Desire at Dawn

by Fiona Zedde

  “Now what?” Kylie asked.

  “Now we enjoy what is left of the night.”

  Kylie drew back, surprised.

  “I’m hurt. You don’t want to spend some quality time with your own mother?” There was a teasing lilt to Belle’s voice, but there was something else moving behind it too. “I know things have been strange for us since you’ve been with the clan, but I thought that by now you’d have sorted out your feelings and…” Her mother tapered off.

  “Nothing changed for me. Sometimes I look at you and I don’t know who you are. The thing I see in front of me is so different from the mother I used to know.” Kylie clamped down on her lip, surprised by her own honesty. Maybe it was the last of the drugged blood talking. But she didn’t stop. “It feels like I just got here. I still feel like we’re strangers.”

  That was not what she had meant to say. She wanted to bridge the gap that had sprung up between her and Belle. She wanted to be closer to the woman who had given birth to her. But from the age of five until eighteen, she thought her mother was dead. Now, here Belle was back in her life with a new name and a savagery that was as alien to Kylie as the sharp teeth and the scent embedded in her skin.

  As much as she wanted the connection to happen between her and her mother, she felt like she kept running into her mother’s shield. Or she was using her own shield to ram into her mother again and again, trying to get Belle to surrender the love that Kylie so desperately wanted. But that was no way to gain peace.

  “Would it be hard to end this distance between us, daughter?” Belle walked at Kylie’s side, barefoot and elegant, her tall figure illuminated under the slivered moon.

  Daughter. Kylie cringed at the word.

  “Mother, it feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Kylie was late. Olivia had just fallen asleep. She slipped over the edge of the balcony and into the apartment. Yes, Olivia smelled like sleep. Kylie’d had a slow awakening with her mother and Violet and a long early evening where she thought about little else but Olivia. What would Olivia reveal about herself tonight? Would this be the day that Kylie revealed herself? But after Belle left for New York, Violet had wanted to spar with her, and the exhilaration of it had taken Kylie over, blood singing, body stretched to its limits and beyond. And then it was half past midnight and she missed Olivia’s monologues to her, the intimacy of her voice. That missing felt like an ache, one she could only soothe by being close to Olivia. She wanted suddenly, desperately, to touch her.

  The shower she’d taken was a quick one. And now Kylie barely felt clean as she sank quietly into Olivia’s bed, unable to maintain much distance between herself and the woman she had come to see. The mattress barely moved under Kylie’s weight.

  She regretted her haste. The sheets smelled of the dryer, and Olivia’s skin like a recent bath. What had she said while she soaked in the tub, searching the ceiling for signs, perhaps, of the person she had a one-sided conversation with every night?

  Yes, she had come to her too soon. The wildness of the sparring session still nipped at the edges of her consciousness. A sharp blood smell from a cut on Violet’s arm rose in memory, and Kylie’s mouth watered. She flinched back from Olivia on the bed, suddenly aware of the pulsing, sleeping heat and what sweetness would explode under her tongue with just one bite.

  “You look like somebody’s child.”

  Kylie stifled her hiss of surprise. Olivia’s eyes stared into hers. Perfectly awake. Perfectly aware. She lay under the thin sheet with her head cradled on the pillow, a hand tucked under her cheek.

  “That’s because I am.” Kylie sat up in the bed, pushing herself carefully away. Why the hell had she given in to the urge to sit on the bed?

  Olivia followed her movements with her eyes, but that was all.

  “It’s you that I’ve been smelling.” She took a quick, sipping breath. “Like lavender.”

  Kylie gaped at her, still not knowing what to say. She was shocked that Olivia wasn’t screaming her head off and running out the front door. It was different now that Olivia could see her. Now that Olivia knew for sure she had a stalker instead of believing she had simply made one up to suit her needs. She crouched in Olivia’s bed, an obvious intruder, her palms flat against the sheets, ready to fly up and away.

  “Don’t be frightened,” Kylie said.

  “I’m not. Are you?” Olivia curled up in the bed, tucking her knees into her chest. Her eyes swallowed Kylie, wonder in them.

