The Accidental Genie

by Dakota Cassidy

  It was all there for him to see in living color.

  Victor dropped Nina, whimpering in fear. He looked up at this entity she’d become, his mouth open wide in a silent scream of horror.

  Jeannie wasted no time, striking hard and fast. Whirling around, Jeannie put her hands together, one on top of the other, then opened them, keeping the heels of them pressed tight and curling her fingers inward. She repeated the words in her head, words she must never speak aloud, just as Nekaar had taught her but moments ago.

  I banish thee, oh foulest of foul, I banish thee with this dragon’s howl!

  To her shaking amazement, her hands twisted, reshaping themselves into the mouth of a scaled, mottled blue dragon. Its head bobbled, rearing back, then up in a fierce howl. Opening her hands wide, she breathed fire on him, hot and searing. A long tongue, pink and ringed with ridges, snapped at Victor once before snatching him from the air and rolling his body up like a weenie in a blanket.

  He wailed in agony, twisting and tearing at the tongue just before it swallowed him whole.

  Silence, in all its eerie bliss, settled on the room.

  Jeannie dropped to the floor, falling to the ground in a puff of Sheetrock and wood. Nekaar was above her in an instant. “Oh, madam.” He clapped his hands together with a rapid motion. “You were stunning!”

  She looked up at him, her eyes crossing. “You know this genie thing?” She held up her red palms for inspection. “It burns. The next time you tell me to dragon-up, a little warning, m’kay?”

  Nekaar swept her up in his arms and twirled her around, laughing and lifting her off her feet to bounce her up and down. “You did it. Never have I seen such vivid execution!”

  She winced at the pain in her ribs and tried to squirm out of his grasp. Nina, immobile on the floor, caught her eye. She waved a hand, a hand that made Nekaar release her without saying a word.

  Wow. Goooo, genies.

  Dropping to Nina’s side, she threw herself on the vampire’s chest and sobbed, “MWA! Don’t you do this to me. Don’t you dare die. Not today. Do you hear me? If you die, there’ll be no one to call me midget!” Tears stung her eyes.

  Nina groaned, making Jeannie’s head pop up. Nina’s eyes flew open. “Shut up, shawty. I’m not dead, but I want explanations—like right fucking now.” She rubbed at the spot, where a faint imprint of the cross Victor held to her chest remained.

  “Jeannie!”

  Her eyes lifted to the tune of Sloan’s voice. Sloan, who’d come to get her despite the fact she’d asked him to stay away.

  A buck-naked Sloan who was fighting his way out from under Mat.

  She snapped her fingers like she’d been doing it all her life, restoring Sloan’s clothing to the precise shape they’d been in before he came charging in to save his damsel in distress. Jeannie stared at her fingers, confused. After all that frickin’ struggle to keep some candles floating in the air, she was suddenly genie extraordinaire? The magic had just happened without effort or even much thought.

  Jeannie hopped over a grumbling Nina and hurled herself into his arms, forgetting the screaming ache of her ribs and the continual throb of her head. “Sloan! Oh, God. Why did you come here? I told you to stay home!”

  He pulled her tight to him, his cologne drifting to her nose as she buried her face in his neck. “You didn’t really think I believed you, did you? That was some of the worst acting I’ve ever witnessed. It’s good you cook,” he teased.

  She planted a warm kiss to his lips, running her hands over his jaw. “You could have been killed.” Her heart clenched at the thought.

  “Um, excuse me, Ms. Carlyle. You were killed,” he reminded her, his eyes taking on a haunted look. “I saw it with my own two eyes.”

  She nodded, squeezing his neck. “That was the plan, silly.”

  Nina was leering at her over Sloan’s shoulder, her head bald in spots where the fire had singed it, her clothes torn and blackened. She waved her hand. “Explanation. Now. ’Cus I’m feelin’ a little pissy about the state of my hoodie.” She held up the burned edge of it and narrowed her eyes.

  Jeannie slid from Sloan’s body, planting her feet on the floor. “Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m now officially the master of the djinn.”

  “Well, la-dee-da.” Nina crowed sarcastic approval.

  Jeannie curtsied in response and smiled.

