Downward Spiral

by Bria Starr

  I park my Chevy Altima behind the building and unlock the back door. The kitchen is on my left, my office to the right, and the dining area straight ahead down the long hallway. I enter my office and close the door, putting my personal items away, and going through my emails.

  After calling and setting up an appointment at the place Laura referred me to, I find myself wandering out to the open dining area, like usual. I watch to make sure everything is intact; friends meeting, families gathering, couples dating. Hostesses hosting, waitresses hustling, and cooks cooking without a hitch. I smile big as I walk around. Throwing greetings, compliments, and subtle chit chat to some of the customers. Many of the same faces I so often see. I do love my job.

  Halfway through my shift, I sneak back into the kitchen and swipe a small bowl full of fresh fruit. I look over at Dominic as he gives me the evil eye.

  “Shh, you didn’t see anything, Dom.” I pop a grape into my mouth, chew it up a little bit, and open my mouth to show it to him. His stern look breaks as he laughs. Dominic is a thirty-year-old man from Ecuador. He can speak English pretty well since he’s lived here for the past twenty years. And the man can cook like a motherfucker.

  “Fine, I see nothing!” He throws his arms up in the air and heads back over to his prep table.

  I smile. “That’s what I thought. I’ll come back in a bit and help you wash some more if you want.” I grab another large spoonful and add them to my bowl before disappearing back into my office. I set it down and pull out my water bottle and book from the bottom drawer. Sixty minutes of peace and quiet.

  Fifteen minutes into my steamy read, there’s a knock at the door. “Yes?”

  DeAnn pops her perfectly curled head of short blonde hair in. “Someone’s asking for you out front.”

  “What’s the matter? What happened?”

  “Nothing that I know of. I assume it’s a friend of yours?” She’s unsure because she knows I don’t really have any friends besides Laura, and she knows her well from the time she used to work here.

  I walk out to the dining room and look around for a face of recognition. DeAnn comes up behind me and points towards the far window in the back. There’s a small group of teens sitting there, your typical high school crowd. They’ve always seemed to favor this exact table throughout the years.

  I approach them and smile. “What can I help you with today?”

  “Is that her?” I hear one of the other girls ask her. I look over at her but she’s looking at the girl in the middle who is wearing a smirk on her face.

  I politely ask again, “Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Are you her?” she slyly replies.

  “I’m the manager here. Is there a problem with your order?” I motion to their half-eaten plates of food.

  “Are you the hero?”

  I stiffen. “I’m no hero. Just a manager.” I want to smack that snotty look off of her face, but I continue to smile.

  “I just wanted to see you. We all did. You’re nothing special.”

  My patience is running thin. “No, I’m really not,” I reassure her.

  Her eyes darken and her lip curls up in a grin as she quietly says, “You know he’s going to come back for you, don’t you?”

  My body stiffens and I fold my arms across my stomach, suddenly feeling like I’m going to vomit. “If that’s all you wanted, I have work to do. Enjoy your meal.” I smile as I turn away and walk through the restaurant, trying not to run and draw attention to myself. When I hit the hallway, I scurry, the tears starting to form.

  “Fucking kids,” I whisper after I shut my door. I squeeze my eyes shut and take a few deep breaths. It’s been a long time since anyone has dared harass me. But never here. I’ve gotten the occasional comments and questions, but no one brings it up anymore. It’s been six months for crying out loud.

  Chapter 2

  “Why are you so pissy?” Laura asks me.

  “I’m not.” I set my keys down on the counter and start sifting through the mail.

  “You look it.”

  “I’m fine. Just some assholes at the restaurant earlier today. I’m over it now.”

  “Obviously,” she says, rolling her eyes.

  I give her a look. “Don’t you have to go to work or something?”

  “Yeah. You want to go into town and do something tomorrow?”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know, something. Anything. We can go out to eat, go to a movie, shop. What do normal people do?”

  “First of all, we’re not normal. And second, you don’t shop.”

  “I could use a few new shirts.”

  “Fine, we’ll do all of the above. You wanna go to town or should we go to a mall somewhere? Oh, how about Oaker Outlet, that new outdoor mall?”

  “Yeah, that works. We’ll head out when you get home?” she asks, grabbing her green hobo bag and throwing it over her shoulder.

  “Sounds perfect. Have a good night, Laura.”

  “See ya.”

  The door closes and I hear the sound of the lock clicking. I grab my small stack of mail and head to my room, tossing it on the top of my dresser. I remove my work clothes that always smell like stale food when I get home, the smell makes me a little sick, and put on my running clothes. I grab my iPod, phone, and key to the apartment, then put them into the hidden pocket in my new Speed Shorts—best invention ever—before heading out and hitting the pavement.

  As I round the corner of the fire department, signaling that I’ve already run two miles, I en route myself back home the same way I came. Somehow my mind is free whenever I run. That’s probably why I try to do it more often than not. I’m not what you would call an avid runner, but I enjoy running outside as often as I can.

  I slow down and catch my breath as I make my way toward the bottom of the steps that lead up to my building. I’m feeling a little better now that all that negative energy has been burned off. The teens are nothing more than a distant memory that I have pushed away with the rest of the bad things I think about, hoping they never resurface.

