by Emma Nichols
Lauryn smirked. “Wow. I guess I’ve finally broken you in.” She reached up and removed my hand from her head. Once she had it in both of hers, she shifted in her seat to face me. “Okay. We’ll talk. Since it means so much to you.” She giggled.
“Good. You start. I don’t know what I did.” I frowned, genuinely worried.
“We have a son,” she began quietly.
“Yes. We do. You did a wonderful job.” I stared at her evenly.
She squeezed my hand a little harder. “And you love me, right?”
“More than you’ll ever know. More than your pessimistic little heart would ever believe. More than I would’ve ever thought I was capable of loving anyone.” A smile played at the corners of my lips.
“Good. I love you too. I may not remember…well, roughly a year or so of my life, but I know…I really, really know that I love you. I don’t know how I could ever stop. This feeling…it’s so deep it consumes me. It’s so real I could practically touch it. It’s so constant, it’s like wearing a never ending hug.” She stared down at our hands for a moment before meeting my gaze. “So, I guess I just don’t understand.”
“Baby, what don’t you get? I’ll do my best to explain anything, to clear up any confusion.” My heart raced. I was pretty sure my palms were sweaty. From the build-up, I could tell this was going to be big. We were closing in on the airport and I wasn’t sure we were ready for this, and I was fairly certain we didn’t have time for it. “Ask me anything.”
Lauryn nodded and stared into my eyes. “If you love me so much, and I love you, and we have a son…why aren’t we married?”
14
Lauryn
“We’re here, sir,” the driver announced as we pulled up to the terminal.
I stared at him, my eyes narrowed, wondering if he was trying to save Tradd from what could prove to be an uncomfortable conversation. “This can wait,” I mumbled, releasing his hand and turning toward the door.
Tradd laid a hand on my forearm. I stared down at it, my heart in my throat. “I want to marry you, Lauryn. For now, that’s all we have time for me to say. Just know that since our first trip to Grand Turk, I’ve wanted to marry you.”
I blinked back tears. I wanted to know more. I wanted the whole story, but for now this would suffice. “Good,” I murmured. “I…didn’t know what to think.”
We navigated through the airport after checking the luggage and pack and play. We made it through security. And though I wanted to wander around like we always used to, exploring the little shops and finding snacks, instead we waited for our flight in the VIP lounge. Ripley was sleeping in his car seat on the floor beside our feet. After being denied my usual routine, I frowned at Tradd.
“You’re already looking winded,” he explained quietly. “You can sleep on the flight. I’m just…worrying over you. That’s all.” He reached out and cupped my face.
I couldn’t even be upset. “I love you,” I gushed. “Thank you for thinking of me. I’m lousy at taking care of myself.”
“Always were,” he joked. Then he shook his head. “And I was always so busy, so caught up in my career, I never paid enough attention to your needs. Sometimes terrible things happen to teach us a lesson. That’s how I’m going to look at the accident. I truly see what matters now.”
My head tilted. His words were beautiful, heartfelt, and utterly out of character. “Who are you?”
“What do you mean?” Tradd frowned.
“You never talked like this before. You’d reach out and touch me in an effort to express your feelings. If you had been drinking and we were alone, you’d pull out a guitar and serenade me, but this whole…emotional disclosure thing?” I shook my head. “We were secretly involved for nearly a year and then…” I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. A headache was starting. I had to calm down.
He leaned low to look in my face. “Lauryn, are you okay? You’re pale. Does your head hurt?” Tradd wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck.
“Let me get this out,” I whispered. “Please.” I opened my eyes and he nodded. “You had liquid courage in you when you told me you loved me for the first time.” I swallowed hard. “I carry that with me, wondering if you meant it.”
“I did. I just needed the liquor to push me to say what I’d been thinking for so long.” He bit his lower lip. “You have no idea how intimidating you can be, babe.”
My eyes widened and I immediately regretted it, wincing from the pain.
