Let Me Love You

by Jessica Jayne

  Everything Dad said was true. He’d already run through all these concerns in his head. Stacey had run through them with him, too. But the answer always came out the same. Yes! He was more than ready to give Stacey whatever she needed, whatever she wanted.

  “Honestly, yes, that person is me. I may not be able to guarantee that a relationship with Stacey won’t have its issues. I know it will. Doesn’t every relationship? But I know I’ll regret never giving it a shot. I just need to convince her we’re worth it.”

  His father stood up from the porch step and offered his hand again to Ren, who grabbed it and hauled himself up.

  “Let’s get home and get some sleep before your mother calls the sheriff and demands a patrol car looks for both of us,” his father said. They chuckled. He patted Ren on the back. “I’m proud of the man you’ve become, son.”

  At that moment, Ren loved his father more than he ever thought possible.

  “I won’t discuss this with your mother tonight, but she will need to know how you feel and what you’re thinking. You don’t want her finding out that something is going on with you and Stacey from anyone other than you.”

  Ren nodded, and they wandered the short distance back across the yards and into the house.

  Chapter Five

  “So, what’s eating you?” Stacey’s sister, Jennifer, asked while sipping her coffee at the small kitchen table tucked near the window.

  Stacey stood in her hot pink pajama shorts and matching tank top at the stove, flipping chocolate chip pancakes on the griddle pan. Growing up, and now whenever the girls stayed with their parents, their mom would cook chocolate chip pancakes on Sunday morning. Since their parents’ retirement last year, they had been touring the United States in an RV. They’d flown home in the Spring when Stacey’s divorce finalized to lend her a shoulder to cry on, but they were back on the road now. So, whenever Stacey stayed at her sister’s or Jen stayed with her, tradition called for Stacey to make the pancakes. A tradition that provided both girls comfort and satisfied their love of chocolate.

  “Nothing is eating me.” She refused to look at her sister. No one could read her emotions better. Despite Jennifer being three years younger, they had a bond like twins. Damn Jennifer for having that sisterly sixth sense of knowing when something bothered her.

  “I’m calling bullshit.” Jen noisily sipped her coffee. “You came all the way down here and we just had a ‘sleep-over’ last weekend. Spill it, Stace!”

  She flipped a couple pancakes on a plate and turned, setting them in front of her sister, but avoiding her scrutinizing gaze. She slid two pancakes on her own plate and turned off the gas stove. She sat across the small glass table, and the adjacent window bathed them in the morning sunlight, warming her. Stacey laid the teal napkin across her lap and lathered her pancakes in butter and syrup before looking up.

  “I slept with Ren yesterday.” The words sprung from her lips before she could stop them. Relief washed over her. The situation had been eating at her like a dirty secret, like she’d done something wrong.

  Jennifer spit her coffee out like in the movies, flying spittle landing on Stacey’s hand and plate. “Come again?” Her eyes widened and her mouth formed an ‘O.’ She set her Life’s a Beach ceramic coffee mug on the table as if afraid Stacey saying the words again might cause her to drop it.

  “I had sex with Ren.” The thought of yesterday afternoon caused her whole body to flush. Heat rose in her cheeks and twisted in her belly. The rush of blood through her veins made her feel more alive than she had in months.

  Damn!

  “Ren? Your hunky college neighbor, Ren?” she asked, clarifying.

  “Yes.” Stacey bowed her head. Even though she didn’t seduce Ren—quite honestly, it had been the other way around—she couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed. She was older, wiser. She should have known better.

  “Hot damn, big sister!” Jen grinned from ear to ear. She held up her hand for a high-five. “Good for you.”

  “Put your hand down. Good for me? That’s your response?” She shook her head, appalled at her sister’s reaction, at the look of pure joy. “I had sex with a recently graduated college guy, eight years my junior and all you can say is ‘hot damn’ and ‘good for you?’” She grabbed the teal napkin off her lap and wiped at the coffee all over the place. “By the way, I wanted a little coffee and your spit in my pancakes. Thanks.” She quirked her head to the side and smirked.

