Love Left Behind

by S. H. Kolee

  "Just...just pull out when you come," I said, gasping as Jackson continued thrusting inside of me. He stilled at my words, his arms trembling on either side of me as they supported his weight. Jackson had a savage look on his face as his piercing eyes gazed into mine.

  "I can't," he said desperately, looking wild. "I need to come inside of you. I need to be a part of you."

  "Jackson-"

  He leaned down, burying his head in my neck. "Sweetheart, please. I need you to be mine, if only for today."

  My heart ached at his words, feeling him tremble from the effort of not continuing to thrust into me. I told myself I was foolish, stupid and careless. But that didn't stop me from moving my hips beneath him as my answer, tightening my muscles around his hard length.

  Jackson groaned as he started pumping his hips again, impaling me over and over with his erect shaft until I felt my muscles convulsing around him, taking me over the crest as I cried out in pleasure. Jackson had stilled during my climax and only started moving again after my last shudder, plunging deeply in me again and again, sweat rolling off of him until he threw back his head, making deep guttural sounds. Despite my earlier concerns, I found myself wrapping my legs around him and milking his shaft, not wanting to lose a single drop of him.

  He collapsed on top of me and I smoothed my hands down his sweaty back, caressing him as we were still intimately joined. I couldn't explain the pleasure I felt knowing that he had come inside of me, wanting to keep us connected for as long as possible. Jackson seemed to feel the same way because when he rolled off me and onto his back, he took me with him so I was draped over him, still impaled by his shaft. We didn't speak as we lay together, Jackson gently brushing my back as I ran my fingers down his chest. We were both lost in our own thoughts. I wondered what Jackson was thinking about but was too afraid to ask. I was afraid to say anything that would break the spell that had seemed to stop time, to allow us these precious hours to forget the pain we had caused each other.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When we finally stirred, it was to take a languid shower together, relearning the planes of each other's bodies. Afterwards, we wrapped ourselves in robes supplied by the hotel and ordered room service. By an unspoken agreement, we didn't talk about anything having to do with our past relationship. Jackson told me about his latest movie and some of the near scrapes he had gotten into by doing some of his own stunts. He also told me about all the countries he had been to while shooting his past films. His stories made me realize that he lived in a world I was totally unfamiliar with, filled with famous people and adventures reserved only for the rich. It was sometimes easy to forget that Jackson was a celebrity and I reminded myself that he was no longer my Jackson, but Jackson Reynard. He didn't belong to me, he belonged to the world.

  Jackson took a deep interest in what I had been doing over the past five years and I filled him in, although my stories were a lot less exciting than his were. I was relieved that Jackson didn't broach the subject of relationships again. I didn't need to know about all the beautiful women he had been with these past five years, and I didn't want him to know about the woefully empty personal life I had led, with only a couple of half-hearted relationships that hadn't developed into anything serious.

  "Let's take a bath," Jackson suggested, standing and holding out his hand to me. I hesitated, checking the time on the wall clock. The longer I stayed here, the harder it would be to leave. We were weaving together a fantasy world that would be shattered when reality set in.

  "Jackson, it's almost six o'clock. Maybe I should leave. It's going to get...too complicated the longer I stay."

  Jackson grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the sofa. He cradled my head in his hands, leaning down to kiss me gently. "You promised me one night. I want you next to me tonight. We have the rest of our lives to be apart."

  I was helpless against his request and allowed him to pull me into the bathroom, which looked more like a spa. Jackson flicked on a switch and a light steam immediately began filling the room. I blinked as I marveled at our own private sauna. The bath was actually a Jacuzzi and I relaxed in the warm bubbling water, my back against Jackson's front. It felt sinfully arousing being surrounded by the hot water and Jackson's warmth, his hands making their way down my body, stopping to tease my nipples. I arched against his hand as he rolled my aroused peaks between his fingers. I tensed in anticipation as his hands drifted lower and he wrapped his legs around mine, spreading my legs apart so that I was fully exposed.

  "Touch yourself, sweetheart," he whispered against my ear. "Let me see you touch yourself."

