by Bria Starr
I give Corbin a reassuring smile and head towards the bar. I ask for a margarita while Corbin takes a whiskey sour. We stand there awkwardly. I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but I need something to calm myself.
Music starts to blast from some speakers above our heads and we hear a few cheers. I’m not drunk enough to dance yet, so I start to take bigger sips and make conversation with my friend and boyfriend about how much I hate most of the people here.
Several groups come and go from the bar when I finally spot Patrick.
“Hey! Come hang out with us!” Of all Eli’s friends, Patrick is the only one I’ve liked. He was shy, quiet, and sweet. I think he only put up with them to hang out with Eli, his true friend. Eli, on the other hand, definitely belonged with the cool kids. He was loud and liked attention, he was good at sports, and he liked to party. Sometimes too much.
“Paige. Laura.”
“Patrick, this is … Corbin.” I was going to call him my boyfriend but then worried he’d be upset if I didn’t refer to him as fiancé. Besides, I’m still mad at him, and if I turn his proposal down, I don’t even know if he’ll be my boyfriend after that. So, just plain old Corbin it is. For now.
“Nice to meet you.” They shake hands.
More small talk is made before Patrick wanders off and the three of us are left alone again.
“I assume bathrooms are inside?” Corbin asks me.
“Safe to assume. Want me to come with?”
“No, you stay here with Laura. I’ll be fine.” He gives me a quick kiss and heads inside. Some girl will probably more than happily point him to where he needs to go.
I grab my sweater that’s hanging over my purse and start to put it on.
“Pretty sure he’s been staring at you the whole time,” Laura says.
“Who?”
“Eli.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s busy entertaining all his guests.”
“I am, actually.” A deep voice from behind vibrates my spine.
I spin around to see Eli behind me. Did he mean that as in he was staring at me or that he was entertaining his guests? I look back at Laura and give her the evil eye. She could have stopped me from talking at any time. I mouth at her, “Payback is a bitch.” Her smile fades as soon as she realizes what I’m getting at.
“Eli, hi. Some small get together you have going on here.”
“Not exactly the turnout I expected. Some people think they’re still in school and then there are others who just have big mouths and invite people who weren’t invited.” I notice he doesn’t look thrilled about the number of people here. Maybe he’s grown up a bit after all. I know I wouldn’t want a bunch of drunks in my house that I built with my bare hands.
“So you’re not enjoying yourself?”
He smiles down at me. “I am. I will just be happier once the thirty or so uninvited people leave, that’s all.”
“Would Miller be one of those particular guests?”
“Yeah, he definitely wasn’t invited by me.”
“Well, I don’t blame you for not wanting most of them here,” I say, taking the last sip of my drink.
“Can I get you another one?”
I look at my empty glass. “Sure. Thank you.” He looks toward Laura, who shakes her head, waving her partially empty bottle at him. He nods and walks the several feet over to the bar. I’m about to lay into Laura when Corbin comes back.
“Did you find it okay?”
“Yes, there were a few people in line but I made it out alive.”
Eli comes back and hands me my drink. Corbin looks skeptical. “I could have gotten that for you,” he says.
“Corbin,” I reproach, my cheeks red, “you weren’t here and he offered. It’s no big deal.”
“I’m just saying that I could have gotten it for you when I came back.”
“And she could have gotten it for herself, since she’s entirely capable, but I saw that it was empty, she’s my guest, and I got her another one,” Eli says calmly. “Now, I notice you’re without a drink, sir. Is there anything I can get for you?”
Laura has the biggest smirk on her face. She’s probably hoping that fight we were discussing earlier would happen. I’m embarrassed by Corbin’s behavior but pleased with Eli for standing up for me like that. Corbin looks pissed. “No, I’m good.” Eli smiles at us and excuses himself.
“What the fuck was that? Jealous much?”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Then what are you? Just an asshole?”
“No, but he doesn’t need to be getting you drinks.”
“Wow. You’re nuts. Just please be respectful for the rest of the night. I doubt we’ll be here much longer.”
“Fine.”
“Fine!”
Laura takes another swig of her bottle and looks like she could use a bowl of popcorn while Corbin and I go back and forth. I’ve about had it with him.
The sun is setting and the night is getting chillier. Soon everyone is making their way towards the fire. We follow as well, and I start to wonder why the hell we are even here. I look at Laura. “Are you even going to talk to him?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Why would I?’
“Seriously? This is your chance. Isn’t this why we’re here?”
“We’re here because you invited me.”
“And then, if you recall, I wasn’t planning on coming anymore until I realized you still wanted to. Go talk to him.”
“I’m not going to go talk to him.”
“Well, he sure as hell isn’t going to come talk to you. You’re both too quiet.”
“I’m fine with that. I don’t mind just watching him from here.”
“That’s just creepy.”
She giggles and stops herself instantly. Rarely does she giggle. The alcohol must finally be catching up to her.
Half her bottle is gone already.
