The Nightmare Game

by Martin, S. Suzanne

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  “Okay, I understand why it’s so important now. At least kind of.” I told him. One question, though, remained. “Ben, just for curiosity’s sake, can I ask you something? That is, if you don’t mind.”

  “Go ahead, ask me anything.”

  “Did you ever find out what happened to that jerk that left you? If it’s none of my business, just tell me.”

  “Oh, no, I don’t mind, not at all. In my first life, before I went into the hospital, I made many attempts to find him, but he had disappeared completely. I thought about him all the time, though.

  “Even after I came here, I still couldn’t forget him. Even after all that he had done to me, he continued to haunt my dreams at night; and during the day, no matter how hard I resisted, more often than not, he still strayed into my thoughts. Oh, Ashley, how I strove to drive him out of my mind; but it was as if he had taken possession of me and would not let me go.

  “I suppose one of the reasons that I relished my time with Arrosha was that whenever she was around, I didn’t think of him. When she was gone, I spent my time in the city, staying at her townhouse, surrounding myself with my many new acquaintances and occupying my mind with idle chatter, lest I think of him again. While all of that socializing soothed my ego and served to give me new confidence, it still left me feeling empty and longing for my long-gone young man, especially after the party was over and everybody had gone home.

  “I often asked Arrosha if she would bring me someone special, hoping that a new love might drive him out of my mind. She always answered that she would one day, but that I needed to wait and be patient until the time was right. Afterwards, I would try hard to imagine that new love, but always failed because I could never forget my first.

  “Then, one evening, without warning, she summoned me back early to the estate, announcing that she had, indeed, kept her promise to me. When I laid eyes upon her newest addition to our home, I began to cry. Standing there in front of me was my young man, the one and true love of my life.

  “You can’t possibly mean Geoffrey?” I asked in disbelief.

  “None other.”

  “Geoffrey?” I repeated. While I was shocked on one level, on another, I didn’t find it hard to imagine Geoffrey as the rotten, cheating louse of Ben’s previous life.

  “Yes. She said that she had saved him from his deathbed as she had me. While of course he’d been infected before I had, the dying just took a little longer for him. She told me that she could not have brought him sooner because he needed to hit rock bottom first; otherwise, he would not have been penitent enough to appreciate the gifts she wanted to give him.”

  “I still don’t get it” I said, still incredulous. “How on earth could you have taken him back? He was cruel to you. He deserted you. Ben, I don’t mean to be too blunt here, but let’s face it, the guy almost killed you with his whoring around.”

  “I know, I know. My head always told me that he was poison, but to be honest, Ashley, I never had any real choice. The heart wants what it wants. That’s the only excuse I have. He was my first love, my only real love. I could never get over him, no matter how hard I tried. I know that I have a blind spot for Geoffrey; I probably always will. He is my weakness. Why, even lying dying in my hospital bed, I could never reason out my love for him. It was all-consuming, it would never go away.

  “But you must understand that I wasn’t taking back the man that had left me. For all intents and purposes, he wasn’t the same person anymore after his transformation ceremony. Not only was he healthy and far younger and handsomer than ever before, what remained was the Geoffrey I loved, not the Geoffrey that abandoned me. He was still my Geoffrey, just a much, much better version of him.”

  “The new and improved Geoffrey 2.0, guaranteed not to crash, huh?” I asked, still shaking my head over this revelation.

  “I guess you could say that,” he smiled. “You see, Arrosha, in her infinite kindness, turned him into the decent, honest and caring person that I needed him to be. This time around, his goodness wasn’t a just mask or a scheme; it was who he really was at last, and his love for me was real. I was finally secure in the knowledge that we could be together forever now because he loved me and would be true to me always. Oh, Ashley, it was so wonderful being reunited with the only man that I ever loved.”

  I could think of nothing to say, but continued to stare at Ben, still not understanding how such a wonderful guy could be so devoted to the likes of Geoffrey. I knew my attitude was due almost exclusively to the fact that I could barely stand the blond man.

