Six Sexy Doctors Part 1 (Mills & Boon e-Book Collections): A Doctor, A Nurse: A Little Miracle / The Children's Doctor and the Single Mum / A Wife for ... / The Playboy Doctor's Surprise Proposal

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘But—’

  A finger to her lips silenced her protest. ‘I’m ready to start living again, Annie. I really like Anthony and I plan to see him. But this isn’t just about me. I went along with your charade at the beginning, even though it didn’t feel right to me, but it’s wrong. We have to stop. I think you need to deal with these issues about Nathan once and for all. It’s time to move on. You have to talk to him.’

  ‘I can’t.’ She shuddered at the thought of facing him, knowing she had wronged him. But it was more than that…it was the inner knowledge that she was still vulnerable to him.

  ‘You can. You have to. He cares about you, Annie. He hides his feelings well, but I see the pain in his eyes when he looks at you and when he thinks we’re together. I really like him, and I feel guilty doing this to him. You need to set the record straight.’

  ‘Will—’ She broke off, seeking the words to explain. ‘I can’t hurt like that again.’

  He tightened his hold, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I know you’re scared. The fact that you are just proves how much you still care. If you were truly over him what happened five years ago would no longer matter to you. You can’t blame Nathan for everything. And you can’t use me to stand between you and the rest of your life. You’re hurting Nathan and you’re hurting yourself.’

  ‘It doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t want me.’

  ‘He said it was too soon for marriage and a family. That isn’t the same thing,’ Will pointed out, breaking down her defences with his arguments. ‘You are different people now, Annie. Older, wiser, more settled. Maybe Nathan made a mistake. Maybe you asked for too much too soon. But you have the opportunity to make things right. Are you going to stubbornly deny yourself the possibility of real happiness because you are too frightened to take a chance and admit your own part in what went wrong?’

  She had pushed away from him, confused, unsettled, unable to think. Most of all unwilling to face that much of what he had said might be true. Because if she did she’d have no defences left. If she allowed Nathan in, opened herself to caring for him, loving him, then she would be hurt all over again. Because he’d made it clear he didn’t want marriage and a family, and she didn’t think she would ever pick herself up from that a second time. But Will had been through the wringer, too, and he deserved his chance at happiness. She loved him too much as a friend, as the brother she had never had, to stand in his way. It wasn’t fair of her to use him as her emotional shield.

  ‘You need to think long and hard about what you want, Annie, and settle this once and for all.’

  After Will had gone up to bed, telling her he had plans with Anthony during his time off, she had tried to grab a few hours’sleep for herself. Feeling unsettled and unrested, she had risen scant hours later, written a note to Will, and then driven to Yorkshire to see her mother, hoping the warmth and security of home would help to calm her.

  Time and distance had done nothing to dull the effect of Will’s words, which continued to ring in her ears. Annie sighed, turning over again and thumping her pillow, unable to rest as she tried to consider all that had happened in the past with an open and honest mind.

  Losing her father had been the most terrible blow. They had been so close, and he had been her hero. A rural GP, his love of medicine and care for his patients had been her inspiration, and she had been determined to follow in his footsteps and to make him proud of her. He had supported her every step of the way when she had chosen emergency medicine—both her parents had. His sudden and unexpected death had devastated her. And Nathan had been there, seeing her through every moment.

  Had she ever thanked him? Had she ever given him anything back? No. All she had done was cling to him, make demands. Unaware of the tears tracking her cheeks, she recalled those terrible last moments when she had pushed and pushed him, with no conscious thought or understanding of what was driving her on…

  ‘We can’t have a baby now, Annie,’ Nathan had explained patiently, sighing when she’d evaded his attempt to hug her. ‘It’s too soon, sweetheart. We’re financially unstable and at a crucial point with our careers. We don’t even know where we’re going to be living when we move on to start training in our specialties.’

  ‘I’m going to stop taking the pill.’

  She felt his withdrawal from her at the threat. ‘No. I won’t be blackmailed, Annie.’

