Marlin's Faith: The Virtues Book II

by A. J. Downey

  “It hurt thinking I wasn’t worth anything to you. That I was just some sad, pitiful, broken head case that you were trying to help because of guilt, or whatever.”

  Again with those gentle, rough fingers tipping my face forward and back to look up at him. Again with those searching blue eyes, so bright with an inner fire that I ached to warm my cold, broken heart against.

  “That weren’t ever my truth, but I could see how it could be the one you believed. A misunderstanding, Baby Girl. May have been our first but probably won’t be our last.” He punctuated this statement by bringing his lips down to mine, kissing me gently but firmly, stealing my breath away on the sandy shore.

  I ached with such an awful regret for that; for not trying to talk, but the fear was so great that I couldn’t have, even if I had wanted to. I was so tired of being shot down and I was so afraid that it was true, and I didn’t want it to be and it had almost been better not knowing for sure because then at least I could hold the illusion that it was possible, at least for a short while yet.

  Tears spilled along with my explanation and Marlin held me to him, an arm across my back, one hand cradling my head to his chest as he swayed me from side to side, comforting me, calming me as my anxiety had me coming apart.

  “It’s okay, Baby Girl, but that’s exactly why. Why my brothers will protect you. In our world I’ve as good as gone and made you my Ol’ Lady. That means you’re mine. My property; which I know sounds awful to a citizen like you, but if you give me the chance to finish explaining, I will.”

  He searched me out with his eyes, giving me the choice and I shut my mouth and nodded.

  “Okay, so there’s things like my boat, or my clothes. Then there’s my property. That’s a whole other ballgame. For us, we could care less about a boat or a house, or a cage to roll around in. They’re just things. You lose one of them, fuck it,” he shrugged, “You just go buy another or rebuild or do whatever.”

  “Okay, and property?” I asked quietly, understanding beginning to dawn.

  “I will kill a motherfucker for you. I would lay down my life, my limb, tear my still beating heart out of my fuckin’ chest if it would keep you safe and happy. You’re mine to defend. The only things I won’t give up for you is my club and my bike.”

  Again my heart filled to bursting with joy and elation, but I tried to keep enough of a lid on it. I twisted my lips hard to keep from smiling and nodded in what I hoped was a sagely fashion, “You would give up the bike over my dead body,” I said lightly.

  “Oh yeah?” he asked, grinning.

  “Mm, I like it too much.”

  He threw back his head and laughed; a deep, rich and generally overpowering sound that lifted me up even more. He gathered me into his arms and took me off balance, so I had to lean into him to keep from falling. I laughed, and he walked backwards a bit in the direction of Cutter’s house and we kept moving.

  “I wouldn’t want you to give up either of those things,” I said after a time.

  “Yeah? Why not?”

  “Because, I feel safe with you and I think I am beginning to realize, if what you’re saying is true, that it doesn’t stop with you. That I’m safe no matter where I am or where I go because if it’s not you, one of the other men in the club would come, would be there for me.”

  He positively glowed with pride, “That’s exactly it, Baby Girl.”

  “That’s what Hope’s vest means, isn’t it?” I asked. “It’s like that with her and with Cutter.”

  “Yep, that’s exactly what that means.”

  “Except Hope can take care of herself,” I frowned with confusion.

  “So Hope’s cut isn’t the same as what, say, I would give you. If you wore my rag, and you don’t have to, it would mean a lot to me if you would, but if you’re not ready or okay, then you really don’t got to, I…” I put both of my hands over his mouth and pressed to get him to stop talking, laughing lightly that I could make this big giant of a biker spew such stuttering utter nonsense.

  “Stop, just stop!” I cried.

  “What would be the difference between mine and my sister’s what did you call it?”

  “Cut.”

  “Yes, cut, what would be the difference?”

  “Yours wouldn’t have the club’s colors. It was put to a special vote and that’s why she got it. She’s Cutter’s Ol’ Lady, but she’s more ‘n that.”

  “Colors? You mean the octopus patch?”

