First and Ten

by Jeff Rud

  It was still warm enough that only the screen door was closed on the house, so Matt slipped inside without his mom hearing. He could hear voices coming from the living room. Turning the corner from the front hallway, he saw his mom sitting on the sofa, across from a tall angular man with brown wavy hair. He was dressed in a dark sports coat and tan pants. Matt immediately sensed the tension in the room. This was no real estate deal.

  “Matt, will you come with me for a minute, please,” his mom said, without even first saying hello or introducing him to the visitor. This was strange. Matt knew something was up, but what? Was he in trouble for something he didn’t know about? Had somebody in the family died? Was his mom sick? All sorts of thoughts were racing through his head.

  Mom grabbed his hand and led him through the sliding door into the kitchen. She closed the door, and then she turned toward him. “This is really hard…,” she began tentatively.

  What was hard? Matt was now starting to panic. His stomach was flopping about even worse than it had been before today’s intra-squad game. What was going on here, anyway?

  “I’m just going to say it,” Mom finally blurted out. “I’m not sure if you recognize him, Matt. I didn’t want it to be like this for you. He just showed up here this afternoon. ...The man in the living room is Tom Jensen. He’s your father, Matt.”

  Matt felt himself getting light-headed. He sat down on the stool by the kitchen eating bar and tried to comprehend what he had just heard. His father? It had been so long since his father had been in his life that Matt had nearly forgotten he had one, somewhere out there. The visitor had seemed familiar, but the only pictures Matt had ever seen of his dad were by now at least ten years old. It hadn’t clicked who this man was until he heard the words from his mother’s mouth. Matt didn’t know how to react. This was the weirdest feeling he had ever experienced.

  “It’s up to you, Matt,” Mom continued gently. “If you don’t want to talk to him right now, I’m sure he’ll understand. I certainly understand. I know it’s a shock…”

  “What’s he doing here, Mom?” Matt said, in a cross between a yell and a whisper. “I mean, why now?”

  Matt’s dad had been out of their lives for ten years, ever since his parents split up when he was just three. It had always seemed strange and it had always hurt that the man had never kept in contact. Matt had other friends whose parents were divorced, and most of their dads had stayed active in their lives. He had just always assumed his own dad didn’t care enough to do that. He began to feel angry at the man sitting in the next room.

  “I don’t know,” Matt stammered. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You know what?” his mom said. “I’m just going to tell him to go. This isn’t fair to you. You haven’t had a chance to prepare. I’m sorry, Matt.”

  His head was whirling. Part of him wanted to go tell the man in the next room to get out of their house, to go away and never come back. Part of him was frightened about facing up to such a big moment in his life. Another part of him was curious. His dad? He had always wondered what his dad was like.

  “Wait, Mom,” Matt said softly. “I’ll meet him.”

  She stretched out her arms and hugged her son, her small hands wrapping around the back of his neck. “Come on, then.”

  His mother slowly slid the pocket door open. The visitor was standing by the front window. He turned as he heard the kitchen door slide open.

  Matt was caught completely off guard. It was a bizarre feeling, like looking into a mirror. The man was tall, about six-foot-four, and thin—not rakishly thin, but athletically slim. He had brown eyes and wavy brown hair. The only thing radically different between he and Matt, besides age, was that his nose was larger and much more pointed. Matt had the round small nose of his mother.

  “Hello, Matt,” the man said, clearly nervous himself. “It’s been a long time.”

  A long time? Matt felt as though he had never ever met this man. They might look alike but they had nothing in common. Matt couldn’t remember having done a single thing with his father. The anger and frustration built up over ten years was welling up inside him again.

  The man stretched out a large right hand with long slender fingers. Matt responded, shaking his father’s hand. The ritual felt stilted, unnatural.

  “Your mom tells me that you’re quite an athlete,” the man said. “I loved sports myself when I was a kid.”

  Matt nodded. He didn’t know what to say. His voice seemed lost in the moment. He wanted to talk to his dad, to ask him questions, especially about why he had never bothered to show up or contact him until now. But he couldn’t get anything out.

  “I’ve actually been to a couple of your football practices,” the visitor said. “You’ve got good hands.”

  “You were at my practices?” Matt asked incredulously. “Why?”

  “I just wanted to see you, Matt,” he said. “I thought it would be too much of a shock to just introduce myself to you, especially at a football practice. This afternoon, I was just coming here to talk to your mother, to figure out what would be the best way to meet you. I didn’t realize you’d be coming home so soon. We both thought you would still be practicing. I’m sorry it happened like this.

  “I’ve been out of the country for almost ten years, working in Saudi Arabia as an aircraft mechanic,” he continued, now rushing his words. “But I’m back now and I guess it’s about time we met.”

  Matt was confused. How should he feel about this? Happy to have a dad, finally? Or angry that his dad didn’t care enough to even send a birthday card for the last ten years? There wasn’t an easy answer here. He stared at his father. Nobody said a word. The silence was uncomfortable.

  “Listen,” his father finally said. “I’ve got to go now. I didn’t expect you to be home. But I’m glad you were here. It’s great to see you, son.”

  Son? The word felt false and awkward to Matt’s ears.