  “So, queen djinn, how the fuck did the whack Victor get out of the bottle?” Nina demanded.

  Nekaar was instantly at Jeannie’s side. “It was I, pale one. I am responsible for Victor’s release. Should ire be your choice of emotion, please direct such at me,” he stated with an arrogant lift to his chin as he crossed his arms over his chest and widened his stance.

  Nina’s lips thinned. She jammed her face into Nekaar’s. “You know, cue ball, that motherfucking wife beater almost killed me and the paranormal posse. How is it that whenever your Aladdin ass is in the vicinity, bad shit’s happenin’?”

  Jeannie stepped between Nina and Nekaar. “Nekaar mistakenly let Victor out of the bottle. Long story—I’ll share the details later. Anyway, Burt was the one who kidnapped Najim, er, the former ruler of the djinn.”

  Sloan’s eyes held confusion. “Na-who?”

  Najim crossed the room, his elegant silver jacket, cropped at the waist, still smoking. His raven hair was almost white from the sheetrock dust, and his harem pants, garnished with red rubies, were flapping behind him. Placing his palms together, he bowed before Nina and Sloan. “I’m Najim. It’s an honor.”

  Nina scoffed and made a face, wiping a hand over her soot-streaked face. “You’re the head genie? Did you win that title on your Xbox 360, dude?”

  Instead of taking offense, he leaned into Jeannie and gave her a brilliant smile. “No. But it’s just one more thing I can add to my list of stuff to catch up on now that Jeannie’s taking over.”

  Jeannie couldn’t help but giggle. “Najim was the ruler of Genie Land. When Burt cursed me after he escaped from the bottle, he didn’t just turn me into a genie or simply screw up and tether Sloan and I together—he somehow released this crazy power that sort of landed on me. So the reason I was granting random wishes was because not only was my magic untrained, it was all screwed up. It had to be tweaked, so to speak.”

  Nina scruffed her soot-covered hair up and grinned. “Badass, midget. So explain the shiz that just went down. You were dead, kiddo. Scared the living shit out of me.”

  Jeannie saw the flash of concern in Nina’s eyes before she slapped her tough exterior back on, and it made her heart shift in her chest. “I was dead, that’s true. Very dead. And you’d have never seen any of it if you’d just stayed away,” she admonished, rolling her eyes in Sloan’s direction. “Genie magic trumps all magic. So your paranormal superpowers, as you saw, did little good.” She went on to explain how Burt had found her and what he and Victor had planned to do to Jeannie in their quest to steal her power.

  Nina’s eyes went directly to Nekaar with accusation flashing in them. “So, if Burt was the dummy in this relationship, how the fuck is it that you didn’t know he could do something like this?”

  Nekaar’s sigh was of exaggerated exasperation. “Because, madam, I do not seek such atrocities. I was not aware anyone could take our ruler’s place. I was also unaware that a book existed with instructions on how to do so. I am not malevolent in nature!”

  Sloan patted Nekaar on the back. “Burt was who checked out the book from the library? The book had real information? Information that worked?” Sloan asked.

  Jeannie squeezed Nekaar’s arm. “Yep, and the curse Burt originally hurled at me was totally a screwup on his part. He didn’t complete the curse. When he found out what he’d done, he looked for ways to get the magic back.”

  Nina planted her hands on her hips. “Get to the death pa
rt, midget.”

  Jeannie smiled in Nekaar and Najim’s direction. “My death was all part of the plan. I distracted Burt while Victor was in the kitchen cooking up my destruction and Mat, the most awsometastic magic carpet ever, slithered off into the living room, found that damn book, read the spell they planned to perform on me, and slithered back in. Originally, Victor was going to kill me, transfer my power to Burt, making Burt the new ruler because as you know, genies can’t use magic for personal gain. So I let Victor do what he’s wanted to do all these years. Kill me.”

  “I fucking told you we shouldn’t have put Victor in the bottle. You shoulda let me kill him,” Nina said, balling her fists.

  Sloan put an arm around Nina and said, “Hush, vampire.” His warm eyes fell on Jeannie as she continued.