  It was his turn to laugh, “Kraken, yes, the kraken dragging down the ship.”

  “So what goes there?” I asked.

  “Nothing, it’s usually just left empty.”

  I made a face, “Well that’s boring! You should really consider putting a flower or something pretty there. You know, for the girly girls.”

  “Baby, we’re bikers, it wouldn’t look all that badass and besides that, we don’t usually attract girly girls and when we do, they ain’t much for staying.”

  I thought about that and nodded, we were probably a good ten or so houses away from Cutter’s by now and I sighed inwardly. It was still hard being around a lot of people for me. One or two was about my limit for comfort. I looked down at my hand, fingers linked with Marlin’s. Maybe things were different now, though. I mean, I wasn’t exactly single, now was I?

  I thought about things hard while Marlin idly swung our linked hands between us and came to a decision.

  “I’ll wear it, if you want me to,” I said softly.

  “My cut?” he asked like he almost didn’t believe what he was hearing.

  “Yes.”

  “Property patches and all?”

  “I’m yours, aren’t I?” I asked.

  “As long as you want to be, Baby Girl, and not a moment more. You tell me to fuck off, that’s what I’ll do.”

  I stopped in my tracks, the back stone deck, of Cutter’s house was visible and there were a bunch of The Kraken on it. Some were looking our way, most had a beer or a joint in their hand. The movable metal fire pit had a cheery fire started in it and I realized it was growing dimmer out here.

  “I don’t want you to go, Marlin. I can’t think of anyplace I would rather be than with you.” I looked up at him and his mouth came down on mine, urgent and passionate and I returned the kiss gladly, feeling lighter than I could ever remember.

  Cheers, whistles and howls went up before Cutter’s voice raised, “Knock it off you fuckin’ animals!” he called and there was laughter, but not at me and I couldn’t care.

  “I love you,” he repeated against my mouth but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Not yet, because I couldn’t help but feel like in some ways I was using him and that wasn’t love, or right at all. At least not according to the way my sister had raised me.

  I shoved that unpleasant mix of feelings aside, tucking myself into Marlin’s side as we walked up the beach, towards the house and his brothers, at least in arms, or leather, or whatever. Vowing silently that I would talk with him about that soon, before he could start to worry that everything was totally one sided. I’d sworn to him that I would talk to him; that I would communicate. I trusted him at his word that he would be the calm and rational person he’d displayed thus far and that if he weren’t; because no one was perfect, that nothing would be beyond our fixing because everything he had had me agree to, had sounded so perfectly reasonable.

  I huddled into his side, shyly and we moved among the rest of the guys, each of them smiling, and telling me they were glad I was okay. Some simply smiling bigger and giving me a wink. All of them warm and all of them putting me further at ease. Displaying everything that Marlin had told me. It put me at ease, knowing that this might really be for real and not too good to be true like so many other things I’d encountered in my life.

  It was probably the first night I had spent among them where I truly felt at peace, despite knowing that it would all be shaken up with the long ride back to Louisiana that was supposed to happen the next day.

  Ch
apter 27

  Marlin

  I held Faith close in the dark, and l knew she was awake. She was thinking so loud I could almost hear it and had been at it, staring at the rain pattering against the glass, the blue flashes of light from thundershower illuminating those glittering gems of her eyes. The party had wrapped up pretty quick when the rain had started coming down. The bikes had all been moved, parked in the stone garage on the other side of the house in anticipation of the rain before it’d come, so the guys had all just come in and bunked down where they could. My bike had apparently been brought in the crash truck. Johnny had used my spare set of keys for Cutter and my brothers to get into my garage back at the marina. Sometimes Johnny had some actual fuckin’ sense going on that didn’t revolve around just him. Who knew?

  “What are you thinking about so hard, Baby Girl?” I’d asked, and she shook as if waking from a dream.

  “I feel a lot of things… I’m still trying to sort everything out and I feel almost guilty that I haven’t said ‘I love you too.’”

  “I don’t expect you would, or even that you do, and that’s okay.”

