“Can I ask you something?”
Mom stopped loading the dishwasher and turned to face her. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”
“The same thing that’s been on my mind for all these years.” Emily pushed a strand of hair from her face. “Why do you think things worked the way they did? Why her instead of me?”
Mom shook her head. “Are you still feeling guilty? After all these years?” She crossed the kitchen and embraced Emily. “Honey, sometimes things don’t make sense to us. Don’t you think I’ve spent countless hours asking God why He had that particular path intended for Holly? But I know in my heart there was a reason.” She smoothed Emily’s hair. “I’ve accepted it. That doesn’t mean I like it. It doesn’t mean I want to forget Holly. But it means that I know she is where God wants her to be.” She kissed Emily’s forehead. “She’s with Him. At peace.”
Emily wiped a tear away but didn’t say anything.
“And that gives me peace. I hope you can find that for yourself.”
Emily shrugged. “I’m trying. I think I’ve spent a lot of years much angrier than I realized. I guess that seems really dumb.”
Mom shook her head. “No. It sounds like someone who’s having a hard time accepting the loss of her first friend. You girls were so close. Oh, how I miss hearing the two of you laughing together. Since you were tiny, it almost seemed like you spoke the same weird language that the rest of us didn’t understand.” She smiled. “But I’ve had to learn to be thankful that I have those wonderful memories.”
“We were pretty funny.” Emily managed a grin.
Mom nodded. “And someday I hope you have two wonderful girls of your own so you can experience the blessing I did.”
“We’ll see.” Emily hugged her mom. “But you know when that happens it will mean you’re a grandma, right?”
Mom raised an eyebrow. “We’ll negotiate on that name.”
Emily laughed.
“You’d better get your stuff together so you can get to your grandma’s and get some sleep. If we’re going to hit some stores tomorrow for Black Friday, you need your rest.”
Emily met her mother’s blue eyes. “I was thinking maybe I’d stay here. In my old room. If that’s okay.”
Mom blinked back tears. “That’s more than okay.”
***
“Something’s not right.” The panic in Sarah’s voice sent shivers up Andrew’s spine. “She’s running a fever and all she wants to do is sleep. I thought for sure she’d want to see her friends or at least get reunited with her toys, but all she wants to do is lay on the couch.” They’d had a nice Thanksgiving yesterday, but this morning Mary Kate hadn’t wanted to do any more visiting.
“What do you want to do?” Andrew asked. “Take her to Jackson to the hospital there?”
Sarah shook her head. “Her fever is only a hundred and one. I don’t want to take her to a strange hospital unless I have to. Can you call Emily? She might have some advice.”
He nodded. “Of course.” He dialed Emily’s number and explained the situation.
“When are y’all planning to go back to Memphis?” Emily asked.
Andrew sat down in his dad’s recliner. “We’d planned on coming back tomorrow. But we can come today if you think that would be better.”
“If you think she can rest comfortably in the car, I’d take her back to Memphis today. There’s a number Sarah can call at St. Jude and they’ll be able to tell her whether to take her to the hospital today or not. My guess is that they will definitely want to see her tomorrow if not tonight. Keep monitoring her fever. That will probably be the deciding factor.”
He cleared his throat. “Okay. I’ll tell Sarah.”
“If you end up going to the hospital, let me know and I’ll meet you there. I’m not on duty or anything, but I’d be glad to sit with you if you want me to.”
Andrew smiled. “Everything still going okay there?” They’d spoken yesterday, and she’d seemed to be having a good time at home.
“Yes. Mom and I did some shopping this morning, although not at three a.m. like some people.” She chuckled.
“I’m glad you’re spending time with your mom. I know that’s long overdue.”
Emily sighed. “It sure is. I wish I’d have realized it sooner.”
“But you’re there now, and that’s what counts.” Andrew said his good-byes and went to find Sarah. They needed to go ahead and get the car loaded up.
