His Wounded Light

by Christine Brae

  I shrug my shoulders and continue trudging through the sand.

  The house is a split level with four bedrooms on the upper level and two children’s rooms on the lower. Each bedroom has been assigned to one family—the sisters got to choose their room’s location as the architect was drawing up the plans. Isa and I have the room farthest down the hall, overlooking the sea, with ceiling to floor windows and transparently tinted shades. Eddie and the older cousins are sharing a bedroom while Maddy and Pauline are in the designated baby room. I start to panic when I enter the bedroom and she’s not there. Then I notice that the lights are dimmed around the room and lit candles are sprinkled all over the seating area. I make my way to the bathroom and find that it is locked.

  “Isa?” I knock softly. “Are you sick?”

  “No, I’m not!” Her tone is light and airy. “I’ll be right out!”

  I move about the room and undress myself as she peeks her head out the door.

  “Is Eddie here?” she asks, batting her eyelashes invitingly.

  “No, he’s sleeping downstairs with Chelsea and Chris.”

  “Good.”

  She swings the door wide open and I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. She looks like an angel in a white lace top that I swear I can see her soul in and matching lace panties. And her face. She’s got her straight brown hair tied up in a bun with two swirly curl things cascading downwards, framing her jawline. No makeup, just very red, very hot lipstick.

  “I have to talk to you.” She glides over to me and pushes me on the bed.

  “Talk? I don’t want to talk,” I protest, trying to grab hold of her hips.

  She straddles me and grinds herself against me, bending down so I can see her in all her glory as she tantalizes me with those red lips. She kisses me hungrily, smearing the red lipstick all over me. When she pulls away, I try to keep her down but she stops me and laughs. She takes her thumbs and wipes the red marks off my mouth. “Sorry!”

  “Why are you sorry? Come here, kiss me some more.”

  “No. A, wait, I have something for you.” Every outfit she wears is always too small for her full breasts. This one’s no different. As soon as she bends down, I can see them dying to spring out of their constricting material. She starts giggling. “No, there’s something in there. You’re supposed to pull it out.”

  I’m confused as hell. Well, my brain is no longer working and she wants me to figure stuff out?

  “Oh,” I say as I pull her straps down. A small piece of paper falls out of her deep, lovely cleavage.

  “Open it,” she commands.

  I unfold the slip of paper and read it:

  I am speechless for what feels like an entire minute.

  “Ha!” I finally exclaim. “Thank you,” I whisper. “What happened? Why did you change your mind?”

  She slowly pushes me down on the bed, spreading my arms and holding them down. She trails her lips down my chest, to my stomach, to my thighs, pausing as she plants little kisses along the way. “Because.” Kiss. “You only live once.” Kiss. “And I want you to really live. Without fear.” Kiss. “Without worries.” Kiss. “I want you to be happy.”

  She takes me into her mouth. First the tip, then working her way down until I can feel the back of her silky throat. She’s sure had a lot of practice; it seems like she gets better and better each time. She lets out a moan and angles her head to look up at me.

  “I am happy. Even without this,” I rasp, though I hold her head to me as I pump myself inside her mouth. I can’t help but groan. I’m at a loss for coherency. Her lips, her mouth, her hands are all over me.

  “Live your life and I’ll be waiting for you at the end of every day. You can count on that.” She brings her head up as she speaks and there are tears in her eyes.

  I lift her up by the shoulders and bring her back up to my face. “Oh, baby. Come here for a minute.” I sit up and arrange her on my lap, facing me. We embrace and hold each other for a long time, her breasts pressed against my chest and her legs wrapped around my waist. I take her face and hold it close, so that our foreheads and noses are touching. She’s first to break the silence. I know she wants to lighten up our mood.

  “So, pretend you just finished a few laps and now you have to do number three,” she mutters, her voice low and sexy.

