What a Girl Wants

by Jennifer Snow

  Take all the time in the world, Bailey thought. She wasn’t in a rush to leave. She still hadn’t decided whether or not she would attend the going-away party Melody had organized for Ethan at the Green Gator, the karaoke bar in town, that evening. After years of friendship, she should be there to say goodbye, but she wasn’t sure she could do it.

  “What won’t take long? What are we doing here?” Alisha asked, still in her work apron. The Dawson family owned the only pharmacy and convenience store on Main Street and Alisha had followed in her father’s footsteps, becoming a pharmacist after school.

  “Operation Bridewatch,” Rachel said.

  “Huh?” Lindsay glanced at Bailey, who just shrugged. She didn’t pretend to understand any of this wedding stuff. And if she was honest, she was only half listening.

  Kayla Dawson nodded enthusiastically. “See, Alisha, I told you this would be a great idea.” She looked annoyed that she’d failed to execute the plan, whatever it was, before Rachel.

  “I think you two are crazy,” Alisha scoffed. “Victoria’s not running this time.”

  Though Luke’s older sister had had her reservations about Victoria’s intentions when she’d first returned to Brookhollow, the two had rekindled a sisterlike bond.

  “Well, I think we still need to be safe...for Luke’s sake,” Kayla said. “Go ahead, Rachel.”

  “Okay, here’s the deal. The closer the wedding gets, the crazier Vic is acting. Her inability to make decisions until the last minute is unlike her and, frankly, a little unnerving. So for the next two days, I want us all to volunteer shifts to make sure she’s alone as little as possible. She’s here with me every day, so days are easy, but Luke’s out of town until late Saturday, so it’s the evenings we’re concerned about.”

  “Does Luke know about this?” Bailey asked.

  “No, I didn’t want to put any ideas into his head or freak him out. So, volunteers?”

  “I’m going to Ethan’s going-away party at the Green Gator tonight,” Kayla said. “Victoria’s welcome to come along.”

  Rachel shook her head. “Thanks, Kayla, but you’ll never drag her there.”

  “I’m working at the bingo hall tonight—she could come,” Alisha offered.

  “Again, not really her thing, but thank you. Anyone else?”

  Bailey hesitated. This provided her with the perfect opportunity to miss the going-away party. “I’ll invite her to a movie tonight.”

  Rachel looked surprised. “Really? I thought you would be going to the Green Gator, as well,” she said softly.

  “No,” Bailey said. If she tried to give an excuse or elaborate on her decision, she would just turn into a bumbling idiot. Best to not say anything more.

  “You’re sure?”

  Bailey nodded.

  “Okay, so that just leaves the overnights. That’s where you come in.” Rachel turned to Lindsay.

  “Why me?”

  “You live next door to the old Kingston house. Victoria’s been staying there, moving things in and organizing while Luke’s been away. You are the logical choice.”

  “And what am I supposed to do?” Lindsay asked. “Stand outside the front door and yell if she tries to go anywhere?”

  “No, just keep an eye on her car every now and then.”

  “Honestly, I’m not the right person to help with your prison-watch plan.”

  “Bridewatch,” Rachel corrected.

  “All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be opposed to her running again. Before she came back, Luke and I had a connection.”

  Wow, Bailey would never have thought that she had anything in common with Lindsay Harper.

  Alisha glared at Lindsay and Kayla opened her mouth, but Rachel silenced them with a hand. “No, you didn’t,” she said.

  “Well, there was a definite spark.”

  Definitely a spark, Bailey thought.

  “Nope, no spark. For Luke, it’s always only ever been Victoria,” Rachel said firmly.

  Was that also true in her case? Bailey wondered. The thought was depressing. How could she have mistaken Ethan’s feelings?

  Lindsay huffed. “I’ll make sure she is there before I go to bed, but that’s all I promise to do.”

  “That’s all I ask,” Rachel said. “Thanks, ladies. Remember, any sign of cold feet or strange behavior, call or text me right away.”

  “And what do you plan to do?” Alisha asked, clearly not entirely on board with the idea.

  “Remind her how miserable she was without the love of her life,” Rachel said.

  Bailey sighed. She knew the feeling.

  * * *

  “THANKS AGAIN FOR suggesting this, Bailey. A movie was exactly what I needed to get my mind off the wedding and all the last-minute jitters,” Victoria said as they exited the theatre, which was just off Main Street and housed in the same building as the pool hall. It was quiet in that area of town since most of the residents were at the Green Gator.

  “No problem.” She only wished the movie had been successful in taking her mind off her own troubles. If asked, she couldn’t even tell anyone what the new Brad Pitt movie had been about. “It was fun.”

  “I was surprised that you were free tonight,” Victoria said as they walked through the gravel parking lot to their vehicles. She looked at Bailey expectantly.

  Bailey sighed. She should have known she wouldn’t get away without talking about it. “I couldn’t do it. Does that make me a terrible person?”

  “Not at all. It makes you real, your feelings real. I just still can’t believe what’s happened.” Victoria removed her truck keys from her purse. “I mean, I know I just reappeared out of nowhere eight months ago, but at least I didn’t drop a bomb on poor Luke like Emily did to Ethan. How could she not have told him before now?”

