He smiled sheepishly and walked out before I could pull his leg anymore.
“Stop teasing him Tia, you are always after him. Poor boy,” mom scolded me lightly. “He is our car washer, also the son of our maid Shantabai, and he also helps us with other small errands,” mom explained to Kiara who was watching the whole conversation curiously.
“We’ve known him since he was a kid. You know, Tia acted as a teacher and forced him to be her student. He tried to make excuses and leave, but you know our stubborn teacher. He is like a family now,” mom said.
“No doubt you are so kind.” Kiara was speaking to me but looking at mom hinting the obvious.
Mom flinched at Kiara’s statement…
As if she wasn’t innocent…
Or she wasn’t my mother…
28. Tia
The soft drizzles hit the car windows. I opened the window and felt the rain with my fingers, and feeling unsatisfied, I pushed my head outside a little, looked at the sky, and opened my mouth to take some water in. No, I didn’t fret about clean water.
Then I pulled inside, resting my head on the seat and closed my eyes. I realised how much I had changed after joining Zenith Marketing, and as rain calmed me down, I promised myself to not loose myself in the everyday battle of life.
“I can’t,” Devansh said into his Bluetooth. This was the first thing he’d said in the last 15 minutes, he was just replying with verbal cues like ‘hmmm’ until now. “I am with my colleague” he whispered, then he listened, “Ok, ok” he turned away his face in other direction and said, “I love you.”
I suppressed my giggle with both my hands. His face was flustered when he looked back to the road.
“Prerna?” I asked, though I knew the answer. I loved to tease him.
“Yup.” He nodded, raising his eyebrows. She never disconnected the phone before listening to an “I love you” from Devansh. I enjoyed watching him getting embarrassed.
Even after his unfinished sentence about how anyone could fall for me, our friendship was unblemished. He treated me with respect and care and never let things get uncomfortable. After a few uncomfortable days, we both pushed those unspoken words under the rug. Those words weren’t worth enough to spoil our friendship. And maybe he just spoke them in a rush, without meaning them. He was in love with his fiancée undeniably. Yes, I doubted him for a while when the constable warned me, but no, he wasn’t a person like that. I was confident of that.
Samar never joined us in carpooling since late. He always had some excuse ready. I pushed him out of my mind. I promised myself to keep my life easy.
Once we reached Devnash’s home, I picked up my car and drove towards home. Drizzles were magnifying to heavy rain drops. It took me about 15 minutes to drive past the traffic to a relatively free road. I parked the car on the roadside to pick up the phone, I forgot my handsfree today. It was a call from mom who told me to hurry up since it had started raining.
When I reignited the car and investigated the side window my blood ran cold. A man was on his bike at some distance. Why he shouldn’t be driving? He was huge and was wearing a raincoat and a helmet. From the distance and the heavy rain, I couldn’t read his number plate. With shivering hands, I pulled on the gear and drove away, and it struck me, the road wasn’t free, it was deserted. I shivered remembering my nightmare.
Sometimes in life we don’t’ have an option to stay carefree.
My hands were trembling so hard that it was getting difficult to control the car, but still I pushed the accelerator and almost smashed into a passer-by. He shouted at me and I slowed down and slid my window to say sorry, but my voice got struck in my throat, my face drenched in sweat. The pedestrian looked at me and his anger vanished. “Are you ok?” he asked me, and his face blurred behind my tears. I looked back and I couldn’t see the stalker. I nodded to the kind pedestrian and drove away. The bike followed me once again. Where did he vanish earlier? I covered the distance to home all drenched in sweat with trembling hands and a cry locked in my throat. Somewhere around the corner of my home, he stopped following.
I never felt as much relief in seeing my home as I did that day. I stayed in my car for a while before my heartbeat calmed down. I washed my face with the water from my bottle before entering the home. An unease crawled over me, even as I entered.
“What happened Tia? Are you ok?” mom asked when I was removing my shoes.
I was going to reply when I saw Avinash lying on the sofa and watching TV. He was lying under a blanket.
“Are you feeling cold?” I asked, wiping the sweat from my forehead. Even after the shower the humidity in the air was killing.
“He has high fever,” Mom said, her face sick with worry.
“Oh, it’s nothing, I took paracetamol.” Avinash said carelessly.
I touched his forehead. It was burning. “We better hurry to doctor.” I said.
“I am fine, if the fever persists even after taking the tablet, I will go to see the doctor tomorrow.”
“You are grown up now. You don’t need to listen to anyone. Neither me, nor Tia or Dad”. It was apparent she had tried to convince him incessantly, but like most of the time, he declined her pleadings.
“Mom, emotional blackmailing is not going to work,” he said nonchalantly.
“Mom, was I also like Avinash when I was a teenager?” I asked, standing behind her and holding her shoulder, resting my chin on it. I knew the answer, but I asked to tease Avinash.
“You are the best daughter in the world ever.” Mom patted my cheek.
“Yes, yes I know she is your favourite, you picked me up from garbage somewhere.” He said jealously, and me and mom laughed in unison.