“Shh. Let me explain.” He smiled shyly and his hands moved to massage my temples. “You’re beautiful, confident, and intelligent. That’s the trifecta. It’s also terrifying. You’re real. You’re no groupie. You’re the kind of woman guys build forever with. You’re the kind of woman who’d never look at me. In the back of my mind, I always fear I don’t deserve you.”
My brow furrowed. “At the risk of being obvious, you’re Tradd Becket. Any woman would give an ovary to be with you. In fact, that’s why I didn’t want to fall for you. I didn’t want to be another conquest. I wanted to be special…loved, wanted, cherished.” I laughed sadly. “You know, I just wanted the dream.” My cheeks burned.
“Don’t be ashamed, Lauryn. You deserve the dream, and I want to give it to you. I mean it.” He pulled me close on the love seat and I pressed my lips to his neck and inhaled his scent, a combination of his body wash and shampoo.
On the floor, Ripley started to squirm. His lip curled and I could see him working up to a whimper. “Bottle time,” I murmured as I reached for the diaper bag, ready and eager to perform some motherly duties and hope it sparked a memory.
Tradd stopped me. “We need to hold him off for the flight so he doesn’t lose it during take-off. We should be boarding soon. Let’s try a pacifier first.”
My eyes filled with tears. “I should’ve known that. Did I forget, or do I not know this?”
A helpless look came over Tradd’s face. He turned his attention to pulling the pacifier from the outside pocket of the bag. “Here, Ripley. Try this.”
A moment later, while I was still waiting for an answer, the boarding announcement burst from a speaker. “I guess we need to go,” I murmured.
Soon, we were on the plane and Tradd had expertly buckled the carrier into the window seat and settled in beside me. “Once we start taxiing down the runway, we’ll pop the bottle in his mouth. And as soon as they turn off the seat belt sign, we’ll get him changed.”
“Let me change him,” I murmured. “I want to do it. I need to do it.”
He chuckled. “Well, I’m not going to fight you over that. The diaper duty is yours.”
Feeling immensely better, I leaned back in the seat and smiled at him. “Good. No fighting. I like this new you,” I joked.
“Well, I like every you,” he murmured as he lifted my hand to his lips. “And without a doubt, I’ll love you forever.”
That man could always make my heart race. “Forever,” I agreed as I stared into his intense eyes.
* * *
Tradd
Eight hours later, we were checking into the hotel, and while she seemed excited, I felt scared and guilty. After all, in her mind, we were together. In reality, we hadn’t shared a bed in roughly a year. And as much as I wanted to take DeSean’s advice and build the life I wanted, I worried what would happen when she regained her memories. If she regained her memories. Would I get accused of taking advantage of the situation? If I didn’t, I could lose the chance to make things right. So, I swallowed my fear and I acted like we were together.
“You can go get ready for bed, if you’d like. I can tuck him in. He takes a midnight feeding and then he’ll let us sleep until about six, maybe seven if we’re super lucky. I’m used to this and you’re fresh out of the hospital, so go rest,” I urged as soon as we were in the room.
Lauryn took a deep breath. “Are you sure? I slept a lot on the plane.”
“Positive, babe.” I grinned and moved to pick out some pajamas for Ripley. “
Go on. I’ll join you soon.” Then I turned and set up the pack and play.
“You’re really good at this,” she noted quietly.
“This has been something of a trial by fire. With you out of commission, I had to get good fast.” I wandered over to her. “I knew you’d never forgive me if I failed, so I had to step up.” I leaned in and kissed her on the lips, gently, like I wasn’t sure she’d let me.
“Promise you’ll come to bed as soon as you can.” The wrinkle in her brow told me she feared I was stalling.
“I promise.” I pressed my lips to her forehead, hoping to soothe some of her fears.
“Promise you’ll hold me all night?” Her voice, though hopeful, trembled.
I recognized the fear. “Like I can deny you anything.” I shook my head. “I’ll hold you as long as I’m aware. You know.” I held my breath, hoping she recalled this detail.
Her head tilted. “We start out practically connected, and then through the night, we drift apart.” Her face brightened. “Then, as soon as you wake up even a little, you reach for me.”