  “She did try calling him....” She had no idea why she felt the need to defend Emily. Probably because she didn’t blame her. How could she? She didn’t blame anyone.

  Victoria looked at her in amazement. “Bailey, you are too nice. If I was in your position, I think I’d still be throwing things at him.”

  “It’s not his fault. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just incredibly bad timing.”

  “Have you talked to him?”

  She shook her head. Other than their run-in at the Fireside Grill, she’d been successful in avoiding Ethan. The trip to Beach Haven had helped, though it totally disproved the old saying “out of sight, out of mind.” It didn’t matter what she did, Ethan was always on her mind.

  “Maybe you should.... I mean, once he’s gone, it may be too late.”

  It was already too late. “I don’t think I can do it, Vic. Seeing them together is hard.”

  “I totally understand, but I just think someday you might wish you had been there. You two have been such good friends for years.”

  Bailey bit her lip, contemplating what Victoria had said. She and Ethan had been best friends for a long time, but things were so different now and they couldn’t go back.

  “Just think about it,” Victoria said, before climbing into the truck. She rolled down the window as Bailey tossed her leg over her bike and reached for her helmet. “Just know, whatever you decide will be the right thing.”

  * * *

  “I SAW THAT your hand was empty and thought you could use one of these,” Mark said, coming to stand beside Ethan near the back wall of the bar. The Green Gator was standing room only as friends and family drifted in in waves to say goodbye to him.

  He accepted the beer bottle from Mark and took a swig. “Thanks, buddy.”

  “I can’t believe she didn’t show up.”

  Ethan nodded as he stared at the bottle in his hand. It had been the recurring thought clouding his mind all evening. He knew she was back from Beach H
aven and he knew she knew he was leaving in the morning with Emily for Miami. The idea that she didn’t want to see him before he left made it difficult to breathe. “I’m sure she has her reasons.”

  “Yeah, she loves you, which is exactly why she should be here,” Mark said.

  Ethan leaned back against the wall. “None of this is her fault. I can’t believe I was such an idiot not to notice how perfect she is before now, before it was too late.”

  Mark punched his shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up over it—that’s my job. Besides, Emily always did have a way of casting a pretty big shadow.”

  From across the room, Ethan watched as Emily performed an off-key version of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” with her sister, Kimberly, on the karaoke stage. She’d always been larger than life in Brookhollow and he realized now that keeping her here had been wrong. He’d pushed her away before by making her so unhappy, making her feel trapped in a situation with him. Exactly the way he was feeling now. Would he ever feel the same way about her that he did for Bailey? Had he ever? And would the love he would, without a doubt, have for his child be enough to keep them together?

  “Anyway, I think I’m going to head out,” Mark said, putting his empty beer bottle on the shelf. He turned to Ethan and extended his hand. “Good luck, man. We’ll miss you around here.”

  Ethan accepted the hand and patted Mark’s arm. “Take care of the guys for me, okay?”

  * * *

  AN HOUR LATER, Bailey tugged against the big metal door of the Green Gator, convincing herself she was doing the right thing as she entered the crowded, dark, neon-lit bar. Small round tables were crammed to maximum capacity in the center of the room and private booths lined both walls. Locating Ethan’s group was easy as they’d pushed several large tables together in front of the karaoke stage and hung a long bon voyage banner on the wall above.

  Fighting every last urge to turn around and leave, Bailey made her way to the table, just as Melody Myers took the stage. Within seconds, the sound of her soft, jazzy voice singing an old Janis Joplin tune floated on the air. Bailey turned to watch, still several feet from the party, partly to enjoy the local star’s beautiful voice and partly to prolong joining the group, who’d yet to notice her arrival.

  “You made it,” a deep voice whispered in her ear.

  She turned toward Ethan, who was carrying a tray of drinks. The Green Gator staff consisted of the bartender and owner, T. J. Spencer, so there was only bar service.

  Bailey forced a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Wouldn’t have missed it,” she lied.

  “Drink?” Ethan asked, studying her intently.

  Yes, a strong one. “I’ll get it.” She really wasn’t in a rush to join the others. Being around Ethan was torture. She intended to stay long enough to say she’d made an effort. Long enough to say goodbye.

  “No, really. Please allow me.” He leaned closer and whispered, “Honestly, I’m trying to avoid the party. That’s horrible, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Bailey answered, but unexpected tears sprang to her eyes at the similar situation they found themselves in. She couldn’t decide if she was happy that Ethan was feeling the same way she was or if it just made things worse. Not wanting to break down in front of him, she said, “A drink would be great, thanks.” Then she reluctantly approached the table.

  “Bailey!” Emily shrieked, running over to her as though she was happy to see her. Bailey wasn’t buying the act. “Come on, I saved you a seat.” Emily took her hand and forced her into the chair next to hers.

  “Hi, Bailey,” Kim greeted, glancing up from a textbook on media design.

  “Can you believe it? My baby sister is going to NYU next week,” Emily gushed.

  Kim yawned. “Yes, and I still need to get through this book, so I’m sorry, Em, but don’t count on me for a late night.”