It was only when I went to freshen up that I allowed my fear to resurface. I splashed water on my face again and again. The cold water failed to soothe me. The scene of that biker following me was so vivid in my mind that I felt as if I could touch him with a stretch of a hand. The thought unbalanced me. Mom was already upset so I decided to discuss this issue later. Not that she could do anything. We already made the police complaint and I didn’t even see the number plate. After freshening up I went to the hall.
“When will dad come?” I asked, picking up an apple from the fruit basket.
“He is on his way.” Mom said, kneading the dough.
I helped her with chopping the vegetables and then I gave a head massage to Avinash. He loved a head massage from me.
“I am going to charge. Don’t think just because you are sick you are going to get a free massage.” I teased him.
“Greedy people, huh,” he teased me back, the tablet had started working and soon he slept.
Dad was still 30 minutes away from home, so I walked to my room to finish some of my office work.
I saw Kiara standing at her window. I waved at her, she waved back. I asked her with gestures if I could go to her place. She hesitated for a while but then nodded.
Her home was scarcely equipped. The walls were lonely with no wall clocks or show pieces giving it company. There was a chair at the far end of the room and a 52-inch TV on the table.
“Are you wondering why I rented such big house when I live alone?” Kiara’s words interrupted my thoughts.
Shit, why was I so transparent? I shrugged my shoulders.
“It’s a safe place. The security is good. Living single, security is my priority, moreover, money is not a problem for me.”
“Of course.” Anyone could see she was rich.
We sat down on the floor on the balcony with our knees folded and our backs resting on the wall. A cold breeze passed through us and I tried to feel calm. But I failed.
“I am scared.” I said, still unsure whether I should have shared with her or not.
“Scared? Of what?”
“You can ask ‘of whom’”?
“Whom?”
“Someone is following me.”
“Like, a stalker?” She became excited as if she was watching an interesti
ng movie. I had all her attention with that revelation.
I told her everything about the roses and the calls and the messages and finally someone following me the same day.
“Oh my god. That’s scary. I knew something was wrong, you weren’t that chatty today.”
“Then why didn’t you ask?” I cut down the formalities.
“Well, I don’t know, you might not like it. I mean, I don’t like people intruding in my life so…” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t need to.
“I was just looking for a friend, someone who I could share my feelings with. Sorry if I disturbed you.” I got up to leave.
She held my hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. Please sit down.”
I wasn’t sure if I should have accepted her offer, but when I looked at her face, her eye spoke to me. She wasn’t the one to keep formalities so, if she wanted me out, she wouldn’t have hesitated.
“I had such experiences.” She told me and I wasn’t surprised. She would gain attention wherever she would go. “Don’t let your fear show. Feign confidence even if you don’t have it. More often than not, these people look for vulnerable preys, they hunt for scared girls, when they see a girl is ready to fight back, they flee.”
Her words gave me the assurance I needed. Whenever I shared my fear with mom, it became amplified, because she got more scared than me. In Kiara I saw the confidence I needed. After a little chit chat she asked, “Since you said your mother was already worried about Avinash I can come to the police station with you tomorrow if you wish.”
“That’s not needed. We have already made a complaint, though I will follow back tomorrow over a phone call. Thanks so much Kiara. I misjudged you at our first meeting.”
“What did you think?” Before I could say something she added, “Strong headed? Arrogant? Heartless?”
She nailed it, but I dared not admit and averted my gaze.
“Tia, I don’t avoid people because I feel too less. I avoid people because I feel too much. Down there.” She pointed at my heart. “We are the same.”
She pulled out a cigarette from her pocket and lit it. She looked at the fire for too long before extinguishing it. The smoke from her cigarette twirled around in curves.
“You want one?” She forwarded the pack towards me. My eyes automatically drifted to my home. Could mom see me sitting with Kiara and her offering me cigarette? Thankfully she was nowhere in sight.
“Thanks, but I don’t do cigarettes.” I thought of giving her a piece of my mind regarding cigarette, but then I decided it was too soon.
“Please don’t discuss this in front of mom. My mother worries too much. You know?”
“No, I don’t,” she said not realising it wasn’t a question. “My mother never worried for me.” She dusted the cigarette on the floor, her eyes not leaving it.
“Sorry?”
“You don’t need to be.” She looked at me and forced a hollow smile.
“I just shared my problem with you. If something is bothering you...”
“Nothing bothers me anymore.” She sucked in her cigarette and released the smoke into the air as if she had no worry in the world. The smoke made me uneasy, but she didn’t seem to care.
“Kiara.” I touched her hand. “You can trust me.”
“I know” she said, and I knew she wasn’t lying. I expected her to say something more, but she didn’t.
“Where do you work by the way?” She brilliantly shifted the topic from her to me.
“I work with Zenith Marketing firm, and you?”
“I am a freelance programmer.”
“Don’t you ever get bored in your house all alone?” Shit. I shouldn’t have asked.
“Sometimes I do. But I have suffered more with people around me than I suffer alone.” She traced her fingers in the rhythmically floating smoke from her cigarette.