  “Can you see now why I’m so devoted to Arrosha?” he continued. “When she returned my love to me, I was finally completely happy and have been ever since his return. It’s her doing alone that’s made Geoffrey a changed man. Like me, you see, he is so much more now than what he was before in his other life.

  “But he’s really not like you, is he Ben?” I felt compelled to point out.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “What I mean is, you were never bad.”

  “I was detestable.”

  “No you weren’t,” I defended his old self. “According to what you just told me, you may have been your own worst enemy, but you were never bad or mean.

  “Ben, you’re a good person now and it sounds to me like you were a good person back then, too. It’s true you might not have been the shiniest toy in the shop, but that’s no reason to keep beating yourself up over it. Actually I think that maybe it’s time for you to start giving your old self a break, because I think that your opinion of him is pretty unfair.”

  “That’s very nice of you to say,” he said. “You really think so?”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  “Well, then, maybe I do need to forgive him after all of these years,” he gave in. “I suppose that in the end, he was just a poor old schmuck doing the best he could with what he had.”

  “There, now, that’s better.”

  “It’s funny,” he said, a look of relief upon his face, “I’ve been avoiding taking a good look at my old self for so very long and now I’m glad I finally did it. Your opinion’s almost the same as Illea’s, but I figured that hers was just a generosity born from love. It’s really nice to hear it from someone new.”

  “Feel better now?” I asked.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. And thanks, by the way, for indulging me in some ancient and fossilized self-pity.”

  “Not a problem.”

  “So tell me, Ashley, is there anything else that I can clear up for you?”

  “Just one thing. I’m still a little confused about the transformation ceremony as it applies to Geoffrey.”

  “Okay.”

  “Just now you told me that the transformation ceremony turned him into someone that was true to you.”

  “That’s right.”

  “But earlier today, you told me a couple of times that being faithful isn’t exactly his strong suit. How did the ceremony make him any different?”

  “Ah, yes, I can see where that would be confusing. Let me try to explain. As you’ve noticed, Ashley, we enjoy certain privileges here that the rest of the world does not. It tends to color life a little differently. It’s because of those privileges that being true and being faithful aren’t exactly the same thing to me as they would be otherwise. While Geoffrey may not be faithful to me physically, he has been true to me emotionally. It’s a distinction that I could not make if I were an ordinary man living in the ordinary world. But I can make it here for two primary reasons. First, we, as Arrosha’s followers, are forbidden to form any real relationships outside of the group, so there is no emotional threat. Second, because of our perfect immunity, we can’t catch diseases of any kind, so there is no physical threat. That’s why I can afford to give Geoffrey the indulgences that I do. Does that answer your question?”

  “Not completely. I mean, isn’t the transformation supposed to get rid of all the inside crap and make you
pure?”

  “Yes, but only if you want it to. Geoffrey never wanted it to. Even before she rescued him, every time I begged Arrosha to bring Geoffrey to me, she warned me that he would never let go of his physical promiscuity, and she was right. I told her that because I loved him so absolutely, there were a few certain concessions I would be willing to make, a few conditions that I could live with for the sake of having him returned to me. Immediately after his arrival at the mansion, Arrosha set down those conditions and terms before accepting him completely. Geoffrey agreed to them, of course. It was the only way that he was able to get his beautiful, healthy new body. That night, he even promised me that he’d be faithful always, but I never held him to that because I knew it was one promise he could not possibly keep. True to Arrosha’s warning, Geoffrey held on tight to his sexual foibles during the transformation ceremony and never let them go.

  “I have to give him credit that at first he really tried and was perfectly faithful to me for awhile. It wasn’t too long though, before the lure of new temptation proved to be too strong for him and he began to stray upon occasion. It wasn’t all that often and he never went around behind my back any more. Besides, the new Geoffrey was so wonderful all of the rest of the time that it more than made up for his shortcomings.

