The Old Curiosity Shop

by Dickens, Charles

  party, and in such a case lawful money and lawful notice are pretty

  much the same.'

  'I am obliged to you for your good opinion,' retorted the single

  gentleman, 'and quite concur in these sentiments. But that is not

  the subject on which I wish to speak with you.'

  'Oh!' said Sally. 'Then just state the particulars, will you? I

  suppose it's professional business?'

  'Why, it is connected with the law, certainly.'

  'Very well,' returned Miss Brass. 'My brother and I are just the

  same. I can take any instructions, or give you any advice.'

  'As there are other parties interested besides myself,' said the

  single gentleman, rising and opening the door of an inner room, 'we

  had better confer together. Miss Brass is here, gentlemen.'

  Mr Garland and the Notary walked in, looking very grave; and,

  drawing up two chairs, one on each side of the single gentleman,

  formed a kind of fence round the gentle Sarah, and penned her into

  a corner. Her brother Sampson under such circumstances would

  certainly have evinced some confusion or anxiety, but she--all

  composure--pulled out the tin box, and calmly took a pinch of

  snuff.

  'Miss Brass,' said the Notary, taking the word at this crisis, 'we

  professional people understand each other, and, when we choose, can

  say what we have to say, in very few words. You advertised a

  runaway servant, the other day?'

  'Well,' returned Miss Sally, with a sudden flush overspreading her

  features, 'what of that?'

  'She is found, ma'am,' said the Notary, pulling out his pocket-

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  handkerchief with a flourish. 'She is found.'

  'Who found her?' demanded Sarah hastily.

  'We did, ma'am--we three. Only last night, or you would have

  heard from us before.'

  'And now I have heard from you,' said Miss Brass, folding her arms

  as though she were about to deny something to the death, 'what have

  you got to say? Something you have got into your heads about her,

  of course. Prove it, will you--that's all. Prove it. You have

  found her, you say. I can tell you (if you don't know it) that you

  have found the most artful, lying, pilfering, devilish little minx

  that was ever born.--Have you got her here?' she added, looking

  sharply round.

  'No, she is not here at present,' returned the Notary. 'But she is

  quite safe.'

  'Ha!' cried Sally, twitching a pinch of snuff out of her box, as

  spitefully as if she were in the very act of wrenching off the

  small servant's nose; 'she shall be safe enough from this time, I

  warrant you.'

  'I hope so,' replied the Notary. 'Did it occur to you for the

  first time, when you found she had run away, that there were two

  keys to your kitchen door?'

  Miss Sally took another pinch, and putting her head on one side,

  looked at her questioner, with a curious kind of spasm about her

  mouth, but with a cunning aspect of immense expression.

  'Two keys,' repeated the Notary; 'one of which gave her the

  opportunities of roaming through the house at nights when you

  supposed her fast locked up, and of overhearing confidential

  consultations--among others, that particular conference, to be

  described to-day before a justice, which you will have an

  opportunity of hearing her relate; that conference which you and Mr

  Brass held together, on the night before that most unfortunate and

  innocent young man was accused of robbery, by a horrible device of

  which I will only say that it may be characterised by the epithets

  which you have applied to this wretched little witness, and by a

  few stronger ones besides.'

  Sally took another pinch. Although her face was wonderfully

  composed, it was apparent that she was wholly taken by surprise,

  and that what she had expected to be taxed with, in connection with

  her small servant, was something very different from this.

  'Come, come, Miss Brass,' said the Notary, 'you have great command

  of feature, but you feel, I see, that by a chance which never

  entered your imagination, this base design is revealed, and two of

  its plotters must be brought to justice. Now, you know the pains

  and penalties you are liable to, and so I need not dilate upon

  them, but I have a proposal to make to you. You have the honour of

  being sister to one of the greatest scoundrels unhung; and, if I

  may venture to say so to a lady, you are in every respect quite

  worthy of him. But connected with you two is a third party, a

  villain of the name of Quilp, the prime mover of the whole

  diabolical device, who I believe to be worse than either. For his

  sake, Miss Brass, do us the favour to reveal the whole history of

  this affair. Let me remind you that your doing so, at our

  instance, will place you in a safe and comfortable position--your

  present one is not desirable--and cannot injure your brother; for

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  against him and you we have quite sufficient evidence (as you hear)

  already. I will not say to you that we suggest this course in

  mercy (for, to tell you the truth, we do not entertain any regard

  for you), but it is a necessity to which we are reduced, and I

  recommend it to you as a matter of the very best policy. Time,'

  said Mr Witherden, pulling out his watch, 'in a business like this,

  is exceedingly precious. Favour us with your decision as speedily

  as possible, ma'am.'