  From the other end of the table, Emily’s cousin Amber and her boyfriend, Chris, waved in greeting, and to her right Dwayne Adams reclaimed his seat. “Ah, just the girl I’ve been looking for,” he said.

  “Me?” Bailey asked in surprise.

  “Yeah, you. I hear you need a new attacker for your self-defense class.” He turned in his seat to face her.

  She hadn’t thought of that. One more thing Emily was taking away from her. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Well, consider the position filled. It’s the least I can do to repay you for volunteering on my pit crew.”

  She scanned the bar for Ethan and her drink. The last thing she wanted to discuss that evening was replacing Ethan in any aspect of her life. He was standing in line at the bar, but he was staring at her. The pained look in his eyes mirrored the one in her chest.

  “Excuse me for a second,” she said, getting up and making her way outside. Coming here had been a bad idea.

  Pushing through the heavy door, she took several deep breaths and sat down on the wooden bench on the small smokers’ patio, grateful it was empty. She needed a few minutes to pull herself together. She kicked her feet free from her sandals and tucked her legs under the bench. How was she going to get through this? Loving Ethan and never being able to have him had been hard enough before, but now that she knew what it felt like to be in his arms, how his lips felt against hers, getting over him was going to be impossible. Her saving grace was that he wouldn’t be in Brookhollow much longer.

  The door to the bar opened and Bailey straightened.

  “You okay?” Ethan asked, walking outside.

  “Just needed some air. It’s stuffy in there.”

  “Mind if I join you?”

  “Where’s Emily?”

  “Singing with Amber,” he said, sitting next to her. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “So—”

  “Don’t,” Bailey interrupted, glancing toward the door of the bar. The last thing she wanted was to discuss the awkward situation they found themselves in with Emily’s return. Moving on and reburying their emerging feelings was the only option.

  “I really think we should talk.”

  “About what?” Did he think this was a problem they could solve? “There’s nothing to talk about, Ethan.” Bailey’s pained expression met his defeated one. “You’re leaving...with Emily.”

  “But...”

  “How can there possibly be a but? You are going to be a father, you are moving to Miami to start a family. There is no but option.” She stood and leaned against the deck railing. He was too close, sitting next to her. She needed some space. “Nothing happened and I’m just relieved that Emily came back before we did something stupid.” The lie stuck in her throat and she lowered her eyes to the ground. Why couldn’t he just let it go? He had to know that in time he would fall back in love with Emily as though nothing had ever happened.

  Ethan stood and placed his hands on the deck railing at either side of her. He bent at the knees to look into her eyes.

  “Something stupid? How about something wonderful, something amazing and real? Those are the words that come to my mind when I think of the two of us together. Which, by the way, is all the time. There’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t think of you, Bailey. Of what could have been.”

  Struggling to breathe, Bailey pushed past him and headed toward her motorcycle. She couldn’t stay any longer. She’d been crazy to think she could get through the evening.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “No, you’re leaving. I’m just going home.” Her heart ached at the hurt on his face. She hoped in time they could both push past the pain and move on. “I’m happy for you both. I just can’t...you know. Tell Emily I wish her and the baby all the best.” She meant that.

  Ethan followed Bailey to her bike. “So that’s it?”

  Bailey hesitated. It no longer mattered that they’d shared a deep connection; it couldn’t develo
p into anything more. There was no point torturing themselves with what might have been.

  “That’s it,” she said firmly, surprising herself with the strength she heard in her voice.

  “Bailey, I—”

  “Don’t.” She put up a hand to stop the words she knew were coming. Words she longed to hear, but which would tear her apart. “Do not tell me you love me when it’s followed by goodbye.” Sliding her helmet on over her loose waves, Bailey put the bike in gear and sped away, fighting to see through the tears burning her eyes.

  * * *

  ETHAN STOOD ON the gravel, watching Bailey drive away, fighting the urge to go after her. She was right. There was no way they could be together. He refused to not be there for Emily and his baby—it just destroyed him that it was at the expense of the woman he truly loved. Running a hand through his hair, he went back inside the bar and slumped onto an empty metal stool, not ready to rejoin the others. So that was it.

  “There you are,” Emily said, coming up behind him. “Where’s Bailey?”

  “Um...she had to go.”

  Emily simply nodded as she climbed onto the bar stool next to him. She studied him in silence for a long moment before she said, “I’m too late, aren’t I? You’ve moved on.”

  Ethan didn’t know what to say. She was, but the disappointed expression on the face of the woman who’d shared so much of his past made his chest hurt. He turned and took her hands in his. Taking a deep breath, he stared into the eyes of the woman he was prepared to spend his life with.

  “Look, I don’t want you to worry, okay? I’m totally committed to you and this baby.” He brushed a stray blond curl from her face.

  “But you don’t love me?”

  Love. What a loaded word. He had loved her, very much. But he realized that over time that love had turned into a comfortable feeling of being safe and knowing where the future was headed. It hadn’t been the gut-wrenching, insomnia-inducing passion he’d experienced with Bailey. He doubted he could ever feel that way again for Emily, but maybe once the baby was born and they’d had time to reconnect, it would be a different kind of love.