And then there was silence even I couldn’t break.
29. The Dark R
oom
…Now
Most days the captor comes to give her food and water, occasionally, when she begins to stink of sweat, she is changed into a fresh pair of ironed clothes, but day by day her dress is getting shorter. It isn’t cold but she is chilled to the core, scared of the passing days. The three ticks on the door pushes her at the corner of the bed, towards the wall. she tries to cover herself with the pillow.
The captor walks towards her but looking at her ashen face, something snaps inside of them.
Thoughts jumble in captor’s mind; They are liars, they say I am obsessed, but I am just a lover who can’t share, what’s wrong with that? In your world I might be the predator but believe me, I am a victim. It’s wrong to love and not be loved back. Yeah, it’s unfair, it’s evil, if only you could have loved me with the same ferocity, same passion. See where your choices have brought you? You have no idea how much I love you but what option did you leave me? I know how much you care about your hygiene, but today I won’t clean you, because you look like death today and I don’t want to kill you. You must survive this. For yourself. For me. For us. One day I will be the centre of your life. One day you will feel for me the way I feel for you. The captor thinks but can’t speak. Tia wouldn’t need a second to recognize that voice and it would be the end.
The end of them… and with that thought, a rhyme forms in the captor’s mind.
"You and l
Is just a myth.
Sometimes it's just you
Sometimes it's just me
And sometimes...
There's none of us
Just a memory... A desire... A quest."
But this jingle will be saved for another day, the voice of a little boy would be apt for this. And for now, the captor plays the poem recorded a few hours earlier in the voice of a little girl, thanks to the software for altering adult voice to kid voice.
"You think only people and places can turn to memories?
Don’t you?
You are wrong.
The way you love, hope and hurt; it all can turn to a memory someday."
The words crawl over Tia like a poisonous spider, leaving its venom, and the dark truth of those words passes through her body like a knife, she had already begun to feel it, sitting here all day doing nothing but recalling her memories she had begun to feel like every emotion she held dear was becoming unfamiliar.
The same leather gloves races through her hairs, grabs them and then pulls them. Tia cries more out of humiliation than out of pain. A slash of scissor over her hair and one more chunk of her hair is gone.
And with that one more chunk of her innocence.
30. Tia
Then…
Kiara was a friend now, though I wasn’t sure she felt the same. I shared so much with her, but she was guarded most of the time, but with time I realised she had begun to look forward to meeting me. I went to her house on most days. She was hesitant visiting ours, so mom often packed something for her. Earlier, there was just one chair and table in her home, now there were two chairs, she got one for me. That meant something. Right?
“Yummy, you are so lucky to have a mom who is also a great cook.” She said, spooning off the last bite of biryani while we sat across the table. Her words rang in my memories…my mother never worried for me.
“You miss your mom?” I asked, still not sure if I should have touched the topic.
She shook her head and froze with the spoon hanging in the air. Then she put down the spoon on the plate and slowly nodded.
“But, what does it matter?” She asked finally.
“Where is she now?”
“She lives in Himachal. She is the principal of a well-known school there.” She took the utensils to the sink trying to avoid my prying eyes.
“Kiara, you know you can share anything with me.” I followed her.
“I don’t want to bring you down with my baggage. And there is too much of it. Believe me.” She opened the tap and started washing the utensils.
“L
ook at me Kiara.” I touched her shoulder. “Haven’t I let you down with my baggage?”
“Are you sure you want to hear? I don’t like fleeting relationships; I can’t walk past people and memories the way most people walk out. So, I don’t get close. I get attached Tia, and people leave.” She looked at me. I mean really looked at me this time, not trying to hide herself or trying to avoid me, she allowed me to see the broken girl hiding beneath the robust façade.
“I am not like most people Kiara; you can trust me. We will always be friends.” I held her hand.
“Friends forever?”
“Friends forever.” I repeated.
She nodded and thought for a while and leaving the utensils for another time, she wiped her hands on the towel and we walked to our favourite spot, her balcony. Her balcony was small, but big enough for the two of us. The sky covered with the carpet of stars compensated for the peeled off whitewash and lack of colours in this place. I had often seen Simran smoking in her balcony, but she had begun to avoid it when she was with me and I appreciated her effort.
We sat on the floor side by side, pulling our knees to our chest. It was a while before she started speaking. “My parents divorced when I was nine. And you know the reason for their separation? It was me.” Her shoulders hunched for the first time since I met her. “It was me, Tia.” She pointed at herself.
I wanted to say something, but what could I say? So, instead, I just watched as she drew imaginary circles on the floor with her fingers, her chin resting on her knees.
“Mom didn’t see it coming, I mean…how dad was drifting away. How could she? I was such an attention seeking spoilt little brat. With the one kidney that the doctor discovered missing in my body, mom’s life was centred around me, taking me to hospital, and then endless hours of my sickness and the worried nights she spent by my side scooped the life out of her. She was no more the attractive woman my dad married; she was a tired mother. All thanks to me.” She let out a hollow laugh.
Beyond Lies Page 8