  With a smile upon her face, and looking at each of the three by

  turns, Miss Brass took two or three more pinches of snuff, and

  having by this time very little left, travelled round and round the

  box with her forefinger and thumb, scraping up another. Having

  disposed of this likewise and put the box carefully in her pocket,

  she said,--

  'I am to accept or reject at once, am I?'

  'Yes,' said Mr Witherden.

  The charming creature was opening her lips to speak in reply, when

  the door was hastily opened too, and the head of Sampson Brass was

  thrust into the room.

  'Excuse me,' said the gentleman hastily. 'Wait a bit!'

  So saying, and quite indifferent to the astonishment his presence

  occasioned, he crept in, shut the door, kissed his greasy glove as

  servilely as if it were the dust, and made a most abject bow.

  'Sarah,' said Brass, 'hold your tongue if you please, and let me

  speak. Gentlemen, if I could express the pleasure it gives me to

  see three such men in a happy unity of feeling and concord of

  sentiment, I think you would hardly believe me. But though I am

  unfortunate--nay, gentlemen, criminal, if we are to use harsh

  expressions in a company like this--still, I have my feelings like

  other men. I have heard of a poet, who remarked that feelings were

  the common lot of all. If he could have been a pig, gentlemen, and

  have uttered that sentiment, he would still have been immortal.'

  'If you're not an idiot,' said Miss Brass harshly, 'hold your

  peace.'

  'Sarah, my dea
r,' returned her brother, 'thank you. But I know

  what I am about, my love, and will take the liberty of expressing

  myself accordingly. Mr Witherden, Sir, your handkerchief is

  hanging out of your pocket--would you allow me to--,

  As Mr Brass advanced to remedy this accident, the Notary shrunk

  from him with an air of disgust. Brass, who over and above his

  usual prepossessing qualities, had a scratched face, a green shade

  over one eye, and a hat grievously crushed, stopped short, and

  looked round with a pitiful smile.

  'He shuns me,' said Sampson, 'even when I would, as I may say, heap

  coals of fire upon his head. Well! Ah! But I am a falling house,

  and the rats (if I may be allowed the expression in reference to a

  gentleman I respect and love beyond everything) fly from me!

  Gentlemen--regarding your conversation just now, I happened to see

  my sister on her way here, and, wondering where she could be going

  to, and being--may I venture to say?--naturally of a suspicious

  turn, followed her. Since then, I have been listening.'

  'If you're not mad,' interposed Miss Sally, 'stop there, and say no

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  more.'

  'Sarah, my dear,' rejoined Brass with undiminished politeness, 'I

  thank you kindly, but will still proceed. Mr Witherden, sir, as we

  have the honour to be members of the same profession--to say

  nothing of that other gentleman having been my lodger, and having

  partaken, as one may say, of the hospitality of my roof--I think

  you might have given me the refusal of this offer in the first

  instance. I do indeed. Now, my dear Sir,' cried Brass, seeing

  that the Notary was about to interrupt him, 'suffer me to speak, I

  beg.'

  Mr Witherden was silent, and Brass went on.

  'If you will do me the favour,' he said, holding up the green

  shade, and revealing an eye most horribly discoloured, 'to look at

  this, you will naturally inquire, in your own minds, how did I get

  it. If you look from that, to my face, you will wonder what could

  have been the cause of all these scratches. And if from them to my

  hat, how it came into the state in which you see it. Gentlemen,'

  said Brass, striking the hat fiercely with his clenched hand, 'to

  all these questions I answer--Quilp!'

  The three gentlemen looked at each other, but said nothing.

  'I say,' pursued Brass, glancing aside at his sister, as though he

  were talking for her information, and speaking with a snarling

  malignity, in violent contrast to his usual smoothness, 'that I

  answer to all these questions,--Quilp--Quilp, who deludes me into

  his infernal den, and takes a delight in looking on and chuckling

  while I scorch, and burn, and bruise, and maim myself--Quilp, who

  never once, no never once, in all our communications together, has

  treated me otherwise than as a dog--Quilp, whom I have always

  hated with my whole heart, but never so much as lately. He gives

  me the cold shoulder on this very matter as if he had had nothing

  to do with it, instead of being the first to propose it. I can't

  trust him. In one of his howling, raving, blazing humours, I

  believe he'd let it out, if it was murder, and never think of

  himself so long as he could terrify me. Now,' said Brass, picking

  up his hat again and replacing the shade over his eye, and actually

  crouching down, in the excess of his servility, 'What does all this

  lead to?--what should you say it led me to, gentlemen?--could you

  guess at all near the mark?'