  ‘I want us to get married, Nathan. I want a baby. If you really loved me…’

  She buried her head under the duvet as she recalled her whingeing demands, saw again his set face, the unwavering expression in his implacable dark eyes. Nathan hadn’t rejected her. He had been cautious and responsible. She could see it now, with painful clarity. And he had never said it was over—just that it was the wrong time for both of them to take the step to marriage and a family. He had been right, but at the time she had been blind to reason.

  Behaving out of character, riddled with insecurities she had never experienced before, something self-destructive had snapped inside her and she had flown off the handle—accused him of not caring, of not loving her, not wanting to be with her, and she had walked out and never seen him again. Clearly she had hurt Nathan as much as she had hurt herself. God, what a mess. Was it too late to put things right? And even if it were possible how could she do it? She had dug an even bigger hole for herself by deceiving Nathan and using Will as a shield. How could he trust her again when he found out?

  As uncomfortable as it was to admit, Annie recognised that she had been selfish…so young, so unrealistic, so demanding, so insecure, planning her perfect life without considering Nathan’s needs and wants. Without even understanding her own.

  After a sleepless night, she went for a walk along familiar paths, instinctively taking routes she had shared often with her father. Today she had her mother’s enthusiastic Springer spaniel, Todd, for company, but for once she was blind to the bare beauty of the wintry countryside around her. Filled with confusion and mixed emotions, she returned to the house and had a late lunch with her mother, knowing they needed to talk before she drove back to Scotland. She had work the next day—and she could no longer ignore Nathan and the confrontation that must inevitably come.

  ‘Nathan turned up in Strathlochan last week,’ she began, unsure of herself, and knowing her mother had disagreed with her actions five years ago, although they had never discussed it since.

  ‘I know.’

  Her mother’s calm reaction shocked her rigid, and it took a moment for Annie to find her voice. ‘You know? How?’

  ‘Just because you decided to cut Nathan out of your life it didn’t mean I had to. I always cared about him, and he was wonderful when your father died.’ After pouring herself a glass of water and taking a sip, her mother continued. ‘We’ve kept in touch these last five years. And he’s never forgotten Christmas, my birthday or your father’s anniversary.’

  Annie was unable to process all her mother had said. She felt unsettled by the feelings welling within her, which ranged from anger to sadness to a sliver of ridiculous envy. How could she be so contrary? She had pushed Nathan away, refused to have contact with him or even mention his name for the last five years, so how could she begrudge or feel jealous of her mother’s friendship with him?

  ‘You told Nathan where I was?’

  ‘No.’ Her mother paused to stroke Todd, who gave up his fruitless vigil for a treat from the table and crossed to his doggy duvet by the Rayburn to curl up for a sleep. ‘I had no idea Nathan had gone to Scotland until after the event. But I’m not surprised. He’s at a turning point in his life and I suppose he needs to take care of the unfinished business between you. We’ve never discussed you, Annie,’ she added gently. ‘It was a kind of unspoken agreement so we didn’t make things difficult for each other. I’ve never volunteered information and Nathan has never asked.’

  Sudden and unexpected hurt ripped through her at the knowledge. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

&n
bsp; ‘You told me not to, love.’ Her mother sighed and shook her head. ‘From the moment you left him and came home, announcing you were moving to another hospital, you were adamant that I was never to mention him. Even when he was phoning here, coming to the house, desperate to talk to you, you refused to listen. What was I supposed to do? You broke his heart, Annie. You’re my daughter…I love you and I always will…but I wasn’t about to abandon Nathan when he needed someone.’

  Annie sat frozen, trying to make sense of it all. She had never known that Nathan had come after her. She had simply assumed he hadn’t cared—another terrible error on her part. And all this time her mother and Nathan had remained friends, had shared things without her, had acted as if she didn’t exist.