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  I position her slightly above me and slip so easily into her. She’s always ready for me. There’s never a time that she isn’t. She moves up and down and back and forth and the friction is driving me crazy. She leans back and rests against her hands on the bed, making it easy for me to thrust in and out of her.

  “Oh, God, you feel so good, Alex. I’m so close. I’m gonna...ahh—Alex!” she howls as I feel her contract and squeeze me tighter. Seconds later, she collects herself. “Don’t come yet,” she demands as she eases me out and creeps up the bed to grab a condom from the drawer. She unwraps it expertly and rolls it down my...well, on me.

  “You want it nice and tight, baby?” she asks as she straddles me once again. She rubs some lubricant on me and I do the same for her with my finger. She guides me to her other entrance, controlling how much of me she takes in, easing me slowly, carefully inside until I stretch her to the max, filling her completely. She starts to move up and down, the sensation is so intense I don’t know how long I can last.

  “Oh Isa, yes, I can really feel you around me.”

  She picks up the speed of her movement, the sound coming from her throat primal and raw. “Come for me, Alex. I want all of you.”

  That’s all I need to hear before I go cross-eyed and explode in a million fucking pieces. I come so hard and so much that I’m still pulsating as she rips off the condom, falls onto her back, and takes the rest of my release in her. I fall asleep right where I am, my head on her shoulder, my body inside her, my heart and soul in her hands.

  ***

  “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.”

  —Gerard Way

  Two days after our trip to the beach house, I’m at the race track testing the new wheels. Man, it can fly. Leigh and I decide to rent the track for the entire evening; we get the most unbelievable high on these babies. Smooth, responsive, zero to 100 miles an hour in three seconds flat. The feeling is unreal. And I’m so lucky that my wife is truly okay with this.

  That first night on the track, I dial our home number as I pull up into the driveway.

  “Baby, are you on the way home?”

  “Come outside.”

  “Why? What happened? Are you okay?”

  “Just come outside.”

  I watch as she dashes out the front door and runs down the front steps to the driveway. She pulls open the car door and sees me fully reclined on my seat. Her furrowed brows relax as her lips turn up into a smile.

  “Just thought we could do condition number three in here. Tonight. Christen the car and seal the deal?”

  “Oh yes!” she exclaims as she steps over the middle console to drape her body over mine.

  I’m in the car of my dreams making love to the woman of my dreams. It can never get any better than this.

  Sundays at the track after mass have become a normal routine for our family in the past few weeks. I paid good coin to get Isa, Eddie and Maddy special access to the sky box. Sometimes, Isa insists on watching from the stands, but I have to admit that I feel safer with them levels above the track. I’ve gotten a few scrapes and scratches from friction burns or minor bumps—Isa points them out to me when she finds them on my body. Sometimes I want to play them up so that she fusses about me, but I don’t even notice them, to be honest. She’s at ease with things now, although I think those dreams still plague her on some occasions, because I’ll feel her snuggled tight against me in the middle of the night. Or she’ll reach out and take my hand as she lays awake for a few minutes. She’s also been feeling sick from the pregnancy, but she’s so strong and persevering that
our routines and the children’s schedules are business as usual for her. We still haven’t told anyone, but since we’re right at the safe mark I’m excited to share our wonderful news with the family.

  It’s a Thursday night in July and I’m packing up from work to head out to the track for a practice run. Leigh and a couple of friends are meeting me there. The weather forecast calls for thunderstorms but we figure we would get a few rounds in and then head home once the rain starts falling. I pick up the phone when my private line rings. Penny is gone for the day.

  “Hi.” I sit at the edge of my desk, fumbling with the receiver while straightening up my desk. I think I’m going to stay home to spend the day with Eddie tomorrow. He wants to check out some new gaming upgrades for his computer and I promised I would take him to look at them. Maybe we can all spend the weekend at the beach. Work has me keeping odd hours these days and I miss my family.

  “Hi, darling. Just wanted to hear your voice before you leave for the track. I’ve asked the cook to make dinner so you can have something to eat when you get home. Eddie and I are heading out to band practice.”