Chapter Twenty
The next day, Emily drove across the Mississippi River Bridge that served as a link between Arkansas and Memphis. For the first time in a long time she didn’t feel relieved that a large river separated her from her past.
The time she’d spent with her parents and grandmother had really made her consider the path her life seemed to be on. Could she put away her anger and learn to trust that God really did have a plan?
Just before she left this morning, Grandma had slipped a note into her hand. “I think this will help,” she’d said with a wink.
Emily had opened the folded paper once she got into her car. In her grandmother’s shaky handwriting, she read: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5.
Could she accept that maybe there were some things she’d never understand? It might be difficult, but she was certainly going to try.
She pulled into the parking lot at St. Jude and read the scripture one more time. It spoke to her heart. It had been a long time since she’d spent time studying the scriptures. She’d memorized this one at a long ago Vacation Bible School, but the idea had been long forgotten as she’d tried to turn her back on her faith.
But somehow she kept coming back to it.
She carefully put the note in her purse and hurried in the building to find Andrew.
He jumped up from the waiting room chair as soon as he saw her come through the door. “Sarah’s with Mary Kate right now. They’re admitting her to ICU.”
Emily sighed and sank down into one of the chairs. “Has anyone told you what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “No. We called last night, but by the time we got to Memphis, her fever had gone down. We were hoping it was just some kind of twenty-four hour bug. But this morning, her fever was back up, so Sarah brought her right in.” He sat down next to her. “I wanted to give Sarah some time with Mary Kate and figured I’d wait out here for you.”
She took his hand. “They will do all they can to help her. And I’m back on the rotation tomorrow, so I’ll be able to care for her then.”
“I know. She just looked so small and frail.” He looked at her with panic in his eyes. “What if she doesn’t make it? I don’t know that Sarah could survive that loss.” He sighed. “I don’t know if I could, either.”
Emily swallowed hard and tried to make the lump in her throat go away. She thought of her own mom who’d spent years hiding her own grief so the rest of the family could heal. “I’ve worked here for a long time. You would be amazed at how resilient kids can be. I’ve seen kids walk in sicker than you can even fathom and leave with their health restored.”
“But there are no guarantees.”
She squeezed his hand. “There are no guarantees on anything. None of us came with a warranty. I’ve had something of an epiphany over this past week. We might think there’s no rhyme or reason to the things that happen to us and to those around us. But there is. I used to feel like there was someone standing with a dartboard, just throwing darts at all of us. Saying stuff like ‘you get cancer’ and ‘your husband leaves you’ and ‘your company goes under’ and things like that. Just haphazardly throwing darts and letting them fall where they may.” She shook her head. “But from now on, I’m going to trust that there’s a little more to it than that. That God knows what He’s doing and all I can do is trust Him and have faith in Him.”
Andrew looked at her with wide eyes. “I’ve always believed that. Sometimes it’s hard though. When so much bad stuff ha
ppens that I can’t understand or explain.”
“I spent the past week praying for my grandmother. It gave me a peace that I’ve been missing. Now we need to start praying for Mary Kate.”
“But what if the outcome isn’t the way we want? What happens to your epiphany then?” He didn’t say it with any malice, but it still hurt a little.
“You have a valid point, and I don’t blame you for saying that. It’s much easier to claim to have faith when things are going well. But I think the time you need it the most is when it’s the hardest—when things aren’t going your way. I’ve spent the better part of a decade wandering around, lost. Trying to find my way back. And now that I have, I’m not losing that faith again.” Emily chewed on her bottom lip for a second. “Here’s what I’ve decided. Sometimes we think God is ignoring us because prayers aren’t answered the way we think they should be. And that’s not the case.” She shook her head. “I prayed and prayed that God would make Holly better. I mean, I begged and pleaded and cried and tried to make bargains.”
Andrew nodded. “And yet your prayers weren’t answered your way.”
