by Bria Starr
He looks confused. “We’ve been together almost two years. This is the next step in our lives.”
“Wouldn’t that mean moving in together or getting a pet, or something?”
He sighs. “Do I need to stand up?”
“I think it would help if you did.”
He shakes his head and rises. “This is definitely not what I had expected.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to ruin this for you. I’m just trying to think.”
“You shouldn’t have to think. Yes should just fly out from your lips as you wrap your arms around me and let me put this on your finger.” I don’t say anything. Just look into his sad puppy dog eyes. “But … since you’re not, I’d say you’re in shock. Which is completely understandable.” “Yes, that could be it.” Is that why I can’t answer?
Am I in a stage of shock? Will I feel different tomorrow?
Something deep inside of me tells me that I won’t.
“Why don’t you stay with me tonight? We can discuss anything you want, answer any questions you may have.”
That would have been good to do last week or the week before. Yesterday, even.
“I think I just need some time to let this all sink in. And time to think. This is a big decision.” I smile up at him reassuringly. I don’t mean to lead him on in any way, I just hate seeing him like this. So sad yet hopeful. I really need to figure my shit out. This is all on me.
He closes the box. “I’ll drive you home.” He starts putting out the candles and I don’t know what else to do but help him. I feel worse and worse after each one I blow out.
The ten minutes it takes to drive home is completely silent. I look out my window and breathe a sigh of relief when we turn onto my street. I grab as much of my dress as I can, and exit the car. I wave to him before heading up the steps in the cold of night and enter my building.
After I’m in my pajamas, I sit on my bed and think. I think harder than I’ve ever forced my poor brain to work, which scares me a little because the nightmares seem to happen more frequently the more stressed out I am. I’m always a little scared to go to sleep. But Corbin … Oh, why did he have to go and do this?
What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter 8
“So what are you going to do?” Laura asks.
“I have no idea.”
“Do you want to marry him?”
“I never thought he’d be the guy I married. He looks good on paper, but I can’t honestly say I’ve ever really been head over heels in love with him.”
“And that’s what you want?”
“That’s what I want.” I put my hair back in a ponytail because it’s still a hair sprayed mess from the night before. “Laura, I don’t know what to do.”
“Then don’t do it.”
“You think I should. I can see it in your eyes.”
“I’ve always thought he was a good catch. That’s all.”
“But you know I’m not in love with him. You know I wanted to break up with him months ago. And for those reasons alone, I don’t think I can do it. It doesn’t feel right to me.”
“Then don’t do it. You don’t have to do anything. It’s just that I know you’ve wanted to get married and have kids for so long, and I wonder if this is your golden opportunity. I’m not trying to be a bad friend, I’m just trying to think outside the box. Giving you a different perspective so you don’t miss out on something great. Do you think I want to lose my best friend? To watch you move out and move on while I stay here? Not really. I want you to myself forever, but it’s more important that you get what’s best for you. I like Corbin and I think he treats you well. That’s all I’m saying.”
“And I love you for that. I just don’t know if I’m doing this right. If I say yes, my whole life will change. If I say no, would he still be with me, or will my whole life change anyway?”
“Either way, something’s gotta give.”
“I just need time to weigh everything out. Corbin and I have been through so much together.”
“It sounds like this is the out you’ve been waiting for.”
“Can’t things just stay the same?”
“Not anymore. He made the next move, now it’s your turn.”
I place my head down on the cool table. “I’m so glad I don’t work today. I just need a day.”
“What about Eli’s party?”
“Shit. That never even crossed my mind.”
“Are you still going?”
“No, probably not.”
Laura looks down. She’s disappointed. “Okay.”
“Wait.” A smile spreads across my face. “You want to see Patrick.”
Her eyes turn to slits. “That’s not true. I thought you wanted to see Eli.”
“Don’t turn this around on me. You like Patrick.
When did that happen?”
“It didn’t!”
“Laura Townes, don’t you dare lie to me. Spill.
Now.”
“I’ve always liked him. There. Are you happy now?”
“You … what? Always? As in, always always?”
“Yes, since the eighth grade when I first moved here.”
“Well, shit. How did I not know this?”
“Because I hid it from you.”
“But you’re my best friend.” I think for a second.
“We’re pretty shitty friends aren’t we?”
“What do you mean?”
“You think I should marry a man that I don’t want, and for ten years I never knew you liked Patrick. Ever.”
“Then yes. We’re shitty friends.”
“The shittiest!” We look at each other with a new, deeper level of trust and acknowledgment.
“Get ready, it starts at six.”
“Nah, we won’t go. Not tonight.”
“We’re going. This conversation is over.”
“Are you bringing Corbin?”
“Yeah, I guess. He was technically invited, too. I’d feel weird showing up without him now. I suppose I’d better call him.”
“Have you heard from him yet today?”
“No. He’s giving me time to think.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
After she’s gone, I shower and get ready before calling him. He answers on the first ring.