  “Sounds good. What time will you guys get back?”

  “Not until 9ish maybe? I might take Maddy with me just to get her out of the house.”

  “I’ll be home by then. I won’t be long—if I didn’t promise the guys I’d be there, I would’ve passed on it tonight. I’m really tired.” I catch myself. “This has nothing to do with #3.”

  She laughs. “Okay, I’ll be waiting for you at home. Be safe.”

  “I will.”

  “Alex?”

  “Yes, baby?”

  “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too.”

  Just as I hang up, Leigh walks in the door. “Ready?”

  He had a meeting in my building today and so we’re able to head out together. I swing my messenger bag over my shoulder and start walking towards the door.

  Leigh exaggerates a mortified look on his face. “Diggin’ that man purse you’re wearing, dude.”

  “Gift from Isa, man. Shut up, it does its job.”

  We’re stuck among a sea of cars on the way to the track. Sublime is playing in the background as Leigh maneuvers through the tangled mess of traffic. “Cain was at my meeting today,” he says casually, turning to see my reaction.

  “That’s nice.” I keep looking ahead just as a thought crosses my mind. “What the hell is Cain wanting to do that has anything to do with an ad agency?”

  “Some shopper retail for his food chains.” He bangs on his steering wheel as another car tries to cut him off. “Dumbass!” he yells, then immediately calms down and keeps driving. He has skillfully managed to get us back in flowing traffic.

  “I still can’t believe the night we saw him at the charity event. He was hitting on my wife right before my very eyes!” I’m trying to get a reaction from him. Something. I don’t succeed.

  “Bro, he really wasn’t. You’re a paranoid freak. You need to get over it,” Leigh says, keeping his eyes on the road.

  What does he know? He married his high school sweetheart. “Well, you were so busy socializing that you just didn’t notice.”

  “Which is what you should have been doing instead of focusing on Isa and someone she went out with ages ago,” he says irritably.

  “I don’t know. Let’s just talk about something else. How did Betty survive with Mike being away?”

  “She missed him terribly, but Pauline kept her too busy to dwell on it. My little girl’s a handful. She’s an even greater ball of energy than her older sister. Three girls in the house are enough to drive me crazy.” We both laugh.

  “Maddy’s that way. Isn’t it funny how every child has a different part of us? They grow up too quickly; I wished they would slow down a little bit.”

  “Yeah. We’re getting too old, dude.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  We pull up to the parking lot and Leigh parks the car; we both jump out to retrieve our stuff from the trunk. The clouds look dark, but nothing alarming. We walk to the garage where our cars are parked and stored.

  “So you’re driving Angie home tonight?” Leigh asks as we start strapping into our gear. A few more guys are warming up on the track. We named her Angie because she’s tempting and hot, just like Angelina Jolie.

  I nod my head as I shut the shield on my helmet and march towards my car. “A couple of rounds, and then I’m heading home. See you out there.”

  The first lap around the track is nice and easy. I’m warming Angie up and trying to get my bearings. Anyone who’s ever been in a car so sleek and powerful knows the thrill and exhilaration of speed. I’m confident and ready to go as I turn on to start my second lap. I glance at the speedometer and I’m clocking 140 mph, all good. A few seconds later, as I approach a hairpin corner, a huge bolt of lightning touches ground right in front of me, followed by a deafening clap of thunder. A deluge of rain blinds me for a moment and before I can react, I’ve hit the two tractor tires lined up against the embankment. My front wheels catch and I’m airborne. I can see myself in slow motion as the car flips in the air, hits the ground and bounces back up.

  It’s all happening so slowly, I have time to reflect and pray. The glove box pops open and our folded Terms and Conditions tumbles out; I see myself as a little child, jumping into the pool without water, my trip to Rome, our hotel in Greece, my childhood home in Boston. I see Eddie in my arms just as he is born and my beautiful Maddy baby in her stroller.