  “I’m sorry.” A ridiculous smile stretched across Jennifer’s face. She pulled her napkin from her lap and dabbed the table. “You caught me off guard.”

  “You don’t say?” Stacey wiped her hands with the napkin.

  “I don’t know what I expected you to say, but it wasn’t that.”

  “Well, I hadn’t expected it to happen.” Her voice cracked with indecisiveness. Feeling alive and desire conflicted with the guilt and worry.

  “Since Randy left, you basically isolated yourself from everything. Well, except maybe me. And you know I love you, but you needed to move on.” Jennifer sighed. “I’ve been telling you that since the asshole confessed to cheating and even more so since the divorce was finalized. You spent some time licking your wounds, but you can’t do that forever. Maybe getting it on with a hot twenty-three-year-old will get you going. I mean, Ren is fucking hot. I’ve fantasized about tapping that.”

  Stacey’s jaw dropped open at that comment, and Jen giggled. “What?”

  “You’ve fantasized about having sex with Ren?” Her stomach tightened in knots at the idea of another woman, even her sister, looking at Ren in that way. She didn’t like it. Strange that she had any feelings like that. It had been a fling. Nothing more.

  “He’s a young, extremely hot guy. I don’t masturbate to visions of him, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I have thought he’d make a good bed buddy.”

  “Jennifer. TMI!”

  “Hey! You asked. Over the last few years, whenever I’ve been to your house and he’s around, I’ve noticed him. How could I not? And I can’t believe my older sister nailed him!” She threw her head back with a full belly laugh. “This is the best news ever!”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Annoyance thickened Stacey’s voice at all the hilarity she seemed to find with this.

  “It seems outside your usual decision making.” Jen squeezed her sister’s hand. “That’s all I’m saying. You’re a hot catch. Obviously, Ren sees that.” She stuffed a bite of pancake in her mouth. “Are you going to tell me about it? Or will I have to drag it out of you one juicy detail at a time?”

  Stacey’s cheeks flamed again. She’d never been a kiss-and-tell kind of girl, except with her sister. They shared their exploits through high school and college. But Randy had swooped in on Stacey at the ripe age of twenty and she’d been faithful to him for over ten years. So, her stories hadn’t been as exciting once she and Randy got into their routine. Most often she lived vicariously through Jen and her adventures.

  Plus, she had no idea where or how to begin to describe the experience of being consumed by Ren. Deliciously devoured.

  “Well? Come on. You can’t keep something like this to yourself.” Excitement rose in her voice. “Is he good in the sack or what?”

  Stacey stared at her coffee cup resting on the table. She’d always been able to tell her sister anything, but all of the sudden, a shyness washed over her. “Yes. Amazing, actually.” Her words came out hushed.

  “Spill it. I want details. I haven’t had sex with a young stud like that since I was twenty-three, so it’s been a few years. I guess I have to live vicariously through you.”

  Stacey rolled her eyes. Jen was twenty-eight-years-old and had had plenty of hotties in her bed. Jen winked.

  This whole thing with Ren was outside Stacey’s character. Jen had been the wild and unruly sister. Taking life by the horns and enjoying the ride. Stacey had always been the more responsible one. Not that she didn’t like adventure or good sex, for
that matter. She was just less spontaneous. She was more a planner, someone who thought things out. Her behavior with Ren was outside of her usual decision making and it unsettled her.

  Sighing, Stacey filled her in on how everything went down.

  “You fucked him on the kitchen countertop?” The pitch of Jen’s voice pierced the roof, then she whistled. “Holy shit! That’s hot! I’m never going to be able to look at your kitchen in the same light again.”

  “Randy and I had sex plenty of times in the kitchen.” She tried to sound nonchalant. Like the tryst with Ren was no big deal. She took a bite of her pancakes and smiled. Thinking back, not even one of those times with Randy could compare to yesterday with Ren, but she wasn’t prepared to admit that out loud yet.