  “Anyway, we didn’t have much choice. We were all rendered powerless by those stupid ankle cuffs. So the only choice we had was to let Victor kill me, have Najim repeat the words to the spell, which, by the way, you don’t even have to be a genie to perform, and pray Najim and Nekaar didn’t suffer too long, chained to that damn wall, while I made the transition. Talk about a leap of faith, right? What they didn’t count on was Najim performing the spell on me before they could get there first.” Jeannie followed her words with a smug smile. “And speaking of spells . . .” She turned to Nekaar, her eyes flashing. “Didn’t you tell me no one but the genie who cursed those cuffs could remove the curse? Nina’s not a genie.”

  Nekaar’s eyes were sheepish. “I spoke too soon, I fear. My most informed guess is, Burt cursed the cuffs, madam. And we all know how Burt’s curses roll, as you say.”

  Jeannie’s giggle bordered hysterical. “So I let Victor slit my throat for nothing?”

  “Nay! Nothing you have done tonight was in vain, madam. Who could have guessed the pale, angry one would show up with your pretty male? You died for the cause, madam!” Nekaar said fiercely.

  “Yeah, about that. You dying. Explain,” Sloan insisted, his gaze intense as he brushed the hair from her eyes. “Because I’m still a little lost about why you had to die for this all to work. And it better never happen again. I don’t think I’ll live through it.”

  “According to the book, I had to die and experience a rebirth by way of the spell, the sort of final phase of me becoming ruler. I was only three quarters of the way there all this time because Burt screwed up originally, which explains why my magic was so haywire. I just needed the other quarter of it to complete me. Under normal circumstances, according to this book, this ritual would have been a happy occasion, and once I was reborn, there would have been celebrations and all sorts of jazz. But the magic I had can also be stolen upon my death—if you know how to do it, that is. So my half-assed magic, plus this spell no one seemed to know about but Burt, equals the most powerful genie ever.”

  Nina’s eyes narrowed. “So that dicknuckle Burt only spewed half the spell when he got out of the bottle?”

  Jeannie winced when she ran her hand over the back of her head. “That’s basically what it boils down to, MWA. He found pieces of the spell on the Internet, but the entirety of it was in that book. A book I fully intend to burn as new ruler. Can you even believe just anyone can repeat it? You don’t have to be djinn to cast it. That worked to our advantage, too, because Najim was powerless at that point.”

  Sloan shook his head. “So why didn’t Najim take the spell and use it for himself, so he could continue to rule the djinn?”

  Najim smiled at Sloan. “Because Najim is tired after a buttload of centuries as ruler. And remember, in order for someone to accumulate all of the power, your Jeannie would have had to die for me to steal it.”

  Sloan slapped him on the back with a smile. “You made the right choice, my friend. Because if you’d harmed a hair on her head, no genie magic would have saved you.”

  Jeannie smiled impishly up at him, her eyes warm.

  Najim gave Sloan a sheepish glance. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more help. My magic was a little neglected during my week of captivity, and as you grew stronger, I grew weaker.”

  Jeannie ran a hand over his arm and smiled. “You were still pretty awesome.”

  Nina shook her head, her dark hair now beginning to grow back before Jeannie’s eyes. “So you actually let that fuck put a knife to your throat and slit it?”

  Jeannie nodded, forcing the utter terror of that decision from her mind. “A knife dipped in some kind of genie magic. What they didn’t count on was what a brilliant spy Mat turned out to be. He saved us.”

  “Jesus Christ and a pair of Hanes, you are one righteous broad, midget. Gimme the knuck,” Nina encouraged, her fist facing forward.

  Jeannie bumped fists with her and grinned, though she ached from head to toe.

  Marty and Wanda began to squeak from beneath Mat, sending Nina off to help them.

  Sloan’s jaw clenched and a vein in his forehead pulsed. Always a sure sign he was bent out of shape.

  She put her hands on his chest and glanced up at him with hangdog eyes. “So you’re mad.”

  He held up a hand. “Pretty people have feelings, too.”

  She walked her fingers up his arm and batted her eyelashes—even though the batting hurt like hell. “Would it help if I said I’m über-sorry, and I was just trying to keep you out of harm’s way like you all did for me?”

  He shrugged his shoulder and sighed comically. “Maybe.”