  “Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee.”

  And then I see her. I see her and the stillness takes me over. I see her resplendent face, her flawless body, her flowing hair, her soulful eyes, her elegant fingers.

  All I see is her.

  I see her everywhere and in everything.

  And then I see nothing.

  ***

  ***

  “Isa, when we see each other again, whether it’s tomorrow or next week or years and years from now. Whenever you see me. Look into my eyes from across the room wherever I am, wherever you are, and know that I LOVE…YOU. That’s never going to change. Look into my eyes now and feel it. It will always be only you, no matter what, no matter when.”

  —Jesse to Isabel, The Light in the Wound

  Man, am I exhausted. I just got from a business trip and am trying to wind down in front of my TV. Rose is in the kitchen whipping up something for us to eat. I haven’t seen her in a week and I’m slowly admitting to myself that I’m glad she’s here, that we’re living together and engaged to be married. Everything has just been so crazy in the past year that we seem to keep waffling on a date. It will happen soon. I love her. If you knew my life, you would understand how just saying those three words is a huge deal for a guy like me. I’ve been stuck in limbo for too many years, pining over a woman I can never have. And while it’s taken me a long time to accept things as they are, I think I finally have. And I’m not blowing this if it means cutting down on my busy schedule to make room for wedding planning and baby planning and whatever the hell else she wants.

  I glance away from the television briefly to watch her as she moves around the kitchen. She’s a very pretty girl—jet black hair and round wide eyes, darker olive skin, long and lean but well built in the right places. Her looks, her demeanor, her mannerisms are nothing like Isabel’s. For one, she’s a jeans and sneakers kind of girl. She loves the outdoors, is fascinated by haunted houses, and teaches belly dancing. She’s a spitfire who doesn’t hesitate to tell it like it is. And maybe that’s what I need. I need a change. Thinking about Rose makes me want to touch her, so I walk over to the kitchen, sneak up behind her and pull her towards me. She’s always so sweet and willing; she immediately turns around to face me, giving me free access to her mouth.

  We’re suddenly interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I’m probably the only guy in the world that doesn’t have a ringtone; it’s the standard beeping sound that comes with every
cell phone. I don’t know. I’ve always been a no frills kind of guy, I guess. No amount of material success has been able to change that functional side of me. I give her a quick peck on the lips before I pull away to answer it.

  “Jesse Cain.” I didn’t get a chance to screen who it was through caller ID.

  “Dude. It’s Ryan. Are you home?”

  “Just arrived an hour ago from New York. What’s up?”

  “Turn your TV on and go to Channel 9 local news. Call me later.” He hangs up before I can even say anything.

  I spin around to grab the remote and walk towards the couch while speaking to Rose. “Ryan just told me to turn on the news.”

  I miss the beginning of the segment but I see a reporter standing right outside Forbes Memorial Hospital. Okay. I’m not sure how this relates to me. I turn the volume up and then I make the connection.

  “We are here on location at Forbes Memorial Hospital, where just an hour ago, Alex Ailey, renowned businessman and owner of Ailey Industries, was rushed after being injured in a serious racing accident. There is still no word on his condition, but minutes ago, a distraught Isabel Amarra-Ailey was seen pulling up to the entrance and running through the doors to be with her husband. Channel 9 has learned that he is currently undergoing emergency surgery. Our crew will remain here to keep you apprised of any updates as the night progresses. From Channel 9 News, this is David White.”

  Rose is standing behind me with a kitchen towel in her hands. We both look at each other, not sure what to say.

  “Are we ready for dinner?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

  She nods her head mechanically and goes back to the kitchen to set the table. I follow her there and we sit down to eat in silence.

  “You should probably call or check on her sisters, maybe?” Rose says quietly, her voice showing genuine concern.

  “I’ll wait until tomorrow. I’m sure they’re all at the hospital with her now.” Her. In the Cain dictionary, that simply refers to Isabel Amarra, former love of my life.