  “Yes, but Randy ain’t no Ren.” Jen reached out and touched Stacey’s hand again. Leave it to her to say exactly what Stacey had been thinking. “How will you ever be in that kitchen again and not think of getting fucked out of your mind by that young, hot buck?”

  “Jesus, you sound like an advertisement for a porno with that mouth.” Stacey laughed.

  The lightness of the conversation felt good. She needed this. Needed to tell someone what happen to work through everything in her head. No one filled that position better than her sister. Keeping a secret bottled up ate at her. She’d been berating herself for most of her waking hours, feeling as if what she’d done had been wrong. But there was nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex. And that’s what it was and will ever be.

  “Sorry. I’m so excited for you.” Jen shoved the last bite of her chocolate chip pancake into her mouth and moaned. “Mmmm, I love these.” She wiped her mouth with the napkin. “So, what’s the plan? Is he home for good? You going to keep seeing him for a bit?”

  “Keep seeing him?” Stacey gasped. She couldn’t get over her sister’s reaction. “He just graduated from college, for crying out loud.”

  “So?”

  “This was a fling. That’s it. There’s no seeing each other. There will be no more sex with him.”

  “That’s a damn shame. He might be good for you.”

  “Well, he’ll be around. He’s taken a job in Tampa at an engineering firm. Living at his parents right now, which is incredibly awkward since we…you know.” Her eyelids fluttered closed at the image of her sitting on the counter, Ren between her legs.

  “Fucked?” Jen filled in.

  “Jesus!” She gave her a stern look. “Clearly, it can’t happen again.” She shifted in her chair, uncomfortable with both the idea of it happening and not happening again. She was one hot mess.

  “Why the hell not? Did he tell you it was a one-time event?” Jen snickered.

  She got a kick out of this. Stacey threw her napkin, but Jen was too quick. Grabbing the cloth mid-air, she whipped it back at Stacey. It fluttered past her face before falling to the hardwood floor.

  “No. He didn’t say that. I’m saying it despite the fact he claims to want more.” The thought of pursuing anything more had butterflies fluttering in her stomach. He was insanely handsome, kind, sweet. He’d always shown interest in her, in her career, her life. He’d definitely make someone a good husband one day, once he sowed his oats.

  “More? As in?”

  “More, as in he claims he moved back to the area to be closer to me. His mom confirmed he came back to the area for a girl, but I find it hard to believe he’s here for me even if he said he has feelings for me.” Saying it out loud almost made the last twenty-four hours seem real. Like the connection hadn’t been only in her head.

  Jen’s hazelnut colored hair was tied carelessly at the top of her head and long strands fell loosely around her face as she stared at Stacey in astonishment. Her blue eyes sparkled with contagious excitement.

  Excitement. A strange feeling since her divorce. Even before that if she thought about it, as she knew her marriage had been in trouble for some time. Randy had worked his way up to partner in the firm. That came with long hours. He’d been known to put in sixty- to eighty-hours a week, especially if he had a trial. At first, the lack of time together didn’t bother her. It allowed her to write. One of her best-selling books came out of that time period. And Randy still came home with flowers, gave kisses goodbye and hello, and the sex had been decent and frequent. Then the sex dwindled and even when they made love, it wasn’t passionate. He’d say he was too tired after his long day. The kisses became scarce. She had counted three days go by without him even giving her a peck on the lips. Three whole days. Who doesn’t kiss their wife? Stacey knew something was up, but she honestly never considered an affair. Looking back, her naivete gutted her now. The signs were all there. She just didn’t want to see them.

  “So, we finally get to why you came down here.” Jen shook her head. “Now I understand. A guy is interested in you, albeit, it is a bit awkward with him living next door with his parents whom you’ve been friendly with since you’ve moved there. But he’s interested in you nonetheless and you don’t know what to do with it. You’re scared.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of Stacey’s hand in a soothing manner. “Would you want a relationship with him?”