“No. They weren’t. But they were answered God’s way. In some ways, I was praying a selfish prayer. I was praying I would get to keep my sister. Even if it meant she was in pain and locked away in her room taking a million pills and miserable. I didn’t care. I wanted her here with me.” She shook her head. “But in Holly’s case, God wanted her with Him. Free of pain. Healthy. Whole.” She smiled. “I finally, after all these years, can be happy for her. For where she is and the peace she has now. I can feel happy for her instead of only focusing on my loss.”
“You went away for a few days and came back with a whole new perspective.”
Emily gave him a tiny smile. “Not quite. My outlook has been slowly changing, and it’s taken me a long time to get to this point. But yes, this week has been a turning point.”
“I’m glad. You seem more at peace now. Your whole demeanor is different.”
“I hope it is. I never realized how exhausting it was to stay angry and in a constant state of bitterness.” She stood. “And I don’t want to go back to that again. Ever.”
Andrew rose from the chair. “I’m glad things are working out for you. Now let’s go see how Mary Kate is doing.”
Emily gripped his hand and offered a silent prayer as they walked down the long hallway.
***
Andrew paced outside of Mary Kate’s room after school on Monday. He’d offered to take a personal day and stay at the hospital, but Sarah had insisted he go on to work.
Sarah peeked her head out the door. “She’s sleeping right now.” Her face was drawn and tired. “And Mom and Dad are on their way.” Their parents had stayed in Laurel because their grandmother had a doctor’s appointment this morning.
“Good. I know they were worried.”
Sarah stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind her. “Me, too.” She collapsed into a chair outside the door.
“Has Emily been by today?” he asked.
Sarah nodded. “Yeah. She wanted to check and see if I needed anything. I got to talk to her for a few minutes. She certainly knows how to put patients and their families at ease.”
“She’s pretty talented that way.” He glanced down at his sister. “What’s the diagnosis?”
She shook her head. “Some kind of infection. She’s taking IV antibiotics and a couple of other things to help boost her immune system. But everyone is very upbeat and they’ve told me that this kind of thing isn’t uncommon.”
He clasped her on the shoulder. “That’s good.”
“If she keeps improving, she’ll be out of ICU by tomorrow. The doctor will be by in a bit and I’ll know more.”
Andrew nodded. “I’ll keep praying. And I put her on the prayer list at church yesterday and today they said a special prayer for her in chapel.” One of Andrew’s favorite parts of his workday was the daily chapel service. For thirty minutes each day, schoolwork and activities stopped, and everyone met for a short period of worship. Even though the students sometimes grumbled about it, Andrew knew that someday that would be one of the things they looked back on fondly.
“Thank you for doing that.” She rubbed her eyes. “Maybe taking her home for Thanksgiving wasn’t such a great idea. I can’t help but blame myself.”
Andrew knelt down next to her. “Come on, sis. Don’t do that. She was so happy to be back home, even for just a couple of days. Chances are, she would’ve been sick even if we’d stayed here. And you said yourself that this is common and the doctor thinks she’ll be fine.”
“Maybe.”
He nudged her. “No ‘maybe’ about it. Plus it was good for you to spend some time with your friends. You have to take care of yourself, too. If not for you, then for Mary Kate. She needs her mama to be healthy.”
Sarah narrowed her eyes. “Don’t start.”
“Get out of the hospital for a little while. I’ll stay here.”
She shook her head.
“Sarah. Come on. You can’t keep on going this way.” He reached out and smoothed her hair. “Mom and Dad will be here soon and between them and me, we can take care of things here.”
“I can’t leave her.” She blinked back tears. “What if she wakes up? I want to be here if she does. She’ll be looking for me.”
Andrew sighed. Sarah had always been stubborn. Although she had a point. “Well, at least go to your room and rest. I’ll sit here. If anything changes, I’ll call you.” There were parent rooms on the ICU floor so parents could be near their children around the clock.
“Are you sure you don’t mind? I think if I could nap for just thirty minutes I would feel like a whole new person.”