  Kylie giggled, suddenly nervous. “No. No way.” It was the oddest sensation to finally talk with Olivia, instead of hearing Olivia talk at her. As if her world suddenly swung upside down and it was all she could do to hold on. Olivia was calm in the bed, watching.

  Her steady gaze made Kylie want to confess everything.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. Then tripped over her tongue. “I didn’t—I didn’t….”

  “Did you find what you were looking for when you came in that first time?” Olivia asked.

  Kylie lost her words again.

  Then Olivia smiled. “You’re so uncertain.” The smile became bittersweet. “It’s like you stumbled in here with me and didn’t know how to leave.” She sat up in the bed, watching Kylie, a small wrinkle between her straight and thick eyebrows. “Would you like something to drink? Some tea maybe?”

  Caught off guard again, Kylie could only stammer. “I don’t—that is really nice of you, but—” Olivia’s eyes never left her. She cleared her throat. “Tea. Yeah. Sure.” She dredged up one of her granny’s old lessons from childhood. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Olivia slid from the other side of the queen-sized bed, and Kylie swallowed in surprise at the tiny shorts and camisole she wore. Had she always worn such a small amount of clothes to bed?

  On naked feet, Olivia left her, trailing her hand on the railing, looking back over her shoulder to glance at Kylie as if she couldn’t quite believe she was there. The scent of her made Kylie want to follow. It was spicy with sleep, and warm.

  Olivia wore a smile as she made her slow way down the steps to the main level of the apartment and the kitchen. Kylie slipped from the bed to watch her as she’d done for so many days, crouching to her favorite spot on the floor to watch Olivia empty the old water from the kettle and open the spigot to pour fresh water in with spare, elegant movements.

  Soon, she finished making tea for them both and brought the steaming mugs of what smelled like ginger and lavender upstairs back to the bedroom. She set one of the mugs on the left side of the bed and put the other, the one that smelled of flowers, in Kylie’s hand.

  Her eyes were ravenous over Kylie’s face, lingering on her neck, her body, even the way she held the mug. There was nothing sexual about it, simply Olivia digesting everything about Kylie in a way that she hadn’t before.

  Kylie was frozen in place, waiting for the intense gaze to fall away. She felt wholly digested, plucked over. She looked down at the tea, not quite knowing what to do with it. She hadn’t put anything in her mouth except for blood and a few drops of coffee in so long. The tea smelled good, but only as something to decorate the air. She put the mug on the table beside Olivia’s.

  “My name is Kylie.”

  “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Kylie.” Olivia’s lips curved up in a smile. “I’m sure you already know my name plus a few other things about me.” The smile faded away. “How did you get in here?”

  Kylie clenched her back teeth, resisting the urge to bite her lip out of sheer nervousness. She wanted to shove back at Olivia, treat her as if she didn’t have the right to ask her any questions. But she couldn’t. She was the one who had intruded into Olivia’s space. She was the one who had been spying.

  “I climbed in through your balcony,” she finally said.

  “That’s…that’s a little creepy, don’t you think?” Olivia tilted her head.

  Kylie tried for a joke. “Depends o
n who you ask.”

  Olivia didn’t laugh. “How long have you been here in my apartment?”

  Kylie’s cheeks tingled, but she forced herself not to look away. “A few days.”

  Olivia drew a breath of surprise. “Why?”

  “I—I needed a place to hide from the sun.”

  “The sun?”

  Kylie nodded, willing to give Olivia anything, answer any questions she needed to feel more comfortable about Kylie being in her apartment uninvited.

  Olivia was silent for a while, simply sitting in the middle of the bed, eyelashes flickering delicately, like she was deep in thought. “You’re different.”

  “Yes.”

  Kylie didn’t know what to say about what she was. Wasn’t it apparent that she was other than human? Was that the reason Olivia’s gaze had lingered so long on Kylie, making her wonder for the first time in seven years what someone else saw when they looked at her.

  “I’m very different,” Kylie said.