  “Can I take you out for lunch tomorrow?” the man asked, hopefully. “I could pick you up and we could go somewhere, catch up a little.”

  Matt wasn’t sure. He looked at his mother, who had been silent. Then he looked back at the visitor.

  “I usually play basketball on Saturday mornings,” he said slowly. “ But I guess I could, after that.”

  “How about one o’clock, then?” the man said. “I’ll pick you up here.”

  Matt glanced at his mother again. She simply shrugged her shoulders and arched her eyebrows. “It’s completely up to you, Matt,” she said.

  “I guess so,” he said, shaking his father’s hand again.

  “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  With that, the man turned, said a quick good-bye to Matt’s mom, rounded the corner into the hallway, opened the screen door and walked down the front sidewalk. Matt watched out the living room window as the lanky figure eased into the front seat of the dark suv and began to back up out of the driveway. He noticed Matt looking and waved. Matt slowly brought up his hand to return the gesture.

  He turned to his mom, shaking his head. “That was too weird,” Matt declared.

  Mom was sitting on the couch, a serious look on her face and her eyes were welling up. Matt hated to see her cry. He sat down beside her and put his arm on her shoulder. She sobbed softly, and as he sat there, Matt felt powerless to help.

  They didn’t say anything for the longest time. Matt was lost in thought too. He now had two parents, like most of the kids he knew. But at this moment, he couldn’t find the words to talk with either of them.

  chapter five

  After a quiet dinner, Matt helped load the dishwasher.

  “I’m tired, Matt,” his mother said. “I’ve got to take some clients out early tomorrow. I think I’d better go to bed.”

  “Okay, Mom,” he said.

  She turned and hugged him. The hug felt good, secure in a way, on a night when his world had been turned upside down.

  “I just want you to know that you have to make y
our own choices regarding your father,” she said. “You need to know that I’m okay with it if you have a relationship with him. I mean, if you want, that is…”

  Matt kissed his mom goodnight and she headed toward her bedroom. He was in no mood to sleep, though. So much was running through his mind. He was having lunch with his father the next day. What was he supposed to say? And just what could the man possibly say that would make up for him being gone for all those years?

  Matt felt like he needed to talk to his brother about this. So he grabbed the cordless phone and headed up to his bedroom. He was pretty sure Mark would be home now, no matter whether he had worked overtime today or not. Eight years older, Mark had a good-paying job on the oil rigs near Eton, a few hours away by car. Mark had been eleven when their father left home, not much younger than Matt was now. He wondered how his brother would react to the news that their father was coming back into their lives.

  Mark picked up on the third ring. “Hey, little bro,” he said. “What’s up?”

  Matt quickly launched into the afternoon’s events, how the presence of his father had shocked him and how Mom had seemed quiet and sad during the entire visit. He told Mark about his lunch date the next day.

  “Well, that’s up to you, I guess,” Mark said. His voice suddenly sounded a little bit cooler to Matt.

  “I’m not having anything to do with that guy,” his brother continued. “He called me earlier this week and left a message. I haven’t called him back. As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t exist. ...He can’t just come back ten years later and pretend nothing happened. It doesn’t work that way.”

  Matt was surprised by the sudden hostility in his brother’s voice. It didn’t sound like Mark at all. Normally, he was so easygoing and levelheaded. Right now, he sounded angry and hurt. Matt knew the emotions weren’t directed at him but they made him feel uncomfortable nonetheless.

  “But what should I do?” Matt asked. “I already said I’d have lunch with him…”

  “Like I said, that’s up to you,” Mark said; then he suddenly shifted gears. “How’s Mom, anyway?”

  “She’s in bed already,” Matt replied. “I don’t know. She seemed kind of bummed, I guess.”

  There was a long pause, and then Mark continued. “Matt, you were pretty young when Dad left. Too young to understand it all, obviously. But when he went, he left Mom pretty broken up. It took her a long time to recover. That’s never going to be okay with me. Whenever I do talk to him, that’s what I’m going to tell him.”

  Matt tried to imagine having a father and then losing him around the same age he was right now. It obviously would have been a difficult situation for Mark. Which was worse, having a dad for a few years or not having one at all?

  “I’ve got to go, kid,” Mark said. “I’ve got another call coming in. But you take it easy, okay? Do what you think is right. Send me an e-mail tomorrow and let me know how it goes.”

  Matt had difficulty getting to sleep. He rolled around in his bed, trying to get comfortable. But all he could think of was lunch tomorrow and what he was going to say to his dad.

  He awoke early the next morning to sunshine streaming through his bedroom window. He had forgotten to close the heavy drapes on his east-facing room. Matt looked at the clock. It was only 8:00 am and it was Saturday. He contemplated going back to bed, but decided that would be futile. Instead, he headed downstairs and directly to the front door, which he opened, and scooped up the Post off the front step.

  Matt turned immediately to the Sports section, pulled down a cereal bowl from the cupboard and poured himself some Cheerios. He was just shoving the first spoonful into his mouth when he saw the picture on the second page of the Sports section. It was Phil! But he wasn’t going to like the shot. It showed the ball ricocheting off his hands, one of several passes that he had dropped during the Maroon-and-White game the previous day. You could see the anxious look on Phil’s face as the ball slipped away. In terms of action, it was a great picture, but it wasn’t very flattering to his friend.

