Beyond Lies

by Alka Dimri Saklani

  She is innocent. Naïve. And beautiful. Isn’t that a deadly combination to invite danger? She told me the other day that someone was putting roses on her two-wheeler every day. I told her to take it seriously. Find out who the person was. Tell the complex admin to look at CCTV footage, but she laughed it off saying she was always playing pranks on others so this time her colleagues wanted to freak her out. She thought that was why Sakshi kept on warning her so finally she would get frantic and they all could laugh at her cost.

  “Tia is the prank master, no one can play a prank on her.” She had said, pulling her head straight with her trademark style. Then I looked at her loose T-shirt with a mickey mouse drawn on it. She still dressed like a small girl, but I never told her to get out of those childish dresses. I liked her that way. Those loose dresses didn’t give away her statuesque figure and I think it invited less danger.

  Though she said she had stopped receiving the roses, I went to see her office one day. I walked into the basement; it was scary, silent and secluded with no security guard inside. I stood there for a while, but nobody came, maybe Tia was right, someone from her office kept the rose.

  The oven ding pulled me out of my reverie.

  “Dev, can you please call kids to have breakfast.” Avinash was listening to music at such a loud volume that my voice would not be audible upstairs. I was tired of telling Avinash not to put on music so loud in the morning.

  “How can I deny the order of the queen?” Dev said dramatically and put down the newspaper.

  “Don’t overact. Ok.” I said light-heartedly and busied myself in laying out the dishes.

  No. Not again! Avinash and Dev were arguing again.

  The music was off and Avinash was shouting, “Don’t keep the volume high, don’t stay up late, don’t do this, don’t do that. I know what I can’t do, can you for once tell me what can I do?”

  “Yes, show some respect to your parents.”

  “Well, in other words, don’t express your feelings.”

  They argued a lot those days. I shouldn’t have sent Dev to call the kids. I walked upstairs, but by that time, they had done fighting and Dev was walking towards Tia’s room. He stopped at the entrance in a very odd way. I followed him. Tia was awake but she was still on her bed hugging her favourite teddy. Her long hairs were sprawled all over the pillow. She was wearing a green dress, the kind that reminded me of hospital gown.

  And in that moment, she looked exactly like her mother. The one and the only moment when I saw her. On her deathbed, her hands in Dev’s hand... “Will you take care of the baby, Dev?”

  Dev’s eyes met mine. We communicated something in silence that we shouldn’t have.

  At some deeper lever I can never forgive you Dev.

  ‘I know’ his silence said.

  He walked down. I stared back at Tia. She looked as innocent as ever, but for a second, a fraction of second actually, I…I…no I didn’t want to go back and be the person I was when she was a little girl. I was not that woman anymore.

  “Oh, mom, when did you come in?” Tia spread her hands calling me in for a hug. I walked to her and she hugged me. After all those years, it took me a fraction of second longer to hug her back, and I hated myself for that fraction of second.

  “Why are you so good, my dear?” I said.

  “Because I am like you.” She kissed my cheek.

  “I am not as good I used to be.”

  “Why? What happened?” She looked at me, confusion brewing in her eyes.

  I said something under my breath and immediately regretted it, it wasn’t even a whisper, my words were just like a brush of air and I wasn’t sure she heard it. She looked at me, but I didn’t dare to look at her face. I kept my glance focused at her hairs as I brushed them behind her ears.

  “You ask a lot of questions,” I said. “Come down for breakfast.” I tried to cover up and looked at her face finally. She looked cheerful, like always. She didn’t hear what I said.

  Or at least she pretended she didn’t hear me.

  13. The Dark R

  oom

  …Now

  Time is vague. Tia isn’t sure how long she has spent here, weeks, months or years. She doesn’t know when the sun comes out to greet people who are luckier, she doesn’t know when the darkness of night consumes it all, because for her it’s always dark, behind her blindfold, inside her. It’s always dark.