  “You see, Arrosha removed everything that was truly destructive to our relationship, without taking away Geoffrey’s spice. She had left him just naughty enough to amuse me, to challenge my mind and my wit, to keep me on my toes. His restlessness came with that package and I guess it was as much of a testament to my own weakness as it was to his.”

  “And that’s okay with you,” I offered.

  “Oh, Ashley, Geoff’s sexual proclivities are so wide and so varied that it would be impossible for any one man to satisfy him. Knowing that now, I no longer take his dalliances personally. He’s as faithful to me as he can possibly be and it wouldn’t have been fair of me to tether him too tightly. He needs a lot of variety, variety I can’t give him.

  “You know that I’m gay, but Geoffrey is different than anyone else I’ve ever met. He’s more like sex incarnate. But that’s just a part of what makes Geoffrey, Geoffrey; I’ve accepted that about him. I knew how he was before I ever asked Arrosha to bring him here. He told me the truth about himself when he left me. Arrosha later confirmed that truth. This time around, I knew what I was getting into.

  “When all is said and done, the real reason that I trust Geoffrey as much as I do is because I have absolute trust and faith in Arrosha. She won’t let him betray me because she knows it would devastate me. I can overlook Geoffrey’s dalliances, but if he ever found another love, it would just kill me. If he ever betrayed me again, I don’t know what I would do. It’s my darkest fear; I couldn’t take it.”

  “Weren’t you worried when he started misbehaving lately?” I asked, drawn into his story.

  “I was concerned and hurt, it’s true, but never actually worried. Arrosha would never let anything really serious happen. If all else failed and he got too far out of line, I’m sure she’d put him through the transformation ceremony a second time to set him right.

  “I have to admit, though, that he did give me a bit of a scare there for awhile. If we hadn’t been able to hash it out last night, I would have had no option but to mention it to Arrosha and let her handle him.”

  “She never noticed?” I asked, surprised at this glaring lack of omniscience in a woman who called herself goddess.

  “Oh, no. He’s been nothing but charming around her. I held off mentioning anything to Arrosha because I wanted to try to deal with him myself first, if I could. I’m very glad I did, since I think everything’s going to work out okay after all.

  “It was silly for me even to dwell upon his latest mood swings, though, because there’s no reason for me to doubt him. He won’t go looking for another love because he knows that this time around, he can’t do any better than me. I’m secure in the knowledge that he really loves me because I’m no longer an ugly duckling. I’m finally young and handsome enough for him and I’ll stay that way forever, according to Arrosha’s promise.”

  I simply looked at Ben in amazement, certain once again that Geoffrey most certainly had the better end of their deal.

  “Pretty shallow, huh,” he said.

  “I didn’t say a word.”

  “You didn’t have to, Ashley,” he answered, smiling. “I saw that raised eyebrow. I know what it must sound like, but I can’t really explain it. For some strange reason, I love Geoffrey unconditionally. He’s my Achilles heel and he always will be. I can’t help but forgive that vain, silly creature; I never could, and for the life of me I don’t even know why.”

  “It’s your world, Ben. I’m just a by-stander,” I said, trying to be diplomatic.

  “You mean it’s my soap opera, don’t you?” he asked.

  “Hey, I wasn’t going be the one to say it,” I smiled.

  “You don’t have to; I see things for what they are. And I’m sorry to go on and on like that about Geoffrey. I tend to get carried away when it comes to him. But don’t worry, you’ll never have to hear word one about us from this point forward if you don’t want to.”

  “And turn down all that juicy gossip? No way. Besides, I enjoy learning more about you and the others.”

  “Great. I’m glad you enjoyed the nutshell-theater version of our stories. Your crash course is now over and you may officially leave the lecture hall in single file.”

  “So I’m done?” I asked.