  Jackson could have asked me to do almost anything at that point and I would have complied. I lowered a hand, playing with my aroused clit, the pleasure multiplied by knowing Jackson was watching me. I heard his breathing grow ragged as I closed my eyes, rubbing my most sensitive spot with more pressure as I moaned. He lifted his hips and hooked his feet around the edge of the tub so that my throbbing center was raised above the water. I dipped my fingers inside my moistness, lubricating them with my arousal, and then continued manipulating myself. I could feel Jackson grow hard against my buttocks, his fingers twisting my aching nipples, as my body grew as taut as a bow.

  "That's it, sweetheart. Let me see you make yourself come. Think about me sucking on your clit, about me licking your pussy. Think about how hard I'm going to fuck you when you're done. That's it, baby. That's it."

  Jackson continued whispering encouraging words in my ear as my fingers became frantic against my swollen bud, his raspy voice telling me what he was going do to me, taking me close to the edge.

  Finally, I couldn't take the sensations anymore and I bowed my back, crying out loudly as my climax shuddered through me. Jackson kept his legs wrapped around mine, keeping them spread far apart, with my convulsing center raised above the water, intensifying my orgasm. He kissed me gently on the side of my head when I went limp in his arms, collapsing against him as he lowered us back into the water. I thought my climax was over but a last shudder went through my body when he lifted my hand, taking my fingers into his warm mouth and licking off my wetness.

  "Do you ever think about me when you're touching yourself?" Jackson asked, his voice low and raspy. I stilled, his words too close to the truth for comfort. I didn't want to admit how often I had imagined Jackson's mouth and hands on me, inside of me, as I brought myself to climax. I didn't want him to know about the gut-wrenching loneliness I felt when I was done, having to face the reality of being alone in my bedroom. So I just turned around, kneeling between Jackson's spread legs. I stroked his rock hard shaft beneath the water, staring into the dark green depth of his eyes.

  "We need to get out of the water so I can suck your cock."

  Jackson groaned at my words and he stood, lifting me up with him. Water slicked off our bodies as he lifted me out of the tub, the bathroom warm and misty from the steam. Jackson dragged a plush bath mat over and then leaned against the sink, looking down at me, his face hard with desire. Yet he still was able to lift one corner of his mouth in a rueful smile. "You don't have to ask me twice."

  I kneeled down in front of him on the bath mat, grasping his erection at the root. Jackson breathed in sharply when I licked the head of his shaft, his eyes drifting closed as his head fell back. I slowly took him deeply into my mouth, sucking and licking his hard length as if I couldn't get enough of him.

  "Yes, sweetheart," Jackson muttered, his hips bucking against my mouth. "That feels so fucking good."

  I continued bobbing my head up and down, taking him inside my mouth so deeply that I felt him hit the back of my throat and then go even further. I choked briefly and stamped down my gag reflex, wanting to give him as much pleasure as possible as I sucked him frenetically, my cheeks hollowing out with the pressure. His erection was like silken steel in my mouth and I reveled in his uncontrollable reactions to my caresses. I whimpered as I quickened the pace, feeling my answering wetness between my thighs.

&
nbsp; I looked up at Jackson to find him watching me, a feral look on his face as he stared down at me, his face strained with arousal. One hand was wrapped around my hair and I felt his grasp tighten as his eyes bored into mine until I felt his shaft jerk, pumping his hot release into my mouth. Jackson's eyes closed, his lips stretching against his teeth as he yelled out a guttural moan, his hand in my hair holding my mouth prisoner to the spurts of his climax. But I wasn't trying to go anywhere. I greedily swallowed the saltiness of him and lapped up the remaining drops glistening on the head of his shaft. After Jackson's last convulsion, he leaned down and wrapped a hand on each of my upper arms, drawing me to my feet. He leaned down, burying his face in my hair, not saying a word. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling him breathe in deeply. After a few moments, he pulled back, searching my face. I didn't understand his somber look after such a satisfying experience, but I didn't ask him what he was thinking. I didn't want to know.