  ‘I never could understand why you set Nathan up for a fall and tested him like that,’ her mother continued, piling on more guilt and refusing to allow Annie to back away from the reality of her mistakes. ‘What did you expect him to do, love? You tried to trap him into committing to you by threatening to get pregnant against his wishes.’

  ‘I don’t know why!’ Annie cried, overwhelmed, battling back the tears that stung her eyes, unable to take any more. ‘Somehow I blocked it all out. I’ve only just acknowledged what I did, but I can’t make sense of the way I acted.’

  ‘Annie…’

  ‘I loved him so much, Mum, and I was scared he didn’t love me back—scared I would lose him unless I tied him down, had a proper commitment.’

  As her voice broke, her mother came around the table to sit next to her, placing a protective arm around her shoulders. ‘He loved you, too. It was just the wrong time to even be thinking about a baby.’

  ‘I couldn’t see that then.’

  How could she ever have been so foolish as to think for a second they could have coped with their pressured jobs, starting out as junior doctors, changing posts and hospitals, struggle to make ends meet and still brought a baby into the world? Why had she backed Nathan so far into a corner that he had had no option but to push back against her?

  She voiced the questions aloud. ‘Why, Mum? Why did I do that?’

  ‘You were understandably rocked by your dad’s death.’

  The explanation mirrored her own thoughts, but it still shocked her to hear it out loud. ‘But that was six months before my row with Nathan.’

  ‘There’s no time limit on grief, Annie. And it can drive us to do strange things. You weren’t yourself after he died.’ Her mother’s eyes held deep sadness. ‘You think I don’t still miss and yearn for your father five and a half years on? I know what he meant to you, how close you were—he loved you so much and he was incredibly proud of his little girl. He always thought of you that way,’ she added with a smile. ‘But he was my life, too. My world changed for ever, love, just as yours did.’

  ‘Mum…’ Fresh tears welled in her eyes at the thought of her mother, home alone, lost without the man who had been by her side for twenty-five years.

  Her mother took her hand, her smile gentle and kind. ‘I know, Annie, I understand. You have a lot of thinking to do to face the reality of the past and your own role in it. Don’t judge Nathan so harshly without understanding his side of things.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Talk, Annie, but listen, too,’ she advised, with a mix of firmness and sympathy. ‘You have another chance—don’t make the same mistakes again. There’s so much you never bothered to know about Nathan…his family, his childhood, what shaped him to be the person he is. He’s such a special man—but a very lonely one. He keeps so much locked inside him. You were the only person he ever let close to him or trusted with himself. And I don’t think you have any clue how important you were in his life. You were his anchor, his joy. He’s never recovered from losing you.’

  By the time Annie left her old family home after her impromptu visit, she felt as if she had been through an emotional wringer. And she knew worse was to come—because, as crazy as it seemed, she had to go to Nathan. She was compelled to do so, drawn to him, consumed with the need to see him.

  Armed with his address, which her mother had given her, she drove north towards Strathlochan. Having spent so long in denial, so long pushing him away, she now wanted to talk, to explain, to apologise…to learn about the man who still remained a mystery to her in so many ways, despite the intimacies they had shared.

  Just how much did she know about Nathan apart from his skills as a doctor, his quiet kindness, protectiveness and his supreme ability as a lover? What did she know of his past, his hopes, his fears, his dreams? Nothing—just as he had said. Just as her mother had suggested. It shocked her that she knew nothing about his background, nor why he had come to study medicine at twenty-two, and not at a younger age like the rest of their group. She had assumed he’d had a change of mind about the career he wanted. Maybe she had assumed a lot of things. He had never talked of his home… She didn’t even know if he had family somewhere. How could she have been so self-absorbed? She felt the terrible weight of guilt. She had known Nathan was reserved, a loner, and she acknowledged with shame that she had revelled in being the only one he turned to, confided in, allowed close to him. If all her mother had said was true, she had let him down terribly.