  Olivia devoured Kylie with her eyes once again. It seemed almost strange to have Olivia actually interacting with her, not drifting through her dreams of connection but being her own person and asking Kylie questions, talking to her like a real person. Despite her discomfort with having to reveal what she was to Olivia, she also felt a bit of relief.

  “How different are you?” Olivia asked.

  A line pressed into the smooth skin of Olivia’s forehead. Kylie figured the easiest way to tell Olivia about what she was, was to show her. She moved into the middle of the bed until she was mere inches from Olivia. Olivia didn’t move back, only dropped her gaze briefly to Kylie’s lips. She licked her own.

  “I don’t want to scare you,” Kylie said.

  “Then don’t.” A smile shaped her moist lips.

  Kylie shook her head. “It’s not that easy.”

  Olivia put a hand on Kylie’s thigh. “Most things are easier than we think.”

  “I—”

  She opened her mouth and allowed the hunger to rise in her. Kylie didn’t want to frighten Olivia, but she didn’t know any other way to do this. She’d never revealed herself to anyone before. Her teeth flashed out. Olivia gasped and jerked away. The sudden stink of her fear flared in the room making Kylie feel ashamed and regret over opening her mouth. Her teeth snapped shut, and she slid back in the bed. But Olivia grabbed her arm. With a slight squeeze, she forced Kylie to stay on the bed.

  Kylie looked down at the delicate hand on her arm, the flesh that was a few shades lighter than her own and with hints of red. Her touch was light, but Kylie could no more throw it off than she could lift the entire building where they sat.

  “Does it hurt?” Olivia asked. “Being what you are.”

  “Yes. But not as much as in the beginning.”

  They seemed to be speaking on an entirely different level. Not about the impossibility of there being vampires in the world, but about this. How being what she was hurt her. How much pain she felt from being so different in a way that inspired only fear and revulsion.

  “I’m glad,” Olivia said. She slowly drew her hand back until she was sitting straight in the bed again. She looked away from Kylie.

  “Why are you glad when you don’t even know me?”

  “You look so lovely, like a living doll with all that thick hair and those big, beautiful eyes.” Olivia said the words with a hiccup of some strange emotion in her voice. She lifted a hand to touch Kylie’s face, but Kylie flinched back. Olivia looked at her, a deliberate stare. Then she tried to touch her again.

  Kylie forced herself to stay still as Olivia’s fingers touched her face, fluttered down her cheeks, over her lips, down to her chin. Her hands were warm, almost hot, against her skin, and she was aware of every millimeter of skin where they touched. “You’re so young,” Olivia said.

  Kylie felt herself trembling. Out of all the scenarios she had envisioned when Olivia found her, this was the least likely. This maternal sensuality about Olivia. The honeyed drizzle of her voice paired with the fearless way that she touched Kylie. Olivia was right; Kylie was the one who should have been afraid.

  She swallowed and confronted the easiest thing. “I was eighteen when I was turned seven years ago,” Kylie said defensively. “People don’t consider that young anymore.”

  Olivia smiled. “That’s young enough. You look like you have a mother somewhere who misses you.”

  Kylie felt her face harden. “I don’t.” At Olivia’s curious look, she shook her head. “I mean, she’s around, but she doesn’t miss me. She’s busy.”

  “We all have some sadness or other in our lives,” Olivia said with a slight shrug, scraping long fingers over her short cap of black hair.

  Kylie didn’t know what she had expected from Olivia, but it wasn’t that response. She blinked at her then smiled. “You’re right. We all have something.”

  “You’ve been watching me for a few days. You probably know things about me that no one else does.”

  Kylie’s face prickled again from the memory of the evening she walked in on her masturbating. How that sensual display had wreaked havoc with her concentration for nights afterward.

  “You must know I’m sick then.” Her look was direct, forcing the truth from Kylie. “Cancer.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Good. Then we don’t have to talk about that.”

  A yawn stretched Olivia’s jaw. “I’m going to take a shower,” she said. “I need to be more awake for the rest of our conversation.” She slid from the bed and took a sip of her tea from the cup getting cold on the bedside table. “Don’t leave,” Olivia said.

