Zoe held her breath. They hadn’t really asked her any personal questions so far, and she wasn’t sure how Crystal would react.
“My mom and I lived in Vancouver. She died, and now I have to live with him. I mean, my father.” She looked sad, but Izzy licked her face and immediately took some of her sadness away.
“I’m sorry you lost your mom, but I’m glad you’re here.” Jody gave Izzy a pat on the head and told her to stay with Crystal. “Okay guys, well, I’m going to get going.” He addressed Crystal again. “Just so you know, she’s a bed hog, and she might try to pull your covers off.”
Crystal smiled and looked at Izzy. “That’s okay. She can have some of my covers.”
Zoe tucked Crystal and Izzy into bed later that evening. She sat with Crystal, telling her stories of when she used to ride horses as a little girl, until she fell asleep. With a stern look at Izzy to stay, Zoe carefully got up off the bed to go talk to Vlad.
She found him in the living room, sitting on the couch, a glass of scotch in his hand. He didn’t seem to be drinking it. It was more of a prop to give him something to hold on to.
“Is she asleep?” Vlad tried to put Crystal to bed, but she only wanted Zoe. She was still avoiding Vlad at all costs.
“Yeah.” Zoe slid onto the couch and Vlad pulled her up against him, kissing her hair.
“I don’t know what I would have done without you today, Zoe. I still can’t wrap my mind around all of this. It must be so scary for her, coming to live with a father she never knew. It’s hard to believe that she doesn’t have any other family. Well, that she knew about.”
“It is scary for her. I remember how it feels, Vlad. I only had my little brother after my parents died. Well, him and that nasty old bitch we had to live with until I was eighteen.”
“You never did tell me the details of your life after your parents died. Care to share some with me now?”
Zoe sighed. “I just don’t like to think about it. They weren’t good years for us.” Aside from seeing Aidan as often as both of their schedules allowed, Zoe didn’t want any reminders of the time they had lived with her mother’s great aunt, Sophie. She was a nasty woman.
“Well, do you think you would be able to talk to Crystal about it someday? Maybe it would help her. I know she wouldn’t want to hear about it now, but maybe later. And then someday you’ll trust me enough to share your secrets with me.” Vlad felt bad that Zoe wasn’t comfortable talking to him.
“It’s not about trust, Vlad. It’s just that the aunt who kept us for five years after our parents died was a terror. And I don’t mean a terror as in she took our TV privilege away. I mean terror as in she locked Aidan in a tiny closet for a week, only letting him out four times a day for meals and bathroom breaks. All because he told her he thought he was gay.”
Vlad kept silent and slowly stroked her back.
“One time, Aidan peed on the floor in there because she wouldn’t let him out to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. She made him scrub it up with his t-shirt and then made him wear that t-shirt to school for the next three days.” Vlad could feel Zoe’s body tensing up as she spoke. “I hated her for that. I worked every day after school to save money so that we could move as soon as I turned eighteen.”
Vlad was speechless. He picked up her hand, squeezing it in comfort. “My God. That’s a terrible thing for someone to do. How did you two get through that, Zoe?” He looked into her eyes in wonder. “To survive in that kind of environment—you’re amazing.”
She squeezed his hand back and gave him a sad smile. “That was just one of her many punishments for us. At least she’s dead now. I think her main issue with us was that she couldn’t get her hands on our trust funds. Dad left her enough to care for us—not that she used the money for that—but she couldn’t ever touch our trust funds. I couldn’t access mine until I was twenty-one. It’s nice Aidan and I don’t ever have to worry about money again, but it would have been better if Dad had known how evil Aunt Sophie was. If I could have gotten to my trust fund at eighteen, I could have done better with Aidan.”
Vlad knew Zoe came from money. Lacey had mentioned something about Zoe spending her trust fund on furniture and things so that she could donate her old stuff. She would purposely buy new things every few years so that she could give her older stuff away. It mostly went to underprivileged people, but sometimes she gave stuff to nursing homes or even hospitals for their waiting rooms. She allowed people to feel as if they weren’t taking charity since she was simply buying new things any way. That’s just the kind of person she was.