  “It’s not, though. I mean, I feel safe with you, I feel relieved and protected and good when I‘m with you… but does that all equal love, or does it equal ‘I’m using you?’”

  God, it made me smile to hear all that; it really did, despite her second guessing last remark.

  “So what if you are, Faith? Would it make you feel better if I told you that I’m perfectly okay with you using me if it makes you feel safe, relieved, protected, and good? As far as I’m concerned you just told me that you feel loved, and that’s been my goal for something like the last month.”

  “But that’s not fair to you,” she tried to protest.

  “Is so, so don’t sweat it.”

  She scoffed, “How is it fair to you?” she demanded and I kind of liked this little glimpse of confidence I was getting. It meant she really was comfortable with me.

  “Because if I do for you everything that you’re sayin’; that makes me a man, Sweetheart. It means I’m doing everything right as a man and that puts me on top of the fuckin’ world.”

  She exhaled and did what she did that morning, hoisted herself into a sitting position, throwing a leg over my hip and straddling me. Her hands rested lightly on my chest over my heart, which I admit, beat faster when I saw her like this. She looked down at me, my tee slipping off one of her delicate, slim shoulders, her hair framing her face and tumbling loose.

  She was achingly beautiful in the subtle, deep night lighting, even though she was regarding me with a queer look on her face. She leaned down, holding my hair back from my face, hands gentle on the sides of my face, even as her hair curtained us from the rest of the room. Her lips met mine and I kissed her. I couldn’t help that my cock stirred between us, and I had a moment of anxiety that it might turn her off or scare her off of me.

  I must have tensed up or something because she drew back, searching my face with those typically jewel bright eyes, but the lighting, or lack of it in here, did something to them, turning them ghostly and near colorless. They were clear, just held none of that aquamarine hue I loved so much.

  “Sorry, Baby Girl, I ain’t got much control over things like –” she placed her fingertips against my lips to silence me.

  “I know,” she whispered and I cursed myself silently. Seemed she’d been fine with it, but my saying something about it wasn’t okay by her. Too damn late to take it back now. I needed to learn to live in the moment with Faith and let our bodies do the talking when she instigated anything.

  She slipped off my lap and tumbled elegantly to my side, cuddling back in and laying her head on my chest. Her arms took up a defensive posture against her chest and I sighed, wrapping her up in my arms, smoothing a hand up and down her back.

  We both closed our eyes, listening to each other’s breath and the rain pattering down against the window glass. The perfect soundtrack to lead into a deep, restful sleep.

  ***

  The next morning I woke before she did, her head pillowed on my bicep, head tucked beneath my chin. My free arm was curved protectively over her body but I was stiff as hell for not having moved all night. When I tried to extract myself gently, Faith’s eyes flew open; that glorious color returned full force with the daylight.

  “Morning,” I murmured, voice rough with sleep and need for a cigarette. I’d run out the day before but I’d snagged a pack off my boat at the marina last night. They were callin’ my name. It was almost as good as that first cup of coffee to be honest.

  “Hi,” her soft lyrical voice was soft with wonder like she almost couldn’t believe I was here or that she’d slept the whole night through. Truth was she hadn’t, not really. She’d started whimpering and twitching in her sleep, heralding one of her nightmares coming on and I’d done the only thing I could think of. I’d held her and sung Hope Never Dies to her. By some fuckin’ miracle that’d calmed her shit right down and she’d sunk right back down into sleep, pulling herself tight into me, her fingers curling in my hair. I chalked it up as a total win.

  “What time is it?” she asked.

  “By the smell, time for us to get our asses up, dressed and ready to ride. Breakfast is on down there.” She lifted her head and took a deep breath, smiling; bacon made me smile, too.

  Up, showered, dressed for the road, and seated at the table in record time. I pulled Faith into my lap; the giant table in the dining room only held eight where the patio table held a dozen, so all but one seat was taken by a brother. Faith hid behind a curtain of her hair, blushing furiously at the stares and grins and I wrapped my knuckles on the wooden table.