  Strange figures come to meet her. Hallucinations, doctors would call it, but she knows it’s real. Sometimes her fear takes the form of a monster with big teeth, sometimes her loneliness takes the form of a sad girl, sometimes her desolation converts to a rope hanging from the fan. Rarely, it’s a small ray of hope that’s so close that she can touch it, but when she tries to, it recedes out of her reach. It’s all real, she can see it as clear as if she is seeing them with open eyes.

  Though what she aches to see is her small little room with her pink bedsheets and barbie drawn on it, her teddy, her friends teasing her to grow up, her mother secretly relishing her childishness, her brother threatening to steal her childish T-shirts, her father’s protective embrace, Samar’s caring, Kiara’s friendship. She thinks of Samar; he’d already lost so much in life; would he believe in destiny if he loses her? How desperately he must be searching for her. She remembers the last words of her dad, ‘Hold on, I am coming’. It is the memory of those words that always breaks her, that still pushes the tears and wets her blindfold.

  The tick tock tick of the wall clock has started to irritate her, but still there are times when she finds a strange comfort in that little noise filling the eerie silence of her room. Sometimes she tries to keep a track of time by counting the seconds, the seconds that carry the baggage of an eternity. Earlier, she used to cry after counting only up to 500. It was wrong, the seconds couldn’t drag on forever. It was unfair, cruel even. In times like this, she is pulled back to the days she complained about having too much work and no time. In times like this, her mind wanders to the mundane things she never thought about, she didn’t want to think about. And in one such hollow moment, she remembers a strange conversation with her mother.

  “Why are you so good my dear?” Her mother had said.

  “Because I am like you.” she had kissed her mother.

  “I am not as good I used to be.” Her mother had said.

  “Why? What happened?” She had asked.

  And her mother uttered a deadly word Tia was sure she had misheard, but now sitting here in this lonely room she vaguely remembers how cold her mother was when she was a little kid. Her arms barely ever came around her. After all, she was her step-daughter. And then she again thinks about what her mother had said when she asked her Why? What happened?” what changed you.

  Her mother had uttered, under her breath, a barely audible word.

  “You.”

  14. Tia

  Then…

  I was unprepared for it. The red piece of cloth came flying to my eyes and I lost my balance, and before I could see who threw it, the bike sped off around the turn. Some people gathered around to help me get up.

  I dusted my clothes and when my gaze fell at the red piece hanging on the handle of my bike I froze.

  A lacy red lingerie.

  I…I couldn’t touch it…but I had to…was this how Sakshi felt when she saw the lizard stuck to her clothes? How scared she was to touch it…but it was just fear…this was something else…something sinister laced with disgust…fear…shame…and anger. My fingers trembled at the touch of the lingerie, I didn’t pick it up, I just pushed it away with my fingers and then I instantly wiped them on my jeans. I was aware of prying eyes of the crowd around me, I didn’t look up, the voices broke through.

  “Shameless man.” Came the voice of a woman.

  A man’s laughter stung my ears

  A little girl’s voice – What is it Mumma?

  I picked up my two-wheeler and stormed away to my office that was just across the road.

  I
smashed my bag on my desk and covered my face with my hands as if it would help me disconnect with my surroundings and the abusive memory, but the memory just bounced back forcefully, so I snapped open my eyes and gulped down a full glass of water.

  I couldn’t bring myself to open my laptop, and when I was forced to answer the call, I almost screamed into the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “Tia, see me in my cabin.”

  The last thing I wanted was to see Samar. Even when I was composed, my feelings went haywire the moment I saw him, and today, in this state of mind, I didn’t want to torture myself, but I gathered myself and walked to his cabin.

  He was glancing out of the window at the road where the infamous incident occurred a few minutes ago.

  “Don’t you think it’s our duty to preserve nature?” He said.

  “Pardon?” I was in no mood to play puzzles.

  “I come via Juhu. I think we can do carpooling, you me and Devansh.”