“For what it’s worth, I think you did a great job with Aidan. I don’t know him all that well yet, but from what I’ve seen, he’s a well-adjusted kid with a great sense of humor. And he’s confident in his sexuality. You gave him that, Zoe. Being gay can’t be easy.”
Zoe smiled at that. “It doesn’t hurt that he’s gorgeous. He goes to school for architecture, and he winds up modeling all over the world. It’s a good thing that Gary isn’t the jealous type and likes to travel. Those two are so good together.” Aidan had had so many bad relationships. He was too good and honest so he tended to get taken advantage of. That all stopped when he met Gary. Gary would slay anyone who tried to hurt Aidan.
“So, back to the subject we should be discussing. What are your plans for your daughter?”
“I don’t know. I think I’d like to maybe buy a house, though. This isn’t the right kind of place to raise a little girl. But then, what about us? I don’t want to buy a house without you. We should get married first. But is that too much for Crystal? Should I live with her alone and get to know her first? Christ! I don’t know what to do.” Vlad didn’t want to disappoint anyone, himself included.
“Vlad. I think we should put us on hold for now. Get to know your daughter. We can talk about us later.”
Vlad’s grip got uncomfortably tight on Zoe’s waist as he was rubbing up and down her back. “What? No. No way, Zoe. You’re not fucking this up now. We’re getting married. Daughter or not, she’s not going to interfere with our relationship. I waited for you for years, Zoe. Years.”
“Whoa. Calm down. Vlad, I’m not going anywhere, I just think we should take a step back. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if bringing Izzy here would be another big change for her. I’m not up on all of my child psychology. I deal with big kids, remember?” Zoe knew that Crystal needed to get a feeling of stability. A feeling of belonging. She wasn’t sure if her newly-found father getting married would do that for her. She just didn’t want to throw another wrench into the situation.
“Why don’t we just get through the night and see what tomorrow brings, okay? I’m going to bed.” Zoe tried to get up, but Vlad held her tight.
“Can you just sit here with me for a minute and let me hold you? I just need a couple of minutes of sanity. Please.” Vlad tucked her head into his neck, put his drink on the table, and gathered her close in his arms. She gave him a sense of security, and he needed that for just a few minutes.
Zoe awoke to the sounds of pans banging in the kitchen. She opened her eyes, surprised to see the bed empty. It had been a long night for her, with Izzy taking up half the bed and Crystal kicking her incessantly as she tossed from side to side.
“What’s all this noise?” Zoe asked sleepily as she made her way into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. The sight that greeted her was sweet but looked a little strained. She had to give them credit, though. They were both making an effort to get comfortable with one other.
Vlad whipped eggs together and cooked bacon as Crystal busied herself by feeding the dog.
“Good morning, Zoe. We’re making you breakfast. It was Crystal’s idea.”
Crystal spared Zoe a quick look and nodded her head, before returning her full attention to Izzy’s food bowl.
Vlad caught Zoe’s eye and shook his head. “She still won’t talk to me,” he mouthed to her.
“Crystal, since the room you slept in last ni
ght will be yours, why don’t you tell your father how you’d like to decorate it?” Zoe knew that Vlad had talked about moving into a house, but she thought Crystal might want to tell him about what she liked. It would be nice to find something that she was comfortable talking to Vlad about—anything would do.
“It’s okay the way it is.”
A blue room with dark curtains and a dark wood bed was not how a little girl’s room should be decorated. “Don’t you want to paint it a prettier color, Crystal?” Vlad asked.
She looked up at him before pretending to be busy picking up Izzy’s bowl, which was now empty. “It doesn’t matter. Can I go back there and read now?”
Vlad remembered to hold in his exasperated sigh at the last minute. “Sure, honey. I’ll call you when breakfast is ready.”