  “I know you fuckers are jealous, I would be too in yer place, but knock it off with the fuckin’ staring. You’re makin’ my girl uncomfortable.”

  Wild laughter met my demand and Faith turned that much redder. I swear, she blushed any harder it’d be to her knees. Hope set a couple of plates down in front of us loaded with bacon, cheesy eggs, and toast and we ate but good.

  Piling out the front door, rucksacks and road gear in hand and over shoulders, I saw we had Stoker along for this ride in addition to Beast, The Captain, Hope, Radar, Lighting, and Atlas. Damn near the whole crew was here. Trike, our Prospect, and Gator who was nursing an ankle injury, were over near the crash truck. Pyro came out the house’s front door and Nothing was pulling in on his bike, new tires on it. Shit, that made pretty much the whole gang then.

  “Alright, listen up!” The Captain bellowed and all eyes went to him. He part and parceled the information we needed out and we listened. Faith fidgeted nearby and Hope caught my eye, giving me a chin lift. I raised an eyebrow and she nodded and I tuned back in to what the Captain was saying.

  After he shut his yap, Hope came over and handed me the cut I’d requested. I shook it out and had a look, smiling. ‘Property Of’ was loud and proud on the top rocker, ‘Marlin’ across the bottom and in the center? Where our colors would be if she were a brother, well it wasn’t quite a rose, but it was something. A marlin fish arching out of the water, fierce. I’d asked the guys last night and they all thought it was a fine idea. No fuckin’ idea how she’d pulled it off so fast, then I realized, it wasn’t a patch but rather embroidered right into the leather. Must have been one of those shopping mall embroidery kiosk deals. Didn’t much care, it looked great and bonus points? The front of the cut was just as good. ‘Faith’ was displayed on the name flash, and opposite on the lower portion of the cut, just like I’d asked, was a red and black A&E band logo patch.

  “It’s beautiful,” Faith said and I looked up from the cut in my hands and over at her, turning my head I held it out for her to slip into. She did and turned obediently, and I zipped up the front. It was ladies cut, again like I’d asked and the sides accentuated her feminine curves. Faith had pretty ample breasts as compared to Hope, and the cut, worn with just a tank or nothing at all would display them to perfection if she were ever so
inclined. I know I hoped to see the day her confidence returned enough for it.

  The guys stood around clapping and cheering for a minute and Faith spent a few minutes blushing fiercely before the Captain told us all, pretty much to stow it and to fall in. Hope was riding herself, not that any of us saw any different coming out of her, and we did as commanded, firing up, following hand signals and getting in our places in the procession.

  I was a little afraid for Faith, both for the long ride and the destination, but being surrounded by all the guys, she seemed a little more at ease with having to go. She had her shades on, so it was hard to read her face but what I could see didn’t hold lines of tension and she didn’t grip me any harder or softer than she usually did which was a good deal.

  The ride was long and pretty punishing with the heat, humidity, and all the riding gear. We were sweatin’ in all that black leather, and the wind didn’t really do shit to cool you off when it got up above ninety degrees. I think all of us were draggin’ some serious fuckin’ ass when we pulled onto the rural highway through Jefferson Parish, heading into the city.

  The plan was to bunk down with the Voodoo Bastards tonight, and meet with the lawyer in the morning. That plan, however, was shot to shit the second we got lit up by the Jefferson Parrish Sherriff cruiser that’d fallen in behind the line. Of course, we weren’t doin’ nothin’ wrong; we never did when we were ridin’ pack like this. It was always best to keep a low profile, and by that I mean minding your P’s and Q’s in regards to speed, signaling, and what have you. Was hard to be considered anything low except ‘life’s’ to citizens when you thundered down the road however many strong.

  We did what we were supposed to by citizen law, and pulled over. The douchebag cop sat in his cruiser running plates, so a lot of us got off our bikes and stretched the stiffness out before the second cruiser pulled up. I guess I couldn’t blame the one cop. When you pulled over a bunch of bikers for no good reason, then you probably wanted more cops to back your play. Faith stood with me, Hope, and Cutter and looked pretty much scared to death.