“I’ll always reach for you.” I pulled her into my arms and rested my chin on her head. “I’ve missed this.”
“Dude,” she grumbled. “It has only been a week. When did you get so clingy?”
I closed my eyes. No arguing. No telling her the truth. Not yet. Not until I had a chance to fix things. Behind us, Ripley began to whimper. “Go on now. We have a big day tomorrow. We have to go over every bit of the property, inspect it. I haven’t been there since I bought it.”
She frowned. “We didn’t talk about it?”
I was getting too close to divulging bits and pieces I shouldn’t. “It’s a long story. Some other time. We have plenty. At least three weeks, remember?” I turned her toward the bathroom, gave her a playful slap on her ass, and then watched as she glided away. With a sigh, I gave Ripley my attention. He’d grown accustomed to getting this feed with a song. Tonight would be no different. I’d learned not to interact too much because he’d want to play, but music lulled him to sleep. Damn, I wish I’d been able to sing to him in her belly. I wish I’d been able to feel him kick. I’d missed out on ultrasounds. Who comforted Lauryn while she gave birth? Or did she have a C-section? I didn’t even know my son’s birth story. I swallowed hard and focused on the task at hand.
Soon, I’d managed to get him changed, fed, and settled back into his bed. All this with a series of songs I’d made up as I went along. “Sleep well, little man. Tomorrow, you’ll go swimming.” The idea made me grin. At least I’d get to teach him all kinds of important things from here on out. Most importantly, I’d make sure he learned from my mistakes. I’d make sure he knew how to love a woman. I’d make sure he treated her right. Under my tutelage, he’d never lose his soul mate.
Slowly, I removed my clothes and slung them over the chair in the corner. Then I pulled back the blanket and climbed into bed. Lauryn was in her usual position, the middle of her side. And it felt so natural to wrap my arms around her, feel her back pressed against my chest, her ass wrapping around my cock. This was how I wanted to fall asleep every night for the rest of my life.
“So, about the island house. Did I know about it?”
“No. It was supposed to be a surprise.” I bit my lower lip.
“Then you just recently purchased it.” Lauryn wriggled closer to me.
I sighed. After weeks of negotiation, I’d closed on it days before she left. “Baby, sleep. Tomorrow.”
15
Lauryn
Though the first flight was just under two hours, and the second flight to Grand Turk from Provenciale was half an hour, I felt like I’d spent all day traveling. Then we still had to take a car to the house in Turtle Breeze. As we pulled up the drive, I sucked in a breath. “It’s just as I remember it.”
The white stucco adorned a resort-style home with freeform reflection pools surrounding the guest houses and finally meeting up with the infinity pool at the main house. I gave Tradd a kiss on the cheek and rushed up the steps to stand on the balcony so I could take it all in. Through an opening in the hedges on the other side of the pool was the ocean. He said he wanted it to be ours, but it would never feel that way unless we were legally bound. Still, I could enjoy these three weeks. If anywhere could help me relax and remember, I knew it was here.
“Let’s drop everything and go for a swim,” Tradd suggested as he mounted the steps. “Ripley needs some splash time.”
I nodded, ready to change, but paused before I’d taken even a step. “What about the inspection?”
“Well, I figure we can do it while Ripley is napping in a couple of hours. If you’re too worn out, we’ll nap too. We’ll get to it eventually. Mostly, I want to make sure nothing needs repair.” He shrugged. “And, if there’s anything you want changed, we’ll get it done.”
I bounced slightly on my heels. “You mean if I want to change a paint color, or tile, or…anything?”
“Yup. Furniture too.” Tradd grinned. “You hated those couches.” He motioned to the ones behind me with huge palm fronds and blue flowers.
“Right. I think I said it looked like Lilly Pulitzer had expanded her line into furniture.” I giggled. “Those maybe should go.”
“Good. Let’s get changed.” He chuckled and followed me into the master bedroom.
I jumped when I saw a man in the room delivering our suitcases. “Oh.”