  We pulled on our robes again, padding into the living room. I turned on the television to fill the silence, Jackson's solemn mood making me uncomfortable. We sat there watching TV and I couldn't help but marvel at how normal the scene looked. We were both sitting on the sofa and Jackson had my hand in his lap, gently stroking my palm with his thumb. We looked like any couple relaxing after a vigorous and satisfying bout of lovemaking, but I felt anything but relaxed. I tensed even more when a commercial came on for Jackson's new movie. Crossing Wires. A montage of scenes flitted across the screen and I couldn't help feeling a hard ball of resentment in the pit of my stomach when I saw Jackson and Candace Stile embracing one another in a passionate kiss.

  I pulled my hand off Jackson's lap and saw him watching me. I wondered if he was telling the truth about Candace or if there was something more than friendship and a professional relationship between them. Jackson didn't have the best track record when it came to fidelity.

  "There's nothing between us. I told you that. Candace and I are just friends."

  I shrugged, not wanting Jackson to think I wanted an explanation of their relationship. "It doesn't matter."

  Jackson sighed deeply and reached over to grab the room service menu, apparently dismissing the topic. "Are you hungry? We can order room service again."

  I bit my lip, deciding to let the topic of Candace go. I was right when I told Jackson it didn't matter, although my heart didn't agree. "I thought you knew I was always hungry. It must be a change from all the anorexic models you're around," I said in a teasing voice, wanting to lighten the mood.

  Jackson smiled in return. "It's nice to be around a woman who orders more than a lettuce leaf. We can order tons of food and sicken ourselves with gluttony."

  I laughed at Jackson's eager expression, the boyishness of his enthusiasm reminding me of the Jackson I used to know. We perused the menu and then Jackson ordered enough food for an army. I flicked through the movies on demand as we waited for our food to arrive, stopping on Negative Exposure, Jackson's first movie.

  "Should we watch this?" I asked with a smile. "I hear the leading man is to die for."

  Jackson grinned but shook his head. "The last thing I want to see is my ugly mug tonight." He hesitated before continuing. "Have you seen it?"

  "Sorry. I thought it was best if I didn't see any of your movies because of our...complicated past." Jackson nodded in understanding, and I glanced back at the TV, trying to reconcile the fact that the grim-faced man on the screen was the same Jackson sitting next to me. The Jackson beside me seemed like the old Jackson. My Jackson. "How were you able to get the part back? I was surprised they took you back after you just quit and left."

  "Do you remember Mark, my agent? He did a lot of groveling, promising that it would never happen again. They also cut my salary." Jackson shrugged, taking the remote and changing the channel so that his image was no longer on the screen. "I really didn't care at that point. It was all Mark's wheeling and dealing."

  The conversation was coming dangerously close to what had happened between us in the past so I changed the subject. "What are you working on next?"

  "I have a few offers but I haven't accepted anything yet. I've been working non-stop since Negative Exposure and I think it's time to take a break."

  We were interrupted by the arrival of room service and I gaped at all the dishes as Jackson signed for it. I looked at him when he walked back into the living room after the hotel employee left. "Okay, even I think this is a ridiculous amount of food. There's no way we can finish this."

  Jackson winked at me as we settled into the sofa instead of the dining room. It felt much more comfortable and cozy to eat in the living room with the room service cart wheeled in front of us. "You have to keep your strength up. I have plans for you later tonight."

  I rolled my eyes but felt my body tighten in anticipation. I couldn't seem to get enough of Jackson. I had never felt this constant state of arousal with anyone else and I wanted to get my fill tonight. It would need to last me a lifetime.

  We watched a light comedy instead of Jackson's movie while we ate, the ridiculous hijinks of the characters making me laugh and relax. I gladly followed Jackson into the bedroom as the hour grew late, reveling in his mind-blowing ministrations of pleasure.

  Afterwards, we lay in bed cradled together with my back against Jackson's front, his arms wrapped around me. I didn’t want to fall asleep because I knew it would make morning come quicker. And morning would mean us parting. Jackson didn't fall asleep either. He was still brushing his lips against my neck and caressing my hip with his hand when my eyes fluttered closed, exhaustion finally taking over.