Without another word, she tapped Izzy on the head and waved her hand so the dog would follow her. When she was gone, Vlad handed Zoe a letter. “Here’s one of the letters Carla left me.”
“Are you sure you want me to read this, Vlad? I imagine it’s pretty personal.” She had to admit, she was curious as hell about the woman who had had Vlad’s child. It was an awful thing to feel about a dead woman, but she was a tiny bit jealous of her.
“I don’t want to keep anything from you, Zoe. You know I have a past. I knew her long before I ever met you. And I know you have a past, too.”
“Okay, I’ll read it.”
Dear Vlad,
I’m sure that you’re pretty upset with me right about now. I am truly sorry that I never told you about Crystal. I hope you won’t hold that against her.
Those months that we dated were some of the happiest times of my life. You were everything everyone thought you were—honest, fun, loving, and faithful. Thank you for all of that. It’s because of those things that I’ve kept our daughter from you.
I know you would have done the ‘right thing’ and married me. You would have forced me into marriage, because you would have believed it was the best thing for us. And we would have been miserable. I could never be a hockey wife, and you could never give up hockey for family life, especially when you were in the best playing shape of your life. And I was only twenty-three. I didn’t want to be tied to one man for the rest of my life.
These reasons probably sound pretty weak. I can only say that I did give it significant thought and believed this was the best solution for all of us, Crystal included. I never would have wanted our daughter to feel like she was a second thought to you. Oh, I know you would have tried to be home and in her life as much as possible, but with your schedule, it just wouldn’t have worked for me. I wanted it all: the adoring husband home for dinner every night, the white picket fence—all of it.
The ironic part is that I never got it anyway. I guess not too many men want to be saddled with a twenty-three year old single mother. I may have been better off staying with you, but we’ll never know, so it doesn’t rate thinking about.
I ask that you give Crystal a place in your heart. I gave her your name so that she might find you someday when she was ready. I thought I’d have time to explain things when she got older, but I don’t.
Please forgive me. I didn’t keep her from you out of spite or anger or anything else. I only did what I thought was best.
There’s one more thing I want you to know. I named her Crystal because it made me think about the way the ice in the rink would shine when it was fresh—before any skates marred the surface. And that made me think of you. I did care for you, very much.
Love her, Vlad. Open your heart and your home to her. Please. Give her all the love I won’t be able to. She is the best little girl you’ll ever know. She’s worth any sacrifice you may have to make. I swear it.
Carla
Zoe looked up at Vlad after reading the letter, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Wow. Hard to hold a grudge after reading that, isn’t it? I can’t help but feel for her. I still don’t think there’s any excuse for not telling someone they have a child, but I understand a little better why she felt she needed to keep Crystal to herself. How did the letter make you feel?” Zoe cringed at her choice of words. Vlad hated when she went into ‘therapist mode’ with him.
He raised his eyebrow, but let it go. “I feel the same way you do. I can’t say I’m not mad, but who am I to say how I would have reacted back then? I just don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“No, it really doesn’t.” Zoe wasn’t sure how Vlad would take her next suggestion. “Vlad, I think I’m going to go home after breakfast. I’ll drop dopey dog off at Lacey’s on my way. Why don’t you and Crystal go do something together without me? I’ll entertain your family for the day, and we can meet back at my house this afternoon. We can order pizza or something.”
Vlad looked panicked. His eyes were darting around the room, and he fidgeted with the pan of eggs on the stove. “Uh, like what? What should we do?”
Zoe wanted to help him, she did, but she knew he had to figure some of it out on his own. “I don’t know. Maybe take her to the beach? You need to try to break down that wall she has around you. Just do it gently. Remember that she’s young and hurting and doesn’t know what to do with it.”
“Fuck, Zoe. I don’t know what to do with it either!”
“I know, but you’re the adult. You have to have patience with her.”
“Yeah, okay.” He didn’t feel like talking about it anymore. “Eggs are ready.”
