped her body with the familiarity of a long-term partner. “I wanna be your lover,” he said between intimate kisses. “Your best friend…” Another mind-numbing kiss as his hand skimmed over her ribs to the swell of her breast. “Your protector…” He kissed her neck as he pinned her body to the door.
“You’re already all of those things,” she said, trying to keep her breathing even as her arms circled his neck to draw him closer. “Except for being my lover, and I do want that, Ry.”
He pulled back to look her in the eye. “You need to know that isn’t all I want. Your body isn’t enough for me.”
She shifted, filling his hands with her curves as a smile teased the corners of her mouth. “Are you sure about that?”
He turned the tables on her
when he brushed his thumbs across the rigid peaks straining against the thin fabric of her shirt. “Don’t get me wrong, I want your body.” His hands fell to her hips as he taunted her with his erection. “But even more than that, I want to prove to you that I’m the guy you’ve been waitin’ for, Bri.”
Her hand coasted over the stubble on his jaw and she managed a shaky smile as the little voice in her head reminded her that tears were pointless. Just because he was saying all of the things she’d been hoping to hear, that didn’t mean he would feel the same way a month or year from now. She had to remind herself that this was Ryan, and while she knew he would never hurt her intentionally, he had never committed to anything or anyone in his life.
***
Ryan could see the shadow of doubt in her eyes. He knew earning her trust would mean navigating a long and taxing road to prove to her that he was willing to change. He had already changed… the moment he acknowledged to himself that he was in love with her, that she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
The old Ryan would have taken advantage of the bed beckoning to them, but the man who deserved a woman like Brianna would wait until the timing was perfect. He’d set the scene to create the fantasy she deserved. “Come away with me next weekend,” he said, skimming his lips back and forth over her cheek as his hot breath fanned her hair. “Just the two of us, somewhere secluded, romantic…” He smiled when he felt her tremble in his arms. No question, he was on the right track.
“You want to wait until next weekend to…” She pulled him closer and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “What I mean is, we don’t have to wait. I know you want to, so do I.”
“I love you, Bri.” He let his words sink in before he leaned back to look into her eyes as he repeated them. “I love you. Not as a friend, but as the only woman I want to be with from now on. I’ve never said those words to anyone before, ever. You need to know that.” A tear slipped down her cheek and he knew she was in the midst of an inner struggle, trying to decide how to respond. “I know you’re not ready to give me your heart completely yet, and I can understand why, given my track record with women.”
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