“Paige, I’ve missed you.”
“Even after last night?”
“Yes, even after last night.”
“Well, that’s a good sign. I wasn’t sure if you’d hate me or not.”
“I could never hate you.”
“That means a lot to me.”
“Can I come over?”
I was hoping to get some time alone today. I didn’t get much time before I passed out last night, and this morning felt like I was being swayed the other way from Laura. It would most likely be more coaxing and persuasion if he came over. But I suppose it’s only fair for him to get to plead his case.
“Sure, whenever you get here is fine.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Oka—”
I hear silence on his end before I finish responding.
I have ten minutes. I run around and pick up dirty laundry. I’m just throwing some trash away when I hear him knock.
I invite him in and sit on the couch. He follows and starts it off.
“You are the girl of my dreams. I want to marry you so badly, it aches. You want to know why everyone was staring at you? Because they knew I was proposing to you.”
“What? Corbin, that’s so embarrassing.”
He nervously laughs. “It’ll be more embarrassing when they all find out on Monday that you turned me down,” he quips. “Sorry, bad joke.”
“I don’t think you’re joking though.”
“A part of me isn’t. But hear me out. I was there for you after that night you went out with Laura. I watched you change and become a different person. I know money doesn’t mean a lot to you and that yo
u can support yourself, but I could take care of you. You’d have security and anything you could ever ask for. Not your own private island or anything, but I’ll do what I can. You wouldn’t have to work if you didn’t want to. Whatever you want, it’s yours. I’d give you the world.”
I notice he hasn’t mentioned the one thing I want most.
“What about kids?” I ask slowly. “What about a family?”
He puts his head down. “I know you want kids.” “But you don’t?” My first tear falls.
“I thought I would. The older I got and the more I settled down with you. I’m twenty-seven. I don’t want kids just yet. Maybe someday.”
“You know I want kids.”
“I would give you a child. If that’s what it’ll take.”
“You don’t want one though. And, I want more than one,” I say softly.
“I can’t predict the future obviously, or I would have been a little more prepared for last night. We can see how it goes. That’s the best I can do without lying or being misleading.”
“I appreciate your honesty.”
“Have I been able to persuade you?”
“You’ve definitely given me more to think about, that’s for sure.”
“But you’re still not saying yes.”
“I’m still unsure how I feel, honestly.”
“Are we still going to that party tonight? Or can we blow it off and spend the evening together?”
“I was planning on going tonight. With both you and Laura, if you’d still like to come.”
“I don’t want to go to that.”
“Well, Laura does and I promised her I’d go.”
“But it sounds so lame.”
“So are your events that you drag me to, but they’re important to you, so I go. Laura really wants to go, so I’m going.” I shrug my shoulders. “You made it sound like you wanted to go, but you don’t have to.” I’m unmoved and I’m not going to beg.
“Of course I have to go!” He starts to lose his cool. “Some guy who you chose over me will be there. I’d be stupid to let you go alone.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m unfaithful?”
“Since you brought it up, are you?”
“Seriously Corbin?”
“Yes, seriously. Did you sleep with him? Or anyone else I should know about?”
“I haven’t slept with anyone but you for the past two years. And I gave you my virginity, so no. There has been NO one else, ever!” I feel like slapping him. Sure I’ve had thoughts of Eli but thoughts and actions are two completely different things. I doubt Eli would want me anyway or else he’d have taken me back in high school along with everyone else he’d slept with.
“I just don’t know sometimes. You’re always so distant.”
“You mean for the past six months while I’ve been struggling? Isn’t this something you should have brought up before you proposed?”
“I thought maybe a wedding would fix it.” My world stops.
“You did not just say that.”
“It’s not what I meant. It came out wrong.”
“I think it’s exactly what you meant. I think you’ve been trying to fix me all along.”
“No, I think you’re fine the way you are. Otherwise,
I wouldn’t have stuck around this long.”
Another virtual slap in the face. My mouth drops open.
“I’m just digging myself a hole here.”
“I’d tell you to stop while you’re ahead, but you’re nowhere near ahead. Now you’re just being rude. Maybe you should go home and cool off. I don’t like you like this.” His voice softens. “This is what you do to me. You make me crazy.”
“It’s not my intention.”
“I’ll go home for a bit. Can I still come with you tonight?”
“If you stop acting like a drama queen.”
He leans in and gives me a long kiss. One that should have me swooning, but I just want it over with so he can leave.
Once he’s gone, I know for a fact, that as much as I do love him, he’s not the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He wanted to plead his case? Well, case closed.
Laura comes home a little after five and I notice she takes longer than her usual fifteen minutes to get ready. She dresses in casual jeans and T-shirt, but she’s wearing a little bit of makeup and her hair has mousse in it.
“Ooh, sexy woman!” I call out to her from my room when she enters the hallway.
“Shut it, Paige.”