  ***

  The next day, we hop inside Laura’s red pickup truck that she’s had for at least eight years. I have to remove the stack of papers sitting on the front seat and set them on the floor before I’m able to sit down. Typical messy Laura.

  On the way there, she tells me about some of the recent tattoos she’s designed and the meanings behind them. Although some of them make me incredibly sad, I enjoy hearing about all of them, and I’m always pleased when she shares them with me.

  We pull into the mall parking lot and try to find an empty spot. It’s pretty hectic for a Wednesday evening, but it’s new so it’s expected to be busy until all the hype goes down.

  “I think we should try and park in the middle, so we’re not walking all the way back when we’re done.” “Sounds good to me,” I agree as she pulls in and shuts her truck off. I can’t help the excitement from slipping out; it’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten out to do something. I’ve become a bit of a hermit. Laura sighs and starts walking with me.

  “Oh stop. You know you’re just as excited as I am to go shopping.” She shakes her head at me and we head towards the first store.

  About halfway through the shopping trip, my stomach growls. “I’m starving.”

  “Me too. Where should we eat?”

  We settle on a soup and sandwich place, and as we make the stretch over, people seem to be coming in and out of that place like a swarm of bees. We start crossing the street and that’s when I see him. I blink hard and look again as my heart leaps into my throat. His hair is different—he’s had the same moppy hair since the sixth grade when I first met him, but now it’s short and styled. He’s wearing fitted light blue jeans with a tight black shirt, and most definitely works out.

  His baby blue eyes latch onto my own. You would think a million different horrible memories of that night would come flooding through my mind, but they don’t. Instea
d, the world around him becomes a blur and he is my only focus. My heart starts beating and I’m flushed with warmth throughout my body.

  “Holy shit,” Laura mumbles under her breath.

  “Yeah,” I respond quietly as I try to hide a smile.

  “Holy shit is right.”

  Our paces slow as we approach each other while people scurry around us.

  “Hi, Paige.” He smiles at me, the sunlight dancing in his eyes.

  “Hi, Eli.”

  We don’t take our eyes away from each other until

  Laura clears her throat. “What’s up, Eli? Hey, Patrick.” I pull my eyes away and notice Eli’s best friend, Patrick, standing next to him. I hadn’t seen him before now. His messy brown hair lays under a baseball hat and his brown eyes peer out at me from underneath. “Hello,

  Patrick.”

  “Hey, Paige.”

  We all stand there silently as the awkwardness starts to take over. This is where my social skills could come into play, but I’ve got nothing. I just want to look into those familiar blue eyes for as long as I can before I have to come back to reality.

  Laura surprisingly takes control. “So what brings you guys out here?”

  “We both needed a new pair of work boots so we thought we’d see what they have. Plus, I knew it would be packed with girls in their new summer dresses and short shorts,” Patrick teases.

  “Right. Well, I don’t own a dress so I guess that leaves me out.”

  As they playfully banter, Eli asks me, “So, how have you been? You okay?”

  “I’m great. You?”

  “I’m great, too.” The sadness in his eyes show he’s just as full of shit as I am. I wonder if he can see right through me as well? He always could before …

  “Well, we’re going to go eat, we’re starving. You guys already eat?” Laura asks.

  “Yeah, we just got done. Good luck, it’s nut-to-butt packed in there,” Patrick answers.

  Eli looks down at me from his tall frame—at 6’2, he has at least seven inches on me. “It was good seeing you, Paige. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.” Eli flashes his white smile at me and I can’t help but smile back.

  “Bye, Eli.”

  They step between Laura and me, and we turn to watch them walk away. Eli takes a few steps and turns to look back at me. It was quick, but long enough to make me flush, once again. A part of me wants to cry that I have to watch him go. But at least he’s alive. That’s all that really matters.

  “Let’s go,” Laura says, tapping my arm.

  As we stand in the ridiculously long line to place our order, I look to Laura. “That was weird.”

  “It was. You okay with seeing him?”

  “Yes, surprisingly.”

  “Good. I wasn’t sure how you were going to take

  it.”

  “I’m really okay. I even feel like we were cut off too short.”

  “There really wasn’t much to talk about, though. We haven’t seen them in years, except for the obvious, but that doesn’t really count.”

  “It counts,” I whisper.

  We place our order and are given a table number, then steal a dirty booth just as a couple is leaving.

  “I’m going to go to the bathroom and then I’ll see if someone will come wipe this off for us. I’ll be right back,” Laura says as she gets back up.

  I look out the window, watching the people pass by. Why did I feel so happy seeing him again? Maybe I’ve finally found the forgiveness I had asked for.

  The table shakes as Laura sits down. “That was fa—”

  It’s not Laura sitting across from me. It’s Eli.

  “Eli? What are you doing here?” I glance around for

  Patrick. “Didn’t you say you guys already ate?”

  “Can I call you sometime?”