  I was disoriented the next morning when I opened my eyes, scanning my surroundings. I felt extremely warm and realized that Jackson was still wrapped around me. I turned around in his arms and saw him watching me, a small smile on his lips. Despite his smile, he looked tired and worn out and I wondered if he had gotten any sleep.

  "Good morning, sweetheart."

  "Good morning," I replied, my voice hoarse from just waking up. As much as I wanted to melt against him, I needed to start putting distance between us now. It was the only way I could walk away.

  I broke the circle of his embrace, watching a frown flit across his face as I rose, grabbing my robe from the floor and shrugging it on.

  "Do you want breakfast?" Jackson asked, still lying in bed. The sheet was draped across his hips, his muscled chest a stark contrast to the white sheets. His dark hair was disheveled and he had a shadow of a beard on his face. He looked rakishly handsome and totally irresistible. I definitely needed to make my escape as soon as possible.

  "No, I think I overdid it with dinner last night. I'm going to take a quick shower and then I should go."

  Jackson's jaw tightened as he rose from the bed and I had to force myself not to lower my gaze on his naked body. I waited for him to protest but he just nodded his head abruptly, stalking out of the bedroom. I couldn't help watching him walk away, the muscles in his legs and buttocks flexing as he stormed out.

  I sighed and entered the bathroom, taking a quick shower and pulling on my clothes from the day before except for my panties which I shoved into my pocket. I felt exposed wearing shorts with no underwear, especially since they were so short and white, but my panties had gotten soaked with my arousal.

  When I left the bedroom, Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table wearing his clothes from yesterday, including his cap that he wore low so I couldn't get a good read of his expression. He was drinking a cup of coffee and motioned towards the kitchen. "There's more coffee if you want it." His voice was expressionless, showing neither anger nor sadness. His nonchalant attitude helped me shore up my defenses, telling myself it was good to end this with no emotion.

  "No thanks. I should get going." I walked over to Jackson and stopped next to the table, trying to formulate what to say next. I grew nervous as Jackson continued sitting there, not raising his head. His face was blocked from view by the bill of his cap and I had no idea wha
t he was feeling.

  "I...I hope everything goes well for you," I stammered, grasping at the right words to say. I forced a laugh. "Maybe I'll start going to see your movies now. Just one more ticket to help boost your box office profits, although I doubt you'll need it." I grew more nervous as Jackson didn't respond, didn't even look up.

  "Well...bye, Jackson," I said softly, not wanting to continue talking to a non-responsive statue.

  "Bye, Emma," Jackson replied quietly, his voice still devoid of any emotion. I turned around, picked up my purse and left, shutting the door softly behind me. Our parting this morning was not what I had expected. A small part of me had been anticipating Jackson begging me to stay, telling me that he was sorry for what he had done to me in the past, and that he wanted to be with me. I laughed humorlessly as the elevator whisked me down to the lobby, feeling foolish about my hopes. Jackson Reynard had gotten exactly what he wanted and now he was through with me. He had played the part of doting lover yesterday and I had participated in the ruse. I didn't blame him for it, we had both been pretending, but now it was time for reality.

  There was a chill in the morning air even though it was the beginning of August and I shivered in my inadequate clothing. The cab ride was mercifully quick as the streets were empty this Sunday morning. There was a quietness to the city, as if it were still asleep, which added to my melancholy. It was as if the city sensed my dejected mood and was matching my emotion.

  I spent the rest of the day in my apartment, torturing myself by ordering Negative Exposure through an online movie rental site. I could understand why Jackson had shot to fame after this movie. He was amazing in it, a conflicted hero with a troubled past, struggling to make moral decisions against a tide of government corruption. It was an exciting movie with a lot of action, but what drew me in were the quiet moments, when Jackson's character wrestled with making the right choices. His stark desperation seemed real and I could see the pain in his eyes when he realized his mistakes. He had a love interest in the movie, Mason Jennings, a breathtakingly beautiful brunette. I couldn't help feeling jealous when I watched their love scenes, even though I knew it wasn't real. Before, when I had seen Jackson and Claire kissing during their play, I had naively just smiled, proclaiming that they were just acting. Now I knew it had been more than that.