  Did he see what happened? No! And was he trying to help me? Or did he genuinely wanted to preserve nature? Why was this man being so complicated?

  “I just talked to Devansh and he is ready.” He said when I didn’t reply.

  The lingerie incident shook me up, and as much as I hated to be the damsel in distress, having a little support wouldn’t hurt. I swallowed my ego and nodded. Then I realised he wasn’t looking at me, he was still staring at the road outside, so I mumbled a weak ‘yes’ and walked out of the cabin.

  The following day, I wasn’t sure if I was excited or nervous to travel with Samar when he picked me up. Devansh’s place was about 25 minutes from my own.

  A little kid was selling colour books at a crossroad. Samar opened the window and purchased a bountiful of books. Why was he purchasing kids’ books? Did he have kids? Was he married? And why the hell was I concerned?

  “Tia, did you give our phone numbers to your parents? I mean, my number and Devansh’s number?” he asked, sliding the window up after purchasing the books. When he closed the window, his woody perfume permeated my nose.

  “I told them I am carpooling with you and Devansh. They have my office number. I think that’s enough.”

  “Give them our number and addresses. You are too trusting, you shouldn’t be.” He said, not diverting his focus from the road ahead.

  Why was he acting so weird? What the hell was wrong with him? What was he trying to hint at?

  That he didn’t trust Devansh?

  And then a silly though crept out of nowhere.

  Or did he not trust himself?

  15. Tia

  Two weeks had passed since we started car-pooling. I didn’t hear anything from my stalker, and I convinced myself that it was a cruel joke from someone trying to get even with me for my silly pranks. Samar had put off the meeting to Dehradun as long as possible, and now in retrospect, I realised he was preparing Devansh for that meeting. Now Devansh was off to that meeting and it was only me and Samar in the car.

  Apart from the little discussions of our tasks at hand, most of the journey passed in silence. After the way he shouted at me to shut up the other day, I didn’t talk to him about anything other than my job.

  Why was he so averse to making small talk? Was it because he didn’t want to give away anything about his life? No one in the office knew anything about him other than his professional credentials. What was so secret about his life? Was he right the other day when he said that I shouldn’t trust people easily?

  But with every passing day I couldn’t help but notice his little acts of kindness. He gifted the colour books he purchased the other day to our office boy so that his kids could use them. He purchased a book every day and gifted it to anyone, sometimes even the kid at the far end of the road.

  Also, no matter how late we were, he would slow down whenever an elderly person crossed the road.

  And I must say…Kindness is sexy.

  Slowly and gradually I was looking forward to this alone time with him and it scared me how I failed to keep my emotions in check.

  I shared the price of the petrol, but I didn’t drive my car.

  “Why don’t you drive? You always have a spare car at your home.” He asked me one day.

  “I drive to nearby places, but I’m not comfortable driving long distances.”

  “You just need some practice. Why don’t you try today?” He looked at me when we reached halfway.

  “I’m not sure.” I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Don’t worry, I’m here for…” He didn’t complete the sentence, but his unsaid words caressed me senselessly.

  We changed seats and I had to adjust mine; he was so tall. His car was too big for me and I second guessed my decision, but I couldn’t step back, though I couldn’t bring myself to speed up the car beyond the speed of 40kmph.

  “We might be late at this speed.” I said worriedly.

  “Don’t worry, your boss won’t scold you.” How could he joke with such a neutral tone? But irrespective of his tone, a smile caressed my face, but before I could reply, a dog suddenly sprung out of the bushes and I lost control, the car crashed on the pavement and my head bounced off of the steering wheel.

  “Oh no…oh no…Samar I am so sorry. I am so sorry Samar. I smashed your car.” I panicked when I saw Samar staring at me.

  “I am not worried about the car. I am worried about you.” The curtain of indifference was lifted, and his eyes reflected worry. He bit his lip, regretting his last words, but then immediately added. “Your head is bleeding, Tia.” I raised my fingers to my forehead; it was nothing more than a scratch.