  Matt hadn’t thought about football since yesterday evening. All he could think about now was the lunch today with his dad. It consumed him all morning, as he played three-on-three basketball at Anderson Park with Phil, Jake, Amar Sunir and a couple of other friends.

  “What’s up, Mattster?” Jake said as they took a water break. “You’ve hardly made a shot all morning. Worried about making the football team, or what?”

  “I guess so,” Matt replied. He wasn’t ready yet to tell his friends about his dad. It was such weird news, he didn’t even know how to bring it up. He also didn’t know how he felt about it yet.

  The game broke up about eleven thirty, and Matt headed home, had a long shower and got ready to meet his father. It was weird, but he fretted over what clothes to wear and took extra time to comb his hair. Why was he so concerned about what he looked like? He couldn’t figure it out. But at the same time it seemed important.

  Just before one o’clock, the black Ford suv rolled into the driveway. Matt’s dad eased out of the front seat and walked to the front door. His mom was already out doing an open house, so Matt had been waiting near the door for his father. Might as well get this over with, he thought. He met the visitor outside.

  “Hey, Matt,” his father said cheerily. “Are you hungry?”

  Matt nodded. He wasn’t really. He was too nervous to even think of eating. He climbed into the passenger seat of the suv and did up his seatbelt. His father slid into the driver’s seat and turned to him.

  “Know anywhere we can get a good pizza?” his dad asked.

  “We always go to Classico’s,” Matt replied. “It’s not far from here.”

  They exchanged small talk about the suv, the weather, football and pizza as they drove. At the restaurant, a waitress led them to a secluded table near the back.

  Shortly after they had ordered, Matt’s dad laid his palms down on the table and cleared his throat.

  “I know you must have some questions,” he said, suddenly looking nervous. “But maybe first I’ll tell you where I’ve been for the last ten years…”

  Strangely, Matt giggled. Just a nervous reaction. “Sure,” he said. “Okay.”

  His father cleared his throat again, raised his eyebrows and sighed.

  “Well, Matt, your mother and I had been married for about ten years. We got married young. We had Mark very young. I thought getting married was the right thing to do, so did your mother. But we weren’t ready. I mean, I guess more honestly, I wasn’t ready.

  “By the time you came along, we were fighting a lot. We didn’t seem to like each other much anymore. I was working as an aircraft mechanic and was out of town a lot. Your mother was lonely.”

  Where was he going with all this? Matt wondered. This was his excuse for not being around for ten years?

  “I made a mistake, Matt,” his father continued. “I got involved with another woman, somebody I met when I was away on a job. It was a stupid thing to do. I told your mother about it. She asked me to leave, and I don’t blame her. It was my fault.”

  Matt’s head was reeling. It was making more sense now. No wonder his mother didn’t talk much about his dad. Matt felt himself again growing angry at the man sitting across the booth.

  “Your mother asked me to move out and I did,” his father said. “Right about the same time, I got a job offer to work in Saudi Arabia. The money was good, and it was a chance to get away. I took it. And that’s where I’ve been until now.”

  A chance to get away? From what? From his own kids? Matt couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

  “But why didn’t you at least keep in touch?” he said. “I thought you didn’t care about us. It still seems like that.”

  His father looked hurt. His voice cracked.

  “That was never true, Matt,” he said. “I’ve thought about you and Mark every day since I left. I’ve missed you guys so much. ...But your mother was so angry with me. At that time, it jus
t seemed like the best thing to do was to leave her alone. I sent money regularly, but she never cashed the checks. They all came back to me in the mail.”

  Matt sat silently, stone-faced. He didn’t know how to respond.

  “I know now that cutting off contact was the wrong thing to do,” his father continued. “I’ve missed out on so much by doing that, and you kids have too. I’m sorry, Matt. If I could do it over again, I would.”

  “So, why are you back now?” Matt asked. “Why change now, after all this time?”

  The man sighed again. “Maybe I’ve grown up,” he said. “I know it sounds strange, but over the last few months, I decided it was time to come home, try to salvage something with my kids. I can understand your mother has concerns about it, but I want to get to know you and your brother, Matt, to be part of your lives again, if you’ll let me.”

  At that moment, the waitress arrived at the booth with their extra-large, double-cheese, double-pepperoni and onions pizza, just like Matt ordered every time he came to Classico’s. The two took advantage of the food to stop the awkward conversation and just eat.

  Matt wasn’t that hungry. But munching down pizza was easier than talking. Besides the pepperoni, he was trying to digest everything he had just heard. At least now he knew where his dad had been all these years and why he hadn’t bothered to contact the family, even if it still seemed like a bit of a lame excuse. And he certainly understood why his mother had been reluctant to talk about his dad.

  They finished the pizza. “So what do you say, Matt?” his father asked, nursing a cup of coffee.

  “About what?”

  “About you and me. Can we have a relationship? I’d like that…”

  “I guess so,” Matt replied, without thinking.