“I’m serious. You look great.”
“So do you.”
“Uh, thanks.” I glance down at my white capris and red tank top. My hair is straight and parted down the middle with minimum makeup on. I’m definitely not dressed to impress, but I’ve had a pretty shitty day. We both know I’ve looked better.
“You about ready?”
“Yeah, Corbin should be here any minute.”
“You don’t seem happy about that.”
“He came over earlier. We got into a fight.”
“Oh no. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I laid down for a bit and took a nap. I feel a little better, but I’m nervous about how he’ll act tonight. I think he has a vendetta against Eli just because I talked to him one time. He’s being weird.”
“Well, I hope he doesn’t start anything.”
I laugh at the thought. “Corbin is not the fighting kind. Besides, not to take sides, but Eli could take Corbin down without a second thought.”
“Yeah, Eli is all man.”
“They both work out. Corbin is just more officetype whereas Eli is more rugged and could throw down. I don’t want to see any of that happen though.”
“Sure you don’t.”
“If anyone is going to punch Corbin tonight, it’s me.” I wink. “Okay, let’s stop with the comparisons.”
“You started it.”
“I did not. But now I’m ending it.” I stick my tongue out at her. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. It’s ten minutes to six when Corbin knocks at the door. I grab my stuff and wait as Laura grabs one of her band sweatshirts and a bottle of Vodka before meeting us at the door.
I give her a knowing smile. “Ready?” I ask.
She gives me a dirty look. “Don’t.”
“What? What are friends for if we can’t give each other shit?” I tease as I lock the door behind us.
“Am I missing something?” Corbin chimes in.
“No,” Laura says firmly.
He shrugs and shakes his head. He really couldn’t care less what Laura and I would be bantering about. He never has, now that I think about it.
We get to Corbin’s Aston Martin Phantom and I let Laura in the back before I get in. It takes several minutes to get to Eli’s place because Corbin chooses to drive like an old lady down the dirt roads so his car doesn’t get dirty.
We pull up to Eli’s house and Corbin finds a place to park.
“Holy crap. What a nice house,” Laura says, whistling low.
“He built it himself,” I tell her proudly. I hear Corbin scoff and I look over at him. “He did!”
“I’m sure he did, with hired help.”
“I think it was just him, his dad, and Patrick. With a little help from a few employees, sure, but not much if I remember correctly.”
“Whatever.”
“What’s gotten into you?” I glare at him.
He says nothing and I look back to Laura, embarrassed by his childish remarks. He’s being ridiculous. More so than usual. She grimaces back at me but stays silent. I have a bad feeling we’ll be leaving early tonight.
Maybe I should have driven separately.
I open my door and get out. “I don’t know if we’re supposed to go to the front door or around the back, if it’s a bonfire.”
No one makes a move so I head towards the front doors.
I knock on his beautiful glass doors and Miller, whom I couldn’t stand in school, opens t
he door. His eyes widen. “Paige Tomlin?”
He still gives me the creeps. “Miller,” I reply.
“Wow. What are you doing here?”
“I was invited.” I pause as he stands there, gawking at me. “Can we come in?”
“Sure.” He backs up out of the way so we can pass.
“Hey, Laura.”
“Hey, Miller.” Laura looks at me and pretends to gag.
I motion for Corbin to follow me. I’m not even going to waste my breath introducing him to Manwhore Miller.
There are roughly twenty people in Eli’s beautiful home. I look at the counter piled high with different types of chips and cookies, as well as several different pasta and lettuce salads that I’m assuming Eli made. When I walk towards the sliding glass door that leads out to the back, I see that there have to be at least thirty more people outside.
“Some small get together,” I say to Laura.
“Is that Paige and Laura? Who invited them?”
I look over to see Allison scowling at me. She dated Eli back in high school and I never understood how he could listen to her nasally whine. Plus, she’s a bitch, so that doesn’t help.
I roll my eyes and walk outside. Corbin is trailing behind, but as soon as he spots Eli approaching us with that award winning grin on his face, he’s instantly glued to my hip. Being insecure is not a good look for him.
“Ladies! You came! And this must be Corbin.” He holds his hand out which Corbin politely shakes. “Nice to meet you, man.”
“Likewise,” Corbin says quickly. “Nice house.”
“Thanks. Can I get you guys anything? There’s a keg over there,” he points towards the fire, “and a wet bar is set up under the stairs. There’s even a hot tub by the wet bar, if you feel so inclined.” He winks at Laura.
“I don’t,” she responds. I laugh as I picture Laura in the hot tub with a bunch of people she hates.
“Where’s Patrick?” I ask.
“He had some stuff to do but he should be here shortly.”
“Awesome. Well,” I look to Corbin, “we should go get something to drink then.”
Laura still has her bottle in her hand but comes with us. I’m pretty sure not one of us feels like we belong here. And if for one second we had, the looks and comments we got when we first walked in confirm we do not.