  Kylie nodded, unable to fathom leaving in the midst of such a momentous evening. Olivia was awake and talking with her. She wasn’t frightened. She knew what Kylie was. The only way she could leave was if someone snatched her and tossed her out. And even then, she would kick, scream, and bite every inch of the way.

  The shower came on, then she heard the distant sounds of Olivia undressing, cloth lifting over her head, falling to the floor. Kylie was paralyzed by the idea of it. The reality of her. The thought of Olivia naked made her restless. It was one thing to watch other women make love, even to see Olivia masturbate; but now the Olivia she hungered for was actually speaking to her, was touching her without fear. Did that mean there was a chance she would get to do more than watch? A quiver rippled through her body.

  She left the bedroom, walked out to the balcony, and sat on the edge of the sturdy brick ledge. Her hand clenched and unclenched in the red brick. Her legs dangled over the edge. She peered at the damp grass below, at the mailboxes on the lawn, a “for sale” sign advertising the availability of one of the units in the building.

  “Do you realize you’re endangering your human?”

  Kylie jerked her head toward the low rumbling voice. Silvija.

  It was a shock to see her mother’s wife on Olivia’s balcony, watching her with amusement in her cruel, dark eyes. Kylie flinched on the inside, but tried not to show it. The leader of their clan was in all black. Riding boots, soft pants, a black shirt that fluttered against her powerful torso in the breeze. Her hair was in four long braids wound around her head. Kylie wanted to look around to see if this was a nightmare, if someone was trying to play a trick on her.

  “The only danger is from you and the rest of the clan.” She stared pointedly at Silvija, wanting her to know she wouldn’t stand for anyone hurting Olivia. “Otherwise, she is safe enough here.

  Silvija laughed. “You’re so much like your mother.” She turned her back to lean against the balcony, arms crossed. In a single moment, she seemed to take in everything about where they stood, the apartment with its sounds of water hitting tile, Kylie’s fingers clenched into the stone ledge of the balcony where she sat, Olivia’s faint singing under her breath that they could both hear.

  “You like her. That’s all the more reason for you to leave her alone. What’s the point of hanging around her like some sort of ghoul?”
Silvija shook her head. “I was relieved when you didn’t go through any of this human attachment garbage when you were just turned. But it’s worse to see you like this now.” Her contemptuous gaze flickered toward the curtain that hid the apartment’s lone occupant. “What’s the appeal? I don’t understand it if you’re not fucking or feeding from her.”

  Kylie flinched from the words that reduced what she had for Olivia to something so base. So obscene.

  “I like her,” she said.

  “I used to like chicken, but you don’t see me adopting one and keeping it in my bed.”

  “She’s not in my bed,” Kylie snapped.

  “Not yet.” A razor smile.

  Silvija uncoiled from her lazy pose against the balcony, rising to her full height with a deadly and graceful motion. “We don’t have time for you to work through your virgin issues.”

  Kylie hissed at the casual mockery of her chastity, something the entire clan knew of but never openly spoke about to her face.

  “Deal with whatever this is you’ve got going on with this human in the next seven days, or I’ll end it for you.” Silvija raised a curved eyebrow, leaving no doubt about what she meant.

  “Are you threatening me?” Kylie clenched a fist against her thigh and forced herself to stay seated on the balcony’s edge. She’d never raised a hand to Silvija, had never dreamed about it until now. A scalding surge of anger and protectiveness burned through her belly, shocking her with its intensity.

  “I’m telling you what’s going to happen if you don’t do what I recommend.” Silvija looked off into the distance as if her mind had already dismissed their conversation. “Stubbornness seems to run in your family so I’m telling it to you in the most direct way I know how and that you’ll understand. It seems the best way to deal with the women in your family.” The corner of her mouth tilted up, but it wasn’t a friendly expression. “Violet will stay at the hotel here during these seven days and return home on the eighth.” She tapped her open palm briefly against the brick of the balcony, a decision made, a situation dealt with. “I’ll see you back in New York.”