Andrew grinned. “I don’t mind. And I don’t want you to be a whole new person. Just you, only rested.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Promise you’ll come get me if anything happens? If you so much as see a doctor look like he’s thinking about going to her room, call me.”
“Of course.”
He watched his sister walk toward her room. Lord, please be with Sarah. She’s dealt with so much over the past few years. Please heal Mary Kate and let the two of them return home.
Andrew said a silent “amen” and sat down in the chair to wait.
Chapter Twenty-One
The first Saturday in December dawned bright and clear. Emily pulled on the outfit she’d laid out last night and pinned her race bib to her T-shirt. It was hard to believe it was already race day. After six months of training, Emily still had butterflies in her stomach as she made her way to the FedExForum, which served as the starting point for the race.
Was she ready?
She hurried past a group of racers and saw Andrew standing at their designated meeting spot. A series of balls lined the sidewalk in front of the Forum, and they’d chosen to meet at the soccer ball.
His eyes lit up as he spotted her. “Check it out!” He pulled on his T-shirt where the words I run for Mary Kate were emblazoned across his chest.
“Awesome,” she said.
He turned around so she could see the picture of a smiling Mary Kate, her prized blue scarf on her head. “It turned out great, don’t you think?” he asked, turning to face her.
She nodded. “Has she seen it?”
“Not yet. I’m just thankful she’s well enough to come out to cheer.” She’d left the hospital a few days ago and was back at Target House.
Emily grinned. “Me, too. I saw her a couple of days ago and she seemed to be feeling great.” She looked at her watch. “I hope Suzanne didn’t oversleep. She was supposed to meet us here five minutes ago.”
“Parking is kind of a zoo, so she’s probably just caught in traffic,” Andrew said. Between the marathon, half-marathon, and 5K, more than 16,000 runners crammed into the streets and parking spaces of downtown Memphis.
“We need to get to the starting line in a few minutes.” She sighed. “With or without Suzann
e. I think I’ve told you before that she’s always late.” She stretched her arms over her head. “I promised Nick that I’d make sure Suzanne wasn’t late to their wedding. He said that as long as she showed up and they left the church married, he’d wait on her for as long as he needed to.”
“Good man.” Andrew grinned. “That wedding’s coming up soon, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “Less than a month to go now.” It was hard to believe it was getting so close.
Andrew bent over to touch his toes. “You already warmed up?”
“Yep. I got up extra early so I could walk over. I consider the walk my warm up.” She fumbled with her iPhone. “I stayed up way late last night making the perfect playlist.”
He laughed. “You think it will propel you to victory?”
“If by victory you mean making it across the finish line before they close the course, then yes.” She grinned. “Oh, there she is.”
Suzanne jogged over to where they stood. “Sorry I’m late, y’all. Traffic was crazy, and I forgot they’d have so many streets closed already.”
“Is Nick coming to watch?” Andrew asked.
Suzanne nodded. “He’ll be near mile three I think.” She grinned. “And Jade will be over by the zoo. I think it’s like mile eight or nine. She said to smile when we run past there because she’ll have her camera.”
Emily groaned. “I’m pretty sure by mile eight or nine, I won’t be photo friendly. But leave it to Miss Yearbook Editor to want to capture the moment.” They often gave Jade a hard time for being the unofficial photographer for all of their life events.
“And look for Sarah and Mary Kate. They’ll be along the route by the St. Jude campus. I promised to slow way down so Mary Kate can see her picture on my shirt.” Andrew grinned.
Emily watched him with pride. His obvious devotion to his niece was endearing. “Let’s go.” They walked the short distance to the starting line.
“I’ll see y’all at the end,” Andrew said with a smile. He headed toward his corral. His pace was a little faster than the one Emily and Suzanne ran, so he’d be starting with a different group.
Can't Help Falling in Love (Memphis Moments Book 2) Page 12