  Nobody spoke. Brass stood smirking for a little while, as if he

  had propounded some choice conundrum; and then said:

  'To be short with you, then, it leads me to this. If the truth has

  come out, as it plainly has in a manner that there's no standing up

  against--and a very sublime and grand thing is Truth, gentlemen,

  in its way, though like other sublime and grand things, such as

  thunder-storms and that, we're not always over and above glad to

  see it--I had better turn upon this man than let this man turn

  upon me. It's clear to me that I am done for. Therefore, if

  anybody is to split, I had better be the person and have the

  advantage of it. Sarah, my dear, comparatively speaking you're

  safe. I relate these circumstances for my own profit.'

  With that, Mr Brass, in a great hurry, revealed the whole story;

  bearing as heavily as possible on his amiable employer, and making

  himself out to be rather a saint-like and holy character, though

  subject--he acknowledged--to human weaknesses. He concluded

  thus:

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  'Now, gentlemen, I am not a man who does things by halves. Being

  in for a penny, I am ready, as the saying is, to be in for a pound.

  You must do with me what you please, and take me where you please.

  If you wish to have this in writing, we'll reduce it into

  manuscript immediately. You will be tender with me, I am sure. I

  am quite confident you will be tender with me. You are men of

  honour, and have feeling hearts. I yielded from necessity to

  Quilp, for though necessity has no law, she has her lawyers. I

  yield to you from necessity too; from policy besides; and because

  of feelings that have been a pretty long time working within me.

  Punish Quilp, gentlemen. Weigh heavily upon him. Grind him down.

  Tread him under foot. He has done as much by me, for many and many

  a day.'

  Having now arrived at the conclusion of his discourse, Sampson

  checked the current of his wrath, kissed his glove again, and

  smiled as only parasites and cowards can.

  'And this,' said Miss Brass, raising her head, with which she had

  hitherto sat resting on her hands, and surveying him from head to

  foot with a bitter sneer, 'this is my brother, is it! This is my

  brother, that I have worked and toiled for, and believed to have

  had something of the man in him!'

  'Sarah, my dear,' returned Sampson, rubbing his hands feebly; you

  disturb our friends. Besides you--you're disappointed, Sarah,

  and, not knowing what you say, expose yourself.'

  'Yes, you pitiful dastard,' retorted the lovely damsel, 'I

  understand you. You feared that I should be beforehand with you.

  But do you think that I would have been enticed to say a word! I'd

  have scorned it, if they had tried and tempted me for twenty

  years.'

  'He he!' simpered Brass, who, in his deep debasement, really seemed

  to have changed sexes with his sister, and to have made over to her

  any spark of manliness he might have possessed. 'You think so,

  Sarah, you think so perhaps; but you would have acted quite

  different, my good fellow. You will not have forgotten that it was

  a maxim with Foxey--our revered father, gentlemen--"Always

  suspect everybody." That's the maxim to go through life with! If

  you were not actually about to purchase your own safety when I

  showed myself, I suspect you'd have done it by this time. And

  therefore I've done it myself, and spared you the trouble as well

/>   as the shame. The shame, gentlemen,' added Brass, allowing himself

  to be slightly overcome, 'if there is any, is mine. It's better

  that a female should be spared it.'

  With deference to the better opinion of Mr Brass, and more

  particularly to the authority of his Great Ancestor, it may be

  doubted, with humility, whether the elevating principle laid down

  by the latter gentleman, and acted upon by his descendant, is

  always a prudent one, or attended in practice with the desired

  results. This is, beyond question, a bold and presumptuous doubt,

  inasmuch as many distinguished characters, called men of the world,

  long-headed customers, knowing dogs, shrewd fellows, capital hands

  at business, and the like, have made, and do daily make, this axiom

  their polar star and compass. Still, the doubt may be gently

  insinuated. And in illustration it may be observed, that if Mr

  Brass, not being over-suspicious, had, without prying and

  listening, left his sister to manage the conference on their joint

  behalf, or prying and listening, had not been in such a mighty

  hurry to anticipate her (which he would not have been, but for his

  distrust and jealousy), he would probably have found himself much

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  better off in the end. Thus, it will always happen that these men

  of the world, who go through it in armour, defend themselves from

  quite as much good as evil; to say nothing of the inconvenience and

  absurdity of mounting guard with a microscope at all times, and of

  wearing a coat of mail on the most innocent occasions.

  The three gentlemen spoke together apart, for a few moments. At

  the end of their consultation, which was very brief, the Notary

  pointed to the writing materials on the table, and informed Mr

  Brass that if he wished to make any statement in writing, he had

  the opportunity of doing so. At the same time he felt bound to

  tell him that they would require his attendance, presently, before

  a justice of the peace, and that in what he did or said, he was

  guided entirely by his own discretion.

  'Gentlemen,' said Brass, drawing off his glove, and crawling in

  spirit upon the ground before them, 'I will justify the tenderness

  with which I know I shall be treated; and as, without tenderness,

  I should, now that this discovery has been made, stand in the worst

  position of the three, you may depend upon it I will make a clean