Corbin falls silent as Laura and I keep conversation flowing. His arm doesn’t leave my waist and I try to include him but he doesn’t socialize. So I stop trying. I know he’s not having any fun, but this is my time, and I remind myself that I’ve sat through plenty of his boring things. And he’s the one who insisted on coming.
Slowly, space starts to clear up near the fire as people start to leave and we step closer and closer to warm up. Laura and I are laughing and enjoying ourselves when we see Patrick. I invite him over and strike up a conversation between him, Laura, and me. It’s going well and Eli eventually joins in. We’re talking about the good old days and some of Eli’s parties out at his parents’ house when Corbin interrupts to ask me if we’re almost ready to leave. The four of us stare at him and I give him a look.
“I’m just starting to enjoy myself. I’d like to stay a little longer, please.”
“We’ve been here for almost three hours.”
“And I’ve been at your events for seven or eight hours. I’m having fun.”
“I’m not.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“Yes.”
“Then you can go. We live a mile away. We can find a ride home or we can walk. It’s not a big deal.”
“I haven’t been drinking,” Eli chimes in. “I’ll take you guys home. Otherwise, Patrick can. It’s right on his way.”
Corbin looks at Eli. “You’re not taking her home. She’s coming with me.”
“Well, that’s up to her.”
“I don’t want you near her.”
“Whoa, Corbin! Stop.”
“He doesn’t need to act like that.” “Like what?” Eli asks.
Corbin starts to get in his face. “Like you’re her fucking boyfriend!”
Eli laughs. People start to stare.
“Enough! He’s not my boyfriend. And he never has been. There’s nothing to be jealous about.” I look to Eli apologetically. “We’re going to go. Thank you so much for inviting us over, it was a lot of fun. I’m so sorry for … for everything.�
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“Anytime, Paige. I’m glad you came.”
“Laura? You coming or staying?”
“Uh … Patrick, do you think I could catch a ride home with you later?”
“Of course.”
I wave and leave with Corbin, trying not to cry. When we get into the car, I demand, “What is wrong with you? I’m mortified!”
“I don’t like him,” he says as he backs out of the driveway.
“I don’t care! He was perfectly polite and did nothing wrong. And neither did I.”
“I still don’t like him.”
“Why? What did he ever do to you?”
“It’s the way he looks at you!”
“I only talked to him twice tonight. He doesn’t want me. We’re old friends. And even if he did, it’s not enough for you to act like this crazy person you’ve become. Almost two years I’ve known you, and never have you acted like this before. I don’t even know what to think.”
We pull up to my apartment and step out of the car, looking at each other over the hood.
“Why don’t you want to marry me?”
Without thinking, I reply, “Because I’m not in love with you.” He drops his head. “I’m sorry Corbin, but it’s the truth. I don’t want to marry you.”
“And that’s the only reason?”
“If you’re insinuating that there’s someone else, you’re wrong. There’s only been you. And I knew I didn’t want to marry you even before you turned crazy today. But this? Today? This was the last straw. I don’t want this. You’ve been getting on my nerves more and more lately and I’m done. I really can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for that. I’m desperate to keep you. I don’t want to lose you. I could feel you slipping away. I had to do something.”
“Marriage is not a last attempt to make a relationship work. You don’t ask someone to marry you to try and salvage something. That’s so wrong. It’s the wrong reason. Don’t you see?”
“But you need me. I can help you.”
“You can’t though. I need to help myself and nothing has improved so far this year. I don’t want you to try and fix me. I’m fucked up, but I’m not broken.”
“But you’re mine.”
“Not anymore.” Tears roll down my cheeks. “Not anymore.”
It’s cold, but I’m not shaking from the chilly night. I’m shaking from the adrenaline of doing what I should have done almost a year ago. What I’ve wanted to do.
It needs to be done.
“I’m going inside. Good night, Corbin.”
“I’m not done fighting for us!” he calls out to me.
I hurry inside.
Chapter 9
I wake up crying, drenched in sweat again and freezing cold. This time in my dream, it was Corbin who was in my room trying to kill me. It was horrible to see that man’s eyes in Corbin’s face.
I didn’t hear Laura come home last night, which is unusual. I’m not worried because I know Patrick and Eli were looking after her, so she was in good hands, and I know she can also take care of herself. She has such a level head.
Corbin has called and left me several text messages this morning, but I’m biding my time before I answer. If I answer. I don’t think I’ll be able to be his friend, which is really too bad after all we’ve been through. He’s the only serious boyfriend I’ve ever had, and I’m not sure what proper protocol is when it comes to rights and wrongs after a breakup.
I’ve known for much too long that I shouldn’t be with him.
I’m finally free.
It hurts, but it feels right.
After I’ve eaten and my caffeine has been consumed, I grab the cleaning box from under the kitchen sink and start scrubbing every surface in our apartment. I don’t usually take out my aggressions on dirty countertops, but it does help.
It’s afternoon by the time the kitchen and living room are both spotless. I’m in my bathroom, bleaching it down, when I hear the door close. I know Corbin doesn’t have a key to our place, but a small part of me fears that he somehow managed to sweet talk someone into letting him in. Nothing wrong with being slightly paranoid for no reason, right?