Tradd grinned and held out his hand. “This is our caretaker, Carter. He and his wife, Giselle, keep the place clean, the lawn manicured, and guard our stuff. You know, once we start leaving stuff here.” He turned and pointed to the bathroom. “We have his and hers walk-in closets. I haven’t touched either yet. I left as soon as I signed the papers.”
“Work?” I asked.
He swallowed hard. “Yeah. And without you, I had no reason to linger.”
I nodded like I understood, but I didn’t. “Okay. I’ll unpack later. Swim now?”
After glancing at his phone, Tradd murmured, “Ripley should eat and nap soon.”
A woman leaned into the room. She waved at me. “I’m Giselle. If you’d like, I can watch him so you two can relax and unwind after all the traveling.”
I exchanged a look with Tradd. “We’re going to be right there. He’ll sleep a good two hours. We can have lunch at the pool and enjoy the weather.”
My tummy trembled with excitement. “Let’s do it.”
By the time we made our way down the steps to the pool, it was early afternoon. In the tiki bar and outdoor kitchen, Carter was grilling chicken and vegetables. When he saw us wading toward him, he asked, “What can I get you to drink?”
We floated around, always touching. We ate sitting on the stools. And as much as I enjoyed this, there was a mounting frustration. I wanted my memories back.
Carter came over while we were sunning ourselves. “Can I show you something, Mr. Beckett?”
“Of course.” Tradd stood. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured as he kissed my temple.
“I’ll go check on Ripley. Meet you back here soon.” I grinned and slid off the lounger.
I mounted the stairs directly up to the master bedroom. Ripley was still sleeping soundly and since our suitcases were lying on the bed, I decided to start unpacking mine. Inside was a combination of clothes I recognized and some I didn’t. I’d noticed last night in the hotel and again when I dressed this morning, but this time I truly examined them, hoping a memory would be sparked, but nothing happened.
This place was comfortable, familiar. While we were swimming, Tradd had mentioned we were the last ones to stay here. Anything hanging around was ours. I hung my sundresses in the closet and made my way to the bathroom to drop off some toiletries. I pulled out the top drawer of my side of the vanity and deposited my makeup bag. I pulled out the next drawer and frowned. Inside was an open box of pregnancy tests. Picking it up, I peeked inside and realized three of the five pack were missing.
“I foun
d out I was pregnant with Ripley here,” I murmured. “How did I forget that?”
I remembered now. I’d taken the first one when I’d spent two days feeling nauseous. Tradd had blamed the sun. I snuck out and bought the pregnancy tests. Then when he was sleeping, I took them. I took the first one at night. And, convinced it was wrong, I took another one in the morning. By the time I took the third, I was convinced and panicking. He’d just spent the better part of a week telling me how much he loved life with only the two of us.
“I can’t imagine a more perfect scenario. You and me. Here every chance we can get.” He’d reached out and cupped my bare breasts. There was no caretaker then. We were truly alone and took advantage of the situation by making the trip clothing optional.
“Right,” I’d murmured, already feeling guilty for a pill fail. I racked my brain, wondering how it could go wrong when I hadn’t ever missed a pill. Then I recalled that I’d been diagnosed with strep throat before Myrtle Beach and we had unprotected sex while I was taking antibiotics. Force of habit. More like force of nature. We could barely be near each other without touching, and then without the touching turning intense. Soon, we’d be in bed, or bent over the couch, or the kitchen counter.
My cheeks colored as I remembered. Without thinking, I unwrapped a pee stick and moved to the toilet to use it. I was that desperate to remember everything. What happened next? Where did we go after this trip? After peeing on the stick, I capped it, wiped, flushed, and washed my hands while I closed my eyes and tried to remember.
Charlotte. I took a deep breath. We’d gone back to Charlotte and settled into his uptown condo. We had a couple of days before the new tour. We did laundry. We packed. I napped. I’d never been more tired. And I tried to figure out how to tell him. We hopped on a tour bus. We started driving around the country, only a few days at each location. Only this time, the publicity part, my job, felt exhausting. Tradd was annoyed with me. I pulled away. The road was taking a toll on my pregnant body. I collapsed one night while he was onstage. The doctor checked me out.