  “Jennifer! We are so far apart in age. In different stages, different parts of life. A relationship would never work between us and trying one could ruin everything. His parents are my neighbors. Plus, eventually, he’ll get bored with me, too, and find someone younger.”

  Her sister had an amazing way of getting her to spill her guts and figure out what the underlying issues were. Sometimes she didn’t know what the root of her problem was until she started talking to Jen.

  She wasn’t opposed to a relationship with a younger man or Ren, for that matter. Rather, what concerned her was the unescapable feeling of being left for someone again—someone younger. She struggled with the idea she wasn’t enough to hold a man’s attention.

  “I’m only giving you this advice because I’m your sister and I love you. If it were anyone else, I’d butt out of the situation and mind my own business.” Jen’s lips pulled together in a serious expression. Stacey burst out laughing. Nothing was more humorous than her sister thinking she had the capability of minding her own business. “What?”

  “The part about you minding your own business is hysterical.” She giggled.

  “Okay, okay. Maybe that was going a little overboard. But I’m being serious. You have an opportunity to have a little fun. A chance to try something new. You were tied to Randy for the better part of your twenties. And he shattered you. Don’t you think you deserve to be happy?”

  “Of course, I deserve to be happy. But I don’t think I can take falling head over heels for Ren and have him leave me. My heart can’t survive another break like that.”

  “So, in other words, you want to fall head over heels with a sixty-year-old, who is likely to think of you as young as he can get? There’s always that chance, that risk in love that it won’t be forever. But what kind of life will you have if you never take that chance again?” Jennifer shook her head and pushed back from the table. Gathering her plate and utensils, she brought them to the sink and started rinsing them. “Randy didn’t leave you because you were boring or unattractive or an inattentive wife. He’s just a self-centered asshole.”

  Jen’s words resonated with her. A part of her blamed herself for Randy’s affair, and that was stupid. But despite that, she still felt she wouldn’t be able to hold the attention of someone like Ren.

  “It’s complicated. Ren isn’t just some guy I met at a bar or the local supermarket. I’ve known him since he was thirteen. I’ve watched him grow up. I’m friends with his parents. The ramifications from this situation could be huge.” She pushed back from the table and brought her plate over to the sink. Jen grabbed the dish and rinsed it before placing the plate in the dishwasher.

  “I realize it’s complicated. I do. If this was you at twenty-five and he was seventeen, I’d be appalled by this situation. But he’s an adult. A twenty-three-year-old m
an. You weren’t seeking this out. He came to you. I’ve watched you isolate yourself for the last several months and I’ll be honest, it scared me a little. Now, I see this revived look on your face…almost like you’re alive again and I want to drive up to Madeira Beach and hug Ren for giving that back to you.”

  Stacey poured another steaming mug of coffee, and inhaled the hazelnut aroma.

  Her sister argued good points. She needed to hear the reasons she should consider giving Ren what he wanted so she could decide based on what was best for them both. And having the reasons pointed out by someone other than Ren helped. Having Jay and Shannon pissed at her concerned her greatly, as did the age gap between her and Ren and his reputation with women, but could she be making a mistake by not fully considering everything?

  “I see I gave you something to think about.” Jen put her arm around her. “I’m not saying you have to do anything. But I don’t want you to disregard the idea of seeing where it goes with him because you are afraid of hurting other people’s feelings or that guys are the same and he would do to you what Randy did. There is nothing wrong with dating someone you’re attracted to and enjoy being around. He’s old enough to make his own decisions and live with them. Don’t let your fear of other people’s opinions dictate how you make decisions in your life.” Jen squeezed her before heading out of the kitchen. “Now let’s get our asses to the beach before those teeny-boppers steal the good spots near the lifeguard stand. There’s a hot new lifeguard working Sundays.”