“Paige? Why does the house smell like a swimming pool?” Laura yells from the kitchen.
“I opened the windows. It shouldn’t be too bad,” I call back.
She pokes her head in. “It’s pretty bad.”
“But it’s clean! Isn’t it a lovely feeling to have a clean house?”
“I don’t really care if it’s messy or not.”
“Yes, I’ve had to come to terms with that over the years.” I continue scrubbing out the tub, lifting some of my hair products up off the ledge and cleaning underneath them. “Were you with Patrick?”
“I was, but not like that. I wasn’t sure if Corbin was still going to be here or what was going on. You looked pissed so I figured you guys would either be fighting or having make-up sex all night. Either way, I thought it was best not to be here and accepted his offer to stay over.”
“Well? What happened?”
“He gave me his bed and he slept on the couch. We did talk for close to an hour before that, though.”
“Really? That’s awesome. You’re both so quiet, I wasn’t sure much of a conversation was even possible.”
“Actually, we talked about you and Eli quite a bit.”
I stop scrubbing. “You did? Why?”
“It was mostly stuff from the past.”
“Like what? And what do you mean by mostly?”
“I think you’ll find out soon enough.”
“If that was a cryptic message, I didn’t get it.” I shake my head and take a cup from the cleaning box to rinse the bubbles down the drain.
“Well, let me just say, Corbin was a douche. I’m betting he was upset you hadn’t given him an answer, so he lashed out?”
I roll my eyes at the memory. “Something like that.”
“It was uncomfortable and I’ve never seen that side of him before. I don’t like it. Which made me think… maybe you shouldn’t marry him.”
I stop and look at her.
“I’m not.”
“Does he know that?”
“I broke up with him last night.”
“Broke up? Seriously?”
“Seriously. Right out in the parking lot.”
“Damn, Paige, I had no idea. I’m sorry.”
“I’m over it.” I smile at her. “Kind of. It sucks, but it’s a huge relief.”
“And he just let you go?”
“I don’t know, but I hope that he does. It’s just easier this way. He’s been calling all morning though.”
“He’s always been a little possessive. I found it appealing that he loved you so much, but now I see it in a new light.” She looks down at her hands. “Let me know if there’s anything you need or anything I can do.”
“Nothing comes to mind. But thank you.” I smile.
“I’ve gotta head to the shop but we’ll talk tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
I spend the rest of my afternoon cleaning and organizing random crap around my room. After I’ve exhausted myself, I decide not to return any of Corbin’s calls or texts and just sprawl out on my bed. I lift the hem of my shirt up just a little and look down at my stomach out of sheer boredom. I mindlessly start pinching the little bit of flab that’s below my belly button between my fingers as I think about Laura and Patrick and how I can get those two together. After playing with my stomach fat for a good ten minutes, I pull my shirt down over my now blotchy red skin and stride over to my bookshelves.They are neatly organized alphabetically,by author, into two separate sections. The top half are books I’ve already read and the bottom shelves are the books I have yet to read. It’s my weakness. My “rainy day” money is spent solely on books, with the occasional DVD.
I raid my lower shelves in search of something that stands out and catches my attention. Book covers are always a good start and narrow down
my search. I read the backs of a few but decide I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to read anything. A new book will have to wait until tomorrow. I look over to my collection of movies and randomly pick out a comedy. I turn it on only to fall asleep before the opening credits are even over.
The following Tuesday, Laura and I sit down at our kitchen table with a deck of cards and a few beers. We’ve finally got a night off together and we haven’t played catch up since the day after I broke things off with Corbin, and I’m determined to get to the bottom of this whole “crushing on Patrick” thing. I’m dying to know just how long this has been going on.
“What should we play?”
Laura reaches over and pulls a bag of chips down off the counter. “I don’t care.”
I scowl at her. “Like that helps. Fine. Crazy Eights.” I deal eight cards each and flip over the top card on the rest of the stack, starting us out with diamonds.
“So … Patrick …”
She lays down the first card. “What about him?” “Yes, very good question. What is it about him? Hmm?” I tease, looking through my cards to find another diamond.
“I don’t know what it is. He’s just nice.”
I nod in agreement. “He really is a nice guy. I’ll give him that. But what else?”
“I don’t know.”
“Laura, don’t bullshit me. Give me something! Are you attracted to him? Are you interested in dating him?
And for fuck’s sake, how long have you liked him?”
She shakes her head and her shoulders drop. When she looks up, I realize she’s blushing. Laura blushing is a big deal.
“I think I’ve liked him since sophomore year. We were running the mile in gym class. You know how I hate running.” She takes a sip of her beer and lays down another card.
“By the time I finished, I could barely breathe and I was sweating like a pig. Patrick was one of the first people who had finished and they were all waiting on me since I’d started walking towards the end of it. Well, when we were all leaving the gym, I was the last one out, and he … he held the door open for me.”
That was the end of her story. One sweet gesture was all it took for Laura to fall for him.
“I guess you could say I’ve always thought he was hot, but that day it changed, and I ended up really liking him.”