  She had no one to blame but herself for the misery of the last five years. Even the achievements in her career seemed meaningless against the bleakness of her personal life. She had been so driven, so consumed by the loss of her father, shaken by the knowledge that nothing was safe and that life could change in a moment. She’d had her mother and Nathan, and she’d wanted to tie them both to her in a desperate need for security, scared to lose anyone else essential to her life, her heart, her soul.

  Welcomed into her home, treated as part of their family, Nathan had been fond of her parents. Lost in her own torment, she’d never once thought that he might have been affected by her father’s death, too. Nathan had been by her side throughout every moment of her heartache. He’d held her as she cried, listened to her talk for hours into the night about the man who had been her hero, her friend. Nathan, always understanding, always strong, always giving. What had she given him in return? Her throat tightened. Nothing. She had just taken. All too clearly she could see her mistakes, her selfishness. They were laid out before her, bare, exposed. She didn’t like what she saw of herself, but she was no longer able to hide, to pretend that the fault was anyone’s but her own.

  How could she have been so juvenile, so thoughtless? And why had Nathan put up with her as long as he had? The truth of the answer made her sob aloud. Because, despite everything, he had loved her. And she had thrown it all back in his face when he wouldn’t fit in with her sudden whim to have a baby. She had been so vulnerable after losing her father that she had subconsciously tried to tie Nathan to her, terrified he would leave her, too. And in pushing him, in reacting so irrationally to his answer, she had lost the very things she had been so desperate to keep. Nathan and his love.

  She feared she didn’t deserve either.

  She had taken his reluctance to get married and have a baby at the moment she demanded as an out-and-out rejection of her—a sign he didn’t care. Five years too late, she could see how wrong she had been…about everything. He had not been denying her or their love. He had simply—and quite rightly—said that it was too soon for them to have a child.

  There was no escaping from the truth. She had behaved abominably. Her mother had tried to tell her but she hadn’t listened. Neither had she given Nathan a chance to express his views. Not even these last ten days, when he had tried again and she had shoved him aside. Why had he waited until now to come after her? Her mother’s suggestion that he was at a turning point in his life was scary. Did that mean he was ready to move on without her? She had wasted five years, causing herself and Nathan unimaginable pain. How could he ever forgive her? He had come to Strathlochan, but did that mean he still wanted her? Or did he just need closure before walking away—for good this time?

  Restless,
Nathan stood at the window in the living room of the ground floor flat he had rented for his time in Strathlochan and stared out into the darkness of the night. The rain had stopped an hour or more ago, but the wind was still strong, whistling eerily around the old detached granite building, sounding mournful, matching his mood.

  Sighing, he closed the curtains and returned to his chair, unable to focus on the medical study he was doing in preparation for gaining his specialist registrar status. He had been distracted ever since he had seen Annie again, but the last days had plagued him, and he was anxious that he had ruined everything. He shouldn’t have confronted Annie in the staffroom like that—especially in front of Will. But when she had made her comment about the way Holly’s sister had trapped Gus Buchanan he hadn’t been able to help himself.

  At some point the words had needed to be said. Annie had to face the reality of the past—a reality he was realising she had genuinely managed to distort to protect herself. And his challenge had caused a reaction. He had seen it in the way her face had paled and her blue eyes had grown large and shadowed. Giving her space to think and himself a chance to cool off had seemed the best idea. Now he was scared he had acted rashly, and worried that his impatience and burst of hurt anger might have driven even more of a wedge between them.

  He had made some bad mistakes in the past, and maybe he hadn’t learned the lessons as well as he should have. What if it was too late to have a second chance with Annie? She was the only woman he had ever loved. Ever would love. A frown knotted his brow as his thoughts turned inexorably to her and Will. He had yet to resolve what bothered him about their relationship. They were clearly very close, their affection was genuine, and yet he hadn’t detected any hint of passion. That surprised him. He himself knew the full extent of the fire that smouldered within Annie. He’d experienced the joy of inflaming it, embracing the intensity of heat they had always generated, which had threatened to consume and incinerate them.