  Throwing her arms around him, she clung to his middle. “I’m sooorrry. So, so desperately, dreadfully, incredibly sorry.”

  Sloan scooped her up and met her gaze, his filled with fire. “Don’t ever, ever, so long as your little genie life lasts, ever do that again, young lady. I think I lost a good fifty years off my eternity.”

  Her heart clenched tight and her arms tightened around him. “Promise. I think. I hope.”

  “You’re one brave warrior, Jeannie Carlyle.”

  As the reality of what she’d done began to sink in, she found herself beginning to wobble.

  Sloan put his lips to hers, kissing her soundly before pulling away to ask, “So, about that dinner date . . . We might have to reschedule due to the remodel your kitchen’s going to need. We can’t play Top Chef like this.” He waved his hand around at the total annihilation of her brownstone.

  Jeannie giggled against his lips and sighed. “I get to be Padma,” she teased. She didn’t care that her brownstone was ruined. She didn’t care that her body felt like it had been run over by a 747. The only thing that mattered was Sloan was here with her and safe.

  “All right you two, leave the lip-lock for later, huh?” Nina razzed them as Wanda and Marty followed behind her, both wrapped in one sheet. Nina held up Mat and gave him a shake.

  Tears stung Jeannie’s eyes when she took him from Nina. She cradled him close to her chest. “You are the best guardian ever.”

  He coughed, blowing more Sheetrock dust up in a white cloud. “Invisible,” he reminded her.

  Jeannie laughed. “Like totally. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Aw,” he grumbled. “It’s the least I could do for ya, dollface.”

  She held him up, struggling to hold his heavy weight. “You know, there’s something else I can do for you if what Nekaar says is true.”

  He shuddered, making his fibers ripple. “Dyson?”

  Jeannie shook her head. “Way more awesome. I can lift your curse . . . You could be human again, Mat. I’d miss you as my guardian, but all you have to do is wish . . .”

  Mat held perfectly still for a moment as though paused in thought. “Can I think on it, doll? I dunno if I can handle bein’ human again. I’m so used to bein’ just some throw rug.”

  She pulled him back to her chest and squeezed him hard. “You’re not just some throw rug. You’re my throw rug, and you take all the time you need.” Dr
opping a kiss on his fringe that made him purr, she set him down on the floor. Mat slid off over the chunks of her brownstone and disappeared under the bathroom door where Boris and Benito barked wildly and scratched at the door.

  Jeannie turned to Wanda and Marty, more tears stinging her eyes. “Thank you. I never could have done this without you—all of you.”

  Marty blew a strand of her mussed hair from her face and enveloped Jeannie in a hug. “Please. You were a force, kiddo. Way to take a sonofabitch out, honey,” she cooed.

  Wanda bobbed her head, tugging at a piece of wood stuck in her shoulder before examining Jeannie’s head, which was still crusted with blood. She wrapped her arm around Jeannie’s neck, squeezing it before clucking her tongue. “What a disaster. Nina, get the DustBuster. Wait. Scratch that. See if Darnell can hire a bulldozer. Marty? See if we can find some rubber gloves. You know how my hands chafe when they’re submerged in water.”

  And they were off, unaware that Jeannie could simply snap her fingers and restore everything to its former disorganized mess.

  She was about to reveal that when Sloan took her by the hand and pulled her aside. “Before you do the hocus-pocus and make everything all better, give me a second.”

  “For?”

  “For this,” he murmured before swooping down and covering her lips with his.

  And in the midst of Wanda barking orders, and Marty carrying on about how itchy Jeannie’s sheets were, and Nina complaining that Marty was a diva-whiner, Jeannie sighed against Sloan’s mouth.

  This was what magic was made of.

  * * *

  JEANNIE and Nina sat side by side on her bed once more while Sloan was at the store picking up more antibiotic cream to tend to the wounds he promised he’d care for when they were alone if he could just get rid of all the yakking women who seemed to think he was incapable of nurturing her properly. She didn’t bother to tell him that the next spell on her list to learn was that of self-healing. She needed a moment alone with Nina.

  Sloan had insisted she wait here and rest under Nina’s watchful eye.