  “Like a perfectly baked soufflé. I think I’ve shown you as much of the estate and told you as much about our group as you need to make your decision. It’s time now for you to soak up all that garden-fresh information and do with it as you please. Just remember that nobody’s going to force you to stay or go. I’d like to think, though, that I’ve helped you to arrive at an informed decision.”

  “Yes, you really have. And I’d also like you to know that I appreciate your making me feel so welcome and wanted.”

  “I was honored to act as Arrosha’s official representative. I really do want you to have a better grasp of the massive wealth of all kinds that she’s trying to give you. We here exist as living evidence of her compassion and her love. You know, Ashley, before meeting Arrosha, I never believed that anyone as powerful and beneficent as she even existed upon the earth. Since she came into our lives, our dark days are over for good. I’d like yours to be, too.

  “This is a truly beautiful life that we live here, full of the kind of freedom that only Arrosha can bring. It’s a freedom from fear, poverty and uncertainly. It’s a freedom from any kind of darkness that has ever besieged us, regardless of whether it came from outside or from within. Our lives are filled with perpetual sunlight now. And I know that I don’t just speak for myself when I say that we really want you to stay and join us in that sunlight.”

  “Thank you, Ben. You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.”

  “All good, I hope.”

  “Definitely.

  “I’m glad I could help.”

  “You certainly have. And thanks to you, I’m very much leaning in the direction of staying. I really do love it here, Ben. I mean, I’d be crazy not to, right?”

  “That’s wonderful to hear, Ashley, simply wonderful.”

  It was at this point that we became silent again. The soft, comforting cadence of the porch swing as it swept back and forth was the only sound in the otherwise still evening. The quiet was thorough enough to seem unnatural and I realized that I missed the sound of crickets chirping, a sound I normally associated with warm nights. The silence reminded me once again that Arrosha did not allow animals in her domain, and I found this disconcerting. But I was just being finicky, wasn’t I, to miss the one thing that was not allowed in this otherwise overflowing cornucopia of delights, so I decided not to dwell on that one thing I found lacking.

  I gazed instead at the sky, which had grown dark, alive with bright stars
twinkling in all but the west, where the long sunset was finally coming to an end, the last few bright red streaks mixed in with deepest purple the only remnant of the day remaining. No longer engrossed in Ben’s stories, I noticed for the first time that a few lampposts in the grounds that had not grabbed my attention earlier were now lit. As if to join them, the Spanish-style lanterns hanging from the porch ceiling had turned on one by one, flooding the porch with their soft, amber light. The bothersome nagging of my memories from earlier had finally ceased at last, leaving my mind in welcomed peace. Other than the lonely absence of the sounds of nature, everything here was so perfect, everything seemed so right.

  This quiet continued as Ben remained deep in thought, worry lines upon his brow. I couldn’t help but wonder if, despite his protests to the contrary, he was still concerned about Geoffrey. While I wanted to comfort him, I was at a complete loss as to what to say. I had nothing to offer and even if I had, I would have felt awkward about disrupting his reflections. Fortunately, I didn’t have long to ruminate about the matter, because soon I heard voices and laughter coming up the walkway that lead up to the porch. It was Ricky and Illea returning from the pool, towels wrapped around them as they ran up the steps.

  “Hi guys!” Ricky said.

  “Hey, you two! Still gabbing?” Illea asked as they walked up to our swing

  “Just finished,” Ben answered. “I’ve been trying to convince her to join our little ragtag group of misfits.”

  “What’s to convince?” she said, smiling. “It’s great here, Ashley. Join us, you’ll love it.”

  “Yep, it really is great here, that’s for sure,” I answered non-committally.

  “Turning in for the night?” Ben asked her.

  “I’m just going up for a minute to dry my hair and get dressed. Ricky and I are going to go bowling tonight.”

  “Listen, Babe,” Ricky said as he kissed her on the cheek, “don’t rush. Stay here and talk. I’ll get changed and go down awhile. See you in the bowling alley in a little bit, okay, hon?”