“I’ll go get Crystal.”
Zoe found her on the bed reading Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. “There won’t be any green eggs at the table today,” Zoe said with a smile. “But breakfast is ready.”
After they ate, Zoe told Crystal that she was going to take Izzy home and that she’d see them later. “You two can come to my house this afternoon and stay for dinner. How does that sound?”
“Do you have any animals?” Crystal asked.
“No, I don’t. But we can take a walk after dinner to get ice cream.”
“Okay.”
Vlad took Crystal to the store to buy a kite. She picked out Hello Kitty, and they drove to the beach. She still only gave one-word answers to direct questions he asked, and this point, he’d do just about anything if she would open up to him.
“Do you know how to fly a kite, Crystal?”
“No.”
Vlad took a breath. He knew that she was only trying to cope as best she knew how, but his frustration was mounting.
“Well, me neither. We’ll have to learn together, okay?” He didn’t expect an acknowledgment and didn’t get one. He read the directions, put the kite together, and got it in the air. Finally, she looked interested.
“Do you want to hold it?”
“Yes! Please.”
As soon as he gave it to her, her face lit up. For the first time since she showed up on his doorstep, he felt like a father. “That’s it. Good job, Little Bit!”
She faltered at the sound of the nickname Vlad had given her and let go of the kite. Vlad tried to grab it, but it went sailing away. Crystal looked at him, lip trembling.
He opened his arms to her, and to his ultimate surprise, she launched herself into them. “Oh, it’s okay, sweetheart. I know you didn’t mean to let it go. We’ll get another one.”
Through her hiccupping cries, he heard her say, “Why does everything go away?”
He thought of a million things he could say, but none that would make any difference. It obviously wasn’t the kite she was crying over. He settled on the truth. “I don’t know, little bit, sometimes they just do.” He continued to hold her until her hiccups subsided, and she became her normal stoic self.
She pushed away from him, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Sorry.”
Sad that she had put her walls back up, he took her hand and led her to the car. “Should we go get another kite, or do you want to go to Zoe’s now?”
“Zoe’s, please.”
It was a silent drive, but when they walked into
Zoe’s house, Crystal’s eyes lit up. It was clear that she felt more comfortable at Zoe’s. He understood. He was a guy, and his place was a bachelor’s pad, while Zoe’s place was homey. What little girl, especially one who had just lost her mother, wouldn’t want a cozy, happy home to stay in?
Vlad walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. “Hi, Zoe.”
“Hi to you, too.” She walked over to Crystal and, very casually, gave her a kiss on the cheek. “How was your day? Did you and your father have fun?”
“I lost our kite.” She burst into tears and hugged Zoe around the waist. She held on so tight, Zoe had to struggle not to push her away to take a breath.
Over Crystal’s head, she looked at Vlad with questioning eyes. His face reflected his shock at Crystal’s outburst. He apparently thought she was all cried out. Zoe gently but firmly turned the girl into Vlad’s arms.
He picked her up and held her tight. Stroking her hair, he crooned in her ear, “Shhh, it’s okay, little bit. It’s okay.” He simply let her cry and felt something soften inside him when he felt her little arms squeeze him tight. That was his daughter clutching him for comfort. He’d never felt so big. He felt like he could rope the moon! He kissed her cheek and put her down, kneeling before her.
“We’ll get another kite if you want, and I’ll tie it to your wrist so it doesn’t go away ever again, okay?” He knew replacing the lost kite wasn’t the cure all, but felt it was important to give her the option of replacing it.
She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “Okay.”
Apparently their moment was over as she looked at Zoe. “I’m hungry.”
Dinner was a lively affair. Vlad’s family was at the beach when he and Crystal had arrived. Shortly before dinner, they bounded noisily into the house talking about the warm sixty-degree weather. The temperature in Ukraine that time of year hovered around forty.
Goalie Interference (NHL Scorpions) Page 12