  He pulled out the first aid kit from the small compartment of his car and took medicated cotton from it.

  “It’s nothing Samar. I will be…” My voice stuck in my throat when his big hand reached my forehead. The slight brush of his long fingers sent a tingle down my spine. This prominent fragrance of his aftershave filled me in. The few seconds for which his hands worked on my forehead my heart scared me with its crazy dance. His touch was addictive and I could get used to it. If only I was injured at some other place rather than that silly spot on my forehead…I could have been injured at my neck or…or… I shut my eyes tight, embarrassed at the silly thought.

  “Is it hurting?” he asked misreading my expression. I shook my head, not daring to open my eyes, scared that it might give away my emotion. When his fingers froze on my forehead, I opened my eyes and caught him staring at me with so much heat in his eyes that I had trouble sitting where I was and not leaning on his broad chest. His finger lingered on my skin a little longer than necessary, and then it traced down to my cheeks in a feathery touch, my skin burned and our gaze collided. My heart broke all records of speed limits. The attraction in his eyes mirrored mine, and for a brief second his gaze dropped to my lips and he leaned in, his breath tickled my nose and travelled all the way to my toes. I almost gave in when a loud horn snapped us out of the trance. He pulled back with a jerk.

  Once out of the trance, the weight of reality was heavy. What was I thinking? He was always rude to me, and for him, I was like a spoilt kindergarten kid. Hadn’t he said it to my face one day?

  But I was sure of what I saw in his eyes today. Care and worry and…

  Hunger?

  Underneath that indifferent image who was he?

  The rest of the journey passed away in a heavy silence with unsaid words and unmet desires hanging in the air between us.

  And when I finally looked at him, he looked tensed and…

  Unreachable.

  16. Tia

  The almost-there kiss lingered in the air when we travelled back together. The car suddenly felt too intimate, his strong perfume tingled my senses. I could recognize the masculine woody fragrance anywhere in the world, since my dad used the same perfume.

  Devansh, please come back soon; I muttered in my head, only his presence could control the strong sensual pull of this charismatic man sitting next to me, just a few inches apart.


  I tried to find some distraction, and finally found it at a distance in the Juhu beach.

  “I love the sunset at Juhu beach.” I had to kill the silence before it would kill me.

  “Me too.” He surprised me, and with the silence broken, the tension between us lessened. He turned the car towards the beach and parked along with the other cars. The wind was so fierce that it was difficult to even walk in the opposite direction of the wind. He pulled me towards him when a car sped past too close for parking. His long fingers slid between mine and his grip was tight. I wondered if his heart was beating as fast as mine or if it was only me.

  But maybe it was just a caring gesture, like a father caring for a little girl. Was I really that for him? Did I misread him? Before I could delve deeper into my theories, he left my hand when we reached the beach.

  I never knew he could be more irresistible than he already was, until this moment, when his hairs went haywire with the strong wind that added boyish hue to his mature image.

  “I just love it.” I diverted my focus to the sunset. I had to think about anything but him. The wind was so strong that my hairs blew out of my pin and were all over my face.

  He smiled and oh my god, it wasn’t one of his guarded smiles, it was a full-on ear to ear authentic smile that gave me trouble breathing.

  “Are you always like this?” he asked.

  “Like this? Meaning?”

  “Carefree.”

  “Yes, I don’t know how people make their life so complicated.”

  He was staring at me a little too hard. Before I could say anything, his hand reached my hairs that had gotten all over my face, he gathered them to tuck them behind my ears.

  “You have beautiful hairs.”

  His touch laced with his deep voice sent my heart in a frenzy. Was I imagining it? No…the longing in his eyes was unmistakable and I didn’t dare to blink in fear that he might look away. After a while, when finally, his eyes left mine and travelled someplace behind me, I saw a sudden drop in his expression. His eyes turned from caring to indifferent and then something else crept in. What was it? Fear? Dread? His face ashen, his body got still.