  “You want to call me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Um …” Do I tell him about Corbin? Do I just give it to him? I’d be pissed as hell if Corbin were on the other side of a number exchange with a woman, but then again,

  Eli isn’t just some guy. “I have a boyfriend.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “And I have a girlfriend. I was just thinking maybe it would help. You know, to talk about it.”

  “Are you having issues dealing with it still?” A small part of me hopes that he’s just as fucked up inside. Maybe it would help to talk with him about it.

  He looks defeated and shakes his head. “Never mind.” He starts to get up.

  “Wait, Eli.” He looks down at me. “Give me your phone.” I hold out my hand. He gives me his cell and I punch in my number then hit the call button. I wait a second before my phone starts to ring and I end the call. “There. Now you have my number and I have yours. Call me anytime you want.” He looks down and smiles.

  “Thanks, Paige.” He turns and walks away.

  I look down and enter his name into my contacts.

  Eli Stone.

  Laura quickly comes over and sits down. “Someone’s coming to clean this off. They still haven’t brought us our food yet?”

  “No, but it’s a busy place. I’m sure it’ll be here soon.”

  “Why are you smiling like that?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask as our food finally arrives. I don’t know why, but I don’t want to tell her that I’m happy because Eli came all the way back in here to ask me for my number. Well, he could have been walking past anyway, but that’s beside the point. He came in here looking for me.

  Laura gives me a weird look, tapping her fingers on the table as I continue to eat. She sighs. “Don’t think for one second that I didn’t see him.”

  My eyes widen. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

  “Me? Why didn’t you say anything? I kept waiting for you to spill the beans, but for some reason your usual big mouth is keeping quiet.”

  I smile. “He wanted my number.”

  “No way. Did you tell him he’s about ten years too late? Or about Corbin?”

  “I told him about Corbin, yeah. He said he had a girlfriend, but that’s not what that was about. He wants to talk.”

  “Talk? About what? Not that night at the bar?”

  “What else would we talk about? Riding the bus to school together? Him disappearing without so much as a good-bye?”

  “I suppose. So he came back here to ask you?”

  “I’m glad he did.”

  “Are you going to tell Corbin about this?”

  “I’m not sure. I don’t think he’d understand.”

  “Why you want to talk to Eli but not him?”

  “Exactly.” I frown. “I don’t know what to do. Maybe he won’t even call me.”

  “He will. He didn’t come find you in here for nothing.”

  “We’ll see.”

  As we finish our meal, Laura takes out her phone to check the time. “So did we decide what movie we’re going to go see? It’s getting kind of late.”

  “Why don’t we skip the movie? I’m starting to get tired.”

  “That’s just fine with me.”

  As I lie in bed, my mind drifts back to Eli. He looked so good. So grown up and manly. My memories only think of him as a scrawny twelve-year-old. Then, of course, there’s high school where he started to fill out a bit, but mostly I think of that dorky kid before he turned popular. I wonder if he’ll call…

  Chapter 3

  12 Years Old – Paige

  “Mom! Where’s my purple sweater?”

  “It should be in your dresser.”

  “But it’s NOT! I can’t find it anywhere!”

  “Look again.”

  Ugh! How many times do I have to dig through everything to see that it’s clearly not in here? I have to wear that purple sweater today. It’s the first day of school. It’s my favorite shirt, and it matches my purple heart earrings perfectly.

  Mom comes in and opens the drawer I had just been looking through. She gives me a smug smile and holds up my sweater.
/>   Oh. There it is. Right inside my drawer like she said it was.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I throw it on and run to the bathroom. I spent so long looking for it that I’m going to be late for the bus if I don’t hurry. I run a brush through my messy dark hair and pull it back into a braid, before quickly brushing my teeth.

  “Hurry up, Paige!” I get a dirty look from my older brother, Michael, as I run out of the bathroom to get my backpack.

  “Shut up, Mike! I’m going as fast as I can.”

  I kiss my mom good-bye then grab the paper bag containing my lunch before we go outside to the end of our ridiculously long driveway. We see the bus coming and start running the rest of the way, making it just in time for the doors to open and get on.

  Mike joins his peers in back while I grab an empty seat towards the front. I sit and try to catch my breath before taking my book out of my backpack. I am so engrossed in my read that I hardly notice when the bus continues down a different dirt road that we’ve never taken before. After some twists and turns down the windy gravel road, we come to a stop. On my side, I look out the window and see a boy around my age and a girl several years younger. They climb the steps and sit together in the open seat kitty-corner from me. I look at his blond curls and wonder how old he is. He turns his bright blue eyes and looks at me, but I quickly look back down to my book and try to find where I had stopped reading.

  When we eventually pull up to our school, I stand behind him, waiting to get off of the bus. I take in his height and skinny arms. He’s dressed very nicely with crisp new jeans and a polo shirt, and I wonder if his parents have a lot of money.

  I follow him off the bus and start speed-walking towards the building, excited to get to class.

  This is going to be the best year ever.

  ***

  One morning, the new guy sits down across from me on the bus. It’s his typical spot, but this time he sits towards the aisle instead of the window.

  “Good morning.” Holy southern accent.

  “Good morning,” I say back.

  “I’m Eli.”